50 Ways to Play (3 page)

13. Flogging Instruments

While paddles and slappers are designed for spanking the buttocks, flogging instruments like whips and canes can add impact to other areas of the body. Leather or suede whips allow for a softer touch, while rubber whips are better at creating the hot, stinging sensation that many BDSM players crave. Whips with multiple tassels are best, as these can
deliver the greatest range of stimulation. Canes may be made of bamboo, rattan, plastic or even stainless steel and provide the sharpest, most focused impact.

Again, low-cost everyday items can also be used as flogging instruments. You can start by browsing the floral aisle at a craft shop where you will find a large variety of wheat stalks and other bunches of dried grasses typically used
to create home decorations. Different types of plant material—from wild grass to palm—will produce different flogging sensations, and this type of discovery is half the fun.

Submissives should be restrained during flogging. Because whips are designed for whole-body sensation play, a dominant should blindfold his or her submissive before starting. The dominant can lightly drag the tassels
of a whip down the submissive’s chest, tantalizing the nipples and grazing the genitals before moving down the legs, leaving a trail of goose bumps. This exquisitely subtle but body-racking sensation can be peppered with harder strikes of the whip on the submissive’s torso or limbs. If the submissive’s legs are spread apart, the dominant can slap his or her genitals, gently and then with as much force
as the submissive wants, with the whip’s tassels.

14. Love Bites & Scratches

Why are vampires so sexy? Because they come to life after dark, dress in black, exude danger and bite those they desire. There’s a reason they’re the “bad boy” fantasy lovers of scores of suburban wives. They know how to get the juices flowing, and they don’t leave their dirty socks in the middle of the living room floor.

Neck-nibbling vampires
are the ultimate BDSM lovers, too. Many women and men find that the throat area, including the sides and nape of the neck, is an extremely erogenous zone that is second only to the genitals. When stimulated by kissing, this area ramps overall arousal. When bitten, spikes of pleasure and pain course through the body, sending mixed messages of want and fear.

Sensual biting should be done when
the submissive is in a partial or full state of arousal, as he or she will be able to tolerate more pressure when turned on. The dominant should switch between quick bites and longer ones and between hard bites and softer ones. Of course, care must be taken to never break the skin, as infection may result. Unlike Dracula, the dominant doesn’t have to restrict his or her biting to the neck area.
The dominant can nibble and bite along the shoulders and down the sides of the body. Before biting a female submissive’s nipples, however, the dominant should kiss and gently nibble the areola (the area around the nipple) to arouse the nipple and prepare it for more intense attention.

Moving down the submissive’s body, the dominant can bite the hip and thigh regions. Biting this area can
quickly increase genital arousal as the submissive will soon begin to crave genital contact. The male dominant can gently bite the lips of his female submissive’s vulva before softly nibbling the clitoris. This should be done sporadically, so that the submissive does not orgasm too quickly. The dominant can compound and prolong the submissive’s tortured pleasure by occasionally thrusting his tongue
or a finger into her vagina.

Sensual scratching, technically called amychesis, is another way that a dominant can deliver pleasurable pain to his or her submissive and engage in sensation play. The female dominant can drag her long nails down her submissive’s back and buttocks. The male dominant can use a scratching tool, such as a regular back scratcher, a wire brush or even a rough loofah.
He can also use a specialty item like so-called “cat nails.” These instruments are made of twin stainless steel points that slip over a man’s finger, so that he can run them over his submissive’s body. They are particularly effective at stimulating the areola and nipple area and can provide as much piercing pleasure as the submissive can take.

The ancient sexual manual
Kama Sutra
puts a sensual
spin on scratching. It suggests that when lovemaking becomes intense, one partner should press his or her nails into the other’s skin. This nail press generates a localized sensation and leaves an impression that remains sensitive for some time. The
Kama Sutra
recommends pressing the nails into the neck, breast, navel, buttocks and thighs. The world’s oldest sex guide, the
Kama Sutra
has a lot
to say about high-sensory sex and the “ecstatic state” that consensual lovers who are “blind with passion” enter into. It is believed to be the writing that created the practices of sadism and masochism. As such, it is an interesting bedside reader for BDSM couples, especially those who prefer thrillers to romances.

