A Navy SEAL's Surprise Baby (4 page)

Why hadn’t he gone to the beach with his friends?

He knew why. Guilt had damn near eaten him alive. The whole point of hiring a nanny—aside from caring for Quinn—was so Calder could get back some semblance of his former life. So why did he feel like a louse each time he tried to do just that?

She glanced his way. “Want to take over for me? I should probably start dinner.”

“Sure.” Inspiration struck. “But would you rather pack up the kiddo and head down to the beach to hang with my team? They’re cooking out.”

“Will there be a lot of drinking?” Of all the questions she might have asked, that wasn’t one he’d expected.

“Maybe beer. But it’s a
school
night, so if you’re worried about Quinn being around a bunch of drunk guys, I doubt anyone’s going to get hammered.”

She fiddled with her messy ponytail. “I don’t even own a bathing suit.”

“You don’t have to go in the water. Come on, it’ll be fun.” And it sure as hell beat sitting around here, trying to drum up something clever to say.

“I don’t know....” The way she worried her lower lip, drawing it into her mouth so a sliver of her teeth showed, struck him as sexy.

“Come on. Think of it as an official duty. I’m making you go, since I’d like to be with Quinn
and
my friends. More important, if you’re not there, who’ll hold the baby while I play?”

She sighed, but pushed to her feet. “Give me a sec to change into shorts and get gear and a bottle for Quinn.”

*

“W
HOA
,
THIS
A
MIRAGE
?”

“Lay off, Hopper,” Calder said to one of the guys they’d just approached. Feeling awkward around more of the hulking SEALs who were similar in stature to her boss, Pandora welcomed the distraction of Quinn making his usual play for her glasses.

Calder made introductions and everyone seemed nice, but once the volleyball game started and she and Quinn were relegated to the sidelines to sit with a girlfriend of one of the SEALs, Pandora felt like the proverbial third wheel.

Which shouldn’t have mattered.

It wasn’t as if she and Calder were even friends, so why had a twinge of disappointment lodged in her belly over the fact that for all practical purposes, she might as well be invisible? It was ridiculous.

Though she’d worked for her last family over a year, she could count on one hand the number of times she’d spoken to the girls’ father. What was it about this position that should be any different?

Calder’s team scored and he high-fived the other guys.

As was starting to be an alarming trend, he’d taken off his shirt. His friends had also lost theirs. The level of male perfection, highlighted in the sun’s early-evening glow was undeniably heady. Yet, at the same time, it left Pandora feeling all the more lonely. It was obvious these men were a tight family unit.

The woman beside Pandora constantly cheered on her man.

Even Quinn unearthed something more interesting than her. His expression turned intense while studying driftwood he’d found in the sand.

Pandora may have grown a lot over the years, but sadly, without Julia, she was still on her own, yet craving more. Once and for all, she wanted to be part of a real family. But she knew better than to think she’d find that in a man like Calder. Even if they’d met under different circumstances, what would he want with her? They came from opposite worlds. He was college educated, as she’d seen from the framed diploma he’d stacked along with other yet-to-be-hung pictures in the linen closet.

Had he known Quinn’s mom carried his child, would he have married her? What qualities would he find attractive enough in a woman to make him want to stick around?

Chapter Four

“I can’t get used to the idea of Calder being a dad.”

Pandora glanced up from feeding Quinn his bottle to find a pretty redhead sitting beside her. They’d finished grilling hot dogs and the guys had returned to their game.

“I’m Patricia, by the way.”

“Pandora. Nice to meet you.” She shook her new friend’s hand.

The baby grunted at the interruption in his bottle, but soon enough was back to contentedly downing his meal.

The team playing opposite Calder’s spiked a ball deep into their territory, and the men erupted into a slew of good-natured name-calling—further startling the baby.

“Rowdy bunch, huh?” Patricia ran her hand along Quinn’s downy hair while Pandora comforted him.

