Yours for Eternity: A Love Story on Death Row (26 page)

I know now that it was and is real. I also know it is best to keep it between you and me.

Your wife,

Lorri

postscript, 2014

As the work on the case progressed, and as I became more of a presence in Damien’s affairs regarding the prison, meaning keeping him safe and alive, I often found myself drowning. Just those things alone would’ve caused anyone a great deal of stress, but we were also trying to keep each other happy, in spite of it all.

Instead of indulging in bonbons and taking bubble baths—what I should have been doing—I got stricter and more disciplined as the stakes got higher. I trained to be a warrior. My meals consisted of stripped-down plates of no fun. I did ashtanga yoga and swam laps every day. I was probably at my best health ever, but I felt like a machine for much of the time. I felt if I controlled my life, I could face the craziness of everything else; prison, lawyers, and fear.

This lifestyle sustained me through the years of famine, the years when everything was hard and it looked like a frozen, winter landscape all the time. But then in 2007 I met Capi Peck, who owned a restaurant and didn’t believe kale and a sweet potato was a meal. I moved in with her, and things changed fast. Capi was once described as a disciplined hedonist. Everything changed.

The 2000s were the toughest, I think, in terms of working on the case, and for Damien and me personally. We would see huge, significant movement where Damien’s case was concerned, with Fran Walsh and Peter Jackson coming on board in 2005 to helm the investigation, and with their support we were able to build a legal team that would surpass any ever known on a capital case. But we also had years where nothing moved, and we were worn down to mere shadows of ourselves. There were times we didn’t even recognize who we were anymore. It took a toll on our relationship, and we waged wars on each other from which we are still healing.

But it was also a time of great insight and a spiritual growth that started a whole new life for both of us. Through Damien I learned that everything comes from the Divine, and there are many ways to bring those things into the material world. It was and is a fascinating way to live, and I credit Damien, and of course God, with bringing about his release.

Lorri

September 19, 2000

My love,

Tomorrow is the big day.
*
I can’t wait to see what happens, what it involves, and everything that will be. I hope so much that the pictures get approved. I would love for you to be able to see them, and for them to have new pictures for the articles. I can’t wait to read those, too. I’m very curious to know what Mara Leveritt will write about. This is just more fodder for her book. I can very easily see opening that book and reading about her lunch and phone conversations with Kobutsu. That’s why she jumped at it so quickly. At any rate, it will be fun to read it. I’m also curious to see what the very first Koan he gives me will be. When you do Koans in an “official” way like this, you have to memorize every word of it, and some of them are long. In the Rinzai school, the first Koan is always one of 3—one hand clapping, original face, or Mu. For some reason I’m still a little wary of Mu. Mu is a trap on many levels. I will try to remember every single detail and tell you everything about it.

I am yours forever,

Damien

September 19, 2000

My Damien:

My heart feels like it has a little hammer in it today—just pounding away—every time I think of you having your ceremony, and my eyes fill up with tears. I am so proud of you. You have come so far, my dearest one. I can’t even tell you how much I love and respect you.

You will make a great teacher (you already are) but someday, you will be a great teacher, Damien. How I wish I could be with you today and share in your happiness. You know I am with you in your heart, I am with you always—but I wish I could see you while this is taking place. I’m so glad Kobutsu arranged it, I’m so happy for it. I will send him a thank-you note.

I hope it’s going well. I can’t believe how nervous I am. I’ve been like a jittery rabbit all day, or rather a jittery monkey. I hope you call as soon as it’s finished!! If I don’t hear from you before I go sit, it will be a very good practice.

I’m a bit melancholy today. I miss you very much. I know I’m being a baby, but tears just keep coming. I want to be with you.

From your weeping monkey-wife,

Lorri

October 17, 2000

My beloved,

The movie went very well last night—it was packed and there were so many questions. They had a prosecutor on the panel, and she was just torn to shreds by the crowd—everyone kept asking her what the evidence was against you—and she had none—eventually she said, “It’s not a perfect system,” and this one guy in the audience went wild—he was so angry—then she said, “We don’t just pick people off the street,” and people were yelling at her. It was pretty bad for her—but what does anyone expect? Anytime this comes up—the people against you are always so stupid and the people who are pro always sound intelligent. This prosecutor even said “ain’t” one time. You know how I feel about grammar. It was very telling.
*

I love you, beautiful.

L.

November 2000

My beautiful,

Damien, that visitation clerk is the sweetest. She said she woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking of me and so she thought, “If she comes to my mind, I’ll say a little prayer for her.”

I like that very much.

*

Damien, do you remember Ann Wright from Maine? I used to email her and she sent you books a couple of times—well, she just wrote and said a reporter from NY is doing a huge feature story about you for
Rolling Stone
. The writer gave Ann her number for me to call, so I did—and she’s so nice—I told her she needed to talk to Ed Mallett, but she wants to come here next week to talk to folks. I think it sounds very good. It’s not about celebrities or CDs—it’s about proof of innocence. I am very excited, it sounds so positive. She is very smart and I have a good feeling about her. We’ll see what Ed says. She is going to call me back tomorrow night.

I love you,

Lorri

November 17, 2000

My love,

They turned the water on for a while last night, so everyone could flush the toilet and get a drink. Today, it’s right back off again. I mostly likely won’t even have a chance to take a shower before I see you in the morning, so I’m going to stink and won’t be able to shave. I hate this place. At least I have a few cups of water saved up.

*

Lorri, you have to constantly envision me being out there. You have to do it, because I can’t do it anymore. I can hardly even remember it. And seeing it is a very important part of the process. You have to do it, monkey. It would be best if you could do it for a couple of minutes before you go to sleep every night. You have to do it, Lorri. I can’t do it anymore, and it’s extremely important.

