Zenith Falling (33 page)

Nick was stewing. What else could he do? Seeing Joelle with Rob made his stomach churn with acid. He let his mind replay the image of them together over and over again; and no matter how many times he told himself to let it go, he couldn’t. He had to wonder where she was, what they were doing, and what Rob was trying to sell her this time.

Joelle was different now.
She wasn’t beaten down, hopeless, or Rob’s doormat who refused to stand up to him anymore. She was a far cry from the girl he first met, who claimed she was happily married to Rob. She wouldn’t fall for his crap again. She knew better now. She was better. Still, it made Nick physically ill to think of her being with Rob. What nerve the bastard had coming here to her work!

And Joelle? She became an instant wreck. Her nerves had her nearly quivering uncontrollably again. She probably had a stomachache,
and couldn’t shake her guilt. He knew she’d feel bad, about seeing Rob, pitying Rob, and all the while feeling guilty as well. And worst of all, she’d feel bad about herself all over again.

Bev told him when Joelle came back. He asked Bev to find out from Mrs. Hemm
ings when and if she returned. She was back only two hours later.

That evening, when Nick knew Joelle would be leaving her office, he met her in the hall. He hoped she’d come and find him on her own, but he should have known she wouldn’t.

“Everything okay?” he asked, coming up from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and turned, knotting her hands.

“Yes,” she whispered, keeping her eyes down. She couldn’t even face him.

He sighed. Christ, Rob always did such a number on her. “Good. Just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Nick said, turning to go back to his office. He decided to bury himself in the one thing he could control, manage, and succeed at: his work.

She grabbed his arm suddenly
. “Nick, wait! I’m sorry he came here. I didn’t have any idea. He said he’d been trying to call me; I didn’t check my voice mail. So he came.”

“You are so bad about your messages,” he said, knowing from experience she wasn’t used to having a cell phone and went days without turning it on or checking her messages. Unlike everyone else he knew, who checked their phones hourly, she seemed unconcerned for days at a time about it. “I didn’t figure you invited him here.”

“Can I explain?”

“Explain what? Talking to your husband? Estranged or not, it’s not over for you two. I know that more than anyone, more than you do even, it seems. So
, no, you don’t have to explain your need to talk to him, whether I want you to or not.”

“So
, you’re not mad at me?”

“No. I was never mad at you.”

She let out a deep breath, and her shoulders eased. “Thank you for understanding.”

When Nick saw her relieved gaze that she had his approval again, it killed him. She made him feel like he just handed her the world, encrusted with gold, whenever she realized he wasn’t mad at her. He hated when she looked nervous, unhappy,
or insecure. And if he had to bite his own tongue off, he would have if it meant he could give her the time, the space, and the understanding she needed. He only waited for the day when she would come to him completely, freely, on her own, with no thought of Rob. He’d wait patiently. He had no other options. He refused to push her and become her rebound. Or become the guy who wanted too much from her when she wasn’t ready.

“Doesn’t mean I like seeing you with Rob. So we’re clear on that. I don’t.”

She glanced around. They were alone. She stepped forward, and closer to him. She seemed to need him, and wanted him to touch her, even though they were in the middle of the office. He didn’t tell her there were enough cameras pointed on them to record their actions from four different angles.

Screw it
. He took her face between his hands, looked into her eyes, and kissed her. How long would it take for her to realize the wonderful passion they shared? Why couldn’t she see that they could have everything that she and her husband lost?

Joelle was late. Nick waited for her in the lobby of their building. She asked him to wait down there instead of coming to her apartment. He glanced at his watch. Ten minutes late. Joelle was never late. He tapped his foot, growing more concerned as more time elapsed. Was she not coming?

Finally, the elevators dinged,
and the doors opened. Nick looked up to see Joelle. He did a double take; then a triple take.

Her hair was gone.
She cut it off to her slim shoulders, but worse, it was blonde. It changed all of her facial features and softened her entire look. Her hair was combed and shiny, and the lights seemed to melt in it like molten gold, and shine through it. Her face was just as smooth and beautiful. She was stunning, and as gorgeously made up as Erica ever was. Her dress was perfect, hiding her tattoos, falling softly, over her small figure, showing her curves, her smallness, her femininity. The red color a perfect complement to her new hairdo.

One problem: she didn’t look a thing like Joelle.

She stopped dead in her tracks about five feet away from him. “I look stupid, don’t I? Malibu Barbie goes formal.”

That was
, Joelle.
He smiled at her deep frown, and her hands on her hips as she waited for his answer. He shook his head. “No. You look beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning, in fact. I was so stunned, I almost didn’t know it was you.”

