A Blast from the Past (A Second Chance Romance) (19 page)

Zander

Livie
took the kids inside to give them baths and get them ready for bed. I
cleaned up all of the food and did the dishes. There was no way she
was going to let the situation with my face go. I knew her well. She
was going to be on my ass about it. As soon as I was done with the
dishes, I took off for the woods, hoping the kids would keep her so
busy that she wouldn't come looking for me. She was pissed. There was
no doubt in my mind. She didn't like other people trying to fight her
battles. I would take whatever shit she gave. Keeping her safe was
more important.

I
pulled the blanket out of the container and placed it nicely on the
ground. Then I got comfortable. All I could think about was the look
on her face when I looked up at her. She was going to kick my ass for
sure.

When
I opened my eyes, I jumped.

"Shit,"
I yelled. "How long have you been standing over me? You look
like your planning my demise, woman."

"Spill
it now, Z," she snapped through clenched teeth.

Her
eyes were narrow. I swear it looked like she was going to shoot
lasers at me.

"What?"
I asked.

"Do
not what me, Zander Nero," she growled. "What the hell did
you do?"

"I
didn't do anything. He sucker punched me when I wasn't watching him."

"Where
were you at when this happened?" she asked, like she was asking
one of the kids.

It
took all I had not to laugh at her tough girl attitude. She had her
shoulders back, hands on her hips, and a mean look on her face. It
was adorable.

"The
shop," I said.

"Were
you having car trouble?" she asked.

"No,"
I answered.

"You
were at the shop for no good reason that I can think of. You didn't
say a word to him, and he punched you. Is that what happened?"

"Well,"
I said.

"Uh
huh," she responded with a tilt of her head.

I
pushed off the ground and got to my feet.

"I
couldn't take it after I heard he was at the bakery. Do you have any
idea the things I've seen? I've seen women beaten so badly. I've seen
them die. All from the hand of a man that would never hurt them. He's
not touching you. I don't care what I have to do. If he touches you,
I'll be in jail. I don't have a problem with that, but I don't plan
on giving him the chance. I'm going to do whatever I need to do to
let that fucker know that I mean what I say.

"Z,"
she started. "You can't do that. You can't be gone for that
long, come back into my life, and think that you can take care of
everything. It doesn't work that way. What am I supposed to do next
week when you're gone?"

I
reached out to grab her arm, but she took a step back.

"I'm
not going to be out of your life again. I don't want to be. I never
wanted to be. I thought I was helping you with the money. I didn't do
it out of guilt. I wanted to help you. I wanted to know that
everything was okay for you. So much time had passed. I couldn't
exactly call you. It wouldn't have been that easy. You know that. You
never would have welcomed me back with open arms, and you know it. I
know you better than that. What was I supposed to do?"

"How
about try," she said sternly. "You never even tried. My dad
died, I got divorced, and I took care of your parents. You were
nowhere to be found. You could have at least tried. Money wasn't what
I needed. You know that. I didn't need your damn money. I needed
you."

She
sat down on one of the chairs and put her head in her hands. I could
tell she was fighting her emotions. She didn't want me to know that I
was getting to her. I walked over and knelt down in front of her with
my hands on her knees.

"I
know. I'm so sorry," I said softly. "If you'll let me, I
will never be out of your life again. I don't care if you fall in
love and get married. I won't run, not again. I missed you so damn
bad. When I came back and my eyes saw you, I realized just how much I
missed you. I'd gotten used to the feeling of being alone. It was
normal for me. My life has felt so different since seeing you again.
I can't go back to feeling like that again, Livie. I can't be without
you in my life anymore."

She
looked up at me with so much emotion. I didn't want to cause her
anymore pain. I honestly didn't realize that I ever had. She never
called me, not one time. It hurt so badly. I had no idea she had been
to New York. I would have gone to her. I would have explained. So
much would have been different if I had known she had feelings for
me. I thought she was in love with him.

"I
have something to say. I need you to stay quiet until I'm done,"
I said.

She
rolled her eyes, and it made me smile.

"I
know you," I said. "Don't talk until I am finished. If you
do, I'm going to take you over my knee and spank that ass for every
bit of shit you've been giving me since I got back."

"Don't
talk like that," she said, as her cheeks turned red.

"Why?"
I asked. "You think you might like that?"

"Zander,"
she whispered with her eyes wide. "You can't go around talking
that way."

"I
can, and I will. Now keep quiet. I mean it."

She
looked at me and tightened her jaw. I knew she was just itching to
say something snotty. The look on my face dared her to do it. I
wasn't joking. The thought of spanking her ass turned me on. If I had
anything to say about it, I would definitely do it one day. I had
some things to tell her. That would have to wait. I took a deep
breath and began.

