A Heart Once Broken (27 page)

Mamm
blushed as they bowed in prayer. Perhaps Sandra had been all wrong about Amos and Clyde, she thought with her eyes closed. Maybe this was the new life the Lord had laid out for their
family.
Mamm
seemed to think so, and so did Mark. And Amos hadn't lectured her so far. At least he knew not to spoil breakfast with such things. What if this was the road that had been opened for her?

Sandra tried to grasp the idea. Could she actually become Clyde's
frau
someday? Could she ever love him? Only with the Lord's help, Sandra decided. She certainly couldn't by her own strength.

“Amen,” Amos announced.

Sandra kept her head down for a few more seconds and made sure she avoided Clyde's glances as she helped pass the food around. Clyde as her husband? Who would have thought she'd even consider the idea?

Chapter Twenty-Six

A
s Sandra finished the last of her pancakes, she looked across the table to see Amos's face beaming at her. “So when is this cast of yours coming off, Sandra? Here I've been doing all the talking this morning, and you haven't told us much about how things are going with you.”

Sandra lowered her head. Amos sure had turned on the charm, but his interest seemed genuine enough. “I'm doing fine,” she managed. “The doctor will take the cast off sometime after the first of the year.”

Amos raised his eyebrows. “That's quite some time you've been in that thing. It happened at our wedding, and that's been…” Amos smiled at
Mamm
. “Not long enough.”

Mamm
turned red, and Sandra blushed as well. If Amos wanted to keep both of them off balance, he certainly knew how.
Yah
, he could be bossy, but he also had a way with words.

“The doctor wants to make sure the fracture heals,” Sandra explained. “It's the part of the bone, the tibia, where only a few muscles are attached, so the blood supply is limited.”

“I see.” Amos smiled. “I hope all goes well. I still say that eight
weeks does seem a little excessive to be in a cast. Six weeks is more normal, isn't it?”

Sandra shrugged. “I'd rather have things heal right than rush into a disaster.”

Amos appeared pleased. “You are a woman of the Lord, Sandra. That is well-spoken.” Amos laid down his fork, and a sober look crossed his face.

Here comes the lecture,
Sandra thought. She stilled her mind to listen. Amos was her
daett
now, and he deserved some respect.

Amos glanced around the table before he continued. “I've been waiting to share what the Lord has laid on my heart. In fact, this is partly why I wanted only the immediate family here for Christmas breakfast.” Amos paused to smile. “Although I do appreciate all of you, I don't get to see much of Mark and Sandra for reasons that I can understand. You have moved to a new place and all that. I know this is a time of adjustment for us. Part of that adjustment has to do with your Troyer relatives, Ben and Mary, and especially Lydia. I don't know how much you have heard, but let me assure you that things are not
goot
with that family. Ben has been confused ever since he became involved in that awful money scheme, and now Lydia…well, let's say the reports are troubling.”

A sob escaped from
Mamm
, and Amos leaned over to slip his arm around her shoulders. “I know this is a tender subject with you, Edna, but it must be addressed.”

Sandra looked away. A familiar stab of pain ran through her. Would tragedy never cease for their family?

Amos patted
Mamm
on the arm and continued. “I'm sorry for the price your
daett
had to pay for this matter, and I don't mean his passing. Edna has assured me that Emil was in ill health for some time. His death might have come sooner, triggered by the stress of
the financial disaster, but what would have happened eventually, happened earlier. We can take comfort that the Lord has taken Emil into His hands, and will judge all things righteously. Emil died with repentance on his heart. Edna has assured me of this, and I believe Edna because she followed the path Emil laid out for her. Only a woman of the Lord would have turned her heart so quickly to a man like me who was hardly known to her. Not only has Edna accepted me fully, but she has loved me with her whole heart.” Amos paused to wipe his eyes. “I'm moved deeply by this woman's love, and by the respect and reverence she expresses for the Lord's ways. A woman such as Edna has the power to change so much in the world for
goot
, and Edna has done so. She has not rebelled against the sorrow the Lord has allowed. Instead, she has brought healing and hope to her family by her acceptance of the Lord's will.”

Mamm
was sobbing openly now, hiding her face in her hands. “Come, dear,” Amos admonished. “I did not mean to open the floodgates of grief and tears.”

“I'm sorry.”
Mamm
lifted her tearstained face to his. “I'll try to control myself better. But speak no more of my actions. You know I'm a sinner like all of us, and I know that Emil is safe in the hands of God. I only wish to see him again someday.”

“That is well-spoken.” Amos bowed his head for a moment.

Sandra stared at the two of them, unable to pull her gaze away. She had not seen
Mamm
so broken up since the funeral. Yet there was a difference this morning. The pain was less, the loss more distant. A touch of joy even rose with
Mamm
's sobs. So this was why
Mamm
had married Amos?
Mamm
wanted to follow the road to repentance. And Sandra had argued with
Mamm
's decision to her own shame.

Look what had happened in Sandra's life. She had lost Ezra, even with the best of her schemes, and
Mamm
had found happiness with
Amos. It was more than she could comprehend. And here was bossy Amos, in tears at the Christmas breakfast table.

