A Navy SEAL's Surprise Baby (7 page)

“No.” Raising her chin, her expression lost its earlier wide-eyed fear and tears to now read steely determination. “But if you’re unhappy with my performance, I’ll turn in my resignation in the morning.”

*

W
HAT
JUST
HAPPENED
?

Pandora had wanted to run, slamming her bedroom door, but she had held tight to her cool, refusing to throw away all she’d gained on a flash of temper.

In a move that took monumental effort, she calmly left Calder for the privacy of her room.

Until Calder had listed her so-called oddities, Pandora believed she’d done a good job of hiding her true identity, but then what did that mean? Though she’d been Quinn’s nanny only a short while, she already felt as if she’d grown so much. Living in this nice home with her sweet charge and a true gentleman like Calder made her feel as if she’d been bathed in a pool of light and had emerged a new woman.

The fact that Calder sensed she hadn’t been one hundred percent truthful with him had her worried, but she couldn’t lose focus on the fact that he wasn’t her friend, but her employer.

In a perfect world, she might have told him everything. He may have even
deserved
to know everything. But selfishly—not just for herself, but for her daughter—she needed this job. Not only was the money important, but so was the consistency of her employment record. Fran, the social worker assigned to her case, reminded her all too often how important it was for her to prove a record of stability to the judge presiding over her next court hearing.

As Natalie was Pandora’s true boss, and had told her she was perfectly within her rights to not discuss Julia, then no matter how difficult it was for her to essentially hide her daughter from Calder, she had to.

There was no other choice.

When a knock sounded on her bedroom door, Pandora’s stomach knotted. “Yes?”

“Can I come in?”

How would he react if she said no? She lacked the courage to find out. “Sure.”

He opened the door, but didn’t breach the threshold. “I probably owe you an apology, but I’m not giving it until you assure me my imagination is running overtime and that your story is as uncomplicated as you presented it to be.”

“No apology necessary.” Seated at the foot of her bed, Pandora wasn’t sure what to do with her hands. She’d been so excited for Calder to see the small but pretty transformation she’d made with the house. And he had appreciated what she’d done, so how had their night degraded to such an ugly place? “What I would like—and from your vantage point, I probably have no right to ask—is that I need you to trust me. Respect my wish to keep the part of my life that doesn’t concern caring for your son private.”

He rubbed his forehead with his fingers and thumbs. “You’re putting me in a horrible position. You know I’d never win Father of the Year. But I sure as hell only want the best woman for the job raising my son. At any given moment, the world could go to shit and my team could be called in to fix it. I have to know if that happens, you’re someone I can trust.”

How did she prove herself a good person? A worthy person? Why couldn’t she come right out and tell him she had a daughter? Simple—because if she did, Calder would never allow her to keep her job. It wouldn’t matter she was highly qualified and had worked years paying for what she’d done. What would matter was she’d once been a horrible person and he’d never believe her to be anything else.

How many times had people let her down? How many times had men specifically proved they were her enemy?

In no way did she believe that of Calder, but she couldn’t place her entire future with Julia in the hands of a man she barely knew. A large part of her recovery process had been recognizing her tendency to be the victim, but those days were gone. She claimed full responsibility for her actions. What Pandora wouldn’t do was jeopardize her daughter’s future as she had her past.

“What do you want, Calder? You know my work history checked out or Natalie’s agency would never have hired me.”

“Do you have a child?”

She stood only to walk to the window, staring out at the dark yard. “Lord, you’re like a dog after a bone. Leave it alone. Leave me alone.”

His stare grew into a palpable heat, singeing her back.

But then he left, closing the door behind him. And she sank to the floor, snatching a throw pillow from the bed to cover her face, masking tears she feared may never end.

*

“T
HIS
IS
A
nice surprise.” Natalie, the head of the agency Calder had gone through to hire Pandora, met him at her office door, extending her hand for him to shake Monday morning. “How may I help you?”

“Mind if we have a seat?” Calder nodded toward the corner sofa-and-chair arrangement. It was the same place where he’d flipped through her book of glowing client recommendations.

She gestured for him to lead the way. “I hope your arrangement with Pandora is satisfactory?”

“Actually, that’s why I’m here.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrows rose.

“I can’t put my finger on it, but something about her feels
off.
I’ve asked a couple direct questions concerning her past and she never answers. Yesterday, she barely spoke at all. It’s my job to be paranoid and in this case, when the woman in question spends most every day alone with my son, I have a right to be concerned.”

