Winter Howl (Sanctuary) (13 page)

“Didn’t you hear the girl?” Britt had said, looking amused. “She’s not going to break.”

“What do I…?” He’d laughed at himself. “Where do I start?”

So Renee had started for him, reaching up to pull him down to her height, which was an even greater distance than she had to pull Britt. She’d discovered how much control she would have to give up in order to kiss him properly. She’d had to crane her neck and curve her back so that he’d had to hold her to keep her balanced, and she’d clung to his shoulders. He’d just been so big… And his long blond hair in a tail had been begging for her to hold it, to feel its texture, which had been a little rougher than the texture of hair she was used to.

He’d been so gentle as he’d kissed her, as if he was kissing a china doll, and Renee had found herself impatient. She’d bitten his lip. Not hard, but enough for him to know that he did not have to wear kid gloves with her. With all the ‘practice’ she’d had with Britt, she was a little more confident in her kissing technique by now, even if she did not know much else in terms of style. She only knew what she wanted to feel, and he’d still been too careful, even as his tongue had met hers when she’d drawn him into her mouth. But to kiss her, he’d had to hold her, and as the kiss had warmed between them, he’d held her closer. All she’d been able to do was hold on and feel the growing hardness of him against her stomach.

Then Britt had been behind her, laving her ear and running her hands up and down Renee’s arms until she’d brought goosebumps to the flesh. Britt’s breasts had pressed against her back, and she’d been surrounded by two people who Renee thought could love her, who knew what she needed and what she didn’t need. It had been warm, together, close, and she’d felt herself rubbing back against Jake where he stood, then pulling away to feel Britt closer. There had been so much more sensation with another in the mix. She hadn’t known whether she could deal with this much—the feelings, the neediness, then the subtle, growing sense of claustrophobia. Gentle fingers over her back and over her arms, soft tongues, soft kisses, little moans. She’d felt as if she was a part of something larger, but she had been about to fall at any moment. She’d needed her feet flat on the ground.

She’d pulled away, stumbled for a minute as she had found her footing.

One side of Britt’s mouth had lifted as she’d watched Renee adjust her cami and the bra straps underneath, pulling the bottom down over the lifted hem.

“A little too much for now?” Britt asked.

Renee nodded.

“But not bad?”

Renee shook her head. “Just…I need to go. You two should stay. I’ll be back out in a few minutes.”

The lights had been off when she’d come out from the bathroom—just a quick soak to think about things. But she could hear them anyway. She felt so unsatisfied, yet knew she simply couldn’t go the rest of the way. Like her social skills in and out of the sanctuary, she felt she could only go so far without feeling completely out of control. She wondered if there was any loss of control that was actually pleasant. Even when she brought herself to a climax, or when she and Britt reached that place together at their right pace… That did not feel out of control. Her teeth would clench, her fingers tighten, her breath stop. She rarely cried out, never sighed or moaned. Nothing that Britt did. And she wondered whether it was her. Whether she could ever let herself really lose control.

She rolled over so that she was on her stomach, sighing into the pillow and feeling her heart beat against the mattress.

They had finally climaxed—Jake first this time, then Britt. And Jake at least seemed to be the kind of man who fell asleep pretty fast after sex. Orgasm didn’t make Britt or Renee tired, but it was also midnight now, so Britt was probably going to sleep, too. Technically, Renee should not even have been in bed. It was not late enough for her. So she just lay there, trying to feel relaxed and listening to all the night sounds of breathing, the house creaking, Claire humming her little snores.

Then she heard it—a wolf’s howl. It was like that night again, except the dogs didn’t go crazy when they heard it. Since the werewolf had come to the sanctuary, the dogs became agitated when he was around, but they did not respond to its howl anymore, other than to cower in their beds. Malcolm had slept in the dog barn for a few nights after Grant had arrived, to teach them that they did not have to be afraid. Even if some of the staff, including Renee, were concerned that they
should
be afraid.

