You Before Me (19 page)

Gabe's mouth hangs open slightly. “You
weren't exaggerating. Wow.” He sits back in his seat, simmering on
what I said. “And you didn't love any of them?”

I shake my head. “Not really. They all
had interesting tidbits that I enjoyed, but to say I loved it?
Learning Spanish was probably the closest to that.” Talking about
this is bringing me down. All it's doing is making me realize how
much I lack passion for any one thing in this world.

The waiter brings the check and once
Gabe has paid, we leave. I brought my things with me, so Gabe could
drop me off at home since he has to head into work. The ride is
oddly silent, but Gabe speaks once we pull into the parking lot of
my apartment complex.

“Don't worry so much about it, Ryan.
You'll find that one thing that makes you tick.
Promise.”

I give him a half smile. “Thanks. I
had fun, so thanks for that too.”

“I'll see you sometime. I'm going to
be working a lot the next couple weeks, especially with Halloween,
so I'm not sure when I'll be able to see you again.”

“Don't work too hard, Gabe. Later.” I
lean over the console, give him a lingering kiss, and then head up
to my place.

I've got a lot of homework to do, and
I need to make a decision on my Halloween costume.

Gabe

Work has been crazy and stressful.
I've been working practically nonstop for two weeks, and tonight is
going to be the craziest of all thanks to Halloween. However, I do
have tomorrow off. Finally. And I haven't seen Ryan since the
weekend she stayed at my house. I haven't really talked to her all
that much either. Not that I haven't wanted to, but because of
transfers and a recent firing, we're all working overtime to make
up for being without a couple of people. I'll be ready when they
hire someone.

Tonight, my partner, Fredrick, and I
are patrolling downtown. Halloween brings out all the crazies.
We're nearby for any fights or disturbances or anything that we may
be called for. There are a couple others in the area as well. It's
almost two in the morning, and we're parked along the street after
getting some coffee.

The sidewalks are filled with people
in costumes, most probably bouncing from club to club. Half of them
are drunk. Just as I wonder what Ryan may be doing tonight,
Fredrick says something inappropriate, which he does
often.

“Holy shit. Look at her. What I would
do to get with her. Man.” He shakes his head at the pair of girls
walking past us.

When I look, I see that it's Ryan.
She's with Viv, who is dressed as a nurse, and it looks like she's
some sort of sexy saloon girl from a western or something. There's
a feather boa dangling from her neck to match her black and red
outfit. The “dress” barely covers her ass or her breasts for that
matter and she's wearing black stockings that stop mid thigh. They
are stumbling down the sidewalk, laughing. She's obviously drunk
even though she's underage. It shouldn't surprise me because when I
first met her, she was hungover.

“Damn,” he whistles as she tumbles
forward, her ass showing, and Viv barely catches her.

“Shut up,” I grit, suddenly feeling
very possessive over Ryan. I do not want him to talk about her,
especially not like this.

“What?” he asks, oblivious. “She's
hot. They both are, but redheads are supposedly crazy in
bed.”

“Will you stop?” I mumble before
getting out. I hear him asking why, but shutting the door cuts him
off. He scrambles after me.

“Ryan,” I call out before they get too
far. Her giggle is loud, but they turn.

“Gabe! Are you my birthday present?”
she yells in one big slur. Birthday present? It's Halloween. How
drunk is she?

“You know this chick?” Fredrick says
as he finally catches up to me.

“Yeah, I'm dating her.” I hear him say
“oh” right before we reach the girls. “Woah, hey, Ryan.” She
clumsily wraps her arms around me.

“Best present ever!” she yells into my
ear. Ryan sloppily kisses my neck. “You coming home with
us?”

“Is that where you're
going?”

“Yep! Well, we can't find my car, and
we know we don't need to drive, so we were going to sleep there.
See? Drunk but smart, Gabe!”

“Fredrick and I will take you home.
Come on. Fredrick, help her please,” I say, referring to
Vivian.

“Should we be doing this?” He asks
skeptically.

