A Father In The Making (15 page)

“That makes all the difference.”

“So you think you're going to call the real-estate agent tomorrow?”

“I'll probably head into town. See if I can do a deal. I need to go to Calgary, too, to sign everything to do with Karl's estate.”

“That's great.” Denny gave him a lopsided smile as if he couldn't believe that Nate was actually taking his advice.

“Really. Like you said, Karl has had too much influence in my life,” Nate said. “I want to make other plans.”

“So glad to hear that.” Denny clapped his hand on his shoulder. “I could use your help the next couple months. Evangeline is pulling out all the stops on this wedding. My sisters won't hold her back and I'll need the moral support of a brother.”

Nate laughed as he pulled open the door of the trailer. “I think I could do that for you,” he said as they walked across the yard.

They stepped into the house to be greeted by the smell of supper cooking. Denny walked over to Evangeline standing by the stove, stirring something in a pot and gave her a kiss. Nate looked around, listening.

The only sound he heard was Ella burbling in the living room, playing with her toys.

“Where's Mia?” he asked, looking over a table set for only four people.

Evangeline glanced over her shoulder. “She said she had to go to town and that she would be treating the kids to supper there.”

That was puzzling. But so was the fact that she had dropped his coat off at the trailer without stopping to talk to him yesterday. He had hoped to talk to Mia last night, but it didn't work out so he had hoped to do so tonight. He wanted to talk to her about his tentative plans. Feel her out about their future.

And as the night progressed, Mia still stayed away, making Evangeline fretful and Nate puzzled.

When the phone finally rang at about nine-thirty, he jumped. Evangeline answered it.

When she came back she was frowning. “That was Mia,” she said. “She's staying at Renee and Zach's place tonight. She said something about needing to see the insurance people tomorrow. I guess she heard today that the money is finally being paid out. Renee had said she would babysit for her.”

“Is she back tomorrow?” Nate asked, wondering why she hadn't thought he could babysit for her.

“No. She said she hadn't seen her parents in a few months and her sister and brother-in-law are up for a visit, so she hoped to connect with them, as well. She said she might not be back until Saturday.”

“Saturday?” Nate asked. “Why so long?”

“Nelson's about three hours from here. I can't see that she would come back right away.” Evangeline sat down on the edge of the chair she had been lounging in just a few moments ago. “Did you know she was going?” she asked Nate.

He shook his head, wondering why Mia hadn't told him. Technically, he didn't have any right to know her comings and goings, but still. He thought they had an understanding.

Mia didn't call again that night, nor did she call him or Evangeline the next day. He tried to send her a couple of text messages, but she didn't respond to either.

Nate dragged himself through the next few days. He spent some time with Tango, doing dry work without the cows. He was pleased with Tango's progress. He stopped deep and drew back well. His sweeps were clean without any hesitation. He was as ready as he could be.

And each time his cell phone chimed, he jumped. One was a call from Lacy, asking him if he could come to her father's place to look at her horses, but he put her off. One was a call from Arden that Nate let go to voice mail. Arden had said that he was looking forward to him coming and working with him and his horses. As he contemplated what he had once planned, plans that had been subdued to whispers the past few days grew to shouts the longer Mia stayed away.

He also got a phone call from Karl's lawyer's office confirming his appointment. No matter what happened with Mia, Denny was right. He may as well take Karl's money and make it his own.

By the time Saturday came his frustration and disappointment had melded into anger. Maybe he didn't deserve an explanation, but he thought he had made fairly clear that she mattered to him.

Obviously, the same wasn't true for her.

He felt his old anger return.

The past few weeks, life had sent him down roads he hadn't chosen. He thought he had come to a good place. And now?

Now it seemed time to take control of his life again. Be the one in charge. He needed to take Tango out on a ride. He strode around the barn, heading for the corral just as a minivan pulled onto the yard. He came to a halt as Mia got out, but she didn't see him.

The boys, however, did and as the other side door opened, Nico exploded out of the van, running toward him, arms outstretched.