"I
know I have to go back to my life. It's what I do. You've made it
clear that we are both going back to our normal lives. I get it. I
know that I've never wanted kids. I still don't. You know my views on
that. I will never do to any child what my father did to me. After
talking to Mike today and hearing him say certain things about April
and Jack, I realized he will never be there for his children. I don't
want to be their dad. I would never try to take his place. I don't
want Jack to grow up with a father that is never there and treats him
bad. It feels horrible to live like that. April has you to look up
to. Jack doesn't have a man in his life. I want to be a part of their
lives. I don't want them to get attached to me and have me leave
either. I want to talk to them, see them, and help them after I'm
back in New York. They won't be my kids. I don't want that. I do want
to be someone they can count on and go to if they need anything at
all. I want them to know they have a man in their life that will be
there when they need him."

She
burst into tears and opened her mouth to speak.

"Hush,
woman," I said. "I'm not done yet."

"I'm
not talking about showering them with money. Don't say a word about
that. I'm talking about being a friend to them. I do plan to send
them gifts on their birthdays and holidays. I'm hoping you'll let me
visit them. I don't want to stay away anymore. If you don't want me
to, I understand. You're their mom and know what's best for them. At
least let me be there from a different state. I can picture Jack in
my mind, sitting back here talking about wanting to get out of here,
and it breaks my heart."

"Stop,"
she said through her tears.

"What?"

"What
happens when you change your mind, Z? What do I do when your life
gets busy and your forget about them. You don't understand. You
coming in, being there, and then leaving would be so much worse than
never having anyone in the first place. I can't take that risk. They
are my babies. They aren't your responsibility. None of us are. You
have a life already. We aren't a part of it. I accepted that a very
long time ago. You've been doing just fine without us for sixteen
years. It's not easy sometimes, but I do what I need to do to push
forward. I can't let my kids get hurt. Me being hurt is one thing,
but it won't happen to them."

"I'm
not going to change my mind. I promise you that. They are so smart
and wonderful. I don't know how he could walk away from them. I will
always be there. I listened to him talking and couldn't help but
think about my dad. I wanted to make him happy. It was the only thing
I wanted. I did everything I could think of to please that man. I
went to a big name school to make him proud. I became a surgeon. I
lost the most important person in my life trying to please him. He
didn't care. I never once heard him say he was proud, not once. He
never gave a shit. I sit and wonder why I was never good enough for
him."

I
felt my arms shaking as the words came out of my mouth. That wasn't
where I was going with our conversation. I don't know what happened.

Livie
was on her feet hugging me in seconds. When her arms wrapped around
me and held me tight, I lost it. Thinking about Mike and the way he
treated those two little ones brought it all to the surface.
Everything I worked so hard to push down came spilling out. The tears
came with it, and I couldn't stop them.

"He's
gone," I mumbled. "I never made him proud, Livie."

"That's
not true. Sit down," she said.

I
sat down in the chair and was surprised when she sat down in my lap.
She turned to look at me with a smile.

"I
spent a lot of time with your dad the last two years," she
began.

Livie
went on to tell me so many nice things my father had said about me.
He told her he thought pushing me would make me a better man. He
wanted me to do better than he did. She told me the day before he
died he told her how proud he was of me.

"You're
just saying that stuff to make me feel better. Don't do that. I would
rather have the truth."

"No,
I'm not," she said. "I cried with him, Z. He asked me to
tell you how much he loved you and how sorry he was. I told him I
would if I ever spoke to you again. He begged me to tell you. I told
him I would, but it had to be the right time. This was that time. He
loved you very much. He just chose the wrong way to show you. He said
he wanted to fix it between you two, but he didn't know how. He was
afraid you would turn him away."

I
wrapped my arms around her and held her. We sat silently. After some
time passed, she looked over at me. My tears had finally stopped, and
my breathing was back to normal. I hadn't had a moment like that ever
in my life.

"Don't
think you're getting away with not telling me what happened between
you and Mike," she said.

That
woman had a one track mind. I got down onto the blanket, pulling her
with me. It wasn't the time to talk about him. I just wanted to hold
her.

"If
it means anything, he looks worse than I do."

Olivia

We
were both on our back, looking up at the stars.

"You
can't do stuff like that," I said. "I don't want you
putting your career at risk because of me. I'm not sure it would look
very good if you went to jail. I would never forgive myself if you
did."

"If
that's what it takes to keep him away from the three of you, I'll do
it."

Zander
wrapped me in his arms. I knew I'd never want to leave them. He was
so warm and safe.

I
opened my eyes to the sun shining. Oh shit! I had to get to work and
had no idea what time it was. I looked over at him and couldn't help
yet another gasp over seeing his eye. It looked horrible. I shook him
to wake him up. He looked over at me with a smile.

"You
sure you don't need to see a doctor for that eye?" I asked.