Wings of Love (15 page)

“I understand, Mac, but please don’t feel like anyone’s pushing you to do or be anything that you’re not. Take all the time you need, and the answer will come to you.”

Mac reached over and grabbed Brad’s hand.

“I hope you’re right, because it feels really good just being with you,” Mac said.

“I know how good it feels. I’m here too, remember? But we can’t live the rest of our lives locked away in this cabin. If we end up together, and that’s a big if… people are going to know about it. That includes Zander and Jake, Jack and Zoe-Grace, and anyone else that we know. You will be in a relationship with a man, and there will be no turning back. You can’t expect me to live my life as a lie. That’s not fair to me, and it’s certainly not fair to you,” Brad said.

“You’re right, Brad. And if and when I make a commitment to you, I don’t give a damn about what anyone thinks, except Jack and Zoe. Jack’s like my brother, and, well, Zoe-Grace, she goes without saying. I don’t want to lose either of them.”

“Mac, if Jack and Zoe truly love you, they will accept you as you are. What if it was the other way around, and Jack or Zoe was telling you that he or she was gay, would you care any less for them?”

“I hope that I wouldn’t,” Mac said. He stood and started to pace. “I’ve been around Zander and Jake forever, and you and Jeff for the last five years too. Have I ever given you any reason to believe that I had anything against your lifestyle?”

“No, you haven’t, but listen to yourself. You just said ‘your’ as in ‘our’ lifestyle. And now we may be talking about your lifestyle as well. Is it still okay?”

“I guess that’s what I have to figure out. I would love to say that it wouldn’t matter, but I just don’t know.”

Mac walked around the back of Brad’s chair and put his arms around his neck and buried his face in Brad’s neck. He whispered, “All I know is that I am here with you because I want to be. I don’t know what that means or what kind of label to put on it. I just know I want to be here with you.”

Brad reached over his shoulder and cupped the back of Mac’s head and ran his fingers through his hair.

“That’s enough for me right now, Mac. I can’t judge you. Hell, I don’t have anything better to offer you right now either.”

The kitchen timer Brad had set when he put the lasagna in the oven dinged, interrupting the tender moment. Mac straightened up to allow Brad to stand and take care of the lasagna. Mac prepared a loaf of garlic bread and placed it in the oven, and then moved on to the salad. When he was through tossing the salad and the bread was ready, Brad sliced and served the lasagna, and Mac served the salad and cut the bread.

Before they sat down, Mac lit a candle for the table and put on his favorite Dinah Washington CD. Brad poured them each another glass of wine, and they settled down to eat. During dinner the conversation stayed light and fun. Brad teased Mac mercilessly about his singing, and Mac gave it right back to him about running him down while Brad was skipping down the mountain like Maria Von Trapp in
The Sound of Music
. They laughed and talked for a couple of hours before they finally got up to clear the table and wash the dishes.

Brad was washing dishes, and Mac was waiting to dry when Dinah started singing “What A Difference a Day Makes,” one of Mac’s favorite songs. Mac started singing in a low sexy voice.

“‘What a difference a day made, Twenty-four little hours…’”

Mac moved in behind Brad and put his arms around his waist. He started swaying while he sang. Brad dried his hands and turned around in Mac’s arms. Brad took the lead as he attempted to dance with Mac. Mac stopped singing and hesitated for only a second, then followed Brad’s lead. Mac sang as Brad spun him around.

The song ended, but they kept dancing.

“This feels so weird,” Mac said as “This Bitter Earth” was next out of the little boom box.

“What?” Brad whispered.

“Dancing with a guy.”

“Why does it feel weird?” Brad asked.

“For one thing, I’ve never followed before, so that’s part of it. But girls are so fragile, soft, and light on their feet, and you are, well… masculine and strong… and to be honest, a little heavy on yours.”

“Well, we’ll stop,” Brad said as he stopped dancing and dropped his hands down to his side.

“Don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m just kidding,” Mac said.

This time Mac took the lead, and they started dancing again.

“Now, this feels much better,” Mac said.

“Okay then, I guess that settles it; you’re the leader,” Brad whispered again. “I guess I can live with that,” he said.

“Good, now shut up and dance with me,” Mac said through a plastered-on smile.

They danced around the little cabin to every song left on the CD. When the music stopped, Brad looked at his watch.

“Mac, it’s one thirty in the morning.”

“Are you kidding me?” Mac asked.

“Nope, we have to go to bed. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”

They went through their routine, getting the cabin ready for the night. In ten minutes, the fire was blazing, and the oil lamps were out. They both hit the bathroom and brushed their teeth and washed up. When they were finished, they stood in the middle of the living room.

“What now?” Mac asked.

“Mac, would you like to bunk in with me again?”

“I’d like that very much, if you want me to. I mean… it’s a great way to stay warm,” Mac replied with a wink and a smile.

“Mac,” Brad said.

“What?”

“Get in bed.”

“Whatever you say, Brad.”

They both stripped down to their T-shirts and boxers and climbed into bed. They assumed the same positions they’d done the previous night, and before Brad could say good night, he heard Mac’s very light snoring. He settled and tightened Mac’s arms around his waist and simply listened. Eventually, he fell off into a peaceful slumber.

B
RAD
woke up sometime later to Mac getting out of bed. He sat up and turned over to see if Mac was okay, but it wasn’t Mac. It was Jeff.

“Hey, buddy,” Jeff said.

“Jeff?” Brad said. “Is it really you?”

“In the flesh, sort of,” Jeff replied.

“When… how did you get here?” Brad said. “Oh my God, you look great. Are you okay?”

“I’m really well, Brad. It’s amazing to feel this good.”

“How long can you stay? I’ve missed you so much, Jeff,” Brad said.