Nate felt like a knife had been plunged into his stomach. Unsure of what to do, Nate stayed where he was, not moving. Nico's steps faltered and he came to a halt when he saw that Nate wasn't coming toward him. Socks, however, was under no such restraint and ran straight to the boy, prancing around him, tongue hanging out with eager expectation. Nate saw the question in the boy's eyes as Nico absently petted Socks and it turned the knife.

Did he dare reconnect with the boys until he knew what was going on with Mia?

“Nico. Josh. Come back here,” he heard Mia calling out as she lifted Jennifer out of the van.

She looked over at him, then away with no word of greeting. No sign that he was even there.

His question was answered.

So he whistled for his dog that looked from him to the boys as if torn, as well. Then Socks obediently trotted toward Nate and followed him back to the barn.

* * *

Mia knew Nate was watching her as she carried Jennifer and Grace up to the house. She felt his look, as real as a touch. But she couldn't go to him.

Too easily she remembered how Al's betrayal had cut her.

Nate was no different.

Déjà vu all over again, she realized. And this time it was worse. Al had never mattered to her as much as Nate had. That's why she had left. She needed time away from the situation to find her independence again.

“Can we go see Nate?” Josh asked as he trotted alongside her up the sidewalk. “I want to show him the bow and arrow that Grandpa got me.”

“Not right now, honey,” Mia said, trying to keep her voice even. Calm. Motherly. Trying not to let the tension at seeing Nate creep into her voice. “I have to get the girls in bed and you and Nico need to get some lunch, then a nap. This afternoon we have to go back into town.”

When Mia had called Evangeline this morning to make plans, her friend had said that Nate might be gone this afternoon. Something about him going to Calgary. So Mia had planned her trip to arrive at noon while he was gone.

But when she saw him standing by the corral her heart dropped into her stomach. She wasn't ready to see him yet.

Then as soon as she brought the girls into the house, they started crying. Josh started whining and Nico sat on the floor, kicking his feet at a chair.

It was as if they had immediately picked up on her mood.

She stepped up the pace, filling sippy cups for the girls, slapping together a quick sandwich for the boys.

“I don't like ham,” Josh said, pouting at the bread Mia had put in front of him. Nico's only response was to push the plate away.

Mia bit down her frustration. The past few weeks she had gotten used to having help with her kids. Her parents had been great and before that, Nate...

She cut that thought off. Nate was out there, she was in here. She couldn't face him yet. She had four kids, a fact hammered home every day she spent with her parents and her sister, who couldn't envision having a kid, let alone four kids. The subtext in all of her sister's comments was that four kids was such a huge burden, she couldn't imagine how anyone would choose to take that on. And poor Nico. What an extra trouble. And twins? My, oh my.

All this was said with a smile and a modicum of admiration at how Mia managed, but nonetheless, each sympathetic word struck like an arrow at Mia's own insecurities.

Why would someone like Nate want to take on all this?

The time away from the situation made her see everything more clearly and with less of a romantic eye. Seeing Nate with Lacy was a wake-up call. Mia knew she could never give Nate, or any man, what someone like Lacy could.

She was on her own.

She packed the girls up the stairs, stopping at the top to catch her breath as Grace almost slipped out of her arms. When did they get so heavy? So awkward to carry?

Grace immediately started crying when she got to the bedroom and Jennifer squirmed away from her as she tried to change her.

Just get through this,
she reminded herself, biting down on a sudden burst of frustration.
Just do what comes next.

Finally, she had them ready for their nap and as she closed the door on them, she paused a moment, letting the sudden quiet wash over her. Just a minute, she told herself. Just a few seconds of peace.

Then she heard a thump and a cry from Josh. “No, Nico. You have to stay here.”

Stifling a sigh, she pushed herself away to deal with the next crisis.

Nico stood by the porch door as if ready to leave.

“Where are you going?” she asked, walking over to his side and kneeling down beside him.

Nico grunted, pulling on the door. Mia suspected he wanted to go out to see Nate.