“Of course you do.” She left the sofa to open the door and called out to her secretary, “Anna, could you please bring Pandora Moore’s personal reference file?” A minute later, she had the pages open in front of him. “As you can see, not only does Pandora have an assortment of exemplary letters from former clients, but she’s a close personal friend. I started this agency nearly twenty years ago, and I’m proud to say I’ve never had one of my employees fired—or even reprimanded. My people are top-notch. That said, if Pandora has in any way engaged in behavior that caused you to feel concern for your son, then—”

“Okay, whoa...” He held up his hands. “She’s been a godsend. Quinn adores her and I depend on her to an embarrassing degree, but I know she’s hiding something and I need to know what it is.”

Natalie stood. “Unless you’re prepared to file a formal complaint against her job performance, I’m sorry, but Ms. Moore’s personal life is just that—personal.”

Chapter Seven

“Hell’s bells,” Heath said after shooting off twenty rounds on his M16. “Give it a rest.”

“But what if Pandora is hiding something?” Calder’s team was engaged in target practice—only, rain fell in wind-driven sheets, making their automated moving bad guys a bitch to see. The fact that he was bone-deep chilled didn’t make his day brighter. Part of him regretted even going to Natalie, but another part couldn’t let his suspicions go.

“Ever think there’s a reason she doesn’t want to talk about her past that has nothing to do with whatever nefarious reason you’ve dreamed up, but something more painful?”

It was Calder’s turn to shoot, and he fired an embarrassing thirty-eight rounds before hitting his long-range target. That wouldn’t cut it in the field, and his CO let him know.

“Another thing...” Heath annihilated his target in three shots. “All this energy you’re wasting trying to solve some mystery that doesn’t exist could be better spent getting to know your son. From everything you’ve said, Quinn’s a lucky kid to have Pandora in his life. For that matter, so are you. She’s not some Friday-night special out to snag a SEAL, but a sweet gal just trying to do her job.”

For the remainder of the miserable afternoon, Calder focused not only on his training, but also on Heath’s words.

His friend was right.

After Quinn came into his life, Calder’s view of women had changed. Before becoming a father, he’d indulged in an admittedly swinging-single lifestyle. He’d made it clear to whoever he was with that his objective on any given night was to achieve the ultimate good time. Now part of him wondered if Quinn’s mother had intended to trap him. But was that paranoia, too? Was his real problem with Pandora the fact that she was so good with Quinn that she made him look all the worse in his role as a father?

If that was the case, he was a jackass.

Now the only question was, what could he do for Pandora to make up for his lousy behavior?

The rain stopped and he’d almost made it to his bike when his cell rang. He glanced at the call display.

Crap. His mom.

He loved her dearly, but lately, whenever she called, she lectured and nagged. Still, she was his mother, so he forced a smile, then answered. “Hey.”

Twenty minutes later, Calder had been thoroughly chastised for not retiring from the navy in order to find a more stable job. He let it flow in one ear and out the other. His work was his one true love. Lots of SEALs had kids. They worked around them, just as he was learning to do. He told his mother the same.

“But Quinn is a baby,” she said. “You talk about him like he’s a friend’s dog you regret agreeing to watch.”

“You’re being dramatic. Quinn and I are getting along just fine. Better, even.” He told her about Pandora, skipping the portion about his misgivings.

“I look forward to meeting her. It’s good Quinn finally has stable, reliable care.”

“Agreed.” After a few more minutes of small talk, Calder said, “Hate to cut you short, but I need to go.”

“I understand. Oh—but before I forget, Harold has a late-October conference in North Carolina. The resort is in the mountains and he asked me to tag along. How about the three of you come, too?”

“Thanks for the invite, but I’ll have to get back to you.”

Calder hung up not sure what to think.

A family vacation? Seemed odd, considering only two out of three of them were related. On the other hand, when it came down to it, he felt closer to Pandora than he had to any woman in a long time. A weekend outing would be perfect for Calder to not only mend fences but once and for all solve Pandora’s mystery.

*

“
Y
OU
’
RE
SO
KIND
to think of us,” Pandora said to Lila, who stood on the front porch shaking off her umbrella. The neighbor from whom she’d purchased the painting had brought still-warm banana bread Pandora couldn’t wait to taste.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” The woman withdrew a soggy Neighborhood Beautification Committee pamphlet from her raincoat’s oversize pocket, passing it along with the bread. “Mind if I come in?”

