Zenith Falling (32 page)

“Hey, baby.”

Joelle
froze when she heard the voice from directly behind her. Goose bumps broke out over arms and sweat beaded on the back of her neck. She flinched. She did not want turn around. She wanted to flee the premises. But she didn’t. Instead, she turned and faced her husband.

Rob was only ten paces away from her
, appearing quiet and subdued, which was very unusual for him. He came to her work. She couldn’t believe he was standing there in the HR offices, staring at her, in Nick’s building, in her cubicle.

“Rob?”

“I’ve called your voice mail several times. You must not be getting them.”

“Not today,” she said, knowing she was bad about receiving and returning them. Maybe on purpose; maybe because she knew Rob would try to call her at some point. She could only avoid him for so long. Eventually, she would have to address him. Deal with him. Dump him. Go back to him.
Do something.
Her throat grew thick with emotion, as her heart skipped a beat and her palms started sweating. “What are you doing here?”

“You got a promotion.”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“Spike mentioned it.”

“Oh.”

Rob stepped closer.
“You look different, Joelle.”

Her breath caught. He looked different too. His hair was calmer, a little shaggier, and less crusty from product, falling down with natural movement. He wore a long-sleeved shirt, so the tattoos seemed less obvious, and made him appear less imposing. He had on black
jeans and a black shirt. No collar, no chains, no jewelry except for his wedding ring and his watch. Most importantly, his eyes were clear. There was no more redness or blurriness, just crystal clear, beautiful, soulful green eyes.

She glanced down at her bare fingers, remembering she took off her ring one day to wash her hands, and just left it there. She didn’t bother to put it back on because it felt nice to be free of it.
“I suppose, I do.”

“You look good.”

“Thank you. But what are you doing here, Rob?”

He put his hands in his pockets. “Can we go somewhere to talk?
”

“I’m right in middle of my day.”

“This is important. I haven’t asked much from you in months.”

He was right; she owed him something. An hour of her time, even her work time,
was a reasonable request. “Okay.”

She turned towards her desk, clicked her computer closed, and picked up her purse. She told Mrs. Hemmings something had come up unexpectedly, and she’d be back in an hour or so. She was very conscious of Rob standing there, who was scrutinizing her and everything about her.

Then, just as she turned to start towards the elevator, there was Nick. She stopped short and so did he. He saw Rob walking with her and his face appeared stony and cold. Why did Nick come down this way? Why was Rob here? Why was she standing between the two of them, frozen? Thoroughly guilt-stricken, her entire body flushed with shame and embarrassment.

There were no victims here, however. Rob and
she were separated after Rob’s actions, and Nick knew all of that when he invited her up to his condo the day they first made love. Still, she imagined she was wearing a big “A” for adulterer engraved on her chest. Her biggest problem was she believed she was cheating on both of them by the mere thought of the other’s name.

Rob glanced up and stiffened his back. “
Lassiter.”

Joelle was surprised when Rob stepped forward, and nodded his head in acknowledgment to Nick. Nick glanced at her again, then back at Rob. She was too ashamed to look up.

“Rob,” Nick said in acknowledgment, as his eyes came back to her. “Taking some time off, Joelle?”

“Just an hour or so.”

“Take the rest of the day, if you like.”

Joelle snapped
her gaze up to his, as his tone was devoid of any inflection. What did that mean? Was he so disgusted with her that he wanted her out of his space for good? What? What did he mean by that?

They started walking, but not before she met Nick’s eyes
with sorrow and guilt in her stare. Nick said nothing. His jaw tightened as he nodded silently and passed them. He let her go as he would the janitor, as if he never held Rob by the throat against a wall, and she wasn’t his girlfriend, or walking with her husband in his space, his office building. She turned back to Rob, and glanced over his shoulder, but Nick had already changed direction, and was walking down the hallway, as if none of it meant anything to him.

Rob asked Joelle to go visit the house. Just this once, he wanted to show her what it looked like. She finally agreed, feeling too weary to argue, or follow her heart, or muster the anger to fight back. Going along with him just seemed easier. It felt odd. Strange. Foreign. And yet, familiar. Walking back into her house. Her old home. Her life with Rob. It was different. The lawn was mown and all the junk and clutter in the yard were gone. Garbage cans stood neatly by the garage instead of haphazardly being strewn while half overflowing. The front door was replaced by a new, neat, clean red door.

The first thing Joelle noticed was the absence of
foul odor. It smelled like nothing. Just a normal room, a normal house; like the air of sanitary people. All the flooring was ripped up, revealing old hardwood floors, that were all mopped, leaving the faint smell of Pine-Sol. She walked down to the living room where most of the furniture had been taken out. A new couch occupied the front and center, along with an entertainment console. All the rest of it must have been junked. The kitchen was nearly sparkling. All the trash was gone and all the dishes were put away. Even the sink was wiped spotlessly clean. “I’m speechless. It doesn’t even smell the same.”

“Kenny and Mitch moved out
. It’s just Spike and me now; we did all this. We don’t have parties here anymore.”

Joelle looked all around before her eyes landed on Rob. “Why did you do all this?”

“For you, Joelle.”

She
stepped back, her throat tightening. No, he couldn’t do this to her again. He could not blame her. He could not put all this pressure on her shoulders. She shook her head. Nick had taught her something: that Rob couldn’t blame his life on her anymore. “You can’t do that.”

“What?”

“Blame me for whatever does or doesn’t motivate you.”

“All right then, because after hurting you, and losing you, I started to rethink everything. I got worse for a
while. Then Spike threatened to leave me. He dragged me to a rehab and made me stay. Said if I didn’t, I’d never see him again.”

