A Navy SEAL's Surprise Baby (16 page)

“You know how crazy that sounds, don’t you?” With one arm still holding Quinn a safe distance from the fire, he shifted her glasses on top of her head. “You’re beautiful.”

Ducking her head, she said, “Thanks, but we both know this goes deeper than looks. Calder, I have a child you’ve never even met. When Julia comes home, she’ll have a lot of adjusting. What happens if you two don’t get along?”

He snapped his stick in half, tossing it into the crackling fire. “Think I haven’t thought of that?”

“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t how you wanted our night to go.”

“It’s okay.” He released Quinn just long enough to pick up the boy’s hat from where the infant had tossed it a couple feet away.

“Calder, look...”

“I know we’ll eventually hash this out, but can’t it wait till I get home?”

“Um, this isn’t about us, but your son.
Look.
”

Calder turned his attention to Quinn only to gasp. “I’ll be damned....”

Quinn stood all on his own, pointing at the fire.
“Gah!”

Arching his head back, Calder looked to the heavens. He’d never been much for church, but he had to believe someone was up there looking out for him tonight. If he’d missed his son’s first solo steps, he’d have been devastated.

*

T
OGETHER
, P
ANDORA
AND
Calder bathed Quinn. While Calder fixed his son a bottle, Pandora dressed the boy in his fuzzy pj’s. She’d missed this most special part of each day. To know she’d now get Quinn to herself each night was small consolation considering his father would be in danger.

Calder returned with Quinn’s snack. “Mind if I feed him?”

“No. Of course not.” She passed Quinn over to his dad and when Calder settled into the nursery rocker, cradling his son, Pandora struggled to control her runaway emotions. As Calder softly sang “Lullaby and Goodnight,” she didn’t even try hiding silent tears.

Calder had come such a long way as a parent since they’d first met. Quinn was a lucky boy.

Quinn fell asleep before finishing his bottle.

His father tucked him into his crib. When he turned away, it was to wipe his own tears.

In the hall, Calder said, “I never thought it was possible to hurt this bad. How do you stand being away from your daughter? Knowing she’s so close yet untouchable.”

“It’s not easy. But I get by.” She slipped her arms around his waist. “You will, too.”

“My commanding officer warned this could be a long one. What if Quinn doesn’t remember me by the time I get home?”

“If you’ll record that beautiful song—” Pandora stood on tiptoe, pressing a simple yet heartfelt kiss to his lips “—I promise I’ll make sure Quinn hears you every night.”

“You’d do that for me?” he asked into her hair.

“Yes.”
I’d do anything for you.

“Ready to call it a night?” He held her and she nodded against him.

Taking her hand, he led her to the bed.

He faced her, settled his hands on her hips, nuzzling her neck until she feared her knees would buckle from desire. “You have no idea how much I want you.”

“I—I feel the same.” She unbuttoned her blouse, and this time he didn’t try stopping her.

“I know this’ll sound crazy, but I want—need—this to be different from other times. Slower, more deliberate. I need every detail burned to memory so I can call it up during especially dark nights.”

“Of course,” she whispered with a kiss.

Their lovemaking was as he’d requested—slow and beautiful and poignantly, painfully sweet.

After, they showered together, taking turns washing each other, ending up making love again beneath the hot spray.

Finally in bed, when Calder spooned her, and she knew their precious last few hours were ticking away, Pandora’s heart shattered. “I don’t want you to go,” she said in a voice so quiet she wasn’t sure she’d spoken at all.

“Likewise.”

But when Pandora woke, Calder was gone.

Along with part of her heart.

*

D
ECEMBER
WAS
A
BLUR
.

Gloria and Harold, Calder’s stepfather, had driven over to spend time with Quinn. They were staying at Calder’s house, and on Christmas they watched Quinn for Pandora so she could visit Julia.

The waiting area was surprisingly full. Carols played over the intercom and there was a table laden with cookies and punch. A new, softer side to Social Services? Pandora didn’t mean to come across as bitter, but just as she was frightened for Calder, she was terrified something could go wrong at her hearing.

She was tired of this place. She’d done everything the judge and her caseworker had asked, and damn it, she wanted her child.

Julia bounded in, holding
Mom Cindy’s
hand and wearing a red-velvet holiday dress with a black sash designed to look like Santa’s belt. Everything about her was perfection, from her specially curled hair to her shiny new black-patent shoes. A pang ripped through Pandora. Even if she won her hearing, would she ever be able to provide a life as rich and full for her daughter as
Mom Cindy
and her doctor husband had?