“I’m sorry, of course. You must be freezing.” Pandora took Lila’s offering, then stepped aside, holding open the door.

“Actually, I love the rain. I grew up on the Oregon coast. We moved out here when my husband, Martin, was in the navy and never moved back.”

Unsure how to respond, Pandora was glad when her visitor caught sight of Quinn in his walker.

“Look at that cutie!” Lila slipped off her coat and rain boots, leaving them on the tiled entry floor, then aimed straight for the baby. “Our grandkids are in St. Louis. Martin and I have tossed around moving there to be with them, but with the housing market being what it is...” She shrugged.

“Being away from your family must be hard.” Pandora sat on the brick hearth. “You should at least try putting your house on the market. The worst that can happen is it doesn’t sell, but if it does...?” She grinned. “You’re back to being a full-time grandma.”

“I like your thinking.” Lila smoothed Quinn’s hair, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside him. “Which brings me back around to the reason for my visit.”

Pandora waved the pamphlet. “I’m guessing you’re looking for warm bodies to pick up litter?”

Laughing, Lila asked, “Am I that transparent?”

“Just a little, but that’s okay. I’d love to help.”

“I knew I had a good feeling about you.” When Lila leaned in close to make a silly face for Quinn, he stole her glasses.

“Sorry.” Instantly on her feet, Pandora rescued the plastic frames just after they’d found a new home in the baby’s drooling mouth. “Glasses are his favorite toy. Hold on a sec and I’ll wash them for you.”

With Quinn safely corralled in his walker, and Lila blowing raspberries for him, Pandora swiftly cleaned her guest’s glasses, then returned them.

“That was fast.” She gestured to Pandora’s own glasses. “I’m guessing you could launch a side career of washing eyewear?”

“You’d be right.”

After small talk about the still-pouring rain and how the committee’s next meeting was Thursday morning for a trash-cleanup walk, Lila caught Pandora off guard. “Not to change the subject, but how are things progressing between you and Quinn’s daddy? I know I said I’m old-fashioned about young folks living together, but I’ve seen the three of you walking to the park and you make the sweetest family.”

It took every ounce of Pandora’s self-restraint not to scowl. If only Lila had seen the
happy couple
last night...

*

T
HOUGH
P
ANDORA
HAD
POLITELY
shrugged off Lila’s comment, now that four hours had passed and it was almost time for Calder to be home, she couldn’t deny her pulse had picked up or the fact her mouth had gone dry—only this time, not in anticipation, but dread.

When he’d left that morning without saying a word, the tension had been unbearable. What he didn’t know was that she’d already lived that sort of life with her ex and now wanted no part of it.

A key to her continued sobriety was steering clear of situations that made her crave the escape she’d once sought in booze and eventually pills. Far from resenting her arrest, she now recognized it for what it’d been—rescue from a downward spiral she wasn’t sure she’d have survived.

When the familiar sound of Calder working his key in the lock finally came, Quinn was giggling to a Baby Einstein DVD and she sat on the hearth folding a basket of baby pants and T-shirts.

Tension balled in her stomach, making her afraid to even look his way.

“Hey, bud.” Quinn had been lolling on his favorite blanket in front of the TV, but upon catching sight of his dad, the baby crawled to meet him. “Dang, you’re getting fast.”

Calder swooped Quinn up for a cuddle, then sat opposite her on the sofa. For the longest time he said nothing.

She kept folding until the tension between them felt tangible. Like rogue waves slamming a pier until it leaned and groaned and the wood cried with the effort to hold.

And then, temporary relief came when Calder finally spoke. “My dad’s been married five—maybe six times. Can’t keep it straight. He’s been lied to and cheated on, but considering he gives as good as he gets, I can’t work up too much emotion other than pity for the guy.” Smoothing Quinn’s hair, Calder seemed lost in thought. His introspection struck Pandora as vulnerable. Never having seen this imperfect side of him—aside from his lackluster child-care skills—she found herself admiring his honesty. “When you avoided my questions, I assumed you were hiding something. Automatically, my brain leaped to the dark side. But this morning, I went to the agency where I found you—spoke with Natalie—and pretty much had my ass handed to me on a platter.”

“Oh?”

“Your friend told me you hung the moon. Meanwhile...” He shook his head. “My whole adult life, the only thing I’ve been loyal to is the U.S. Navy. I—”

“Calder, stop.” Pandora continued folding, not feeling strong enough for a heart-to-heart. He was her employer. Period. The temptation to confide in him was great, but it was also dangerous. “I’m hardly a saint.”

