A Heart Renewed (29 page)

Will came in from a long day in the fields.  He looked tired and traces of worry still settled in the slouching corners of his eyes.  She started to reconsider her plan at the sight of him, but decided to move forward despite how he looked.  She tried to smile at him, but it came off more strained than genuine.  Hannah brought in the last of the food and the three took their seats.

As soon as grace was said, Julia gathered her courage.  “Hannah, Will, I’m planning on moving to town.”

Will’s face contorted in a frown, reminding her again of Reuben.  “What do you mean you’re moving to town?  What about Hannah?  What if—”

“Will,” Hannah interrupted.  She placed her hand on his arm.  “Let Julia finish.”

He made no further comment, so Julia explained, “I have asked Adam, if you approve, to take me to town to see if I can find work at the mercantile or hotel.  If I’m able to find a job to support myself, I would like to move out in a week or so.”

Will’s frown lessened, but the edge to his voice hinted at his concern.  “You don’t have to do this.  You’re welcome here.  Haven’t I made that clear?  I can provide for you until you marry.  There’s no need to move into town.”

The condemning voice in her head stabbed her heart again with accusations that she would never wed. 
Doesn’t Will understand that no man would want me?
  Tears pooled in the corner of her eyes.  She took a deep breath to regain control. 

“I will never marry,” she whispered.

“That’s nonsense.”

“Is it?  What man wants a ruined woman?  Would you?” She accused him. 

His silence was the only answer she needed.

“No, you would not.  Nor would any man.  So, since marriage is not possible for me, don’t you think it’s wise that I learn some means of supporting myself?  You can’t take care of me forever.”

Will laid his fork down and stared into her eyes.  She felt as if he were scouring her soul to see if what she said was true.  Uncomfortable, Julia looked away.

“You are welcome to stay here.  I can provide for you as long as you need it.”

Anger bubbled up again.  He did not understand what she was saying.  “With or without your blessing, I am getting a job in town and moving out.”  Her appetite gone, she threw down her fork and ran out the door.

She stopped on the porch, waiting for her tears to subside.  She listened to Will and Hannah’s muffled conversation through the closed door.

Hannah spoke first.  “You have to let her choose her own way.  If she doesn’t want to stay here, I don’t think you should force her.”

“But, what does she mean no one will marry her?  You’ve seen the way Adam looks at her.  It’s only a matter of time before…” 

She couldn’t make out the rest of what Will was saying as he lowered his voice.  Confused, she tried to make sense of what he said about Adam.  Just how did Adam look at her?  Weren’t they friends?  Fear gripped her heart when she considered that he might have different feelings, maybe romantic feelings for her.  She could not marry because of what Reuben had done.  Not Adam.  Not anyone.  She would have to tell him her secret.  She couldn’t bear to lose his friendship.

Nearly a half hour went by and Julia stayed frozen on the front porch.  She heard the discussion die down from inside several minutes ago.  The door barely creaked open.  She glanced to see Will stepping onto the porch.

“I would prefer you stay here, where I can take care of you and keep you safe.  Where you can help Hannah.  She does need the help, even if she tries not to show it.”

“But she has Rosa.”

“Yes, but even then, there’s much work to be done.  If she starts to feel ill again I think the doctor will limit her activities. Then she will need your help.  And it’s not just the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.  She needs your friendship.  She is scared of losing the baby.  I am scared of losing the baby.  We both need you here, Julia.”

Confusion filled her heart.  She was unprepared for this argument.  She was certain with Hannah feeling better, neither would be able to use this as an excuse for her to stay.  She didn’t want to leave if Hannah truly needed her help, yet she was not sure she could stay.

“If Hannah continues to be in good health, would you approve my moving out after Christmas?”

He seemed to consider her suggestion, but she did not want to take any chances. 

“Please let me do this.  I need to support myself.  I need to get away for a while.  If I leave after Christmas that gives us a few more weeks to make sure Hannah is in good health.  It also gives me time to prepare for the move.  If she needs me to return later, closer to when the baby is due, I’ll come back.  I just need to do this.  Please understand.”

Will remained quiet for a moment, likely deep in thought, as was his way.  When he spoke, Julia could tell he still wasn’t pleased with the idea.  “I don’t want you to go, but I won’t force you to stay.  If this is what you really want, then I’ll take you to town.”

“I’ve already asked Adam.  He can see me safely there tomorrow.”

In the fading light, she saw a frown pass over his face.  But he offered no objection to Adam taking her.  She waited several more minutes, thinking he still might object.

Will turned toward the ranch house door.  After opening it, he said, “Please remind Adam to take his pistol and a rifle tomorrow.”

When he closed the door, she let out a long breath, relieved he consented—even if it was indirectly.  Stepping off the porch, she went to find Adam.  Not finding him in the stables or corral, she walked over to the bunkhouse and knocked on the door.

“Miss Colter.”  Owens opened the door.  “What brings you to our humble abode?”  Leaning against the door frame, he crossed one leg over the other in a rather casual pose.

Julia resisted the urge to roll her eyes.  The man put her on edge.  “I’m looking for Adam.”

“I’d be happy to help with whatever you need.”

Tapping her foot impatiently, she repeated, “I need to speak with Adam.”

Chapter 22

Adam heard the exchange between Owens and Julia at the door of the bunkhouse.  He stood and reached the door, just as Owens became a little too mouthy for his taste.

“If you are looking for a handsome gentleman to take you for a stroll, I would be happy to oblige,” Owens said.  Adam wanted to wipe the smirk from the cocky cowboy’s face.