While Julia excitedly rambled off the long list of toys Santa had brought, Pandora absorbed every word, wishing with all her heart she could scoop up her daughter and run. But where would she go? Calder and Quinn had also become her family. Only, with Calder now in Afghanistan and Julia still with her foster family, each day it became more of a struggle to get out of bed.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Am I ever gonna live with you, or is Mom Cindy my mom now?” Her daughter’s question not only caught her off guard but renewed her fighting spirit. Calder would eventually come home. So would her daughter.

“You know what court is, right?”

Julia nodded.

“In March, we go see a judge and he’s going to let you come home with me. I have a nice new apartment and right now Quinn is even staying there until his dad comes home.”

Julia brushed her new doll’s blond hair. “Where’s his dad?”

“A long way away. He’s in the navy, and it’s his job to protect us.” Pandora refused to cry—not on what was supposed to be a happy day.

“Will I ever meet him?”

“I sure hope so. Right after you come home with me.”

“Is he nice?”

Pandora’s mind drifted to her heartbreakingly beautiful last night with Calder. “Yes, sweetie, he’s a very nice man.”

“Good.” Her daughter snuggled against her. “I like Mom Cindy, but I love you. I miss you real bad.”

“I miss you, too, pumpkin.” She kissed the top of her curls. “Not much longer and I’ll bring you home. We’ll never be apart again.”

“Promise, Mommy?”

Confident her third trip to court would be a charm, Pandora gave a playful tug on one of Julia’s curls. “
Promise
.”

Chapter Sixteen

After Christmas and New Year’s and Quinn’s sweet, simple January 3 first birthday celebrated at the day care with his grandparents and all his little friends, for Pandora each passing day, then week, that Calder still hadn’t returned became studies in keeping herself busy. She’d bought a cheap digital camera and started scrapbooking her many photos of Quinn for Calder to have when he came home. She’d tried knitting but failed miserably. Baking was fun, but after an early February filled with heart-shaped cookies and cupcakes, Natalie gave her a well-meaning but firm lecture on the kids having had too many sweets.

Her hearing was scheduled for Friday, March 7 at the Norfolk Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court.

She spent the days leading up to it working extra hard, trying to prevent having dreams or nightmares. The nightmares were always the same. She showed up in court and the judge found some excuse not to grant her custody. The dreams were even worse because she walked out of the courthouse into beautiful afternoon sun, holding hands with her little girl, only to wake in predawn darkness, realizing she hadn’t truly been reunited with Julia. It had been a dream.

By the day of her hearing, Pandora was a mess. She hadn’t slept, had no interest in eating and her stomach was knotted 24/7.

Natalie and Lila accompanied her.

Lila held her hand when they stepped into a courtroom crowded with other parents like Pandora. Somewhere in the large building, Julia and her
Mom Cindy
waited in a holding room. Was her daughter scared? Was she old enough to grasp the gravity of the day’s importance?

Lila said, “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Incapable of speech, Pandora nodded.

It took ninety minutes before her case was called. She approached the judge’s bench on legs so rubbery she was surprised she could even walk. Her heart adopted an unnaturally fast rhythm.

“Ms. Moore.” The judge peered down at her from over his reading glasses. “First, let me commend you on not only making it to my court sober and in a timely manner, but for all the work you seem to have done to prove yourself a worthy mother. Your caseworker gave you rave reviews. I see a lot of cases run through here, and the way you’ve turned your life around is indeed impressive.”

“Thank you, sir.” Pandora had her hands so tightly clasped behind her that her nails dug into her sweating palms. She was afraid to hope his compliment meant her nightmare was nearly over.

“Actually, I’d like to thank you for being a shining example of how our system can work. You’ve followed everything on your case list to the letter—with the exception of housing. You were to have six months residing at the same address, but you only have four. Why is that?”

Pandora’s mouth was so dry she feared not being able to speak. “Prior to that, sir, my job was as a live-in nanny, but my employer discovered my past and let me go.”

“You mean you were fired?” The judge’s bushy gray eyebrows shot up.

“Yes, sir, but not by the agency I work for. Just my boss. Th-that’s why I found a new home. But everything’s fine now. He’s currently deployed in Afghanistan, and I’m once again caring for his son.”

Slapping her file on his bench, he removed his glasses, setting them atop her file. “Let me get this straight. This court removed a child from your custody, yet you’re now caring for another child in an unsupervised manner?”

“Yes, sir, but I haven’t had a drink in three years. I’m sorry for what happened last time I came before you. I really have turned my life around. Please, please give me back my child.”

