Wishing Pearl (37 page)

“Huh? Locusts?”

“It’s in the Bible. God wants to give you back what your enemy stole from you. You just need to surrender to Him. And then, once He’s healed you from the inside, He can work through you.”

Olivia nodded. The walls seemed to inch closer and closer until she felt like she might suffocate. “Would it be possible to have permission to go for a walk? I won’t go far. I just need some air and the chance to think some things through.”

“You bet. Make sure you take a walkie-talkie.” Tammy smiled. “Take as long as you need.”

Olivia smiled as she closed the door to Tammy’s office. There wasn’t a doubt in Olivia’s mind that Tammy was on her computer at that very moment, instant messaging the staff to appear at an emergency prayer meeting for Olivia’s soul.

It was time.

I trust You, Lord
.

The pine needles crunched beneath her feet like the chant of the monks who had paced the forest two hundred years before on their own quest for the Almighty. Her search was different, but it was her own.

“Lord? You said You’d be here for me when I called for You. Are You there?”

Olivia fell to her knees on the blanket of evergreen needles. She clutched her hands to her heart. “I can’t do this alone anymore, Lord. I need You.”

You’ve never been alone, My child. You’ve only needed to reach out to find Me
.

She fell flat, barely noticing the needles that prickled her cheeks. “Then why? Why?” She pounded her fists into the frozen earth. “Why—if You’ve been there all along—did You let all that stuff happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve it?”

The earth grew damp as her warm tears melted the snow. Why didn’t God defend Himself? Why couldn’t He just answer her one question:
Why?

Olivia drew herself to her elbows and glanced around the forest. The fog in her thoughts began to clear as the answer became clear. Jesus, as her Savior, never promised to keep her from pain; He’d promised to hold her through it. The pain might have been inevitable, but her loneliness and misery—those were optional.

“How did things go for you on your walk yesterday?” Tammy closed her door as Olivia stepped into the office for an unscheduled counseling session.

“Pretty good. Me and God? Well, let’s just say we’re getting some things worked out,” Olivia signed as she took her usual seat. “I wish I wasn’t so analytical and could just take things by faith. I was out there for a long time. But I kind of feel like He wanted me to know that He made me exactly like He wanted me. Now I guess I’m supposed to trust Him and watch Him do His thing.”

“You feel like He spoke all of those things to you?” Tammy leaned forward.

“I think so. No. I
know
He did.” Olivia stood up to pace but made sure to let Tammy see her face when she spoke. “I don’t know how to be sure that I’m—quote, unquote—’a Christian.’ But I do know He promised that He’s working on me and that He’s never left my side.”

“Well, Liv, ‘Christian’ simply means ‘Christ follower.’ The Bible says if you confess your sins—if you admit you need God’s grace—then He is always faithful to forgive your sins and make you clean and righteous before Him.”

Olivia pressed her lips together and nodded slowly. “Yeah, I did that yesterday. I told God I needed Him and that I was sorry for doubting Him and being angry with Him. I told Him I couldn’t do it on my own.”

“That’s it, Liv. That’s what it means to surrender yourself to Him. Now you have to walk in faith, believing you’re forgiven, and watch for God’s hand in your life.”

Olivia shook her head. “I was making it way too difficult, wasn’t I?”

Tammy nodded. “Yes, you were.”

“There wasn’t ever going to be lightning bolts or earthquakes, was there?”

“Usually not. Usually God calls out to us with a quiet voice.”

Olivia let the truths sink in. They rang true in her heart. She knew she’d met Jesus even though she didn’t feel very different.

“Now, unless you have other questions about this subject, I want to get back to what we spoke about yesterday—because this is all wrapped up together. It’s all part of your ultimate healing.”

“Okay. I figured that was coming.” Olivia had thought of nothing else since their talk.

Tammy leaned forward and grasped Olivia’s hands. “I really, really think we need to involve your mom in this. She needs to know.”

Olivia whipped her head side to side. “No way. I’ve tried so many times to tell her. It’s like she knows what I’m going to say and refuses to hear it. I’m done trying.”

“Can I approach her about it? You don’t even have to be a part of the conversation.”

Now, that idea had merit. Even if Mom didn’t believe Tammy, at least Tammy would get a good feel for what Olivia had been dealing with. She nodded. “I think that might be okay.” Scary, but better than having to do it herself.

“All right. I’m going to get a few more details from you; then I’ll set up a call with your mom. Let’s see—” She consulted her calendar. “We’re scheduled to have a counseling call with her this coming Friday. I’ll make sure your mom and I speak before then so the three of us can talk together on Friday.”

Olivia gulped. “Can you let me know when you’re going to do it and then fill me in right after?” The thought of wondering all day, every day until Friday was too much to bear.

“I’ll keep you informed every step of the way.” Tammy pulled Olivia in for a hug. “After we get things ironed out with your mom, we’ll know what to do about the legal issues.”

“Legal issues?” Wait. She didn’t think Olivia was going to press charges and fight Charles in court about this. Did she? How could Tammy expect Olivia to face him ever again?

“You’ll definitely have some choices to make about whether you want him walking the streets or not.”

How can I be expected to make a decision like that?

T
he room was bustling with activity when Olivia returned. A fully dressed Skye climbed across her bed, trying to smooth the covers. Ju-Ju applied a little makeup at the mirror in the corner. They were almost ready to go to prayer. Olivia had better hurry. No time for a shower.