“You went to rehab?”

“Yes. It’s slow. One day at a time and all that.”

“What did you go for?”

“Seems I’m an alcoholic.”

“I knew that,” she said quietly.

Rob stepped closer to her and reached a hand out. She thought he meant to touch her face, but instead, his finger followed the chain of her necklace to the pendant hanging there, tucked inside her shirt. He pulled it out and she jerked backwards. He dropped his hands. There was the necklace Nick gave her just after learning it was her birthday. It was a black diamond in a platinum setting, and obviously, like nothing she had ever worn or dreamed about owning before. It probably cost more than her car. She didn’t really know; and she didn’t want to know.

“I see
.” Rob raised his stricken eyes to hers. “Nick Lassiter, huh? Can’t say I didn’t expect it. I just hoped–”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice
cracking.

“I did everything to drive you away. I did
, Joelle. I know that now. What I put you through the last few years was unforgivable. I didn’t hear you, I didn’t see you, even when you were begging to be heard, and seen. I’m the one who is sorry.”

T
ears gathered in her eyes, and climbed up her throat. A year ago, she’d have been in Rob’s arms, crying, happy, over the moon with joy to hear him say such things and really mean them, as his green eyes spoke of his sincerity and love. But that was a year ago. Everything was different now, and not just because of Nick, but because of the woman she’d become.

Rob was a year too late.

Still, being there, beside him, felt so familiar to her. He was the first person who made her feel like she had a family, a life, and wasn’t alone. She once loved him with her heart and soul. Now, however, she didn’t know what those feelings had become. Now, there was Nick.

It all culminated into
a tumultuous mass that stayed lodged in her gut.

She cleared her throat. “I never thought I’d hear you talk this way.”

“Of course, you didn’t. How could you? I was lost. Over the top. Sinking to a bottomless pit. That’s not your fault. I dragged you far enough in there with me. You got out. And got away, which makes you the bravest person I know. And makes me love you all the more.”

Uncomfortable at hearing his declaration, she glanced away, and looked out the back sliding door towards the recently repaired wood deck. “Why did you ask me here?”

“I wanted you to see this.”

She looked around. “I’m glad I did.”

“I looked up your… boyfriend. He’s a rich fuck, isn’t he?” Rob’s tone was sharp and edgy.

She stepped back.
“That’s not why–”

Rob sighed, shaking his head as he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
“I’m sorry. I know. I didn’t mean that it was.”

“He was my friend
,” she said finally, after a long silence, as she glanced up at Rob. “He was my friend when no one else wanted to be. When no one else saw me, he clearly did.”

“I didn’t know,” he said quietly.

“I met Nick in front of an Al-Anon meeting I went to. You never knew that, did you? That I tried. I did try, Rob. I just couldn’t keep it up any longer.”

“I didn’t know. I wish I could change what I did to you. All of it. But I can’t compete with your boyfriend, can I?”

“There’s no competition.”

“So I’ve lost you for good? We’re over?”

“I don’t know. I just... I don’t know. I’ve only just started to get my head on straight. I’m beginning to find some clarity in  my life, Rob. I can’t return to you and me, or our past, and lose all that.”

“And Nick?”

“He lets me work through everything. When I’m unclear, he lets me be.”

Rob flinched at her candid admission, and waited a long moment. “How about the two of us rebuilding some sort of friendship between you and me? No matter what, I’d like to stay in contact.”

Contact? Or did he want to win her back? She knew how Rob thought. And exactly what he’d do. He was contrite now, and sorry. He was changing; but he was still Rob Williams. His personality, being over the top and very loud, indicated that in no way would he quietly let her go, not if he still wanted her.

“I don’t know how to do that with you,” Joelle said finally. Nick was her best friend, in every sense of the word. She could say and do anything with Nick. Whereas Rob and she had never been friends, and were never honest
with each other about even the most mundane of things.

“Saturday is Spike’s birthday. We’re going to the
club. Come. Anytime you want. We’re not playing, just enjoying.”

“I tho
ught you were sober.”

“I am. Come see for yourself. I’m learning to party sober.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“You know how I seek danger. It’s my new diversion.”

He
would
find it a challenge, in a perverse sort of way.

“I have plans.”

“With Nick?”

She looked away.
“Yes. He asked me to a business dinner.”

Silence. Rob’s mouth twisted in a sorry excuse for a smile.
“Sounds very grown-up.”

“It is,” she said quietly. Nick asked her to go last night, and she was reluctant at first. It was a party more suited to him and Erica: formal and fancy
. The people attending would have a lot of money and she would have nothing in common with them because they were nothing like her.

Nick
asked her casually, easily, saying if she’d like to come, great, they’d go. If not, he’d skip it without a problem. He had already abandoned so much of his former lifestyle because of her. He didn’t go to the fancy dinners, or downtown cultural events that he used to regularly attend. Instead, he hung out with her, eating dinner at unknown places with plastic menus and deep booths. He tried to give her the “normal” she asked of him.

Now, however, she was trying to indulge his need for high society since he rarely asked it of her.

“Just keep it in mind,” Rob said finally.

“Thank you
, Rob. For showing me this. It helps somehow. I care what happens you.”

He nodded
and put his hand out to touch her face, but dropped it when she flinched. She stepped back, and he sighed at her inadvertent rejection. “I love you. That hasn’t changed. Will never change. Whatever Nick is to you, I’m still your husband, and I’d like the chance to prove myself worthy of you again.”