Wrecked (14 page)

She watched for a reaction, but the damn man had the best poker face of anyone she’d ever seen.

“And what made this man inappropriate, in your opinion?”

She’d dropped a verbal bomb and that was what he honed in on? Fine. If he was really interested, CeCe had a whole list.

“Well, he was a complete stranger. I met him, followed him to a bar, let him buy me shots and then had sex with him in his truck in the parking lot, all within the span of about six hours.”

At this point, it had become a goal to shock this man. That confessional should have done it. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to.

The doctor nodded calmly and asked, “What else?”

“Well . . .” She seemed to have run out of things. Grasping for anything, she said, “He’s a bullfighter.”

His brow drew down. “In Mexico?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “No. That’s what they call the guys in the rodeo who distract the bull and protect the riders.”

“Ah.” He nodded. “And that occupation made him inappropriate for you?”

“No, I guess not.” She slowed the speed with which she was pedaling. She was finding it hard to think. When she thought about it, Wade himself wasn’t the problem.

He was age appropriate. He had a decent job. She’d lost count of how many times he’d given her compliments—not the disingenuous ones so many men gave, but compliments that rang sincere.

Of course many of them had been during sex.

Wade cooked and worried that she didn’t eat enough. He even took notice of exactly how she took her coffee and managed to get it right—something even her assistant at work hadn’t managed.

Yesterday morning when she suggested that Maria had prepared her cup of coffee and he’d just carried it in, he’d made a point of correcting her.
 

She’d even asked Maria later that day and the maid had confirmed Wade had prepared it himself with no coaching on her part.

“What are you thinking, CeCe?” the doctor prompted.

“That maybe the problem isn’t the men I’ve chosen since my divorce, but me.”

He nodded, looking pleased with her confession. “And what problem do you see in yourself?”

“I’m too eager to jump in with both feet.” She didn’t even have to think about that answer. She knew she was too quick to jump into bed. To try to force what was just sex into the start of a relationship.

“What do you think you should do about that?”

She paid this man an awful lot for him to do nothing but ask a lot of questions and nod when what she really wanted was for him to just tell her what to do to feel better.

Even so, she answered his question. “I’ve already done it.”

“Done what?”

“When he left yesterday, I let him go.” She didn’t try to convince him to stay. Didn’t offer to go with him. Didn’t ask him to come back after the event.

She’d just kissed him goodbye and then watched him drive away . . . then she’d curled in a ball in bed for the rest of the day.

Maybe she hadn’t quite handled her issues yet after all.

CeCe realized she’d stopped pedaling completely. She’d been so deep in her own thoughts. She started again and raised her gaze to the doctor. “So? Don’t you have more questions?”

“Do you?”

At times like this, she wished her therapy included a punching bag. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have some questions. When am I going to be able to have a nice, normal, happy relationship?”

Or had her marriage ruined her for that forever?

Was she always going to chase the guy who was too young and completely uninterested like Aaron? Or the bad boy, free spirit who’d push her to do things she’d never done and never knew she’d wanted to before leaving her like Wade?

She wouldn’t even let herself remember the ill fated revenge fucks right after the divorce. A security guard one night late at the office. One of her team of lawyers. Her personal trainer.

“That’s up to you.”

CeCe scowled at the typical psych babble from her doctor and didn’t justify it with a comment.

He continued, “Let’s get back to the man from this week.”

“Wade? Why?”

He nodded and wrote something down. “Yes. Wade. Why did you choose him, in particular?”

That, for once, was a very good question. She had to think about it for a moment.

Why, when there were plenty of men at that arena—riders, association executives, media, security, and countless more—had she chosen Wade?

“I don’t know. He really was obnoxious. And insulting. It’s like the man took nothing seriously, including me.”

“Don’t you think maybe that is what attracted you to him? That he didn’t take you too seriously? That the name CeCe Cole didn’t influence him or have him scrambling to please you?”

“Maybe.” She tried to decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “What’s that mean?”

“That you’re finally showing an interest in men who aren’t subservient to you. But also that you still crave attention. Wade didn’t give it to you so it made you want him.” He smiled, possibly for the first time ever in her presence. “I think you’ve made progress.”

A smile? From Dr. Stein? His odd expression had her stopping the motion of her feet once again. “That doesn’t sound like progress.”

The man wobbled his head in a maybe yes, maybe no gesture.

After two years of therapy, he was finally happy. And all because her wild sexual fling had been with a man who’d challenged her and didn’t bow to her wishes?

She hated to admit it, but the damn doctor might be right.

John had never challenged her. Hell, she’d acted more like the man in that relationship in the bedroom. Maybe that’s why he’d sought out other women.

The security guard. The lawyer. The trainer. They’d both worked for her.

Aaron had been a kid. He’d snuck out on her in the middle of the night rather than tell her he wasn’t interested.

But Wade, he’d been different. He’d controlled her and she’d liked it.

And he’d left without any promise to be back, because he was in control of what happened between them, not her.