“Help her,” I snap. He isn't about to
question me right now. Ryan's hands start to wander down my chest
as she mumbles something about missing me. “Ryan,” I tell her
softly, grabbing her hands. “We need to walk.”

“Always a downer. Damn goody-good.
Let's walk then!”

Once I wrap an arm tightly around her
waist, it's like Ryan gives up. She leans into me completely and
lets me lead her to the car. We get them both into the back seat,
Ryan mumbling to Viv about her birthday. Surely, it's not her
birthday. For one, she is drunk on Halloween, so maybe she's just
wanting it to be her birthday. Wouldn't she have told me that today
is her birthday? I could have tried harder to get off work to do
something with her or bought her something had I known before right
this second.

As we head to her apartment, the
mumbles cease. I glance in my rearview mirror to see that they are
leaning on each other, asleep. Great. It's going to be fun getting
them up those stairs and into the apartment.

“I'm, uh, sorry about what I said,”
Fredrick tells me.

“Don't worry about it. Just help me
get them up to her apartment when we get there, and I'll forget you
ever said it.”

When we get to the complex, I wonder
what Ryan was talking about. Her car is here, so they didn't drive
downtown. She wouldn't have ever found her car because it wasn't
there. What trouble would they have gotten into if we hadn't have
seen her?

Fredrick helps me wake them up enough
to get them out of the car. He walks behind me with Viv as we go up
to her place.

“So sweet,” Ryan whispers.

“You owe me,” I tell her, although she
probably won't remember tomorrow. “Is today really your birthday?”
I can't help but ask.

“Yes. That's what I said, Gabe.” She
laughs softly. “Funny, right? I was born on Halloween and I'm my
parents' worst nightmare. How fitting.” Ryan starts giggling like
it's actually funny.

It kills me when she says things like
that, but I know what she means. I've seen it firsthand. I want to
ask her why she didn't tell me about her birthday. Instead, I ask
where her key is as we reach her door. She reaches into her bra and
I remember how she did that when that prick had her up against her
door that one night.

“Safest place,” she says, handing it
to me.

I hold her against me and unlock the
door. “Fredrick, we're just going to lay them in her bed and then
we're leaving.”

“Okay.”

“You know,” Ryan starts. “I could have
fucked four different guys tonight. Four.”

I clench my jaw as we get the girls
into bed. “Oh yeah?”

“Yep. But I didn't,” she sings,
shaking a finger at me. “I'm supposed to be behaving, and I would
have felt bad. Because of you, Gabe. Are you mad?”

We pull the covers over them. They
look ridiculous in their costumes while they lay in bed. Viv has
already passed out. Fredrick leaves wordlessly.

“No, I'm not mad,” I
answer.

“I didn't tell you about my birthday.
Are you mad about that?” Ryan squints her eyes, pulling her brows
together as she frowns, looking worried over the possibility that I
might be upset with her.

I lean down and kiss her forehead.
“No, not mad. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She nods, already drifting to sleep. I
set her key down on the coffee table and then lock her door from
the inside before leaving. She said she didn't sleep with anyone,
her four available guys, but it still bothers me. We haven't
declared exclusivity to each other or anything. The simple thought
of how she had been pursued by someone other than me tonight is
irritating. And not just one person. Four people. I know her better
than them, right? She talks to me, tells me about the more serious
things in her life. That means something, doesn't it?

Or am I once again trusting a girl,
expecting her to be one way, when she's really the opposite? No, I
don't believe that. On some level, I think we both know she's mine.
She said herself that she didn't sleep with those guys because of
me. I still think that it's too soon for her to meet my mother, but
I've hated that I haven't been around her much lately. I've missed
her honestly. I wish she would have told me about her birthday. Is
it because her parents ruined that for her as well? That doesn't
explain why she wouldn't have told me, though. Maybe I've just been
too busy, so she didn't mention it.

Ryan is on my mind for the rest of my
shift. I'm so ready to see her tomorrow, especially after seeing
her tonight.

