A Heart Renewed (25 page)

“At first, I thought Reuben would pound down the door and harm me again.  When several hours passed and the house grew still, I thought I was safe, so I readied myself for bed.

“Then, in the middle of the night, Reuben burst into my room.  He was drunk and very angry.  He reminded me that there were ways he could hurt me that no one could see.”  Tears streamed down her face as she choked on the last words.  “Then he pinned me to the bed and raped me.”

“I waited for the house to be silent.  Then I packed some things and took some money and rode out to the Larson’s.  I didn’t know what else to do.  After telling Caroline everything, she convinced Adam to bring me here.”

Several minutes passed as Will tried to take in all that his sister said.  The word “raped” hung in the air between them like a boulder suspended by too fragile a rope.  Any anger he had towards Julia was now turned on himself.  He should have brought her when he came west.  He knew better than to leave her with Reuben.

His stomach rolled.   How could Reuben do such a thing to his own sister?

It was Hannah who spoke first.  “I am so sorry Julia.”  She stood and wrapped her arms around his weeping sister.  “It was not your fault that this happened.”

No, it’s my fault.  I should have found a way.  I’m sorry.

Will watched, detached from the scene before him as overwhelming guilt hemmed him in.  Julia buried her face against Hannah’s shoulder and sobbed.  Hannah rocked her back and forth whispering words of comfort and love.  Just like Mama would have done if she’d been here.

When her crying slowed, Will stood and walked over to the chair she was sitting on.  He kneeled before Julia and took her hands in his.  Tears ran down his own face, as he said, “Forgive me.  Forgive me for not being there to protect you.”

He searched her eyes.  The bitterness and fear he saw reflected scared him more than her secret.

Chapter 18

After walking out the front door of the ranch house, Adam took Will’s tethered horse to the stables, the heated argument from the ranch house still ringing in his ears.  Julia said she would rather die than carry this burden.  He was certain now that there was something more sinister than just a physical beating that took place on the night they fled. 
Lord, please give her the courage to tell Will and Hannah the truth, all of it, and let them be a comfort to her.

Once in the stables, Adam removed the saddle from Jackson.  Taking his time, he brushed the horse.  He longed to see Julia leave her hurt behind.  He knew as long as she carried this with her, she would be miserable and unable to love.  He hoped that someday, soon, she would be able to open her heart to him.

Since the Governor’s Ball, she only helped him with the horses once.  Other than that, he saw very little of her.  But, she was constantly in his thoughts.  Her eyes had sparkled with life when they danced and she never looked more beautiful than she did that night.  Walking her to the boardinghouse and leaving her at the door had been torture for him.  He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her.  He felt a tug on his heart.  It was changing to fit hers.  He wanted to make her his wife, to love her and protect her forever.

But, he made no move to share his feelings with Julia.  She was not ready.  The hurt and bitterness eating away at her heart would stand between them until she was ready to let it all go.  Until he saw some of sign of her heart healing, he would say nothing to her and focus instead on the friendship between them.  Forking some hay into Jackson’s stall, he hoped his resolve was strong enough.

Leading one of the young fillies from her stall, he spoke in soft, soothing tones.  He gently placed the bridle over the horse’s head and began the various training exercises that were so familiar to him.  His stomach growled and he wished he would have thought to grab a plate of food before leaving the ranch house earlier.

As he made another circle with the filly, Will approached the corral with a plate in his hand.  Adam removed the bridle and let the filly trot around while he took the offered food and moved to the outside of the corral.  Will propped one foot on the bottom rung and said nothing as Adam ate.  He stared at the filly, though it was obvious he was not really seeing the horse.

After several minutes, he finally spoke.  “Did you know?”

He wasn’t sure exactly what Will was referring to, so he decided sharing what he knew might answer Will’s question.  “I knew that Reuben beat her.  Even witnessed such an attack when I went to retrieve my horse.  I encouraged Julia to leave that day, but she didn’t want to.  I don’t know what happened the night we left.  She told Caroline and Caroline was concerned enough to convince me to leave right then.”

Will was silent for some time.  The change in emotions on his face showed he was fighting a battle within himself.  When he spoke, Adam did not know what to expect.  “She has been hurt very badly by Reuben, both emotionally and physically.  I just want to let you know…” Will choked on the words.  “…how much I appreciate you being there to rescue her when I couldn’t.”

When Will turned to face him, hand held out for a handshake, Adam noticed the moisture in Will’s eyes.  He took the proffered hand.  “I would do anything for her.”

“I know you would.” Will’s haunted look concerned Adam.  “Give her time.”

At Adam’s raised eyebrow, Will continued, “I know you care deeply for her.  Anyone with eyes can see that.  But, the pain she is dealing with from Reuben’s hand is more tragic than I could have imagined.  She is going to need some time to work through it.  Pray for her, Adam, please.”

He nodded at the pleading in Will’s face.  He would do exactly that, every day, as he had been since Julia first showed up on his doorstep.

The next several days, Will wrestled with what his sister told him, blaming himself for not being there to protect her.  He should have brought her with him to the Arizona Territory.  At the very least, he should have not let her stay with Reuben.  What she faced at his hand was horrific.  Days later, he could barely wrap his mind around it.