If wanting a man like that was her future, she didn’t see happiness coming anytime soon.

“So, I think we’ve had some very good insights and made some promising advancements today.” He closed his notebook and stood from where he’d been sitting on a piece of exercise equipment in lieu of a chair.

“Our session is over?”

“Yes. Unless you had something else you needed to discuss.”

Yes. Like how could she ever be happy if she couldn’t control the man she feared she was falling for?

And was she really falling for Wade or did she only want him because he’d left her?

Was she just desperate for someone to love who’d love her back?

CeCe shook her head. “No. I’ll have my assistant call and schedule a session for next week.”

“Good. See you then.”

He left and she tackled the bike again, punishing the pedals and her body—which seemed to be the only thing she had control over at the moment.

It didn’t work to stop her thoughts. Her mind racing faster than her feet on the pedals, CeCe finally gave up and climbed off.

Grabbing a towel, she dabbed it over her face and neck as she made her way up the stairs to the kitchen.

“Maria.”

“Yes, Mrs. Cole?”

“Do we have any bacon?”

The woman’s dark brows lifted. She stood motionless for a second before scrambling toward the refrigerator. “Um, yes. I think so. I’ll look.”

“No rush. I’m going to take a shower but I think I’d like bacon and eggs for breakfast today before I head to the office.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She didn’t miss Maria’s smile.

CHAPTER 15

“Damn, you look like crap.” Frowning, Clint stared at Wade.

He let out a laugh. “Thanks. Nice to see you too.”

“What did you do all week? You go home to the ranch?”

That was a good guess on Clint’s part.

When Wade did travel home to the ranch between events he came back exhausted. There was a lot of work to be done there. On top of that, Wade’s being absent so much was thrown in his face enough times by his brother to exhaust him mentally.

Wade tried to make up for the work he missed by doing double during the time he was home. Even then he knew he wasn’t pulling his weight. His brother agreed and let him know it.

Yup, between the guilt and the work, Wade was beat after those trips. But today’s reason for his looking like crap was one Ms. CeCe Cole.

He’d left her place later than he should have yesterday. He had trouble leaving for reasons he’d rather not think about.

Once he had finally gotten on the road, he drove straight through and didn’t hit the town for the next venue until the middle of the night.

He’d checked into the hotel and crashed.

Sleeping late would have been smart, but his damn body—not to mention his mind—liked to wake up at sunrise.

Since he’d gone to bed sober and there was no hangover to sleep off, he’d gotten up. It seemed more productive than lying there thinking. Remembering CeCe. Second guessing his decision to not contact her again.

Sure, if they ran into each other at an event and one thing led to another, he’d be grateful for it. But that was all. He wouldn’t set them both up for failure by pursuing more between them.

The sex had been great. That he could handle. It was that the rest was pretty damn amazing too that scared the shit out of him.

Clint was still watching him, waiting for an answer as to where he’d been and why he looked so shitty. “Nah. I kicked around California for a few days then headed here.”

“Did you pick up any rodeos?”

“Nope.”

The moment he said it, he realized his mistake. Clint’s eyes widened and a wide grin spread across his face. “You dog, you. Who was she? From the last event?”

Crap. Wade hadn’t wanted to lie, but the truth was a huge tip off. Clint had easily made the leap that the reason Wade hadn’t worked any rodeos or gone home to the ranch was a woman.

Wade shook his head. “A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.”

Clint cocked one brow up. “Maybe so, which leads to my next question. Since when are you a gentleman?”

“Nice. Thanks. Love you too, buddy.” Wade had walked right into the razzing by not having a good excuse as to where he’d spent the days since the last event, but it didn’t mean he had to stick around for it. “See you later. I gotta change.”

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

Wade ignored Clint and his insinuations and headed back toward the rider dressing room.

Even though he’d gotten to the event hours early, Wade arrived to find the dressing room already occupied. He moved to the area where one of his fellow bullfighters was lacing up his sneakers.

“Hey, Shorty.”

“Hey, Wade. You have a good week?”

He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. Wade decided to keep his answer short and sweet.

“Yup.” The less specific his answer, the better. He only hoped that Shorty wouldn’t follow up with another question. In fact, Wade decided to ask a question of his own and take the spotlight off himself. “You?”

The other man lifted one shoulder. “Eh, just kicked around at home. Seems there’s always something that needs doing. You know?”

“I hear you.” Wade nodded.

This was a good conversation. Friendly and superficial. Just how Wade liked it. If more folks would just keep their conversations like this the world would be a lot simpler place.

The conversation between Wade and Shorty fell into an easy silence as Wade stripped off his boots and jeans. He folded the clothes he’d worn to drive over and put them on the bench next to his bag.

In their place, he pulled on the long loose shorts and sneakers he wore for work.

He reached into his bag one more time and his hand connected with his jersey. He stared at it and for the first time noticed how big and bright the Cole Shock Absorbers logo and name was that was emblazoned across his back and chest and down one arm.