A Blast from the Past (A Second Chance Romance) (8 page)

"I
didn't say I liked it. You just look so different," I responded.

"You
look different too," he said.

"Two
totally opposite kinds of different. You look better and more
muscular. I look older and more round. It's not the same."

I
couldn't help but think about how different our lives were. We never
would have made it. I don't know why I was so upset with him for
leaving. He was doing really well for himself and for the people he
helped every day.

"You're
beautiful, Livie," he said, as he took my arms in his hands and
looked down at me.

His
finger was on my scar again. I felt it move up and down the length of
it.

"We
have so much to talk about," he said.

"No,
we don't," I replied. "I need to get the kids ready. How's
your mom?"

I
yanked my arm from his hand, pulled my lower lip into my mouth, and
turned away from him.

"She's
fine. I want her to move to New York, but she says she doesn't want
to talk about it. He was her everything. You know that. I offered to
get her a place close to mine. She would still have her own space.
This is her home now. That's what she says. She doesn't want to leave
their final home together. It's hard for me to understand her views.
I just want to be able to see her and check on her."

"She'll
still have all of us. That's how it's been for the last sixteen
years. I'm not planning on moving from here. I'll still be here to
check on her. I'm not going to abandon her now that your dad is gone.
She can call you if she needs anything," I said.

"You're
too good to her," he said. "I appreciate everything you've
done for them. I can't help but think she doesn't deserve you being
there."

"Why
would you say that, Zander?" I asked in shock. "I can't
believe you."

"Never
mind," he said. "Why don't you go get the kids ready and
take a shower? I'll get all of this into the house."

I
nodded and turned to walk away but stopped and turned back to him.

"I'm
really sorry about your dad, Zander," I said, as I wrapped my
arms around his neck and hugged him.

His
arms tightened around me and it felt so damn good. I missed him so
badly.

"Thanks,"
he said.

"I
know how you feel about him. I just want you to know I'm here when
you're ready to talk," I said.

I
pulled out of his hold and walked away before he could tell me he
wouldn't need to.

Zander

When
Livie walked into the funeral home, she took my breath away. She had
on a beautiful blue dress that came to just above her knees. Her hair
was up in a clip. The way it curled when it came down was so
gorgeous. Livie never wore a ton of makeup. She always had on just
enough to make her more beautiful than she already was. Her cheeks
were pink, her eyes sparkled, and her lips were plump and the sexiest
red. I wanted so badly to take her in my arms and pull that bottom
lip into my mouth. April and Jack walked beside Livie. They were
dressed in their Sunday best. I wasn't sure they needed to be there,
but there was nobody to watch them. Everyone they knew would be
there.

My
father got along with almost everyone in town. It was only me he had
a problem with. I could never figure out if he didn't want children
or if there was something about me he didn't like. He gave me shit
every chance he could. I couldn't stand hearing how I wouldn't amount
to anything and how I needed to make something of myself.

I
was sitting in the lobby when the three of them walked in. My mom had
gone into the room my father was in. She had Livie's mom go with her.
I wasn't ready yet and wasn't sure I ever would be. Livie walked
right to me with a child's hand in each of hers. She really loved
them both. I knew she was a great mom.

"What
are you doing out here?" she asked, as her eyebrows rose and she
nodded to the other room.

"I'm
not ready," I said.

Her
eyes dropped to the ground. There was a room off to the side that the
kids could sit in if they didn't want to be in the room with the
emotional adults.

"April
and Jack can go in there if they want. There's a television, books,
and games in there. I ran out and got a few extra things for them to
play with," I said.

As
soon as I saw what was in that room, I knew the kids needed things to
keep busy. They didn't need to be forced to sit still for hours. That
was always torture growing up. It was the first time I had been
shopping for kids, and I think I actually got a little too into it.

Livie
nodded and I walked them over to the room. Seeing the way their eyes
lit up when they saw the bags I had brought in made me smile. I
worked with kids often, and I got along good with them. It wasn't
that I was a jerk or anything. I just never saw myself having kids.
There was no way I would want to disappoint them or do anything to
hurt them or scar them for life. April and Jack were adorable. They
were very polite and appreciated everything. I was surprised they
were so intelligent at such young ages.

"Zander,"
Livie snapped.

"What?"
I asked with a smile.

My
thoughts went back to me in the store feeling like a child on a
shopping spree. It really was a bit much, but I didn't care. Those
two deserved it.

"You
know they are only going to be here for a couple of hours. Why would
you do all this? You have to take some of this back. This is way too
much stuff to play with here," she said, as she turned to the
kids. "You can each pick out two things to play with. The rest
is going back to the store."

I
gave her my best sad face and silently begged her to let them have
fun. There was no reason for them to be sad or bored in a funeral
home. They didn't need to think about that stuff yet. She shook her
head no, and I put my hands together and gave her a sweet look. That
was what she would do to me to get me to agree to things growing up.
She shook her head and laughed.

