A Heart Once Broken (12 page)

Lydia washed another plate and made sure it was clean before placing it on the strainer. While she had been lost in thought, Rhoda and Emma had vanished down the basement stairs. Lydia's thoughts drifted again. Emma and Rhoda weren't the only ones who were acting different lately. Much had changed in the lives of the extended Troyer family. There was no question about that. Sandra and her
mamm
had been affected greatly by their financial tragedy and the death of Emil. How strange that Aunt Edna planned to remarry so soon. There must be pressures on Aunt Edna she couldn't even imagine.

“I think
Mamm
's still
fahuddled
with
Daett
's passing,” Sandra had told her at the last Sunday service. “Amos has even offered to pay for the wedding,” Sandra had added, with horror in her voice.

But they were all confused in one way or another. What else could explain the strange agreement she had with Sandra about Ezra? Or with how Ezra was acting lately? He was paying less and less attention to either of them at the community gatherings. Ezra could at least pay attention to Sandra when she served the unmarried men's table at the services. But Ezra hadn't done so this past Sunday. Were both she and Sandra losing Ezra? She could stand it if Ezra ended up with Sandra. That had always been a possibility. But his ending up with someone else would be a difficult pill to swallow.

Who was it that was capturing Ezra's interest? Was it Rosemary?
That just didn't seem possible. Yet Rosemary was following through on her announced pursuit of Ezra. Rosemary had made sure she was the first girl to serve the unmarried men's table on Sunday—right in front of Sandra. The whole thing seemed preposterous. Lydia simply could not imagine Rosemary as Ezra's
frau
.

No, some other girl likely had caught Ezra's attentions—someone neither of them knew. Maybe that was why Ezra had delayed all these months. For all they knew, he might have already written to a girl in the old community and begun a writing relationship with her.

Lydia sighed as the basement door banged open and Emma and Rhoda reappeared. They giggled at the sight of her. Lydia ignored them. Neither of the girls would admit to the mischief they had been up to, even if she asked. And maybe Emma and Rhoda had found comic relief from the heaviness hanging over the Troyer household.

Rhoda grabbed the dishcloth and giggled again.

Lydia waited a moment before she asked, “What's so funny?”

“Emma should tell you,” Rhoda smirked. “It's her boyfriend.”

“He's
not
my boyfriend,” Emma shot back. “He's just a friend, and he's interested in speaking with Lydia.”

Lydia stopped with a dinner plate in her hand. “He wants to talk to me?”

“
Yah
.” Emma struggled to keep a straight face. “Benny wants to speak to you about something. I told him I'd tell you, since you don't exactly talk to him.”

“I don't talk to Benny for a
goot
reason,” Lydia retorted. “You shouldn't have any of them on the homeplace.”

Emma ignored Lydia's comment. “You should consider what he has to say. Benny's a nice man.”

Lydia hesitated. “So, has Benny told you why he wants to talk to me?” She pulled the plug on the dishwater.

“I'll tell Benny you'd be glad to speak with him. That's the only way you're going to find out.” Rhoda grinned in triumph.

“You both are impossible,” Lydia snapped as she moved away from the sink.

Emma's voice stopped her. “So, what exactly did you do in your
rumspringa
time?”

Lydia kept her voice low. “I did the usual. Nothing like what you two are doing—bringing
Englisha
boyfriends into the house.”

Emma raised her eyebrows. “That's not what Benny says. And he should know. His cousin is Rudy Coon, who we all remember was the
Englisha
boy you were interested in during your
rumspringa
.”

Lydia's chest tightened as she gathered her thoughts. “That was all a long time ago. And isn't that what
rumspringa
is for? You're supposed to experiment with the
Englisha
world.”

“That's just what we've been saying to you,” Rhoda said.

Lydia sighed. “You're both pushing the limit, okay? I'm the only one in the family who will speak up and confront you about the way you behave…and now you want to hold up my past as evidence to justify what you're doing.”

“We're just trying to help,” Emma protested, a twinkle in her eye. “From the way Benny talks, it sounds like you had quite a relationship with Rudy. And from what Benny says, Rudy hasn't forgotten you, Lydia. I'm just trying to help. I think you should speak with Benny.”

“There's been enough said on this,” Lydia replied. She didn't wait for an answer but dashed out of the kitchen.

Mamm
was in the living room with
Daett
, and they both looked up with surprise at Lydia. “What's the rush?”
Mamm
asked.

Lydia forced a smile. “Sorry. No rush. When Sandra and her
mamm
get here, I'll be upstairs.”

“Okay.”
Mamm
still appeared puzzled.

Lydia left quickly, and thankfully
Mamm
didn't notice her flushed neck. The mention that Rudy had not forgotten her hit harder than she would have expected. So much for her own resolutions, her baptismal vows to leave all the vestiges of the
Englisha
life behind.

Lydia comforted herself as she hurried into her bedroom and closed the door. This was only a moment of weakness. A glance in the mirror showed that the flush had spread into her whole face. Lydia rubbed her cheeks with both hands. Not since those long ago weekends of her
rumspringa
had she heard his name mentioned.
Rudy!
She had banished the word from her mind and heart.