“Ms. Moore, I was fully prepared to return custody of your daughter. Now you’ve raised questions. Questions I believe at the very least merit further study of you and your perhaps too-lax caseworker before I can with clear conscience wholly declare you a fit mother. Your caseworker may be impressed by your improvements, but considering you’ve not fully met the requirements outlined on your case list...” Sighing, he turned to a woman seated at an adjoining lower desk. “Please schedule another hearing for Ms. Moore six months from now.” He stared at Pandora. “Good day, Ms. Moore.”

Pandora sat, stunned. Then she shouted, “Are you kidding me? I’ve done everything I possibly could to prove I’m a good mom. Yes, I made horrible mistakes, but I’ve paid for them over and over. Send my caseworker to my house to supervise me every day if that makes you feel better, but please, I’m begging you, don’t make me wait another six months.”

“Ms. Moore...” the judge warned.

“Please,”
Pandora begged, not bothering to hide her tears. Why was this happening? “You can’t do this! I
promised!
”

The judge stood. “Do I need to call security?”

Pandora was barely conscious of Natalie and Lila charging up behind her, taking her by the arms and practically dragging her from the room.

*

“G
OT
BIG
PLANS
for tonight?”

Late March, Calder looked up from the spy novel he’d only been skimming to find Mason grinning—never a good sign.

“If you don’t, I was thinking we’d hit Tipsea’s? Find a couple blondes? Or brunettes? Hell, doesn’t much matter as long as they’re wild and willing.” He elbowed him from his seat in the noisy belly of their C-130.

“Sounds good, but I’ll leave that to you and Cowboy. I want to surprise Pandora and Quinn.”

“Loser.”

“For wanting to spend time with my kid? And my—” What was Pandora? His girlfriend? Was he ready to take the next step and make her his fiancée? Guess in large part that depended on Julia. He couldn’t even imagine how happy Pandora must be now that her daughter was back with her.

“Your what?”

“My girl—Pandora.”

“I knew you were into her, but has it gone that far?” Though his friend’s pinched expression clearly read he thought Calder was nuts, Calder didn’t care. She meant the world to him. Being without her and his son all these months taught him he didn’t want to leave again without knowing they’d both be waiting for him when he returned.

“If things go the way I think they will, pretty damn soon I might just make her my wife.”

*

I
T
WAS
WITH
that thought in mind, Calder approached his home—excited to see Quinn and Pandora, and of course, to finally meet Julia. He instinctively knew he and the little girl would become great friends. Hopefully, if he was lucky, she might even view him as her father one day.

It was 8:00 p.m. when Mason dropped him at the curb. Calder grabbed his gear, then mounted the front steps double-time to ring the bell.

He’d given Pandora his keys, just in case she decided it would be more practical for her and Quinn to
unofficially
live in Calder’s home while he was deployed.

“Oh, my gosh! Harold!” Calder got a shock when his mom opened the door instead of Pandora. “Harold, come quick! Calder’s home!”

“I’ll be damned....” Harold rounded the corner from the living room to take Calder’s ditty bag. “Welcome back. You’ve been sorely missed around here.”

Inside, he found Quinn standing alongside the sofa,
eating
the remote. “Hey, bud, let’s not do that, okay?” He swooped his son into his arms. “Man, you’ve grown.” To his mom he said, “Bet he’s walking real good now, huh?”

“Gah! Gah!”

“He walks a little too well. He still isn’t formally talking, but he’s into everything all the time. I’m exhausted.”

“Phoooa!”

“Where’s Pandora?” Calder checked the kitchen, then glanced down the hall.

“You haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?” He was almost afraid to ask.

“Her court hearing went terribly. The judge put her off for another six months.”

“That’s ridiculous! Why?” Calder couldn’t fathom the amount of pain she must be in.

“The judge didn’t like the fact that she hadn’t maintained a continuous address for the full six months he’d requested. Then Lila from down the street told me he got all bent out of shape about Pandora caring for your child when hers was taken away. What’d he call it in his written statement?” Finger to her mouth, she paused a moment to think. “Oh—duplicitous.”

Sick didn’t begin to describe the nausea building in Calder’s stomach. Had he caused this? By overreacting to her past, forcing her to find a new place to live then making her look wishy-washy by so quickly leaving Quinn in her care upon realizing his mistake, had he ruined her court case?

“Her friend Natalie says poor Pandora has been inconsolable ever since. That’s why she called us to watch Quinn.”

“Sure,” Calder said. “I understand.” Doubling over, he braced his hands on his knees. “Wow, gotta say this is the last thing I expected.”

