You Only Live Once

You Only Live
Once

Katie Price

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Version 1.0

Epub ISBN 9781407088631

www.randomhouse.co.uk

CONTENTS

Cover

Title

Copyright

Dedication

Also by Kattle Price

I dedicate this book firstly to my ex-husband Peter Andre for helping create two of the most amazing people in my life: Junior and Princess! I also thank him for taking me on a wonderful journey of self-discovery – I’ve turned from the cocooned chrysalis into the butterfly that I am today! Peter, you have made me a stronger person and I hope you find the happiness you have always been searching for.

To my beloved husband Alex Reid, who has stuck by me through my torment and darkest hours and respects me for my individuality as I do his. I also thank my new family for their support and understanding.

To the most amazing three heartbeats in the world who bring me love, smiles and the inspiration to provide the best life I can for them. Harvey, Junior and Princess, you are my life.

I also dedicate this book to the most amazing family in the whole wide world: my mum, Paul, Daniel and Sophie – thank you for being there and believing in me always. Mum, I couldn’t have wished for a better mum than you; you are my rock. I love you so much.

People and relationships are not always as they seem, but thankfully I now surround myself with true friends and I know what is real and what’s not and you can’t buy that! So I also dedicate this to my close and longtime friends Gary and Phil. We have been through so much and you really have stuck by me; you’re with me until the day I die! Jane and Derek Pountney and Neil Tause, well, what can I say, you have known me since I was fifteen and are still the most supportive and loyal friends I could ever have. Melodie, you’re a very loyal, hands-on friend who has been there for me any time, day or night. Clare (Atkinson), you have been there for me forever, and there are no words to describe our friendship other than real and true. Michelle Heaton, you know what I think of our friendship. We have been there for each other with our ups and downs and I trust you always. To my other friends Andrew, Polly, Lara, Emma, Nick and Royston – our friendship goes on.

Maggie Hanbury, Rebecca Farnworth and Random House, without you I would never have been able to do my books – thank you.

I’d also like to thank my amazing work team; I’ve found the best!

Finally, I dedicate this book to all my fans. You are the real stars for supporting me, being there and sticking up for me. Fans are like stars: you don’t have to see them to know they’re there – thank you!

Katie Price, August 2010

Also by Katie Price

Non-Fiction
Being Jordan
Jordan: A Whole New World
Jordan: Pushed to the Limit
Standing Out

Fiction
Angel
Crystal
Angel Uncovered
Sapphire
Paradise

CHAPTER ONE

TOO MUCH IN
LOVE

‘He was my life; I was so in love with him . . .’

This book isn’t about me slating my ex-husband, Peter Andre. I’ve nothing bad to say about him; he is the father of my children and he’s always going to be in my life because of that. I had the best years of my life with him when we were first together. The Pete I knew was a lovely, warm, funny, kind man who was a brilliant dad. He was my soul-mate, my lover, my best friend. In him I thought I had found the man I would spend the rest of my life with. But the fairy tale ended publicly on Monday, 11 May 2009 when he walked out on me. Though, the truth is, things between us had ended a long time before that.

And now this is my chance to set the record straight. So many hurtful lies have been written about me in the press, especially in the wake of my marriage break-up. Some people seem to think I’m a bitch, a slapper, some kind of monster. But I’m just a woman trying to get on with my life after a painful divorce and be the best mum possible to my three children. And along the way, I’ve been lucky enough to meet a fantastic new guy and fall in love again . . .

* * *

When I met Peter Andre on
I’m a Celebrity
. . .
Get Me Out of Here!
in 2004, I fell head over heels in love with him. It was absolutely love at first sight. In fact, as soon as he was voted off the show, I asked him to marry me! Impulsive, yes, but I knew he was the one, the man I had been waiting for all my life. I couldn’t imagine being with any other man. I wanted him with my whole heart, body and soul. And he felt the same about me. Ours was a whirlwind, intense, all-consuming passion. We moved in together as soon as Pete flew to the UK after the show as we wanted to be with each other all the time.