* * *

It's three in the afternoon when I
come to stand outside of Ryan's apartment, knocking on her door.
Her hair is thrown up in a high ponytail, and she's wearing black
sweats with a blue hoodie. She groans when she see me.

“Sorry, Gabe,” she says when I raise
an eyebrow at her. “But seeing you means I wasn't imagining last
night. C'mon in.” Ryan steps aside so I can walk inside.

“You remember?”

“Unfortunately.” Ryan sits down on the
couch, and I sit next to her. “Which are you most upset about? That
I was so drunk I didn't even know we didn't take my car and that I
shouldn't have been drinking because I'm underage? The four boys I
could have slept with? That I didn't tell you about my birthday? Or
what about the fact that I embarrassed you in front of your
partner? All of the above?” She glances at me nervously.

Yeah, the boys irk me, but that isn't
what bothers me the most. “Your birthday. Why didn't you tell me,
Ryan?”

She shrugs. “It's just another day,
Gabe.”

I pick up her hand that's
resting in her lap. “C'mere.” Once I've tugged her into my lap with
her sitting sideways, I continue. “It's not 'just another day'.
It's
your
birthday
and a big one too. The
great 2-0, no longer a teenager.”

Ryan seems confused. “Why does it
matter? You were working, so you wouldn't have been able to
celebrate with me. Hell, I wasn't really celebrating by birthday
anyway. I was dressed and partying because it was
Halloween.”

For a moment, all I can manage is a
frown. Before I can speak, Ryan nudges her shoulder against
mine.

“Shouldn't we be having hot sex right
now? I haven't seen you in forever.”

Just the mention of how long it's been
since we've had sex, makes my dick hard, and Ryan grins. I shake my
head to force those thoughts away. “No. We shouldn't.” Ryan loses
her smile. “What's wrong with your birthday, Ryan?”

She tenses, wrung tightly like that
day her mother was here. Ryan gets up, walks to the door, and opens
it, thoroughly confusing me. Her voice has no fight whatsoever in
it. She sounds tired, really. “Just get the hell out.
Please.”

What am I missing? “Ryan,” I start as
I get up, but she cuts me off.

“Leave, Gabe. I was drunk and
honestly, I wish I had never told you it was my birthday. Forget
about it. Once you have, then you are more than welcome to come
find me.” She sweeps her arm dramatically to the outside, impatient
that I haven't left yet. I'm stunned in place. “Gabe,” she
painfully whispers. “Please.”

I search her eyes for clues, but she's
closed off more than ever. Ryan is nowhere to be found in those
green depths. I don't know if I should leave or demand her to tell
me what's going on. The seconds pass as I stand here, and I know
that her fierce exterior is chipping away bit by bit.

“No, I'm not leaving,” I finally
manage.

Her jaw drops, but it quickly closes
as she finds her words. “You have to. You're a fucking cop, Gabe!
Surely, you know that if I ask you to leave, you have to
go.”

Ryan's anger doesn't scare me. I pluck
her fingers off the doorknob and close the door. “You're letting
all the cold air in.” This time, it's her who is stunned
speechless, so I lead her back to the couch, pulling her into my
lap once more. Once my arms are securely around her, I say, “Now,
tell me what's going on.”

Her eyes search mine, much like I did
earlier. I don't know what she's looking for, but she slowly starts
to relax into me, resting her forehead on my shoulder, resigned.
For a long time, Ryan doesn't say anything, and I don't push her.
When she does speak, her voice is strained.

“I didn't even know what a birthday
party was until I started school and a kid's parents brought cake
to class for a party. I mean, I knew that there was a certain day
of the year that I was born, but celebrating it was completely
foreign to me. I never had a party or presents or anything like
that. My grandmother would always take me out or we would go
shopping around my birthday, though. She would never say that was
why we went. I think she wanted to, but she wasn't one to go
against my parents even if she disagreed. She and my mother didn't
have the best relationship, and she probably didn't want to make
things worse.