“You should go to her. Don’t worry about Quinn.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” He gave his son an extra-long hug, then hugged his mom and stepdad before heading to the garage for his bike.

*

P
ANDORA
SAT
ON
her sofa alone in the dark.

No—wait. She wasn’t entirely alone. As he had every night since she’d lost her hearing, her friend Jack sat on her lap—

Jack Daniel’s, that is.

So far, the bottle was unopened, but in an odd way, holding it each night gave her strength. It proved that at least in one area of her life she still had control.

Had it really just been Thanksgiving when this very room had been filled with laughter and joy?

Her caseworker, Fran, had been as shocked by the hearing’s outcome as she was and vowed to try breaking through red tape to expedite the legal process, but that was a pipe dream. Somewhere in all Pandora’s newfound happiness, she’d forgotten the cardinal rule that had applied to most every day of her life up until finding her sobriety—she was a born loser. A societal outcast. She thought she could rise above her past, but at every turn, no matter how hard she tried, there it was, slithering right back to suck her down.

Car lights shone through the front window.

Having grown accustomed to the dark, she squinted at the intrusion.

When footfalls sounded on the steps, she cringed, praying whoever was there would go away.

The doorbell’s peal offended her ears.

Then came banging. “Pandora! I know you’re in there. Open the door!”

Calder?

“Go away!” It didn’t matter how many nights she’d spent on this same sofa, praying for him to safely come home. Now that he was here, she’d say new prayers for him to leave.

“Open the damn door or I’ll kick it in.”

“I said,
go away!
”

He made good on his promise—only her flimsy lock hadn’t needed much more than his powerful shoulder’s nudge.

Rushing to her, he fixed his eyes on the bottle. “Oh, no, baby. Please, tell me you’re not drinking again.”

Clinging to the bottle, she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “I—I want to.”

He gently took the bottle from her, setting it on a side table. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, but I am now. I heard what happened with Julia. We’ll fight this. There has to be a way.”

“I—I
promised
her,” she said with halting tears. “How many times can I let her down before she doesn’t even want to be with me?”

“She has to know this isn’t your fault.”

“I w-wanted to talk to her, but the judge wouldn’t let me. He said I was d-disorderly. B-but how would he feel if someone took his kid?”

Seated next to her, Calder lifted her onto his lap, holding her, cradling her, smoothing her hair. “We’ll figure this out. That’s a promise I’m making you. I wanted to wait for this, dream up some over-the-top surprise proposal—even ask Julia for her advice, but I say screw it. Let’s get married right away. Tonight. Then, first thing in the morning, we’ll get started on this as a united front.” He kissed her tear-stained cheeks. “I know some pretty big names. They get things done. Trust me, baby. We’ll get your daughter back.”

She wanted to believe the fairy tale he was spinning, but trusting him was what first landed her in trouble.

“I—I want to believe you, but I c-can’t.” Pushing off him, she strode to the other side of the room, hugging herself, wishing he’d go away. “I want to blame you for all this. You firing me, making me move—I want to say that’s what raised a red flag for the judge. But I’m a realist, Calder, and deep inside—” she patted her chest “—I know there’s no one to blame for any of this but myself. I should never have even thought I could take on the responsibility of becoming a full-time nanny. How could I have been so stupid as to think the judge wouldn’t have a problem with my holding that sort of position? And I should never have viewed working for you as anything more than a job. I shouldn’t have fallen in love with Quinn.”

“What about me?” Calder asked, striding her way, looking perilously handsome even in the shadows. “Did you fall in love with me, Pandora? Because I sure as hell feel that way about you.”

“No, you don’t,” she said with a violent shake of her head. “You’re in the business of saving people. You might think you love me, but all I am is one more mission for you to sweep in and fix. Nothing more. I wish I’d never even met you. Then I wouldn’t have gotten the stupid idea in my head that the two of us ever stood a chance.”

Calder had taken enough psychology courses in college to realize she didn’t mean what she said and was only pushing him away out of fear he’d leave her, but that didn’t make her hurtful words easier to bear.

He tried wrapping his arms around her, but she swatted him away. “Please, go. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. I’ll buck up, get my head back in a good place then return to court in six more months and once and for all get my little girl.”

“Okay. That’s a great plan. But why not let me help?”

“Don’t you see? I tried, Calder. I tried letting you in and it was a huge failure. Here you are, proposing marriage—in an incredibly lame, half-assed way—when what did we ever really share other than a few hot nights? You’re a stranger. A stranger I made the mistake of falling for, and look where that’s left me. For all I know, the only reason you even want me back is because you miss having a full-time sitter.”