“No, honey. You need to finish your lunch and then have a nap. You and Josh.” Last night they had stayed up late playing games with Grandpa and Grandma and this morning they'd had an early start. The boys were tired and cranky. “We are going out again this afternoon.”

Before she left, she had gotten the good news that the insurance company was going to settle. They needed her to come in today and sign yet another raft of documents and then they could release the money.

And once that was released, she could get on with her life.

Nico protested again, but Mia held her ground.

She convinced them to finish their lunch and lie down on the couch in the living room. She sat with them a moment, fighting her own weariness, wanting nothing more than to join them in a nap.

But she had to get her suitcases from the van and do the laundry she didn't dare do at her parents' apartment.

Finally, their eyes drifted shut, their breathing grew heavy and deep and she dared leave. As she opened the back door her eyes flicked over the yard and she felt a twitch of trepidation when she saw Nate's truck still parked by the trailer. He wasn't gone.

Yet.

She shook her reactions off. She had to stay focused. Once she got the money from the insurance company she could start rebuilding her flower shop and her life.

It was an answer to prayer, that's for sure, she realized.

Next Monday, she had another trip to Cranbrook to see Dr. Schuler to report on the little bit of progress Nico was making.

If you want to call grunts progress.

She opened the van door and bent over to dig out the suitcases. As she set them on the gravel beside the van and reached out to close the door she saw Nate coming toward her. Shock, pain, anger, excitement all charged at her like errant horses, each demanding attention.

She shook the feelings off, reaching back for older feelings. The same ones she felt when Al had left.

You're on your own.

Nate walked around the van and she knew the only way she was going to get through this was to go on the defensive. To be the one in control for a change.

“I imagine you're getting ready to go to the futurity with Tango?” she asked.

Very well done,
she heard Other Mother encourage her.
Very confident. Very in charge.

He looked momentarily taken aback at her offensive move. Then he nodded. “Yeah. I'm leaving.”

Mia's hands grew sweaty, clutching the suitcase holding the few clothes her children owned. She had to keep going. “I think that's a good idea. It's what you should do. Leave,” she said.

Nate scowled and tilted his head to one side, as if trying to catch her comment from another angle. “What are you saying?”

Mia couldn't hold his steady gaze. Couldn't look into those hazel eyes that seemed to have chilled. Eyes that had, at one time, looked at her with warmth and caring.

Really? Had he? Or was it just her lonely heart that had imagined that?

Did you imagine his kisses?

She pushed those thoughts aside. She had to stay focused.

“I'm saying that it's right that you leave the ranch. That you go.”

She saw the questions behind Nate's eyes but she didn't look away. Then he gave a curt nod, as if agreeing, and took a step away from her. “You're saying I should leave?”

Mia felt puzzled herself at his confusion, but then reminded herself that he was the one who said it first.

“It's what you should do,” she said. He was a roaming, wandering man and he wouldn't be happy being tied down to her and four children.

His eyes narrowed, but thankfully he said nothing more. He simply turned and strode across the yard, each step he took away from her like a hammer blow.

This is for the best,
she reminded herself. She wasn't going to be the one left behind again.

Then why did she feel exactly like that, she wondered as she saw Nate walk to his truck and get inside?

She thought he was going to drive away; instead, she saw him backing up to the horse trailer he'd been working on the past few days. Then he got out and began cranking on the supports, lowering its weight onto the back of his truck.

She drew in a long, slow breath. It was done.

Nate was leaving.

Chapter Fourteen

“C
'mon, Tango, it's time to go.”

Nate slipped the halter over his horse's head, fighting down the anger blended with anguish that threatened to choke him.

Time to go. Mia had made that fairly clear to him. He should have known, when she took off so unexpectedly, that things were going south. She had underlined that a few moments ago with her encouragement for him to leave.

He wasn't sure what happened to make her want him to leave, but he was sure he didn't want to find out. He didn't need to have her remind him yet again that he wasn't the right guy for her or her kids.

