1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader (25 page)

159

FACT :
Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects approximately
18 million
American men.
If my name were Ed, I’d be pissed that they call this ED. Especially if I had it.

“Natural Viagra? ‘Horny Goat Weed’ Shows Promise In Lab Studies,” Medical News Today, September 25, 2008,
www.medicalnewstoday.com
.

160

FACT :
Although the penis is not a bone,
it can still be fractured
. A fracture can occur when the erect penis endures blunt trauma during sexual intercourse or other physical activity. A cracking sound can be heard, followed by pain and swelling that causes the shape of the penis to become distorted. Surgery is often required to repair the damage.
Every man reading this just clenched his legs together.

Klemen Jagodič and others, “A Case of Penile Fracture with Complete Urethral Disruption during Sexual Intercourse: A Case Report,” Journal of Medical Case Reports, May 2, 2007,
www.medicalnewstoday.com
.

161

FACT :
One study reports that autoerotic asphyxia, or cutting off oxygen to the brain to achieve greater sexual satisfaction,
claims the lives of 500–1,000 men
in this country each year.
Would someone please tell these guys that “choking the chicken” is just an expression?

Simon LeVay, PhD, “The Science of Sex: Breathless,” October 31, 2000,
www.nerve.com
.

162

FACT :
Some women are
allergic to their male partner’s semen
, a condition known as human seminal plasma hypersensitivity. Sufferers complain of symptoms such as wheezing, itching, hives, swelling, chest tightness, vomiting, and diarrhea. Severe reactions can cause loss of consciousness and even death from anaphylactic shock.
God, don’t tell my wife about this condition. She’s just looking for an excuse.

Charles Downey, “Could You Be Allergic to Sex?,” Swedish Medical Center, May 13, 2008,
www.swedish.org

163

FACT :
We’ve all heard the jokes, but
sexual headaches are a real illness
that affects about one in 100 people, either as a dull ache in the neck and head that builds with sexual excitement, or as a sudden and/or severe headache during orgasm.
Don’t tell my wife about this one, either.

Mayo Clinic Staff, “Sex Headaches,” Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, Feb. 21, 2008,
www.mayoclinic.com
.

164

FACT :
Yeast infections aren’t just a problem for women;
men can get them, too
, as a result of prolonged antibiotic use, diabetes, an impaired immune system, or, in rare cases, from unprotected sex with a partner who has a yeast infection.
But men already scratch their junk all the time, so no big deal.

Michael A. Sommers, Yeast Infections, Trichomoniasis, and Toxic Shock Syndrome (Rosen Publishing Group, 2007).

“Male Yeast Infections,” Mayo Clinic,
www.mayoclinic.com
.

165

FACT :
Overweight men are more likely to have
poor semen quality
.
But fat guy sperm are jovial and mischievous, and always good for a laugh.

Associated Press, “Another Reason to Watch Your Waist: Bad Sperm,”
MSNBC.com
, July 9, 2008,
www.msnbc.msn.com
.

166

FACT :
The FDA estimates that
4 to 5 million men
suffer from low testosterone, but that only 5 percent of them seek treatment. Testosterone production declines naturally with age, and at least one study suggests that the condition can shorten a man’s life span.
Yeah, well, what’s the point of living without a sex drive?

Bernice Kanner, Are You Normal about Sex, Love, and Relationships? (Macmillan, 2004).

167

FACT :
Andropause,
a male form of menopause
, can affect men over forty. The condition, which can affect mood, memory, and overall health, is marked by a decline in testosterone production, as well as fatigue, depression, and sexual problems.
Some call these conditions “being over forty.”