“I’ve seen worse.” No way was Pandora prepared to share the number of drug-induced bar fights she’d witnessed. During her blackest moments, when alcohol had no longer been enough, she’d done and seen things that to this day made her deeply ashamed. She may have technically paid for her crimes, but that didn’t mean her soul had been cleared from all wrongdoing.

“My guy’s Heath—that big lug to Calder’s right. If you’re like me, it’ll take forever to get everyone’s names straight.”

“I can see why.” Quinn had finished his bottle, so Pandora tucked it into his diaper bag, trading it for a burping cloth she positioned over her left shoulder. She eased the fussy baby upright for burping and soon enough, despite the noise, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

“I can’t wait to have kids.” Patricia gazed longingly toward Quinn. “My birthday’s Sunday and rumor has it, Heath’s finally popping the question. We plan to get started on our family right away.”

“Want to hold him?” Pandora offered her the baby.

“Yes, please.” The switch was awkward and filled with laughing.

“Mmm...” Cradling Quinn, Patricia closed her eyes and smiled. “He’s amazing. When Heath told me the story of how this cutie was abandoned, it still makes me mad. Like, seriously? Who does such a thing? That woman was the world’s worst mother. Probably strung out on booze or worse.”

“No doubt.” A knot formed at the back of Pandora’s throat. No matter how hard she swallowed, it refused to budge. Would it always be this tough? Remembering the woman she used to be? She had no right judging Quinn’s mom, as she’d once been every bit as bad.

“Quinn smells so good. I come from a large family, but since I was the baby, I never got to play with a real live one till my nieces and nephews started coming.”

“Must’ve been amazing,” Pandora said, “growing up in a big, loving family.”

“Mostly it was.” She laughed. “Although, I still cringe when I think of sharing a bathroom with so many people.”

Patricia’s statement had been innocent enough, but brought still more bad memories of the halfway house where Pandora had spent the past couple years. It had sure beaten living on the streets, but in some ways it had been harder. So many people and rules. So many reminders of how close she’d come to losing it all.

Reminding herself those days were finally behind her, Pandora forced a smile. “How long have you and Heath been together?”

“Two excruciatingly long years.” Cradling Quinn, her smile turned wistful. “It’s hard enough being with a SEAL—you never know when they’re coming or going. Only the wives have any glimmer of real knowledge as to what’s going on. We lowly girlfriends never know anything.”

“Oh—I’m not Calder’s girlfriend,” Pandora said quickly. “Just Quinn’s nanny.”

“Sorry. I forgot. We don’t see many of those. How long have you been with him?”

Pandora laughed. “Actually, this is only my second night. So far, so good.”

Quinn started to fuss.

“Spoke too soon?” Pandora didn’t mind when Patricia returned Quinn to her waiting arms. She’d only been with the infant a short while, but she’d already learned to decipher his basic cries. Hunger. Dirty diaper. Sleepy. Babies were relatively simple to figure out.

Quinn’s father, on the other hand...

In the setting sun’s orange glow, Pandora made the mistake of looking up to find Calder in all his bare-chested glory rising up to spike the ball. He struck her as powerful and in control—not at all the same man she’d encountered when Quinn had been choking. Assuming Calder worked with the same efficiency in his capacity as a SEAL as he did on the volleyball court, what did that say about his parenting skills? The fact that the only time he appeared truly happy and at peace was when he wasn’t caring for his son.

Not that Pandora was judging. Just curious to discover more about him.

Calder’s team won, but by the time they’d defended their victory by besting their challengers in a two-out-of-three series, the sunset’s glow had long since faded to dark.

Quinn slept soundly against her, and since Patricia and her soon-to-be fiancé had skipped out a while back, Pandora had spent the past hour staring out at the dark surf. She grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in small-town Virginia, so her only memories of visiting the beach were imagined. Fourth of Julys she’d dreamed of watching fireworks. Running barefoot in the sand with a whole pack of sparklers all for herself. Birthdays she’d envisioned with friends splashing with her in the surf and building sand castles. In her rich fantasy life, she’d even had mermaid-themed cupcakes and balloons.