Since the day she told him and Hannah what happened, meal times were strained.  He was stuck in his own thoughts and he sensed Julia was too.  She had grown quiet.  Hannah told him that she would barely speak with her when they cooked meals or washed laundry.  She said she heard Julia crying herself to sleep nightly.  Hannah tried to talk to her several times, but Julia closed up, unwilling to discuss the subject further.

Hannah told him she felt completely helpless—not knowing how to help Julia through this.  He admitted to feeling the same way.  As much as he wanted to, he could not undo what Reuben did.  He could not repair Julia’s brokenness.  The only thing he could do was pray.  Even that didn’t seem to be enough.

As Will finished saddling Jackson, Adam led his saddled chestnut mare out of the stables.  They were headed to Prescott for a meeting with Craig Roundtree and Leland Frye.  The mare Adam was riding was one of the horses Will hoped to sell to the La Paz Express.  It was one of his fastest and a solid example of the quality of animal they could expect from Colter Ranch. 

Mounting his horse, Will nudged him forward into a gentle canter.  Realizing he forgot to make sure his revolver was loaded, he checked it now.  It was.  He chastised himself to get his mind on the task at hand.  Riding without thinking was something he could not afford to do.  There was still a great threat of Apache attacks and they spotted signs of cattle thieves in the area again.  He needed to remain vigilant.

As much as he tried to stop his mind from wandering, he could not.  Over and over his mind accused him of failing his sister.  Julia told them at first she feared she might have been with child, but discovered soon enough that she was not. 
Lord, thank you for letting that be the case
.  He would not have been able to live with himself if that had happened.

Pushing the thoughts aside for the moment, he scanned the town of Prescott as they arrived at the top of the hill, looking for changes.  A new building advertised a doctor in residence.  He would make a point to introduce himself before leaving.  Perhaps he should bring Hannah in for an examination, just to be safe.  He acknowledged he was concerned about her pregnancy because he witnessed the loss of her first baby from her first marriage.  He did not want to go through it knowing it was
his
child. 

Forcing himself to smile, he tied Jackson to the hitching post in front of the livery.  Adam followed suit.  Entering the livery, Will waited a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dimness, a sharp contrast from the bright, unrelenting Arizona sun.  Craig was seated behind the small desk off to the right of the entrance.

“Will, pleased to see you again,” he said as he stood and offered his hand.

Will shook his hand and introduced Adam.  “This is the trainer I told you about, Adam Larson.  Don’t let his youth fool you.  The young man has several years’ experience training horses and was vital in making his father’s business in Texas successful.”

Adam smiled at the praise and shook Craig’s hand.  “We brought a mare for you to inspect.  I’m sure you will be pleased with the quality.”

Will was pleased with Adam’s confidence.  He would do well in this business.

“Let me track down Leland.  He’ll want to give her a test run.”

Adam and Will did not have to wait long for Craig and Leland to join them out front.

Letting out a low whistle, Leland said, “That is one fine looking horse.”

“Is she fast?” Craig asked.

“Fast as the wind.  Smart too,” Adam answered.

“Would you care to take her for a run?” Will asked, knowing that as soon as Frye rode her, the sale would be guaranteed.

“Absolutely, let me fetch my saddle,” Leland replied with a huge grin.

Adam finished removing his saddle just as Leland returned.  Leland took his time looking the mare over before saddling her.  Will knew he was looking for any signs of blemish or mistreatment.  Even though it was tempting to be offended that the man didn’t trust him, Will knew that wasn’t why he examined the horse carefully.  He would have done the same, especially given the important role she would play in riding the mail route between Prescott and La Paz.  Once Leland finished his examination, he saddled the horse.

Giving the command, he trotted the horse around the town square to get familiar with her.  Then, after getting Will’s permission, he took off in a full gallop up the hill on the road towards Colter Ranch.  Will heard the rapid beat of horse hooves for a minute before the distance covered was too great to carry the sound back to their ears.  Craig was smiling—a good sign.  Ten minutes later, Leland Frye rode at breakneck speed back into town, reining the mare in hard.  Stopping in front of them, he dismounted with practiced ease.

“She’s perfect.  Great speed, solid handling, and she quickly adapted to my riding.  Exactly the kind of animal we need,” Leland said, somewhat breathless from the ride.

“Craig, would you care to ride her?” Adam asked.

“Naw.  Leland is far pickier than I.  If he says she’s perfect, then we’ll take her.”

The four men returned to the office to hammer out the details.  Craig purchased the mare and discussed the need to have several more horses of similar quality sent to the way stations along the trail.  The La Paz Express would be ready to purchase more as soon as Will could return with them.  Adam and Will agreed to return in a few weeks with the animals.

Leaving his horse and the extra horse Adam brought, anticipating the sale would be successful, Will and Adam headed across the square to Lancaster’s in time for dinner.

“Will Colter,” Betty exclaimed as she entered from the kitchen.  “What brings you and Adam to town today?”

“We were just over at Craig Roundtree’s to sell him one of the mares for the express line.  How have you been?” Will asked.

“Fantastic!  We’ve hired some help.”  Her broad smile telling more than her words.  Just then a young Chinese woman entered the room.  “Yu, come here.  I’d like you to meet Will Colter and Adam Larson.”