Straight away Pete had to accept my son Harvey, from my relationship with the footballer Dwight Yorke, which he did completely. But our family life was always going to be different from many other people’s because of Harvey’s condition. Harvey was born with a rare disorder called Septo-optic Dysplasia which means he is visually impaired and his pituitary gland doesn’t function. He also suffers from Diabetes Insipidus which means he can’t control his water intake, and without medication would be contstantly thirsty. He is deficient in all the hormones the body needs to function healthily and has to take medication five times a day. As Harvey gets older he may have to have additional medication to help him go into puberty. He is also on the autistic spectrum.

Within a year I was pregnant with Junior, my first child with Pete. We couldn’t have been happier. Not only were we living together, we were also working together as I had signed up with Pete’s management company. I was worried that if I signed up with another management he and I would hardly see each other as our work commitments might clash. This way our diaries would be co-ordinated. In fact, that was to prove both a blessing and a curse. While at first it was great spending so much time together, a few years into our marriage it became much too claustrophobic. We lived in each other’s pocket. We needed space from each other, all couples do; I know that now.

Also, practically from the moment Pete and I got together we began being filmed for what would become the first of our many reality TV series:
When Jordan Met Peter
. Filming for reality shows was to become a huge part of our life together. At times it was fun. But it also became a pressure, something that put a real strain on our marriage. It seemed that everything we did ended up being filmed – from our wedding, to the minutes leading up to the births of Junior and Princess. The reality shows captured the good times and the bad, and we had agreed to do them, but as the years went by, I sometimes felt as if nothing was private in our marriage, that we had nothing left for ourselves and that our lives revolved purely around making the reality show.

Looking back, I would definitely say that one of the things that contributed to our marriage breaking up was the intense pressure that filming a reality series involves. Of course, we weren’t filmed all the time, but when we were it was full on and intense and took over our lives. I’m not sure if any relationship could have survived that.

And as a couple, while we were lucky enough to be so in love and to have such gorgeous children as well as enjoying wealth and success, we had more than our share of problems. After Junior was born, I suffered from crippling post-natal depression. It took me over two years to recover from it and it really tested our relationship to the limit. I was even suffering from it when we got married in September 2005, and it ruined my wedding day. I withdrew into a depression where I felt I couldn’t confide in anyone, not even Pete, as I felt so ashamed. I felt I was a failure as a mother and that I had let down Junior by not bonding with him – feelings that other women who’ve battled post-natal depression will understand only too well, I’m sure. And because I felt so low emotionally my sex drive was zero, which put even more pressure on my marriage as I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to make love and I’m sure Pete felt rejected. I was struggling to put on a brave face but inside I was a wreck. One night I felt I couldn’t carry on any longer feeling so weighed down with depression. I got into my car in the middle of the night and drove away with no clear idea of where I was going. I ended up pulling into the car park of Harvey’s nursery. For a few desperate, confused minutes I seriously considered driving into a brick wall; at least then I wouldn’t feel like this any more, it would all be over. Somehow, by thinking of the children and of Pete, I managed to pull myself together. Back home I finally confided in Pete and my mum about how I felt. And after that I started a course of treatment: therapy and anti-depressants. It wasn’t a magic cure, it took time, but eventually I did get through it.

There was also Harvey’s horrific accident on New Year’s Eve 2006, when he suffered a serious burn injury. We were getting ready for a party and we think that one of the guests accidentally left the stairgate open and so Harvey was able to go upstairs without anyone knowing. Usually all the doors upstairs would have been locked as well, including the door to my bathroom, but because we had guests staying for the party, someone must have left the door unlocked because they weren’t used to being as safety-conscious and Pete and I. At that time Harvey had an absolute obsession with water. Every night, just before I ran the bath for him and Junior, Harvey liked to run the cold tap and flick the water with his hands. So on New Year’s Eve, once Harvey discovered my bathroom door was unlocked, he must have gone in there intending to play with the cold water. But instead of turning the cold tap on, he turned on the hot. I can only imagine that he couldn’t reach the water with his hands when he leaned over the bath and so he got into it, not realising that by now the water was boiling hot. And then as the scalding water hit his right leg he must have panicked and stood there, frozen in shock, while the water burned his leg. Somehow, in spite of the excruciating pain, he must have dragged himself out of the bathroom and on to my bed. The moment I discovered my son screaming in agony from his injury will remain with me for ever.