“Will I fit in?”

“Tonight? Yes. You couldn’t look more perfect for tonight.”

“Erica knew exactly what she was doing.”

“Yes. She did,” Nick said apprehensively, wondering if that was really such a good thing where Joelle was concerned. Erica might have gone too far in helping Joelle get ready for tonight.

“So, this evening isn’t normal. That’s our ride,” he said, pointing to the stretch limo, which pulled up to the covered entry at the first wave of his hand.

“Oh good God,” she said softly.

“Do you have a coat?” he asked when he noticed her shiver
ing as the doors opened.

“Yeah. My leather one.”

He took his tuxedo coat off and wrapped her in it. “And you thought you couldn’t wear it?”

“I knew I couldn’t wear it.”

She examined everything inside the limousine. She played with the windows, fingered the soft leather, searched through the ample assortment of bottles and drinks, and even stuck her head out of the moon roof. She made him laugh and notice things he’d gotten overly used to. She made him appreciate the things he long ago had taken for granted. She made him happy simply by being near him. It was too bad that if he told her how he felt, she’d immediately clam up and not be so happy with his company.

They pulled into the hotel where the dinner was being served. Nick took Joelle’s hand in his as he pulled her out
, which he literally had to do because she was so reluctant to get out. Her shyness seemed to add pounds of weight to her body. She eventually took a deep breath, and her hand clasped his as if she were in the last stages of childbirth. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Relax, it’s not a firing squad. It’s just a big party, with people wearing pretty, but uncomfortable clothes.”

She nodded and s
miled wanly.

At the entrance to the hotel, she
gasped and inadvertently jerked back, her head whipping around with awe at the sheer opulence of the room. It was a true ballroom, with huge towering ceilings, four gigantic chandeliers; tables covered in expensive linens, and hundreds of lit candles, flickering from their mounts on the tiered, three-foot high flowered centerpieces. A live band played the soft tones of jazz.

“Joelle?” he asked softly in her ear. She
stopped dead at the entrance, forcing people to separate in order to pass around them. Finally, she nodded, and walked with him. Her hands were suddenly clammy. “It’s not nearly as scary as my mother’s house, is it?”

She looked up,
and finally cracked a small smile. Her skin was sickly pale. “No. Nothing as bad as that. Just stay close to me. I didn’t even go to my own prom. I’ve no clue what to do here.”

He took her in
side and she stayed beside him while he got wine for them. She clutched the glass as if he were offering her the Holy Grail to strengthen her before a difficult journey. Then she squeaked, and looking down, he wondered what could possibly have her freaking out now.

“
It’s Steve. Oh my God, he’s here. And there’s that accountant. And Bev, and–”

“I know
, Joelle.”

Her eyes rounded, and her mouth dropped.
“Oh my God. This is half your management staff.”

He kept his gaze steady on hers.
“It’s
all
of my management staff.”

She took her hand off his arm. “I’m not management. They’ll know that immediately.”

“I know. I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” she echoed, her eyes big
and wide.

“Who else could I bring as my date, but you? What was I suppose
d to do? Not come?”

“
What were you supposed to do? Tell me? Ask me? Not manage me too! I’m not your employee outside of that office; you can’t do things like this. You can’t decide things for me.”

“If I told you it was a business affair with most of my employees, you wouldn’t have come. I had to come here tonight. And damn it
, Joelle, I didn’t want to come alone. I sure as hell didn’t want to bring some random girl. Or even Erica, for that matter. I only wanted to bring you. I–”

H
e stopped talking when Steve intruded upon them. Nick cursed the interruption, and Joelle was seething; she even looked furious and upset. She had the fuck-you-Nick look in her eye again.

“Hey
, there, Mr. Lassiter. Joelle! So glad it’s you. Wasn’t too sure at first,” Steve said, indicating her blonde hair and glancing at Nick, but letting his gaze linger on Joelle.

“Hello
, Steve,” Nick said, smiling easily.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Steve said, still grinning oddly at Joelle. “But you look so lovely. Who did you come with?”

“She’s with me.”

Joelle’s eyes came up
to Nick’s and there was a mean,
fuck-you
scowl on her face. He was in for it, but he was ready for that. Glad of it. Maybe now, she would finally take a stand one way or the other between them.

“Steve. Would you excuse us a moment?” Nick asked, putting a hand on Joelle’s back to guide her away from him.
They crossed the foyer until they came to a private, inner courtyard that surrounded the hotel’s pool.

She jerked her hand out of his when they were alone.
“What the hell are you doing, Nick?”