Renee got out of bed, listening as the howl rose again, higher and almost ringing in her ears. She slipped her house shoes on and went downstairs. Grabbing her dressing gown from the hall coat rack, she opened the front door and stepped out. She didn’t turn on the porch light. Even without it on, she could see Grant running around the corner of the dog barn. The moment he saw her, he howled again, sounding as if he had found prey, as though he were calling to a pack.

With a hitch of effort, he walked straight into his human skin, bones and sinew creaking before leaving him a light piece of flesh in the moonlight.

“You know it’s not safe to be out here,” he said.

She didn’t feel any of the chill when she shed her dressing gown on the porch steps, single-minded as she grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him down to her. He was not quite as tall for her as Jake—it felt as though he fit better, a little shorter than Britt. And God, he was all around her, not even stopping to ask as he plundered her mouth, drinking her in and holding her tightly against his rapidly reacting body, as hard as a rock to the touch, hard and warm and smooth. She touched him everywhere, feeling every inch of him as he ripped the camisole off and pushed her bra down to release her breasts to his mouth—hot, passionate, not caring how she was shaking or panting or digging her fingernails into his shoulders. Half pushing him away and half bringing him closer.

He wrenched himself away from her flesh that glistened from his saliva, grinning silver, sharp teeth as he shoved her down on the porch so that he could pull off her pants. He did not even bother taking off her panties, just pushed them aside.

Then he was filling her, filling a place that had been so empty and grasping until he stretched her around him. She whimpered. It should have hurt, but it didn’t. She just wanted him to fuck her, fuck her hard, make her feel something.

He bent over her as he did what she wanted without her saying a word. His vulpine teeth sank into her shoulder, and her hips rose to meet his as the coil of ecstasy released. She thrashed against it, with it.

And then there was nothing, and the rise of physical sensation was lost when she opened her eyes to the wooden beams of the roof. She was in her own room. Britt was above her, shaking her. Her orgasm was awful, an unbearable clenching into nothingness without even the benefit of arousal. A bodily response to blood flow, with no feeling of warmth at all.

Renee gripped tightly to Britt’s wrist as she rode it out without any pleasure.

“Hey, are you okay?” Britt asked, sounding really concerned. Renee wondered whether she had been making any noise. She remembered bits of the dream—it was already fading away. All she knew was that Grant had been inside her, doing whatever he liked, that she had somehow been turned on, but that the climax had been empty. Stolen.

“Sorry,” Renee said as her heart rate began to return to a normal pace. “Nightmare.”

“I’ll say,” Britt murmured. “You were thrashing in your sleep.”

“Not to interrupt or imply anything, but it honestly doesn’t smell like a nightmare,” Jake said. He did look concerned, though.

“Blood flow to the genitalia is biologically normal during sleep. Even for women,” Renee said. “It was a bad dream.”

“Do you need your medication?” Britt asked.

“I’m calm now,” Renee said. “But…” She curled her knees under her to kneel and press her lips against Britt’s neck. She stroked a wet line up the curve of Britt’s throat with her tongue. Britt gasped at the unexpected sensation.

“Please,” Renee whispered. “I don’t want to… I’ve already, you know… But I want to feel you.”

Britt wrapped her arms around Renee’s waist. “Who am I to resist such a wish?” she asked with a grin.

“Can we…in your bed? Can we fit?” Renee asked. “I don’t think I’m ready for Jake to be with me like that…but I don’t mind him there. I want him there.”

“I wouldn’t complain,” Jake said. “Come here.” He held out his arms. “I’m sorry you had a bad dream.” He took her into an embrace, just to comfort her, not with any other thought behind it. Jake was one of the few people she could allow to get so close, especially when she was feeling so vulnerable. Britt was another, of course. Renee brushed her lips against his chest lightly, then pulled away.

He scooted over in the queen-size bed to lie against the other pillow, content with watching for the time being.

Renee lay down on the bed, removing her pyjama pants much more patiently than Grant had in her dreams, then buried her hands in Britt’s beautiful hair as Britt climbed over her. She loved Britt’s hair, the way it curled around her fingers, how soft it was, how it closed in around them so it was just the two of them in the world. Renee breathed her in as she kissed the woman, smelling skin, smelling Britt’s shampoo, smelling a little of Jake. If asked, she would not be able to articulate what those smells were, only that they
were
. She kissed Britt as if drinking her in, and Britt, seeming a little surprised, matched her fervour, responding with the intensity that Renee demanded.

