Worth the Wait (Sexy Nerd Boys #1) (7 page)

Ethan

              Abby bounces excitedly on her heals. We’ve been waiting in line for the celebrity panel at Who Con for an hour already. But, we haven’t had much trouble keep ourselves entertained. And, the long wait hasn’t dampened her enthusiasm at all.

              “When we get in there I’m going to yell to David Tennant that I want to have his babies,” She informs me, a giddy smile playing at her pink lips.

              “Fuck, marry, kill: David Tennant, Me, and Donald Trump.”

              Abby furrows her brow as she contemplates the question.

              “Let’s see…I’m going to have to kill Donald Trump. That one’s a no brainer. The question is do I want David Tennant for one steamy night or the rest of my life?” She sighs with mock drama.

              I can’t help but laugh. She’s finally started loosening up around me. And, the more I see of her real personality, the more I like her.

              “I suppose that I would fuck you and marry David Tennant.”

              “I guess I can’t compete with the Scottish accent and amazing hair.”

              “You have some redeeming qualities. But, I mean, it’s David Freaking Tennant,” She sighs dreamily again and I scowl at her playfully. “My turn. Fuck, marry, kill: Me, Billie Piper, Judge Judy.”

              “That’s easy. Fuck Billie Piper, kill Judge Judy, marry you,” I fire off without much thought.

Her mouth hangs open for a second.

              “Why marry me?”

              “I wouldn’t be able to listen to Billie Pipers Cockney accent for longer than it would take to fuck her,” I explain.

              Abby shoves me playfully and laughs. My chest constricts at the contact. It’s so easy to talk to her and have fun. It’s making me feel things I never expected to feel. Out of the corner of my eye I see a flash of red hair and I turn my head to see Catherine Tate in the distance.

              “Holy shit, it’s Donna!” I gasp excitedly.

              “Oh my god, could you be more of a fanboy?”

              “Thanks for doing this with me, Red. I’ve never had more fun in my life.”

Abby

As we pull into the driveway of our apartment complex my stomach hurts from laughing so much on the way home.

“Hey,” Ethan grabs my arm as I go to exit the car. “That was a blast, I’m so glad we got to go to that together.”

“Agreed, maybe we should make this an annual tradition.”

The entire Con had been so much fun. We’d gotten dressed up of course, gone to all of the celebrity panels, stood in hours and hours of lines. Overall it was a success.

“Don’t tell Lee but I think you might just be my new best friend,” I whisper conspiratorially.

“Right back at ya, Red,” Ethan leans over and plants a kiss on my cheek before getting out of the car.

Abby

I blow the acrid smoke out and pass the joint to Ethan.

              “Tell me a secret,” I whisper through a fuzzy mind.

My body feels like it’s buzzing. In this state I can barely lie to myself about my ache for him. I feel like if I don’t touch him I may suffocate. I’ve never felt this way before, but ever since we went away together last weekend something in me has changed. We’d slept in a bed together and he didn’t try anything. It’s become increasingly obvious that he wants to try something, but he’s leaving the ball in my court and that has slowly chipped away at my defenses. For the first time in so long I feel like I can trust this man not to hurt me.

              “A secret?” He says with a laugh before inhaling. “Okay, I have only kissed one woman.”

              I feel like I must be more high than I thought.

              “Stop, tell me something real,” I urge giving him a playful shove.

              “That is real, Red. I have a rule against kissing women who I fuck. I don’t want them to think it means anything to me. They don’t mean a damn thing.” He laughs this time without humor. “Saying it out loud I realize what a dick I am. No wonder you don’t want anything to do with me.”

              “You’re just a guy, you didn’t do anything horrible. You never hide the fact that you’re a womanizer, I’m sure they all knew what they were getting into.” I argue against his negative assessment of himself. “And, it’s not that I don’t want anything to do with you. I just don’t want you to have anything to do with me.”

              “I am way too high to figure out what you’re getting at,” He admits. I move closer to him until he lifts his arm up to invite me into his chest.

I feel his strong muscles under my hands for a moment and the ache between my legs is in full force.

“I’m no good Ethan,” I confess. I want him to tell me that I am good enough. If he thought I was good enough maybe I could start to believe it too. But, does it really count if he doesn’t know everything?

“You’re pretty damn perfect from where I’m sitting.” The sincerity in his voice breaks me a little.