Back to reality, it was hard to believe she’d finally met her lifelong dream of seeing the Atlantic. The faint, briny-scented breeze and the rhythmic crashing of the waves proved hypnotic, making her think of a life that might’ve been. Regret upon regret for not at least giving her own daughter the happiness she deserved.

“Ready?” Calder asked beside her, jolting her to the present.

“Ah, sure.” It took her a few seconds to regain her composure. But then her boss took Quinn, inadvertently brushing her breasts in the trade-off. Only, the invasion of her personal space didn’t feel like an invasion at all. More like the kind of natural thing that happens between a man and woman sharing a relationship and raising a child.

But they didn’t share any of that. For all practical purposes, they were strangers.

“Sorry.” He held out his hand to help her to her feet.

“It’s okay.” She accepted his help, but soon regretted the decision. When their fingers touched, the usual sparks were there tenfold, making her unsure about her next move. Had he felt it, too?

If so, he showed no indication. All polite business, he fastened Quinn into his carrier, then hefted the baby and diaper bag. “That everything?”

“Uh-huh.” Except for the irrational part of her wondering what it would be like to have a real connection with a man as decent as Calder.

*

“
T
HIS
WAS
GOOD
.” Over the years, Calder had had many women in his passenger seat, but none who set him on edge quite like Pandora. Why, he didn’t know, but he took her prim posture and pressed-lip silence to mean he’d done something wrong. Knowing full well he hadn’t and was just being paranoid, he decided to make a game out of coaxing the woman to speak. “You and Quinn have fun?”

“We did. The beach is always a treat.”

“Yeah?” He glanced her way to find her fogging her glasses, then wiping them on a tissue she’d drawn from her purse. “What was your favorite thing about spending time at the shore?”

She slowly exhaled. “I liked the smell. The waves sounded just like I’ve always imagined.”

“Wait.” Stopped at a red light, he turned to her. “You mean to tell me tonight was your first trek to the beach?”

“Embarrassing, right?”

After checking the rearview mirror to ensure there were no other cars around, Calder made a U-turn.

“What’re you doing?”

“Well, hell, woman.” He shot her a sideways grin. “You’re a bona fide Atlantic virgin—an elusive and mystical creature, to be sure.”

“Sure you weren’t spiking your cola?”

“Nope.” He made a left, aiming the SUV back to where they’d just come from. “We’re on a mission.”

“To do what?”

“Something we would’ve done earlier if I’d known what a momentous occasion this was. We need to get those toes of yours in the water.”

“Calder, you’re being silly.” She glanced to the backseat. “It’s already late and Quinn’s covered in sand. He’ll need a quick bath before bed and I’ll need to clean his carrier.”

“So? It’s not like you have to be at a desk bright and early.”

“But you no doubt do.”

“Haven’t you learned it’s impolite to argue with your boss?”

He took her shy smile to mean he’d broken at least a small part of her reserve. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but are you mentally stable enough to protect our country?”

For a split second, he thought she was serious, but then he caught her wink and burst out laughing. “You almost had me.”

“You’ve got to admit this whole notion of sticking my toes in the water sounds a bit off the deep end.”

Now he winked. “I’m not suggesting you go deep, Ms. Moore. Merely dip your toes in the shallow end. It’s a serious rite of passage.”

“It’s a rite of passage that can wait. Quinn’s comfort and needs come first.”

“In case you haven’t noticed—” he veered into the parking spot they’d vacated only ten minutes earlier “—Quinn is out. I don’t think he’ll mind the slight detour.”

After having a look for herself, she said, “You’ve got me there.” In the glow of the dash lights, her expression morphed from doubt to wary acceptance to anticipation. “But is this really prudent?”