"I
wanted to do it. Please let them have it. I'm not going back to the
store," I said.

"They
aren't your responsibility, Z," she said, and I felt my heart
tighten.

It
was the first time she used my nickname since I'd been back. When I
called her Livie for the first time, she decided she would be calling
me Z. She thought I would stop calling her Livie, but I never did.
That is the only thing I have ever called her. I'm not sure I've ever
called her Olivia in front of her.

"I
know that," I said. "I wanted to do it."

"Fine,"
she said. "Only this time. Don't do anything like that again."

The
kids began ripping things open and playing. It was so much fun
watching how excited they got. Livie pulled me over to a seat to sit
down.

"Maybe
you'll have some of your own one day. You can spoil them rotten,"
she said.

"Maybe
you'll have ten more," I said back to her. "You're an
amazing mom."

"Not
me," she said, as she shook her head. "These two are it for
me. I put all of my time and care into them. I won't be having
anymore."

She
played with her hands in her lap while she looked down at them. I
reached over and took her hands in mine. When she didn't pull away, I
was shocked. I could feel her hands shaking as I held them.

"Are
you okay?" I asked.

"Yes,"
she answered.

"What's
going on?" I asked.

She
wouldn't answer me. I watched her shake the thoughts from her head
before looking up with a smile. I'm not sure why she thought I
wouldn't see the sadness in her eyes. Just because I had been gone
didn't mean I didn't know her anymore.

"I
think I'm going to go in and check on your mom. You should be in
there for her, Zander. I know this is hard for you. When you're
ready, I'll be there if you want me to," she said.

"Why
are you so perfect?" I asked without thinking.

"I'm
far from perfect. I can think of more than one person that can tell
you everything not perfect about me," she said, as she stood up.
"Let me know when you're ready, Zander."

She
turned and walked out of the room. The first time she called me Z, it
drove me crazy. I knew I wouldn't back down. She had been trying to
get to me. That was the only thing she called me the entire time I
lived there and after I left. Since I had gotten back, she had only
called me Zander beside that one time. I never thought my name would
sound like a curse word, but every time she said it, it stung like
you wouldn't believe. It sounded like the worst word in the world. I
couldn't wait to hear her call me Z again.

I
sat with the kids for a few more minutes before going back out to the
waiting area. People came and went. They stopped to talk and tell me
how sorry they were. A few of them mentioned things my father had
told them about me. Most of it didn't make any sense, but I didn't
say anything. They were just being polite. Livie came out after about
an hour and sat down next to me. She put her hand on my knee and
looked up at me. The warmth that spread from the tips of her fingers
through me was so comforting. I leaned back in the chair and closed
my eyes.

"Are
you okay?" she asked.

"I'm
fine. I just want to get out of here. I'm so glad we're doing
everything in one day. I'm not sure I could hear about how wonderful
he was for two more days. You wouldn't believe some people. They've
told me things he said about me. I can't believe what some of them
are saying. Why would they lie to me? I haven't cried once since she
called me to tell me he was gone. He pissed me off all the time. I
did everything I could to make that man happy. Nothing was ever good
enough for him. I still expected to cry, but I haven't been able to.
I'm not sure why."

The
door opened and a family walked in. It was one of the guys I went to
school with. Livie motioned for me to get up and stood next to me
while we talked. The guy kept looking between the two of us. I wasn't
sure what he was thinking. Nothing ever changed there. Everyone was
always trying to figure out your business. We stood for a few more
minutes. I let them know their children could go and play with April
and Jack if they wanted. Livie walked into the viewing room with the
couple.

It
had only been a few minutes when she came back through the doors with
tears streaming down her face. I was off the couch and wrapping her
in my arms in seconds. Livie wiped her eyes and pulled back from my
hold. Her body was stiff. I had no idea what had just happened.

"I'll
be back in a minute," she said.

"Was
it seeing my dad that made you cry?" I asked.

"No,"
she said before turning and walking toward the bathroom.

I
sat wondering what had happened in that room to take her from smiling
to tears that quickly. She didn't stay in the bathroom long, but she
wouldn't tell me what had upset her. Something changed about her. The
little bit she had let me back in was gone. She was completely closed
off and acting like we didn't know each other. I sat with her in
silence.

When
the door opened again, I felt her stiffen even more and saw her hands
begin to shake. I looked up to see her ex standing in the doorway. He
was looking over at her with a smile. She was shaking so badly the
damn couch was moving beneath her. I reached over, took her hand in
mine, and pulled her to her feet. There was no way I was letting her
pull away from me. He walked up to us. I put my arm around her back
and held her by my side. I could still feel her body shaking and knew
I was right about him when she jerked her arm away from me days
before. That fucker did something to her. He would never touch her
again. That I was sure of.