His burn was so severe – running from the top of his thigh all the way down his leg to the top of his foot – that the doctors would usually have treated it by giving him a skin graft. However, Harvey’s existing medical condition made the whole situation even worse. He had suffered severe shock from the burn, which in turn caused him to have breathing difficulties, and it was then too risky to give him a general anaesthetic. The doctors explained that instead they were going to have to scrub his burn, to stop infection and to encourage new skin to grow, and that this would be an agonising experience for him. For the next month my poor son had to endure fifteen minutes of unbelievable pain every single day. He could only be given the morphine dose suitable for a five-year-old, as that’s how old he was at the time, but because of his condition he weighed the same as a twelve-year-old, which meant the medication had little effect on him.

I remember telling Harvey that the doctors were going to help his leg get better, but I knew he didn’t understand. And when the doctors began scrubbing at his leg, Harvey let out a piercing scream and continued screaming throughout the treatment. I have never heard screams like it. Harvey was struggling desperately to get away from the doctors and the pain, and it took four people to hold him down. I think I must have blanked out much of this time from my mind because it was so traumatic, but I can still remember the horror in Harvey’s face as he looked at me as if to say,
Mummy, help me, please! Why are you letting them do this terrible thing to me, Mummy?
Watching Harvey endure that pain was the worst thing I have ever had to experience in my life.

Harvey was in hospital for several months and had to have a further two years of physio. Thankfully his leg is fine now but I can hardly begin to describe how devastating it was, knowing that my son was enduring so much pain and that there was nothing I could do to help him. All you want to do as a mother is to protect your children. Then, just as Harvey was recovering from his injury, Pete contracted meningitis in April 2007 and ended up in hospital while I was heavily pregnant with Princess.

When I gave birth to our daughter, Princess, in June 2007 I really hoped that the bad times were behind us. We seemed to have everything we had ever wanted. We loved each other to bits, we had three beautiful kids, a fantastic house, work was looking good. But we hit another rocky patch just after Princess was born. I had been incredibly fearful of getting post-natal depression again; I think any woman would be. And so I had worked out with the doctors and Pete that I needed to be given plenty of space after the birth so that I could bond properly with Princess. That meant that I shouldn’t have too many visitors and that we definitely shouldn’t have anyone to stay at our house. Unfortunately Pete’s dad became ill at this time and his parents had to come and stay with us. While naturally I was sympathetic about Pete’s dad, it was a very difficult time for me because I felt so vulnerable after the birth. I was physically weak from the Caesarean, and even though there were no signs of post-natal depression this time, I was still anxious that it might return, especially if I wasn’t given that precious bonding time. I felt scared and emotional and needed Pete by my side and for us to be left alone with the baby. However, it didn’t turn out like that, and Pete’s parents did need to come and stay with us. I know that Pete was in a very difficult position, concerned about his dad and about me, but I couldn’t help feeling as if he was putting me second. He might not have meant to, but that’s how I felt. It was just how he had made me feel when Junior was born.

After his parents left, when thankfully his dad was well on the road to recovery, Pete and I ended up having a terrible row – one of the worst of our marriage. But somehow we got through that and Pete said that he did want our marriage to work, that he did love me. I believed him when he said he wanted to make our marriage work, because that’s what I wanted, more than anything, and so I tried to forget about the row. It felt as if we’d had so many things to cope with as a couple. In fact, we’d sometimes say that surely we’d been through all the bad things that could possibly happen in a marriage, more than most couples have to endure in a lifetime! We hoped that from then on we could just enjoy the rest of our lives together.

Looking back, those were famous last words, weren’t they? But for a while Pete and I did seem to put our difficulties behind us, and if you’d have told me then that in two years’ time he would have left me and our marriage would be over, I would not have believed you. Not me and Pete. We were unbreakable, weren’t we?