Denny wasn't home to say goodbye to, nor was Evangeline. He knew where Denny was doing his gravel haul; he could probably meet him somewhere. Get him to pass on his farewells and thanks to Evangeline. He felt like a heel, leaving like this, but he knew he would feel worse sticking around, knowing that sooner or later Josh or Nico would come out of the house. Knowing he might see Mia again.

He stopped a moment, steadying himself on the railing as his heart wrenched at the thought of leaving her. Of leaving her kids.

He took a deep breath, sent up a quick prayer for strength. He was on his own again.

This time, though, he felt as if he had help along the way. Denny's thoughts and prayers. A new, rebuilt relationship with God. He would receive the strength he needed to get through this new phase of his life.

It was that thought that kept him moving. Kept him packing up his tack, his clothes, the few things he'd had scattered around the trailer.

Half an hour later the trailer and his truck were packed up. Time to move the horses.

As he walked into the corral, his mind slipped back to the times he had spent with the boys. Those precious moments with Mia watching.

What would his leaving do to them? What would it do to Nico?

He couldn't think that. He had set his face on this path. He had Karl's money coming to him. He had the wherewithal to make a few decisions on his own.

He caught Duke and Bella and tied them up one at a time to the corral fence beside Tango. Then he went into the barn to get Nola. He hoped her colt would follow her out of the barn and into the horse trailer. He wasn't entirely sure how it would go. In a pinch he could first load the colt and then take Nola inside.

He was just coming out of the barn with Nola, her colt tottering behind, when he saw Mia leaving the house with the kids. Yesterday he had toyed with the idea of keeping only enough of Karl's money to put a down payment on the acreage Lacy had shown him and give Mia the rest to start up her flower shop.

But now that her insurance money had gone through, she didn't need that from him, either.

He watched her as she buckled Grace up, then returned to the house presumably to get Jennifer without a single glance his way. And why should she? She didn't want him around.

He wished he knew what had happened between that night of the book club meeting and now.

Regardless, Mia had made it fairly clear with her absence, her silence and now her pronouncement what she wanted.

He tightened his grip on Nola's halter rope, her colt ambling along behind her.

Then the door of the house opened and Nico came out first, Josh behind him and Mia, carrying Jennifer after him. Nate watched for a few moments, drawn to the kids, to Mia, wishing he could at least say goodbye.

He shook the feeling off. Clean break. That was best.

A gust of wind caught at the gate he had closed but not latched shut and as it screeched open, the colt kicked up its heels and bolted toward the unexpected freedom.

And everything happened at once.

Nola pulled at the halter rope, her eyes rolling as she tried to keep her attention on her colt. She reared and Nate saw Nico pull free from Mia's hand, arms out as if to stop the colt as he ran across the yard.

“Nico, stay with your mother!” Nate yelled, trying to control his frantic mare.

The colt and Nico were on a collision course and Nola was going nuts.

Just then Nola gave one hard jerk and broke free. She trumpeted her fear and started toward her colt just as the gate slammed shut again.

The colt ran against the gate and whinnied, the harsh clang and the noise catching Nico's attention.

Nate didn't know what to do first. His frantic gaze shot around the corral and he saw a rope hanging from one of the posts. He caught it, then vaulted over the fence, praying Nola would stay in the corral while he caught the colt.

He swung the rope while he ran, part of his attention on Nico and the colt that was jumping around and the other part of his attention on Nola, who was screaming from the corral.

Nate swung a loop over his head, praying as he released it. The noose sailed through the air and then, thank the Lord, landed precisely over the colt's head.

He tugged at the colt and managed to drag it back to the corral, but as soon as he opened the gate to let the colt inside, Nola reared, her front feet windmilling.

And she burst free.

Nate watched in horror as Nola ran past him, her eyes wild, not seeing her colt trailing behind Nate.

She was headed directly toward Nico.

“Nate, don't go,” he heard Nico call out.

Nate registered Nico's call on one level, but right now he had to save him. He tossed the rope aside, ran toward the boy, reaching for him, praying he would save him before the horse came at him.

“Nate, Nate!” Nico called out just as Nate managed to catch him, roll and move him out of the way of the crazed mare. “I don't want you to go.”