But Rudy was no secret, Lydia reminded herself. Sandra knew about him. They had both dated
Englisha
men at the time. At least their competitive spirit had not invested in the same man, just the same activity. Sandra had never told her details of the men she had dated, and neither had she shared details about Rudy. That had been her secret—how much she had fallen in love with the man. She had immediately broken off the relationship, after the evening when Rudy had coaxed a kiss out of her. Her first kiss!

She had known that evening that Rudy could no longer be a part of her life. Not if she wanted to return to the community. Sandra hadn't been able to figure out why she was no longer interested in
Englisha
men, but Sandra had followed her lead. Likely Sandra had never been all that interested to begin with. For once life had given her something that was hers alone. Sandra was the one who should have fallen for an
Englisha
man, but she hadn't. Lydia had.

She had been thankful at the time that Sandra hadn't fallen in love. Sandra might not have been able to resist the temptation to jump the fence. But the truth was, Lydia had been tempted. That's why Rudy had to quickly become part of her past. And he had.

Lydia rubbed her cheeks again. Thankfully Sandra and her
mamm
hadn't arrived yet. The blush on her cheeks would be gone before long. Lydia made a face in the mirror. There was nothing to worry about. Didn't the memory of past loves bring a flush to the cheeks? Perhaps, but she hadn't expected Rudy's name to have this effect on her. Not after all this time. She must bring her emotions under better control. She must!

Unless, of course, she was still in love with the man. The thought blazed in Lydia's mind for a moment. She gasped. Lydia stared at the wide-eyed girl in the mirror. So was this why she had given in so easily to Sandra's request that she back off her pursuit of Ezra? Did her heart know something she didn't?

Lydia paced the floor. This was all so wrong and unnecessary. She was in no danger. She didn't love Rudy any longer. Rudy couldn't arrive in the community and snatch her away. Nor could the kiss they had shared place her in any danger. Not even if Emma and Rhoda found out. Of course, they would take her kiss as justification for what they were doing, but everyone knew that kisses often happened in
rumspringa
time.

Lydia focused on the mirror again. Emma and Rhoda would return to the community eventually, as she had returned. She would think about that instead.
Yah
, that's what she would do. Lydia pulled herself away from the mirror as footsteps came up the stairs, stopping in front of her bedroom door, silence filling the hallway.

Lydia jerked open the bedroom door. Emma and Rhoda nearly fell into the room from where they had been leaning forward, their ears against the door frame.

“Serves you right,” Lydia said.

Both of her sisters smiled sweetly. “Tell us the rest of the story,” Emma cooed. “Your face was almost on fire when you left the kitchen in a huff.”

“No!” Lydia retorted.

“Please,” Rhoda begged. “Tell us what happened?”

Lydia glared at them for a moment. “Well…I suppose it's better if you hear it from me, but still…”

“Did you kiss the man?” Emma's face was aglow.

“That's none of your business,” Lydia snapped.

“You know we're going to ask Benny, who will ask Rudy, who will tell us,” Rhoda gloated.

“Besides, maybe if you tell us the sordid details we won't make the same mistakes you did,” Emma added.

Lydia stifled a bitter laugh. “That trick won't work on me.” With that, Lydia closed the bedroom door in their faces, and stood against the frame until footsteps went toward her sisters' bedroom.

That was probably unnecessary,
Lydia told herself. Emma and Rhoda would discover most of her indiscretions soon enough. She should have told them herself. But she had wanted that memory to remain buried in the past. Well buried!

Chapter Twelve

S
ome thirty minutes later, Lydia was standing on the front porch waiting as the form of a buggy appeared in the distance. This would be Sandra and Edna, Lydia assured herself. Emma and Rhoda were still upstairs, so she wouldn't have to face them until Sandra and her
mamm
had left. She had no doubt that Emma and Rhoda would pester her again about her past with Rudy. This time she would handle herself better. She'd smile and act as if nothing had happened—which was true. Nothing
had
happened. She had survived her
rumspringa
with only a kiss, and that was just fine.

If Emma and Rhoda persisted, she'd turn this into a lecture for them. She'd remind them how danger lurked out there in the
Englisha
world, and if this could happen to her, Emma and Rhoda should take fair warning. Not that her sisters would be persuaded, but she could try.

Lydia smiled and waved as the buggy pulled in the driveway. Sandra leaned out of the buggy to wave back, and Lydia hurried across the lawn to wait beside the barn. Sandra pulled Dixie up with a flourish.

“Whee! What a ride!” Edna exclaimed as she climbed down. “This is too much for my old bones—and a
goot
evening to you, Lydia.”

“
Goot
evening,” Lydia replied.

“At least
Mamm
can still laugh at my antics,” Sandra said, once Edna was headed for the house and out of earshot. “Myself, I could just bawl the whole day long over what's happened to us.”

“I'm so sorry.” Lydia slipped an arm around Sandra's shoulder. “Does your
mamm
really have to do this? I mean…wed the man? This soon?”

Sandra shrugged. “
Mamm
seems to think so, and I suppose she's right. We can't make it on our own.”

“But there must be some other way,” Lydia insisted.

Sandra tied Dixie to the hitching post before she answered. “Remember this, Lydia. Deacon Schrock is behind the plan, and we're receiving support from the community.
Mamm
would have a hard time saying no. And besides, it's not as though love is a great concern when you're older. Other things become more important, I suppose. Things like the community's approval and whether we get to eat. We have to be practical.”