15. Nipple Clamps & Toys

Nipple clamps are a staple of BDSM sexplay. Their purpose is to provide hands-free stimulation and pressure to the submissive’s nipples, so that the dominant can simultaneously pleasure other parts of his or her body. Nipple clamps can be tame or wild. The tamest types are simple “alligator” clips with adjustable pressure. Wilder varieties are more
vise-like. Some nipple clamps vibrate for maximum stimulation. Others are connected to a BDSM collar by a thin chain, while others extend to the genitals with a chain and end in either a clitoral clamp or a penis ring (see
#29
).

Other nipple toys common to BDSM play are nipple suckers of the “snake bite” variety. These seal around the nipple to create a pulling or vacuum effect that mimics
the suction of a partner’s mouth. Nipple pumps or cylinders are also popular. These also create a pleasurable suction sensation while enlarging the nipple to make it more erect and sensitive.

While nipple clamps and toys are usually used by male dominants on female submissives, some female dominants will use them to provide pain, if not pleasure, to a male submissive. A restrained submissive,
dressed in nothing but nipple clamps, also provides a novel and striking visual for a dominant. A dominant can grasp his or her submissive’s nipple clamps, especially longer styles or those that come with a chain, and use them to guide, torture or punish a partner.

If a dominant wishes to subject a submissive to nipple stimulation without hardware, he or she may want to try a nipple-stimulating
gel, cream or lotion. These create a very sensual tingle and many are flavored to please the discerning palate of the BDSM dominant.

As with most BDSM gear or toys, economical alternatives are available. All you need is a little imagination. For example, wooden clothespins and plastic paperclips can serve as nipple clamps. And remember your trip to the kitchen store (see
#12
)? Kitchen tongs
come in different designs and materials. Tongs covered in plastic or rubber are best as there is less risk of piercing the skin. The dominant can use them to pinch the submissive’s nipples.

16. Feel the Burn

BDSM strives to deliver extreme, unexpected sensations to the submissive’s body. It relies on erotic anticipation, sudden discovery and sexual impact that blurs the distinction between what feels good and what doesn’t. Candle and wax play is a practice that is particularly pleasing to BDSM novices and experts alike. It involves dripping hot wax onto a submissive’s
bare flesh, and watching the sudden shock of pain transform into lingering pleasure.

If you are new to wax play, be sure to choose a properly wicked soy wax candle that is intended for sexplay. These melt at safe temperatures and, unlike candles made of beeswax or paraffin, will not burn the skin. Many of these are deliciously fragranced. Some contain wax that, once melted, can be used as
massage oil and smoothed over the submissive’s body to spread warmth.

To begin, the dominant can restrain his or her submissive to the bed in the supine position. Alternatively, the dominant can restrain the submissive in the seated position, with his or her wrists and ankles bound to a chair. The submissive should be blindfolded before he or she has knowledge of the dominant’s plans. The
dominant should move silently to burn the candle until a pool of warmed oil appears, and then—without notice—drip some of the warm oil on the submissive’s skin. For maximum effect, the dominant should concentrate on the heavily innervated nipples, navel and inner thighs. Genitals should be avoided.

17. When Ice Is Nice

When applied to areas of naked, aroused flesh, temperature extremes can intensify sexual stimulation. A favorite activity of BDSM has the dominant drag an ice cube along the submissive’s body. The dominant may take an icy path from the submissive’s throat, down the chest and navel, and over and around the genitals of both sexes. A male dominant should
pay extra attention to the breasts, slowly sliding the ice cube around each breast in turn, and then zeroing in to circle the areola, finally running the ice cube over the nipple.