“I can’t stay, and besides, you’re doing great for yourself. You got a good man taking care of you,” Jeff said.

“You know about Mac? Are you mad at me?” Brad asked.

“Of course not, Brad. I made you promise me before I died that you would go on with your life and try to be happy,” Jeff said.

“Yeah, but it’s only been six months,” Brad said as he looked a little embarrassed. “Jeff, you know me well enough to know I didn’t come up here expecting to get involved with a straight man. All this sort of just happened. And to be honest, I really don’t know what to think about it all.”

“I know, Brad, it’s okay. I know without a doubt that you loved me, and believe me when I say that I knew everything that was going on around me when I died. I know you climbed up in bed with me. I left this earth in your arms. It meant everything to me.”

Jeff reached over and gently kissed Brad on the lips.

“But just know it’s time to let me go. We’re in different places now, but someday we will be together again, and I exist for that time. But in the meantime, you need to live. Mac is a good man, and he cares for you. He might not know it yet, but he’s in love with you.”

Brad tried to interrupt, and Jeff put his finger on Brad’s lips to stop him.

“You need to be patient with Mac and try to understand that he has had such a short time to deal with these new emotions. It will all work out in the end. Everything always happens as it’s supposed to. I will always love you, and Mac loves you too. Just remember that.”

Brad rolled over to get out of bed, and when he turned around, Jeff was gone.

“No, wait, I have so many questions. I love you too, Jeff. No, come back!”

Brad felt himself being shaken and heard someone saying, “Wake up, Brad.”

“Brad, wake up. Brad?”

Brad opened his eyes, and Mac was holding him.

“Brad, please wake up,” Mac pleaded.

“Mac?”

“Brad, you were having a dream,” Mac said.

“I know.” Brad held on to Mac tighter and kissed his neck and face.

“Brad, are you okay?” Mac asked.

“I’m okay now, thanks to you,” Brad said.

“What do you mean?” Mac asked.

Brad told him about Jeff and the dream and everything Jeff had said to him.

“Wow, that’s some dream. So what now?” Mac asked.

“Mac, I think Jeff came to me because he knew I was struggling with having feelings for you and not wanting to let him go. I think he came to me to give me his blessing,” Brad said with tears in his eyes.

Mac again took Brad in his arms and held him tight.

“Mac, if and when you’re ready to explore something with me, I’m here, ready, and waiting,” Brad whispered into Mac’s ear.

Mac held him even tighter as they slid down into bed and settled in for the night.

Mac was very glad it was dark in the cabin, so Brad couldn’t see the fear on his face. It was one thing if they both weren’t sure what they wanted, but now Brad knew exactly what he wanted, and Mac was still unsure. Would this change things between them?

Chapter 22

T
HE
next morning, Brad woke first and slid out of bed, careful not to wake Mac. Mac had had a very restless night, and Brad had a pretty good idea why. He fumbled around the cabin, trying to make coffee and put together a little breakfast to take to Mac in bed.

When breakfast was ready, he filled a tray with enough coffee, bagels and cream cheese, and a fruit salad for two. He made his way quietly back to bed, put the tray on the bedside table, and slipped under the covers.

“Good morning, flyboy,” he whispered into Mac’s ear.

Mac slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He stretched and yawned and said, “Good morning.”

Brad gently kissed him on the cheek and said, “I made breakfast.”

Mac looked over Brad’s shoulder and saw the tray on the bedside table.

“Do you want to start with coffee?” Brad asked.

“That would be amazing,” Mac mumbled.

Brad poured them each a cup and passed one to Mac. Mac scooted up a little and rested his back and head on the bed’s headboard. Brad followed his lead, and they sipped their coffees.

Brad put his cup of coffee down and turned to face Mac. “Mac, you were pretty restless last night. I know you didn’t sleep very well, and I think I have a pretty good idea why.”

Mac looked at Brad with a quizzical expression. “Let’s hear it,” Mac said.

“Promise me that you will hear me out before you interrupt, okay?” Brad asked. “I need to get this out.”

Mac nodded while still sipping his coffee.

“Last night, when you woke me after my dream and I explained everything that Jeff had tried to communicate to me, you seemed to have that ‘deer in the headlights’ look. I wasn’t really thinking clearly, or I wouldn’t have said anything about being ready for
this
.” He used his index finger to point back and forth between the two of them. “Mac, I’m sorry.”

Mac started to speak, and Brad stopped him. “Please, let me finish,” he told him. Mac closed his mouth and nodded again.

“When you and I were figuring out things between us and we were both on the fence about how, when, or if we should pursue this friendship, relationship, whatever you want to call it, we were on a level playing field.

“Now that I’ve decided I want to explore this, the field is no longer level. That must feel like an awful lot of pressure on you, and I want to take that pressure away, Mac. You don’t deserve any pressure from me and you won’t get any. You’ve been a lifesaver, and I can never ever thank you enough for pulling me through this terrible loss and showing me life can go on. But… if you walked out of this cabin today, I would be upset and very sad, but I wouldn’t go after you. This is your decision to make, with no strings attached. I know now that I will survive, and I owe that secure feeling to you.”

Brad set the cup with what was left of his cold coffee on the bedside table and stood. He walked to the foot of the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“So here’s the deal. The way I see it, this could go a couple different ways. The first scenario would be that we pursue this thing and see where it goes. If it works, we live happily ever after. If it doesn’t, we remain friends and keep the cabin and go on as we have been. If you choose not to do that, then I’ll buy you out, no questions asked and no hard feelings, and we go our separate ways. You could also decide that you don’t even want to try, and with that decision, the other endings will also apply. Either way, we’re both going to be okay.”

Mac looked at Brad as if begging to speak with his eyes.

“Okay, you can speak now.”

Mac patted the empty spot on the bed next to him.