“I’m not hiding anymore.
”

“Oh, you’re not hiding anymore? Mr. Lassiter made a company decision, so good, little Joelle, the Secretary, had better listen?

Nick gritted his teeth. “You’re not a secretary. But second to that, do you even know what tonight is? Didn’t it strike you as strange that I asked you here?”

“Yes it struck me as surprising. That’s why I
came. I was trying to be... what you need.”

“So be what I need. Don’t turn into a raging bitch simply because people we both know, people who like
both
of us, will see us together. What’s the big deal?”

“Raging bitch? How dare you!” She glared up at him, her hands clenched in tight fists. All she needed to do was start stomping her feet to emphasize her glorious tantrum.

He closed his eyes and sighed before lowering his voice, and saying, “Tonight is special to me, and I wanted you here because you’re special to me.”

She stiffened. “W
hat’s tonight? Why are all these people here?”

He looked down and kicked a wayward pebble on the concrete patio.
“It’s just a stupid award,” he said, suddenly becoming silent. He turned away, and glared into the night.

“Award? Award for what? For you? Oh my God
! Is this an awards ceremony, in honor of
you
?”

He closed his eyes and sighed; running a hand through his hair  as he shook his head. “Yes.
It’s just this stupid thing. It seemed important five minutes ago, but now… it doesn’t anymore. I was wrong to bring you here. It was lousy of me and I see that now. You didn’t want anyone to know. I should have respected that, no matter what.”

She finally quit twitching and looked up at him. He couldn’t read her expression.
“What’s the award for?”

“Responsible business practices. It’s a stupid award handed out yearly, the Donovan Award. I don’t even care, other th
an it’s good PR.”

“You don’t care?
” She swallowed and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought it could be a surprise. No big deal though. Look, let’s just leave. You’re right; I shouldn’t have put us out there before you’re ready. Not here. Not tonight.”

“You wanted me here,” she said to herself, not to him.

“I think that’s pretty obvious. Always obvious. To all, but you.”

“And I ruined it. I turned it into being all about me. As I always do.”

He shook his head, and suddenly stepped closer to her, putting his hands on her waist and drawing her forward.
“No. Don’t. Don’t think that. You’re not always doing that. Look, I know this lifestyle of mine, isn’t for you; and believe me, I’m well aware of how you feel. How awkward you must feel around it. And I shouldn’t have expected you to stand here by my side like some kind of trophy date I could show off. I shouldn’t have thrown you into it without any preparation or warning. I knew better than that. So forget tonight.”

“Forget tonight?”

He nodded.

He could feel her studying his profile. “Oh
, Nick, I haven’t thought about how I make you feel. And tonight, you just wanted my support, not my issues.”

“Maybe I do. But that isn’t where we are yet. I should have respected that.”

“No, you can expect that of me. You should be able to expect that of whatever girlfriend you choose. You should be proud of what you’ve done, and all you managed to attain. You shouldn’t have to worry about how your girlfriend might react to it,” she said, her tone quieter. She looked up into his eyes.

“Fuck,” he muttered
after a long, silent moment.

“What was that for?”

“That was for you and me. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. I can run this company single-handedly, I can juggle millions of dollars of other people’s money, and come out ahead. But with you. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Funny. That’s usually my department. You always know what you’re doing. Just the right thing to say or do.”

“Not when it comes to you.”

He looked
away and shook his head. He knew he screwed up bringing her here without warning her first and letting her decide. He knew that, but ignored his gut. He deserved her reaction. “I’m sorry. I pushed you, way too much and way too soon, after I promised I wouldn’t. I just wanted you to come here tonight, so I ignored what I knew to be true. I convinced myself you’d be fine once you were here, but I was wrong.”

She l
ooked up at him, and her eyes seemed less angry, more weary. Finally, she said, “I’ll come in there with you.”

He
jerked to attention. “Are you serious?”

She nodded. “I am proud of you. And I want to be here and share this honor with you.”

She looped her arm through his, and rested her hand on his forearm. He let out a long breath.
Holy shit
,
she was staying
. As they were walking into the ballroom, he asked, “Why did you change your hair?”

“Erica said I should. She said I’d look more fashionable. And I do look prettier.”

“But it’s not you.”

She looked up
at his profile from her lowered lashes. “How do you always know what’s me?”

“Because I’ve spent way too much time thinking about what is you. What is right for you.
I’ve spent months trying to figure out how to make you fit into my life. And do you know what I’m finally realizing? I can’t make my life fit you. Me, my lifestyle, everything I do and am, just might never work for you. No matter how much I want it to.”