Astonishment at what he had just heard distracted Nate for a split second. He pulled back, staring at Nico, who was looking past him, pointing. “Watch out!” he yelled.

Nate turned in time to see Nola spin again, then her rear hoof flashed out. He felt a sudden jolt, a flash of lightning-sharp pain.

And then everything went black.

* * *

Move. Go help him.

Mia could only stare, frozen with helpless fear as she saw Nate's head snap back. Then he crumpled to the ground still holding Nico. She shook off her fear, running toward Nate, her own maternal instinct kicking in. She waved her arms and yelled at Nola who, by now, had settled down.

The horse shook her head once as if to establish that she was still in charge, then trotted off to the open corral gate to rejoin her colt that, thankfully, had stayed in the corral.

“Josh, make sure to close the gate,” Mia called out as she dropped to the ground beside Nate and Nico.

Nate lay still as a corpse, his arms wrapped around Nico, his body still protecting him.

“Mom, help,” Nico called out as he tried to wriggle free.

Mia's heart tightened. Nico was talking. But she couldn't rejoice in the moment. Not with Nate lying on the ground, blood dripping from the gash in his forehead onto his jacket—his lucky jacket—his face pale as paper. Her thoughts whirled as she tried to process what to do first.

Call 911.

Stop the bleeding.

She got up, shooting a quick glance behind her. Josh was methodically latching the gate, both horses were inside. She ran to the car, grabbed her phone and diaper bag, punching in the numbers as she hurried back to Nate's side.

“Are you okay?” she asked Nico as she yanked a cloth out of the diaper bag, sandwiching the phone between her shoulder and ear.

Nico nodded, his wide eyes fixed on Nate. Mia wanted to ask him more, to hear him speak again, but the operator was on the line.

She rattled off what she had seen, then had to repeat it. She followed the operator's instructions while her heart seesawed between panic, fear and a curious elation at hearing her son finally speaking.

But for now her attention was on Nate lying on the ground at her knees while she kept pressure on the ugly wound on his head.

His eyelids fluttered and for a hopeful moment she thought they might open. But they never did. His head still lolled to one side, blood from the gash seeping onto the cloth Jennifer had, only moments ago, been clutching to her cheek.

Mia, following the instructions of the operator, resisted the urge to move him, to try to make him more comfortable.

“The ambulance will be there in less than ten minutes,” the calm voice on the other end of the line assured her, talking to her and to the drivers of the ambulance. “Just keep applying pressure.”

All Mia could do was follow her instructions and pray. Pray for her son, crouching silently opposite her, holding Nate's hand, and pray for the man who had slowly insinuated himself into her life and heart.

“Let Your will be done,” Mia prayed, once again far too aware of how helpless she truly was and how little control she had over her life.

And her heart.

“Is he going to be okay?” she heard Josh ask.

Mia gave him a quick smile for an answer, then the operator was asking her another question. She heard whimpering coming from the van and sent Josh there to keep his sisters entertained.

Nico stayed where he was, holding Nate's hand like a lifeline.

A few minutes and what seemed like a lifetime later, she heard the ominous wail of the ambulance as it drew closer and finally came onto the yard.

Nico's eyes grew wide with fear as the paramedics rushed over and Mia's busy mind spared a moment to wonder how this was going to affect him now.

One paramedic gently pulled Mia aside and another tried to take Nico. He fought her, reaching out to Nate.

“No. Nate, please don't go,” he called out.

The sound of his panicked voice raised a storm of emotions that Mia couldn't sort out. Exhilaration, concern, relief and fear.

She pushed down her increasing panic, clinging to her steady prayer.

“Please, Lord, keep Nate safe.”

As the paramedics strapped Nate to a board, Mia took Nico and held him close. She murmured encouragement to him as they watched Nate being moved to a stretcher then wheeled toward the ambulance and trundled inside. Then, as she had the first day she met Nate, she heard the wail of sirens as the ambulance left the yard.

And her prayers increased.