She opened the bathroom door, expecting to see Tricia preening at the mirror, but the room was empty. Water streamed from the showerhead, but there were no sounds of movement on the creaky floor. Olivia stepped over to the cubicle and called out Tricia’s name as she peered behind the partition.

Olivia screamed.

Tricia lay in a crumpled heap on the shower floor in a puddle of watery vomit.

“Help me! Someone!” Olivia shouted toward the door as she slid the glass door open and flipped off the running water. She tugged on Tricia’s hands to pull her out, but Olivia’s bare feet slipped on the wet surface. She landed on her back beside Tricia, her hair mopping up water and vomit. Finally, reaching under Tricia’s arms, Olivia pulled her out and let the limp body flop onto the rug. Olivia gasped as she surveyed Tricia’s naked, skeletal body. Her hip bones jutted out like arrows. How had that happened?

Was she breathing? Olivia watched closely until she saw Tricia’s chest rise and fall in a shallow breath. Olivia threw a bath towel over her nude body and slid to the door. “You guys. Someone. Go in the hallway and pull the fire alarm right now.” Skye gasped and sprinted away.

Ju-Ju ran into the bathroom and locked eyes with Olivia. “Is she alive?”

“Barely.”

“Oh no. Why didn’t I act sooner? I was getting worried about her.” Ju-Ju shook her head. “I can’t believe I waited too long to do something.”

“Don’t talk like that.” Olivia knelt on the floor and gathered Tricia into her arms like a little girl clutching a rag doll. “Shh. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.” She recited the promise for her own sake as much as Tricia’s.

A siren blared throughout the building. Help would come. But would it be too late?

“What’s going on? Who pulled the alarm? Is everyone okay?” Ben’s worried voice thundered down the hallway.

“In here,” Skye shouted out their door and grabbed the comforter off of her bed and threw it over Tricia.

Ben shot into the room. He took one look at the scene and punched three numbers into his cell phone. “Yes. It’s a real emergency. There’s no fire, but we’re in need of an ambulance right away.”

Olivia looked at Ju-Ju and whispered, “Pray.”

Tammy whisked Ju-Ju and Olivia out of the bathroom as soon as the EMTs arrived. “Come on, girls, let’s get back so they can do what they need to do to help Tricia.” She leaned her back against the wall, slid down to the floor near the window, and patted the area around her for the three girls to join her. “This is a good time for praying. Don’t you think?”

The four huddled there together until they heard the ambulance driver say, “Okay, she’s stable enough to move. Let’s get her out of here before her blood pressure drops again.”

He spoke into his radio: “I’ve got a seventeen-year-old malnourished female, approximately 105 pounds. She appears to have fainted. Possible head injury. BP 110/60, which is up from the first reading of 80/55. We’re moving now.”

The other EMT pushed the gurney from the bathroom and into the hallway.

Ben followed, his face ashen as he looked at Tammy. “How did we miss this?”

Tammy shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Olivia rose from the floor. “Can I go with her to the hospital?”
Please
. Never mind the vomit in her damp hair. She had to go be with Tricia.

“Alicia and I are going. You need to stay here for now. We’ll have someone bring you girls later this afternoon, once we know what’s happening.” Ben turned and left without another word.

“I can’t believe this happened.” Olivia searched Ju-Ju’s eyes for answers.

“Has she been eating normally lately?” Tammy asked softly, with no accusation evident in her voice.

“I think so. I mean, she’s always talking about needing to lose weight. But I’ve never noticed anything unusual. She eats pie and stuff, too. Complains about it, but eats it. Sometimes a lot of it.”

“And then what?” Ju-Ju’s shoulders slumped. Skye stood up from the floor. “What do you mean, then what?”

“T might eat like a pig sometimes. But then what does she do?”

Realization hit Olivia’s stomach like a lump of clay.

“Bathroom. She always goes to the bathroom after she eats.” The mall! “Oh man, you guys, I’ve heard her vomit before. She said it was just something she ate.”

“Yeah. It was something she ate all right.” Ju-Ju slumped on the chair. “Why didn’t I do something sooner? I knew something was up.”

“If this is your fault, then we’re all to blame.” Tammy smiled softly. “You girls love her. You’d do anything to protect her. She was good at hiding it. This is not your fault. Tell me you know that.”

Olivia nodded. “I know it’s not our fault.”

Easier to say than to believe.

“Hey, T.” Ju-Ju pushed the door to the hospital room open and held it back for Olivia and Skye to enter.

Tricia’s head wavered as she lifted it off the pillow, the dark circles under her eyes in stark contrast with the bleached white sheets. “Are you guys mad at me?”

“Mad at you? Are you kidding? We’re just so glad you’re okay.” Skye sat down on the edge of the bed and gave Tricia a side hug and a kiss on her pale forehead.

Why?
Olivia wanted to ask, but stuck with a safer question. “What can we do to help?”

Tricia shrugged. “I have to have more counseling for a while. I’m not sure what happens from here. Ben says I’m not going to be leaving Diamond Estates for a while—that I need some more help.” Tears filled her eyes. “I guess he’s right, but with this setback, there’s no way I’ll graduate from the program with you guys in a couple of months.”

“Well, you know that Ju-Ju and I aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.” Skye rubbed Tricia’s forearm.

“No. But you’ll be through with the program even if you still live in the house for a while. It’ll be different.”

“It’ll be better.” Skye smiled.

Did anyone actually believe that? Olivia gazed out the window. Someone needed to say something funny to break the ice.

“Why, T?” Ju-Ju grabbed her hand. “Why did you want to be so skinny even to the point of risking your life?”