This type of temperature play can be maximized by alternating the ice cube experience with hot wax drippings (see
#16
). The contrast of warmth and coolness can also be exploited by placing a hot water bottle on
a part of the submissive’s body or breasts, removing it, and gliding an ice cube over the area. A dominant can also have a submissive lie or sit on a heating pad, and then slide the ice cube over his or her genitals.

Ice play can also complement spanking (see
#12
) and flogging (see
#13
) activities. When the dominant is finished inflicting such striking treatment on the submissive, he or she
can glide an ice cube over the area of skin that was being spanked or flogged. It doesn’t just feel good, it minimizes swelling so that your coworkers don’t wonder why you’re sitting so funny in your chair. You know how that redhead in reception likes to start rumors.

18. Glass Toys & Temperature Play

Another way to engage in temperature play is to use glass sex toys. These are often made of Pyrex and, in addition to being able to retain both heat and cold, are hypoallergenic and ultra-hygienic. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors and are the beauty queens of the sex toy market. In fact, many glass toys resemble pieces of
Venetian glass art more than sex toys. If you leave one out by accident, you can tell your company that it’s a blown glass serpent you purchased from the gift shop in the Palazzo Giustinian. That’s way classier than saying it’s an anal probe you ordered online.

Glass wands, dildos and probes—many designed to stimulate the G-spot in women and the prostate in men—are widely available and often
boast pleasure-enhancing curves and bumps. BDSM players should have two on hand: one for heat and one for cold.

To enjoy temperature play, the submissive partner should be restrained and blindfolded, preferably in the supine position. An under-the-bed restraint system (see
#5
) is ideal to restrain a submissive for this kind of activity, as it allows the dominant to hold the submissive’s body
in a spread-eagle position: the legs are open, allowing access to the genitals, while also providing a great surface area to stimulate. Perhaps the most vulnerable of all BDSM restraint positions, this placement complements temperature play by maximizing the submissive’s sense of helpless expectation.

Next, the dominant should heat one of the glass toys, either under hot running water or
in the microwave, and chill the other, either under cold running water or in the refrigerator. The dominant should then stimulate the submissive’s nipples with alternating heat and cold before moving to the genitals and doing the same. The male dominant can twirl the tip of a warmed glass wand around his submissive’s clitoris and then retrace its path with the tip of a cooled wand. He can also use
the warm tip of one glass wand to stimulate his submissive’s clitoris while he penetrates her vagina with the cool wand: he can then switch wands to reverse the temperature sensations that she is feeling.

A female dominant can run a warm glass wand along the erect shaft of her submissive partner while simultaneously rolling a cool wand over the glans (head) of his penis. She can similarly
switch wands to reverse the temperature effects he is experiencing. She can also stimulate his scrotum by rolling first the warm and then the cool wands over, under and around it. A water-based personal lubricant can help the wands glide more smoothly around the genitals.

While glass toys feel exquisite, they can also be expensive. To see whether the glass experience is worth the investment,
you can experiment by using relatively inexpensive glass jewelry—two long necklaces with large glass beads are best. The closer the beads are together, the better. This option will also fulfill your glass curiosity without having to visit a sex shop or make an online purchase.

When you’ve found a couple of suitable glass-beaded necklaces, warm one of them in a bowl of heated water. Because
not all glass can withstand temperature changes, and cheaper glass even less so, piping hot or boiling water is not recommended. This could cause the glass to crack and scratch the skin or genitals. The second necklace should be put in a cold bowl of water. Lower-quality glass will not retain temperature as long, so you’ll want to make sure that you put these naughty necklaces into action as soon
as possible.

Once the necklaces are at their optimal temperature, the dominant partner should smooth some personal lubricant onto the submissive’s genitals and then proceed to drag the warm beaded strand over and around the submissive’s genitals, quickly following this with the cool beaded strand. The dominant can also snake each beaded strand over the rest of the submissive’s body. Glass
has a distinctive feel that can pleasure almost any erogenous zone. This kind of play nicely complements erotic torture (see
#33
).