Amos finally lifted his head. “I don't know how to continue, but this must be said. Your Uncle Ben and Aunt Mary are not following the path of repentance. I hear that Ben might do a church confession soon, but that is a small matter to me. What troubles my heart is what Ben has already done. Ben should have volunteered to confess even though Deacon Schrock did not demand it after Emil's passing. Not only has he failed to humble himself fully in front of the Lord and the church about the money scheme. But also, Ben has not restrained his family. A church confession won't change that. I say, the devil stands ready to take advantage of every opening we give him. Look what is happening in Ben's home. His youngest daughters are bringing their wild
Englisha
friends freely into his home, and Lydia has made contact with her former
Englisha
boyfriend. She has even gone out to see the Christmas lights with him. How could Ben not see where these things would lead? There is nothing in front of Ben except destruction—church confession or not.”

Amos sounded like himself again, as he paused for breath. But his words didn't cut deeply, as Sandra had expected.
Perhaps Amos's earlier tears made the difference,
Sandra told herself.

Amos looked around at all of them before he continued. “This is what I want to request from all of you. If the Troyer family comes to the service on Sunday or any of the other gatherings of the community, then we must accept the decision of the church. Until I am satisfied that this sin is fully repented of, I want none of my family to make contact with the Troyer family other than for community-sanctioned activities. Is that understood?”

Mamm
clung to Amos's arm and said nothing. A flash of anger rushed through Sandra, but she pushed it away. Amos had a right
to his concern, and perhaps he was even correct. Look at the danger Lydia was in, flirting openly with jumping the fence.

“I can support this fully!” Mark proclaimed. His voice made Sandra jump.

“And you, Sandra?” Amos looked straight at her.

“I support your feelings,” Sandra managed. “I will abide by them.”

A smile spread over Amos's face. “Well, that's said now. And I'm sorry the subject had to be addressed on Christmas morning, but I did want to have all of you over for breakfast. So, shall we read the scripture now before the women clean up the kitchen?”

Mamm
had already jumped to her feet to disappear into the living room. Moments later she came back with the huge family Bible. This was the same one
Daett
used to read.
Mamm
handed the book to Amos and sat down again.

Amos found his place and read with a strong voice the story of Christmas morning. Sandra listened to the familiar words and allowed the sound to soak all the way through her. This was what she wanted, Sandra told herself. Her rebellion and self-will were not gone completely, but she knew they would leave soon. This was the way back to what used to be. Strange as that sounded, it must be right.
Daett
would never come back, but what Amos had to offer replaced the old life with the familiar feel and sounds of home.
The Lord must be in this,
Sandra decided. Otherwise, how could what had happened between
Mamm
and Amos be explained?

After Amos finished, they knelt at the kitchen table to pray. Sandra's chair squeaked as she pushed it far enough away from the table to lower her cast to the floor. She listened as Amos's voice led out in the German prayer, and soon ended with a hearty “Amen.”

Before Sandra could raise herself from her knees Clyde's hand reached over to hold the chair. Sandra balanced herself with both hands and smiled her thanks. Clyde nodded and left the kitchen
with Mark.
Mamm
pulled one of the chairs up to the counter and motioned for Sandra to seat herself. “You can sit and wash dishes if you want to help, because you're not hobbling all around my kitchen this morning.”

A big grin spread across Amos's face. “I see everything is taken care of here. So I'll see you later, Sandra.”

She wanted to say something, but the words stuck in Sandra's throat. Amos had been quite decent this morning, and she should thank him, but he had already gone.

“Sit,”
Mamm
said, as if she expected rebellion.

Tears stung Sandra's eyes. “I appreciate what Amos had to say this morning.”

Mamm
appeared a little surprised. “Really? Well, I'm happy to hear that.”

“Do you think we can ever go back to what we used to have?” Sandra whispered.

Mamm
's disapproval showed. “You know that's not possible, Sandra. The past is past, and we must move on. And the future will come whether we choose the Lord's ways or not.”

“I'm not trying to argue with you,” Sandra objected. “I guess I didn't say it right. It seems to me that Amos is restoring what was lost, in a different way—but somehow, it feels the same. I'm sure that makes no sense to you, but that's how it feels to me.”

“Oh, Sandra.”
Mamm
gave her a hug. “I didn't dream I'd hear those words out of your mouth. And on Christmas morning. Has the Lord given us another touch of His hand?”

“I don't know.” Sandra kept her head down. “I'm sure nothing changes too quickly.”

Mamm
's touch on Sandra's shoulder was light. “Can I ask you this without you getting angry?”

“Please,
Mamm
, I'll not get angry.”

Mamm
appeared to proceed with caution. “Would you…? Could you…? How do I say this? Clyde loves you, Sandra. Why don't you open your heart to him? Just a little crack of the door is all that's needed. The Lord will do the rest, because He is in this thing—Amos and Clyde. This could happen to you, the way it did with me. We could be a whole family again.”

Sandra's hand trembled. “But I've never loved the man,
Mamm
. How do you wed someone you haven't loved? Ezra had my affections, but he doesn't want them. I can't just change like that.”

Mamm
reached for Sandra's hand. “The heart is the Lord's doing. He alone knows how to turn it to the left or the right. Trust Him, Sandra. Or trust me. I didn't love Amos either. I didn't love him on our wedding day. There was still much of your
daett
in my heart, but you see what has happened. I don't know how to explain it otherwise.”