His pulse quickened at the comment as he started to understand where Owens’s animosity came from.  He pushed his way past him, nearly tripping as Owens deliberately uncrossed his legs sticking his foot out as Adam crossed the threshold.  Side stepping quickly was the only thing that saved him from tumbling into Julia.  Once he regained his balance, he offered her his arm.

“What brings you over here,” he said in a low voice moving them quickly away from Owens’s hearing.

“Will has agreed for you to take me into town tomorrow to look for a job.”

Adam kept his concern to himself.  When he suggested Julia tell Will the truth about wanting to leave, he never expected Will to agree to it.  Now he wavered between talking her out of moving for his own sake and letting her go without a word.  He feared once she was gone, she might not come back.  That thought grieved him deeply.

“So, what time would you like to leave?” he asked, allowing her to determine the schedule.

“I would like to be there first thing in the morning when the store opens, so they won’t be too busy.”

They finalized the plans for the morning.  Then, Adam walked her back to the ranch house. 

As he neared the bunkhouse, he heard laughter floating across the air.  The men seemed in a jovial mood, which did not match his own.  He veered towards the solitude of the stables.  He did not bother to light a lantern, as he was content to stand in the little light from the moon.  Standing in front of Percy’s stall, he reached his hand over the top of the stall gate and rubbed the young horse’s nose.

What would he do when she left?  He would barely see her—only when he was in town on business.  She would have a job and might not even be able to take time to visit with him.

He was so sure that God was preparing her to be his wife.  How could that happen if she moved away?  When would he see her again?  How could he know when she healed and might be ready to love him?

It all seemed so unfair.  To love her so completely, but to have to let her go.

Patience.  All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord.
  Wisdom in the form of his mother’s voice penetrated his heart.  So often she said those very same words to him growing up.

He would wait.  What other choice did he have?

The next morning, Julia donned the new green calico dress she finished days ago.  It was the nicest dress she had and she wanted to make a good impression on her prospective employers.  Looking in the mirror she took extra care pinning her hair into place.  She wished she had a more stylish hat to wear instead of the serviceable bonnet.  Certainly, it was better than her cowboy hat.  Sighing, she placed the bonnet atop her head, tying the rather large ribbon beneath her chin.

When she exited the ranch house, Adam waited with the wagon.  While she would have preferred to ride a horse astride, she thought it might be a bit scandalous and suggested the wagon instead, not wanting to give any potential employers any reason not to hire her.  Adam seemed rather pensive, not making eye contact or smiling as he usually did.  He helped her into the wagon and turned it up the road towards town.

They were over halfway to town before Adam said a word.  “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do.”

He glanced at her and parted his lips, but no sound came forth.  She thought Adam might explain his comment or try to talk her out of leaving.  Instead, he closed his mouth and said nothing further until they topped the last hill overlooking Prescott.

His voice was devoid of emotion when he spoke.  “Where would you like to go first?”

“Gray & Company.”

He pulled the wagon past the row of saloons on Montezuma Street, stopping in front of Gray & Company’s mercantile.  She could tell by the set of his jaw that he was not pleased with her choice.  She supposed she would rather not live next to a saloon either, but if it got her away from the painful memories, she would.

After Adam helped her down, he leaned against the wagon and crossed his arms.  He nodded for her to go in without him.  Seeing his obvious disapproval made her more nervous.  She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, entering the store with a purpose.

Mr. Young looked up from the catalog he was perusing when she entered the store.  “Miss Colter, what brings you to our store at such an early hour?”

Julia smiled despite her nervousness.  “I came to inquire about a position with the store.”

“Who is your friend?” Mr. Young asked, nodding toward where Adam stood outside.  “Why doesn’t he just ask for himself?”

“I am inquiring on my own behalf, Mr. Young.”

“I thought you were living on your brother’s ranch.”

The question seemed nosy and she fought to remain polite.  “I am currently living on Colter Ranch, but would like to move to town.”

“And why would you want to do that?”

Growing more irritated, she tapped her foot.  “Because I would like to support myself.”

Mr. Young considered the matter for a moment.  “I’m sorry, but we don’t need any help at this time.”

Couldn’t he have told her that at first, rather than asking so many invasive questions?  Julia turned to leave but stopped short when Mr. Young spoke again.

“A word of advice, Miss Colter.  Some people might not take too kindly to such an independent woman, especially knowing her brother is a well-to-do rancher in the area, more than capable of providing for her needs.”

Julia glared at him.  “Good day, Mr. Young.”

He muttered something under his breath as she stormed out of the mercantile. 

Deciding the short walk to the hotel would help her work off her anger, Julia nodded to Adam and took off down the street.  She paid little attention to the stares coming from half drunken men looking through the saloon windows.  Adam was at her side in two strides.

“I take it there was nothing available?” he asked positioning himself between the saloons and her.

“Humph.”  Striding with purpose, they were at the Juniper House in a minute.  She reached for the door handle, but Adam grasped it first.  Holding the door for her, he motioned for her to walk through.  Taking a deep breath, she pasted a half-hearted smile on her face.

“I’ll wait here,” he said, indicating a chair in the hotel lobby.

Julia looked around the room trying to determine how she might ask about a job.  Seeing no one in the room, other than Adam and the man behind the front desk, she decided he would have to do.

As she approached the front desk, the man smiled and greeted her.  “Good morning, ma’am.  How may I help you?”  She saw him glance at her left hand and back over her shoulder at Adam.  He was probably trying to make sense of the unlikely couple.

“My name is Miss Julia Colter, and I was wondering if I might speak to the manager?”