“What if I wanted you to kiss me?” I ask in almost a whisper.

I’m terrified to hear his answer. Either way his answer will change things. I mean, sure he loves to make sexual innuendos and jokes when we hang out. But, there’s never been any indication he actually wants me. He’s the kind of guy who wants every woman. I’m not special, he doesn’t see me as anything different than all of the other women.

I wish I could take the question back suddenly. How presumptuous, why would he break a rule for me? I’m no one.

“
Do
you want me to kiss you?” His voice is husky.

I want to lie and say ‘no, just kidding’. But, instead I nod once. And then, without hesitation, his lips are on mine.

His mouth is desperate against mine. I shudder as he runs his tongue along my lips hungrily. I throb for his touch. He rolls on top of me but holds his weight so that he’s not trapping me beneath him. He runs his hand along my stomach and up under my shirt. I’m not wearing a bra so he has easy access to my hard nipples. He nibbles and tugs at my bottom lip at the same time he caresses my nipple sharply.

“Ethan,” I gasp his name and arch against him.

“Ever since you told me you’ve never had an orgasm, I have been obsessed with being your first.”

I hesitate, is that all this is about? Am I just some jerk-off fantasy that he needs to get out of his system?

“That’s not the only thing though, Red. You are so much more than that,” He says sensing my sudden hesitation. “At first it was only because I was insanely attracted to you. But, the more I’ve gotten to know you the more I like everything about you.”

              “Shut up and kiss me,” I demand playfully.

His lips return to mine instantaneously. His hands are back to their deft exploration. I part my thighs letting him settle against my throbbing core. I grind against his hard cock through our jeans. He growls and kisses me harder. His hand travels down to my pants and begins to work them off.

              I put a hand out to stop him. I’m afraid for him to see my legs. I haven’t let anyone see them.

              “It’s okay Red, I won't do anything you don’t want me to do,” He assures me.

              “It’s not that. It’s my legs.” I avoid his gaze with shame pounding through me.

God, no one is ever going to want me, ever again. I always figured that it wouldn’t ever be a problem because I didn’t think I’d ever
want
someone to want me again. But, now Ethan’s unleashed these new, exciting feelings in me, and I’ll never be able to act on them. Life is so unfair.

              “It’s okay,” He promises me.

I hold my breath for a second, trying to muster the courage to face his reaction to my scarred legs. Not to mention dealing with the fear of letting a man take my pants off and see me vulnerable. My chest constricts a little and my head starts to spin with all of the horrible images that I’d pushed down to the deepest part of my memories.

              “Red, I’ll stop if it's what you want,” He assures me. “But I need you to know I’d never hurt you. I’ll never do anything to you that you don’t want me to do.”

I bite back the anxiety and take a deep breath to calm my racing heart.

              “Okay,” I nod.

He kisses my stomach gently before he returns to slowly pulling my pants down my hips. He moves his mouth down to sear kisses in the wake of my pants. I’m too afraid of his reaction to enjoy his touch. My heart continues pounding and it’s difficult to breath. He’s going to be so disgusted. Finally, he looks down at my bare legs and I flinch awaiting his reaction. He traces some of the scars with a feather light touch of his fingers and a tears spring to my eyes.

              “Abby,” Before I know it we’re face to face again. He hovers over me and puts a finger under my chin to direct my gaze towards him. “You are beautiful, every damn inch of you.”

              Emotion wells in my chest. I don’t want to put a name to what I’m feeling. I nod and wait for his next move.

He kisses me more gently this time. His lips are softer against mine than before. Is he feeling the same thing I am? He did say that he didn’t usually kiss women because it would make them think they mean something. Does that mean I mean something to him? This thought stops me in my tracks. Or, maybe I don’t mean anything and this is exactly what he was saying. Here I am thinking he’s falling in love with me just because we’re swapping spit. I don’t know which is worse: either I actually mean something to him, or I don’t mean anything to him and I’m an idiot.

              “What’s wrong?” He asks sensing my sudden withdrawal.

              “I think this is a bad idea.”

I want him too much, this can only end badly. There’s no way I’m anything more than a hook up to him. And, I know I’ll just end up hurt if this goes on for another second.

“I think you should go. Good night Ethan.”

I roll away from him and hope that he just leaves. Unfortunately, another stupid part of me hopes he doesn’t leave. Part of me hopes he fights for this. After a minute of silence I feel him get off the bed and leave. A silent tear rolls down my cheek.