19. Talk Dirty to Me

Do you think that dirty talk is all about words that start with
F
? Think again. Erotic language is a compelling, arousing element of a sex life. It isn’t all about profanity, although hard word choice can certainly capture a partner’s attention. As often as not, dirty talk is descriptive in nature. One partner might describe what they are feeling or fantasizing
about, which in turn elicits an erotic response from the other partner.

A dominant partner can use dirty talk to instruct the submissive on what sexual acts to perform, or to inform the submissive what sexual acts will be performed on him or her. More “degrading” language or names can be used as the sexplay dips into elements of rough sex (see
#27
), role-playing or humiliation (see
#25
).
The dominant doesn’t have to do all the talking either: he or she can order the submissive to utter words or expressions that the submissive would not normally say. This brings a thrilling sense of power, vulnerability and exploitation to sex.

Despite its erotic potential, many couples are hesitant to use dirty talk. Some are afraid of sounding ridiculous, while others just don’t know what
to say. It may help to break down BDSM dirty talk into some of its basic elements.

The Desire
Long before sexplay begins, the dominant can reveal his or her BDSM desires or sexual plans for the submissive, thus giving the submissive plenty of time to anticipate—perhaps with erotic dread—what is to happen. This type of verbal foreplay builds expectation and excitement for both partners. The
dominant may say something like, “I’m going to use you tonight,” or “You’re going to be sore when I’m done with you.” There is no reason to use graphic language at this point. In fact, sexual profanity often has better impact if used only during times of intense passion.

The Order
During BDSM play, the dominant can remain silent and simply move the submissive’s body into the positions he
or she wants; however, most dominants verbally instruct the submissive regarding the sexual activities he or she wants to do (or have done). A dominant might say, “Open your mouth,” or “Suck hard.”

The Description
Dirty talk can be a way for BDSM partners to communicate during sex and to share what each of them is experiencing. Simple descriptive phrases like, “That hurts so good,” or “I
can feel your tongue slide over my cock,” or “My nipples are throbbing,” are highly arousing to the listener, as they lend erotic insight into what a sexual partner is feeling. A dominant may describe his or her own sensations, or order the submissive to describe what she or he is experiencing.

Smack Talk
Some BDSM partners will occasionally use degrading language during sexplay. It is often
meant to demean a submissive to complement fantasy role-playing or more intense BDSM scenes. A male dominant may call a female submissive a “whore” or a “bitch,” while a female dominant may tell her male submissive that he is “nothing but a cock.” This kind of language isn’t for everyone, but it does exploit the power imbalance and control dynamics that characterize BDSM play. That being said,
degrading language or name-calling can create emotional problems and conflict if partners are not entirely consenting and informed, or if their relationship is not a happy and healthy one. The use of degrading language can cross into erotic humiliation (see
#25
) and must be discussed in advance and with as much seriousness as conversations about physical safety.

The Buildup
Dirty talk is
an effective way to build orgasmic momentum. It lets partners communicate where they are in the arousal cycle—that is, how close they are to climax—and it also helps bring a partner to a sexual crescendo. A dominant may order a submissive to climax by saying something like, “I want you to come now,” or a submissive may say, “I can’t stop it—I’m going to come and it’s going to hurt.”

The Release
Talking dirty during orgasmic release provides sexy mood music to accompany and even intensify sexual climax. A male dominant might describe what he is feeling during release by saying, “I can feel it pumping out of me,” while his female submissive might say, “I can feel you filling me up—it feels so hot.”

Voice tone is another element of dirty talk that should be considered. Dirty talk should
be low, throaty and erotic. Remember: you’re reveling in sexual abandon, not placing an order at a drive-thru window. Your voice tone should suit the occasion. A dominant should speak with sexual authority and confidence. A submissive should speak with deference and, in certain BDSM situations, hesitation or dread.