31 Days of Winter (36 page)

Ellie

I woke up, let out a
contented sigh and stretched out, enjoying the coolness of the sheets further
down the bed on my hot feet. It was eight a.m. and I felt so much better for a
really good night’s sleep, even if I’d spent most of it dreaming about Dan
fucking me until I begged him to stop. I rolled my eyes as I realised he was
more amenable in my dream than he’d been in person yesterday morning. I spent
an hour exercising, then cleaned up with a nice hot shower and spent time
having a pamper session with a face exfoliation and masque, deep hair
conditioning treatment and all over body lotion. I left my hair to dry
naturally as I slathered my face with serum and moisturiser and put on my black
skinny jeans and emerald green blouse, with a black lace vest underneath,
deciding to make an effort as it was Christmas Eve.

After another breakfast of eggs on toast and
coffee, I got the turkey out of the freezer to defrost. I could hardly believe
it was Christmas Day tomorrow. Last year I’d cooked for Zac and his parents
who’d come to stay with us in London. We’d been out Christmas Eve for afternoon
Champagne tea at The Goring, then taken them to see The Lion King in the West
End and had a takeout Thai for dinner. They all went to the pub Christmas
morning while I cooked, we’d had a late lunch, gone for a walk along the river
and had a night in front of the TV relaxing with left overs and too many chocolates.
I wonder what tale he’d tell his parents about why we’d broken up, and was
happy that I had a new number so they couldn’t ring to question me.

Boxing Day, Zac had invited a load of his
stockbroker friends and their girlfriends around and I’d prepared canapés and a
light hot meal and we’d partied till late. I let out a ‘
Hmph’
when I
realised that was one of the last times that we’d had sex where both of us seemed
to have enjoyed it. Zac had seemed so happy and relaxed that day, he’d
virtually ripped my clothes off the minute the last guests had gone, and fucked
me on the lounge floor, then in the shower and then again in bed. Just like Dan
though, he underwent a personality transplant overnight and I’d woken up the
next morning, ready to initiate sex again and he’d virtually leapt out of bed
to avoid me touching him and had gone out for a run.

I started writing again, hoping that Dan would
call to apologise for yesterday, but he didn’t. I watched him head out over the
lake again, just before one o’clock, and figured that they must have reopened
the mountain road and he was off to do whatever he did in that town every day.
The mind boggled. I set an alarm this time to stop me working at six. Even if I
was going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day on my own, I was going to
make it memorable and uphold some traditions, even if I had no presents for
myself to open. That reminded me, I quickly went to my wardrobe and got out the
presents that I’d purchased for Dan and put them under the tree and laughed to
see how pathetic they looked all on their own under the enormous bushy pine. I
returned to my desk and saw an email had come in from John.

Morning, Ellie. How are you enjoying your
break? Everyone’s missing you at the office, but they’re all thrilled that you’re
returning in new capacity as Junior Partner. HR will email over the new
contract, if you can get it signed and returned as soon as possible, please.
The interviews went well and as we suspected Tom was the perfect choice, he was
head and shoulders above the other candidates on interview alone, without his
resume to back him up. He’s able to only give two weeks’ notice at his current
employers so I’ve pencilled him in to start on Tuesday 7
^th
January,
the day after your expected return. This will give you a day to clear out your
old office and move to your new one and settle back in. I’d like you to spend
the first few weeks in the office, on a pretty hands on basis, working with him
to settle him in and get him used to our firms way of doing things. Then you
have the flexibility to work as you choose, subject to deadlines of course  ;-).
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. John

Holy crap, not only was he still winky smiling at
me, I was getting a new office as well? He hadn’t mentioned that before, and
why give me an office when I could work from home most days? ‘
Ellie Baxter,
2015 is going to be your year,’
I announced to myself with a smile and
carried on with my writing. I actually got up for a break before the alarm
reminded me, when I realised it was getting dark. The boathouse was in darkness
as well. I went downstairs, put the Christmas lights on, made a fire and set up
my Christmas greatest hits on the iPhone dock and had a little dance around to
loosen myself up. I kept checking to see when Dan’s lights came on and it was
nearly seven when they did. I’d planned on inviting him to stay tonight, but
he’d distracted me when I’d gone to ask him on Monday and then yesterday we’d
hardly spoken. I decided to wait and see if he’d ring me first, but when it got
to eight-fifteen and I’d not heard from him, I was determined I was going to
confront him. If I was going to spend tonight and tomorrow on my own, it would
be with a clean conscience that I’d told him exactly what I thought of his
behaviour yesterday.

I loosely did up my boots, opened the front door
and carefully climbed over the mound of frozen snow and slipped over straight
away, which actually made me laugh. By the fourth landing I wasn’t laughing
anymore, my bum was sore and wet, my hands were freezing and I was feeling
extra irritated. I fell again before I made it to the jetty and somehow ended
up cutting my left index finger. I sucked it, tasting blood, managed to get up
again and onto his veranda in one piece and banged on his door, steam coming
out of my ears by this point. He opened the door and looked really surprised to
see me.

‘What the hell is your problem?’ I demanded, hands
on my hips as I scowled at him.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘We were having a really nice night as friends, I
was trying to stay distant from you to avoid any complications and
you
initiated it! You’re all caring and concerned about cheering me up, then you
tuck me up in bed to sleep, which was really sweet, then you disappear without
even a goodbye. You’re snappy with me on the phone when I was just ringing to
be friendly and then you’ve ignored me all day today. I didn’t ask to be
treated like this, I wanted to go home to avoid this very situation. You
promised me Dan, you took the option of being friends, and right now I’m really
wishing you hadn’t and that I’d taken that flight home when I had the chance. I’m
angry at you, angry, confused and frustrated, but I don’t want to spend
Christmas on my own. Are you going to invite me in or what? It’s bloody
freezing out here, I’ve fallen over five times, my bottom’s wet, my finger
hurts and I’m starving,’ I huffed, taking a deep gulp of air after my irate
rant. He stood looking at me slightly startled at my reaction, stepped aside
and gestured for me to come in.