She wrapped her legs around Britt’s waist, curling them around the length of Britt’s thighs and stroking skin on skin. It was a new sensation, and she had never known just how sensitive her legs could be, particularly her thighs. They clenched against Britt’s hip bones as Renee tried to bring her closer, almost like pulling her in. It was as though Renee were trying to merge the two of them, but it was just impossible. Renee broke the kiss in frustration.

“What is this?” Britt whispered. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just… I feel lost. Disconnected. I want to… It’s like you can’t get close enough.” She explored lower with her mouth, running over the line of Britt’s collarbone.

“That must have been some dream,” Britt breathed.

Renee slid down farther under Britt until her mouth pressed against the flesh of her breasts, tasting the skin there, licking under them where the breast was heavy against her tongue before taking the nipple into her mouth. She was gentle, but Britt almost whined as she flicked her tongue back and forth, enjoying the sensation of the rough, hard nub in her mouth. She ran her nails up Britt’s thighs before sliding them over the firm, round flesh of her ass.

“Whoa, girl,” Britt said, lifting herself up so that she was on her hands and knees. “Don’t start something you can’t finish. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry,” Renee murmured. “I didn’t mean to get that carried away.”

“No,” Britt said, lying down next to her after Renee shifted so that she was between Jake and Britt. “Don’t be sorry. It was good. I promise.”

“I’ll say,” Jake muttered. Renee elbowed him in the stomach, but there was not any force to it.

“It’s just it wasn’t like you. That’s all. Was it the dream?”

Renee closed her eyes, her head against the pillow, and both Britt and Jake brought the blankets over them.

“I wanted to get close. And I couldn’t do that just staying where I’ve always been. Why did you let me stop?” Renee asked. She curled her fingers around Britt’s until she was holding Britt’s hand tightly.

“It was hard to say no, if I’m being honest,” Britt said. “But partly because I didn’t think you were really ready. Or completely awake. When you and I go further, I would rather do it in the light. Does that make sense?”

“It’s harder to teach me when I can’t see the chalkboard?” Renee answered.

Jake snorted into laughter behind her, and Britt joined him on the other side of her. “Basically,” she said. “I want to know we’re both ready and that we’re completely conscious. It’s important to me. It’s important that things go well for you, and I’m not sure whether this was the best time for that.”

“But soon?” Renee asked.

“If you’re that eager,” Britt said, kissing her softly and lingering a little, “I can guarantee it.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I put some of the quilt between us,” Jake said. “Gender hazard.”

The sides of Renee’s mouth curled up. “It’s fine.”

Then Claire jumped up on their bed, because it was sure to be warmer where three humans slept than where her last human had vacated, and they had to be still. Renee relaxed into the warmth of the two friends with her. It was only a matter of time before she fell asleep again. Just in that place between sleeping and waking, she thought she heard the howl again. But she fell beyond it before she could tell.

Chapter Five

Renee turned on the intercom. “Attention. In thirty minutes, the last shipment of the season will be coming in. I will need some human skins around, so decide whether you want to be seen or not. Thank you.”

Unloading was always a complicated time because the shapeshifters so rarely liked to show their faces to outsiders, but she needed as many of them as possible to help her put everything away as it came out.

The circumstances of their being at the sanctuary determined how comfortable they were being seen by visitors. Usually Jake was okay with showing his face, although Britt was not. Britt did not want her parents to find her under any circumstances, but Jake’s family knew where he was. Malcolm usually helped out, as did two other shapeshifters named Nancy and Lotus. They were both regular workers. Ki would usually be in her human skin, but she would not make herself known unless she had to. Max would make himself scarce at these times and would only help move when the shipping guys had gone. Both of their families knew where they were, but they did not want strangers seeing their human faces. They wanted as little record of their human identities as possible.