He laughed. “Does it matter? Come on.” He almost held out his hand to her, but then thought better of it. He wanted to have a little fun, but not present the image of being interested in
that way
. “Last one in is a rotten egg!”

“Who’s getting Quinn?”

“Me, so you’d better hustle.”

Pandora kicked off her sandals and ran and ran, laughing until she reached the shore. The water was cold but refreshing and unexpected and hit her as an affirmation her life was finally on the right track. Granted, her current actions may not be dignified, but for at least a few minutes that was okay. She could let her guard down a smidge—just not too much.

Had she denied herself the beach’s simple pleasures for so long because she hadn’t felt good enough? Like only clean, wholesome people visit such enchanted places?

“How is it?” Calder asked from behind her. Quinn slept cradled against him.

“Wonderful,” she admitted. And honestly, if she hadn’t had to work so hard to earn her way to this spot, this very moment in time, she might not have appreciated it for the miracle it truly was. As soon as she regained custody of Julia, a trip to the beach was in order.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said above the surf that pounded louder than it had earlier, “how’s it even possible you’ve lived around here yet have never been to the shore?”

“Just one of those things.” Though her gut told her she could probably trust him with the truth, her head warned the less he knew about her past, the better off they’d both be.

The nighttime breeze had considerably cooled the air.

Pandora said, “We should get back to the car.”

“What’s your hurry?”

“I-it’s cold.” At first, she’d been exhilarated by their fun, but now she was somewhat ashamed. Almost as if being in such a clean, family-friendly place might mark her a fraud. But was she? She’d worked hard to get to the healthy emotional zone in which she now resided. Didn’t that count for something?

She wiped tears from her cheeks, glad for the darkness so Calder wouldn’t see.

“You okay?”

“Sure.” She hoped her exaggerated nod read as convincing.

“It’s all right, you know.”

“Wh-what?”

“If the sight of moonlight on the ocean moves you.” He reached his hand toward her, brushing first one tear-stained cheek, then the other with the pad of his thumb.

His touch affected her far more deeply than it should have. Embarrassed, she looked away. “I’m fine—the wind blew sand in my eyes.”

“Locational hazard....” His soft tone told her he knew she was lying. The fact both mortified her and filled her with hope he’d never guess just how much their shared moment had truly meant. Whatever their future, she’d always associate him with the moment she realized her efforts really were finally making a difference. Soon, she’d not only have her daughter returned, but her dignity.

*

M
IDWAY
THROUGH
CHANGING
Quinn’s diaper at five-thirty the next morning, Calder was startled by Pandora’s appearance at his side. Apparently she’d felt as awkward about her choice of late-night attire at their last meeting as he had. Not that he hadn’t been appreciative of her miles of creamy skin, but her current chaste, white cotton pj’s were infinitely less seductive.

“What’re you doing up?” he asked. “We were trying to be extra quiet to let you sleep.”

“That’s nice of you,” she said as she passed the wipes, “but my job description is to care for Quinn in order to allow you more rest.”

“I had to be up anyway. Got a text we’re doing early drills.” After wiping down his son, Calder tossed the soiled diaper in the trash, then reached for a fresh one.

“Put cream on his bottom.”

“What cream?”

She handed him a tube. “Last time I changed him, I noticed he looked a little chafed. No biggie. Just something to keep an eye on.”

“Sure.” Calder flipped open the lid. “How much?”

“A dime.”

“Did you grab this stuff at the store?”

“Uh-huh.” She stood near enough for him to feel her heat. Not a good thing, considering he hadn’t been as smart as her and still slept in just boxers. “Want me to finish up with him so you can grab a shower?”

“Trying to get rid of me?” He was only half teasing. Ever since the beach, she’d been quiet. He’d meant for their outing to be fun, but he couldn’t help but wonder what’d brought on her tears. He’d wanted to ask her on the drive home, and again while they’d bathed Quinn, but the timing hadn’t seemed right. Besides, were her tears even his business?

“No.” Her smile seemed genuine. “Just trying to be helpful.”