‘I didn’t actually have a chance to get a word in
edgeways.’

‘Thank you,’ I replied as I stepped in and he
closed the door behind me.

‘Jesus, Ellie,’ he exclaimed and grabbed my left
hand. ‘What did you do, you’re really bleeding.’

‘I don’t know, I fell over and cut it on
something.’ I took in a deep breath as he lifted my finger to his mouth and
sucked it, slowly and sensuously.

‘What are you doing?’ I uttered, completely stunned
and also furious that he was turning me on with such a simple act.

‘Trying to stem the bleeding and clean it for
you,’ he replied as he slipped it out of his mouth and ran his finger over the
cut.

‘You can’t do things like that,’ I protested, ‘not
after ignoring me for two days.’

‘Can we argue later, when you’re not bleeding so
badly? Come with me.’ I rolled my eyes at his order, I wish he’d stop saying
that to me. He led me into his bathroom, put the toilet seat down and made me
sit, instructing me to hold my finger up as he found some medical supplies. He
crouched down in front of me and carefully cleaned the cut, then swept some
antiseptic cream over it before applying a steri-strip, then a bandage and
sealed it with tape. ‘Better?’

‘My finger, yes. My cold bottom and temperament,
no,’ I retorted with another scowl.

‘Are you about to “lose it” with me and shout “fuck
you arsehole?”’ he smiled up at me.

‘I’m close,’ I grizzled, trying to ignore how his
hand was still holding my injured one, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles as he
looked up at me. His five o’clock shadow made him look so rough and ready, yet
took nothing from his handsome face. And the green of his irises were so intense
I had to break my gaze as I felt my cheeks flush.

‘So which part do I need to apologise for?’ he
sighed.

‘How long do you have?’ I replied quickly,
glancing back up with a glare. ‘I think they wrote the Declaration of Independence
by hand quicker than I could type your list of fuck ups on my laptop.’

‘That bad?’ he winced.

‘Yes.’ I squirmed on the seat, annoyed that his
magnetism was breaching my outer defences, also because my bottom was painfully
starting to thaw.

‘You’re mad because I wasn’t there when you woke
up?’

‘You could have left a note, or woken me to say
goodbye. I know we’re not a couple Dan, but you can’t do … what you
did
to me, then just walk out without a word and expect me not to be pissed off.’

‘I was angry,’ he replied as he dropped his eyes
to my hand.

‘I offered to help you out and you refused,’ I
reminded him.

‘Not because of that,’ he sighed, as he continued
to stroke my hand.

‘Then what? I’m pretty sure I did nothing wrong.’

‘You didn’t, it was me,
again
. I keep
promising myself I’ll resist these urges I have every time I see you, but I
can’t. Sometimes I just forget, cross a line by taking it too far and then I
end up hating myself.’

‘So instead of telling me that, you retreat and
are mean to me when I ring you?’ I uttered. Men were so clueless sometimes. I
really needed to dig out that old copy of
Men are from Mars, Women are from
Venus
, because Dan was definitely from another planet, he was a unique
species that someone seriously needed to fathom. I wished I had David
Attenborough on speed dial, maybe he could make sense of this creature named
“Dan.”

‘I told you that communication isn’t my strong
suit, not when it comes to feelings. I don’t know how to do keep doing this,
Ellie. Shutting you out gives me time to focus on anything but how badly I want
you.’ His voice had taken on a sexier husky tone and I gulped.
Don’t let him
break you, Ellie Baxter,
I ordered myself.

‘Well, you shutting me out gives me time to focus
on how much I hate you.’ I snatched my hand back from his, annoyed with myself
for being melodramatic and harsh.

‘I’m sorry Ellie, but you have no idea how
difficult this is for me, seeing you every day.’

‘I’ve no idea because you won’t tell me, Dan,’ I
sighed and stood up wondering why we were both torturing ourselves. He quickly
rose up above me and chewed his lip as he held my gaze, I broke away first. ‘I
need to go and get changed, and I’m starving. If being around me is so
difficult for you, I’d rather we have no contact at all. I can’t deal with this
up and down all the time. I never came onto you on Monday, that was all you.’

‘I know and I’m so sorry,’ he whispered.

‘Would there be room at that hotel? I can move in
there until my flight home so we don’t have to see each other anymore.’ I was
sure I heard him take in a shocked gasp and lifted my eyes up to his to see he
was really unhappy with my suggestion.

‘I don’t want you to go,’ he replied firmly as he
palmed my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into it. A few minutes in his
company and I just forgot about everything else but him. Forgot everything but
how my heart beat a little faster and how my body instinctively responded. I
was drowning in him.

‘So you either suck it up and keep your hands off me
and join me for Christmas, or you stay down here and eat your Pot Noodle alone,
because I’m not risking my fingers and arse again coming down here with a
turkey dinner for you. What’s it to be?’

‘I’d like to spend it with you. You need to be
strong for me and refuse me if I try anything again.’

‘Well no problem then, as you know how much I hate
you coming onto me. Multiple orgasms that blow my mind are such a drag,’ I
replied with a roll of my eyes.

‘I mean it, Ellie,’ he said sternly as he narrowed
his eyes at me.

‘So are you coming or not?’

‘Better choice of phrases wouldn’t go amiss
either.’

‘You can talk! A simply yes or no, please. I’m
cold and hungry.’

‘Yes, please. Thank you.’