I am yours,

Damien

December 1, 2000

My beautiful:

I am so happy it’s our anniversary. Isn’t it wonderful, Damien? I am still amazed it all worked out, and then again I am not—it was what I saw for so long.

*

I wish you could come down with your writings and we could read them together. That would be fun—and we could change things if need be, then I could bring them home and start typing them.

That would be lovely.

Well, it’ll still happen one way or another.

Your wife of one year,

Lorri

December 18, 2000

My love,

I’m very proud of you, little monkey. I wish I could have been there for your ceremony. I wish I could have done it with you. You’re talking nonsense. I know that Zen master was very impressed with you. All the little things, like forgetting to bow, they’re all meaningless. All that matters is your clarity. I’m certain that if you keep practicing with them, one day they will ask you to be a dharma teacher. You’ll actually teach people things. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t get a new koan. Kobutsu said I’ve passed “Mu,” but he still didn’t give me another, he told me to bore into it more. He said that even after he passed “Mu,” his teacher made him sit with it for 8 more years! That’s because it’s not something you just “pass” and move on to the next one. You have to attain the heart of the koan, and it has to become part of you. You know what the heart of “Mu” is? It’s emptiness. Mu is an emptiness koan. If you dig deep enough into Mu, you will attain emptiness. Then if you keep digging, you will attain emptiness as a form. Mu doesn’t just mean “No”—in Japanese Mu means “nothingness” or “emptiness.” And there you have it. Joshu said a dog’s true nature is emptiness. How does a dog manifest its special kind of dog-emptiness? Woof! Woof! Ja.

I am yours forever,

Damien

January 2, 2001

My beautiful,

I have been on the phone trying to get in touch with people all morning—Scharlette, Ed Mallett, Ed Vedder, Nicole, Steve Bright, John Philipsborn. I will have to take over the management of this case, but I will prevail.

Things are getting accomplished! Finally.

I love you,

Lorri

January 25, 2001

My dearest,

Mara just got back from W. Memphis where she looked at the evidence room. She said she couldn’t believe it—they had 30 knives, including 2 kitchen table knives they found in your bedroom. It sickens me that that stuff is still available for everyone to go through. It’s not even in plastic bags. Regina Meek watched over her, while she read a
Mysteries of the Bible
book and did crossword puzzles. I really was sickened. As much as I hate to, I’m going to call Ed Mallett tomorrow to see where he is with the appeals.

I love you so much.

I feel frantic—like you should be out NOW.

I love you,

Lorri

February 6, 2001

My lovely one,

Do you think I really do still “seem evil”? I’ve tried so hard to get rid of that, and to get it off me the past couple of years. What else can I do? People always watch me, like they’re looking for a crack to see into so they can scream, “I saw it! It’s still there! I knew it!” Sometimes, it’s almost as if damned near everyone is doing that. Just waiting for me to slip. It’s an entirely uphill fight.

I am yours forever,

D.

February 21, 2001

Beloved,

Eddie called last night; he was so excited about the people he has contacted for money. He loves your writings, Damien. I am feeling much calmer today. I think I was a bit frantic yesterday, but I feel much better today.

I am going to put together a “press kit” for you. I am going to try to raise money for your new lawyer. I’ll ask anyone I can think of. I feel better just knowing this.

I need to ask you some things. About what to put in it. We’ll have to include the
Shambhala Sun
article and some pictures and your writings. I love you so much, Damien. It’s one of those days when I am crazy with love for you.

And I will see you soon.

I am happy. I love being married to you. I have learned so much from you.

Don’t you worry your beautiful bald head. I am feeling so very calm about everything. When things become clear, then I know what to do.

Forever yours,

Lorri

postscript 2014

Finances. I have never balanced my checkbook, and if asked how I was with accounting, I would probably say it was somewhere at the bottom of my list of talents, along with “plumbing skills.” I had no idea. But along with everything else, I learned. I had the help of a friend, Linda Bessette, who gave great advice on setting up accounts and how to raise funds legitimately.

When I went to the bank to set up The Damien Echols Defense Fund, I was told it couldn’t be done. After going around and around with various bank employees to no avail, I eventually made an appointment with the bank president. He was intrigued enough by the merits of the case, and my dropping Johnny Depp’s name as a generous contributor to the cause (sorry, JD), that he allowed the account to be opened.

I was very, very strict about funds. They were not to be used for anything but casework. I remember gossip on the Internet accusing me of all kinds of fiscal mischief—that was before I stopped reading message boards. I kept accounts and copies of all checks and even wrote thank-you letters to everyone who donated. Eventually I became too exhausted to write to everyone, but it felt good while it lasted.

We ran a letter on WM3.org that resulted in funding coming in from all over the world, but there was never a surplus, and I was forever asking. It wasn’t pleasant. But that didn’t stop me; I was on a mission, and pride wasn’t an option.

An especially stressful money moment came when Dennis Riordan came on board as Damien’s lead attorney. We needed $200k in three weeks. I’ll never forget it, I took to sleeping with tennis balls under my neck, because someone told me it would demolish the knots forming there. We raised it; after Ed Vedder called his entire phone book, Johnny and Henry [Rollins] ponied up—and when we were $50K out, I took out personal loans for the rest.

—Lorri

February 2001

Dearest beautiful one,

You’d better straighten up, Mister Moody. I got 2 letters, well, the last two letters have been sad and scantly a page long. I am going to rough you up on Friday. Enough of this—you must come back—there is too much joy to be had, Damien—joy in love. And you are so loved.

I’ll fix you on Friday. I’ll give you head shivers and a shoulder massage, I’ll clean your ears and anything on your face, I’ll inspect your head and all parts of your body.

You will be loved past the point of your endurance.