“Yeah, but judging by how nurturing you’ve been to not only Quinn, but even me, I’m pretty sure what’s in your past can’t trump the kind of guy I’ve been.” He stared out the living room window. “Aside from my SEAL brotherhood, my policy has been to have fun without getting close.”

“In regard to women?” Where was he going? Why had her heartbeat turned erratic?

He nodded. “Now that I have Quinn, I’ve been forced into commitment. As much as we both depend on you, that makes another commitment. For a guy who doesn’t commit...” Shaking his head, he blasted her with a smile so potent it took her breath away, as well as her ability to think. “Hell, I’m in quicksand without hope of rescue.”

“I—I understand.” How many times had Pandora found herself in a similar position, only for far different reasons? What she didn’t understand was why his explanation of why he regretted digging into her past made her feel guilty. And sad. His gut instincts about her were right. What kind of person did that make her to let him go on believing he was wrong?

Snap out it!
her conscience demanded.

Plain and simple, her secretive actions had been dictated by circumstance. She was a woman hell-bent on regaining custody of her daughter. Opening herself to this man, no matter how amazing on the surface he may seem, was not an option.

*

“T
HANK
YOU
FOR
doing the dishes, but I could’ve handled them.”

“Did I say you couldn’t?” Long after dinner and Quinn’s bedtime rituals, Calder glanced up from the tech manual he’d been studying. Pandora and Quinn had taken an after-dinner walk in the park. She’d picked wildflowers and used a drinking glass for a vase. The arrangement now sat on the mantel. The flowers were pretty, but not nearly as attractive as Pandora.

“I didn’t mean to sound like I was complaining.” She sat on the hearth. “Just, well...thanks.” She’d removed her glasses, resting them atop her head. She had a simplicity he found intriguing. Never any makeup or high-maintenance hair—just a natural beauty he very much appreciated.

“You’re welcome.” He placed the manual on the coffee table, far more interested in studying the ten shades of green in her eyes. “Considering all you do for me and Quinn, I wanted to return the favor.”

Her smile warmed him through and through. Made him wonder why he’d ever doubted her being anything other than wholesome perfection. But then, even if he weren’t her boss, it wasn’t as if he had anything to offer. She deserved better than a guy genetically incapable of commitment—even if in Quinn’s case he’d been thrust into it.

“Whatever the reason, I appreciate it.”

“Sure.” Her sweet, simple smile left him tongue-tied. He usually knew just what to do and say around women, but around her he couldn’t even think. He met her gaze, which only made him more confused. Lord, he wanted to kiss her. Not the kind of boozy, dance-floor-make-out kiss he’d grown accustomed to, but more of a leisurely getting to know her in a way wholly inappropriate for a boss to know his employee.

Looking away for his own sanity, he found the perfect answer to his conversational dilemma in the sliver of her god-awful bedroom wall visible from his vantage. “Got anything going on this weekend?”

She shook her head.

“Want to paint your room?”

Nodding, voice barely audible, she said, “Sounds fun.” Her words were encouraging. Her expression read wistful. Lost. Was it possible she’d craved that kiss as much as him?

*

S
ATURDAY
MORNING
AT
Lowe’s, staring at hundreds of yellow paint samples, Pandora could hardly contain her excitement. Her heart felt composed of confetti and glitter. The only thing that would make the moment even better was the day she chose wall colors for her own home she’d share with Julia.

“What do you think?” she asked Quinn, who was too busy chewing a teething hippo to do anything other than drool.

“Rah baa haa!”

“He’s not a lot of help.” Calder had been at the other end of the aisle selecting rollers and paintbrushes.

“That’s okay.” As many nights as she’d lain awake at the halfway house, dreaming of the day she’d finally live in a place to call home, she’d committed her lemon-sorbet shade to memory. The house she shared with Calder may only technically be her home because she worked there, but for now that was good enough. “I know exactly the color I want.”

“Since you spend so much time in the kitchen, want it yellow, too?”

“If it’s not too much trouble, that’d be nice.”

He waved off her concern, then performed a smile-and-wink combo that turned her legs to mush. The man really was criminally handsome. When he turned on his charm, she craved the kind of physical attention a woman shouldn’t want from her boss. She had to remember Julia came first. “You forget who you’re dealing with. I’ve been trained to handle
any
situation with ease.”