Ethan

              I force myself not to turn around and go back. I make my way quickly to my own apartment before punching a wall. I fucked everything up. She asked me to kiss her, but I should have said ‘no’. She was too high to know what she really wanted and now she’s never going to speak to me again. I should never have pushed her like that.

Fuck my fucking life.

But, fuck, that kiss...it was better than I had imagined it would be. And, I have an extremely vast imagination when it comes to Abby. Dammit, that kiss definitely ruined me for any future lip locks I might’ve shared with anyone else.

I don’t get what happened. It seemed like she was into it until the end. Maybe I pushed too far. Maybe I rushed things. God damn it! I slump down on my couch and try to catch my breath. I could not have fucked things up worse.

              I can’t help but think back to a few minutes ago when I was in fucking heaven. It felt so right being with Abby, touching her and kissing her. I’ve been with a lot of women, but nothing has ever felt that right before.

              I can’t believe she thought I would care about the scars on her legs. I mean, I do care, but not because I have a problem with them. I’m dying to know what happened. How long has she had those scars? Is that the reason she doesn’t get close to men, because she’s afraid for anyone to see them? Where did they come from? Do they have anything to do with her asshole ex-boyfriend? Is that why she suddenly kicked me out, because she felt too vulnerable with her scars on display? So many fucking questions running through my head.

Then, it occurs to me that if I have fucked up as badly as I think I have then there’s no way I could make this worse. I grab my phone.

Ethan: I have an emergency…

              I hold my breath as I wait for a response.

Red: Have you heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?

              I smile and breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe there’s still a chance here if she’s still joking around with me like usual.

Ethan: No time for stories now, I need advice

Red...ok?

Ethan: There’s this girl I’m really into, and we almost just hooked up but then out of nowhere she kicks me out of her bed. What do you think it means?

Red: Maybe you don’t have the skill you think you do. She probably wasn’t into it.

Ethan: That’s definitely not it. I can tell the difference between a fake moan and what she was doing.

              The minutes tick by without a response. Damn, I pushed too hard again. Before I can start mentally berating myself again my phone buzzes.

Red: knock, knock

              My heart jumps as I get up to open the door for her.

              “Hey,” I say lamely as I step aside to let her in.

She’s wearing a pair of shorts now and her scars are on full display. I hadn’t realized before that she never wore shorts. Scars or no scars she has amazing legs. They would look even better wrapped around my head. I force myself to look away. Slow things down, I remind myself. Give her space.

              “I’m not ready to talk about everything,” She says finally. She sits down in my recliner instead of on the couch next to me. It’s obvious she’s trying to keep distance between us.

              “I’m not trying to rush you into talking about things you aren’t ready to talk about. But, seriously Red, you’ve got to give me something,” I plead.

“The scars are from a car accident. It was about a year and a half ago now. Justin, my boyfriend, died and I walked away with nothing more than some physical and emotional scars,” She says avoiding my gaze. “They’re disgusting.”

              “No, they’re not,” I assure her. “Are the scars the reason you don’t let anyone get close?”

“Yes and no. The scars are one of the reasons I don’t have casual sex, who would want to see my hideous damn legs when they’re just trying to get off for god sake,” She sniffs like she’s holding back tears.

I open my arms and beckon her forward. She shakes her head and stays in the chair.

“Abby, any douche who thinks your scars are disgusting doesn’t deserve a single minute of your attention. I’m looking at your legs right now and all I can think about is having them wrapped around me,” I tell her honestly.

She blushes and smiles.

“I’m sorry Ethan. I shouldn’t have led you on by kissing you. I do just want to be friends,” She avoids my gaze.

Dammit, I know that isn’t really what she wants. I could tell she was into our kiss as much as I was.
Don’t push her
, I remind myself again.

“Listen Red, at this point I think it’s obvious I’d be into being more than friends. But I’m not going to push you. We can just be friends if that’s what you want. But, as soon as you change your mind you tell me, I’ll be waiting,” I tell her honestly. She stands up and looks towards the door awkwardly and then back to me.

“You want to cuddle and watch something until you fall asleep?” I offer.

A look of relief seeps into her eyes and she nods. I lay down and open my arms for her to climb in in front of me so that we’re spooning on the couch.

This is the sweetest damn torture.