William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return (15 page)

[
to Han:
] The code unto the bunker door hath chang’d!

We need R2!

—The terminal is here.

If he can make it o’er, this is his means

To swiftly open up the closèd door.

R2, where art thou? Come to us anon!

[
to C-3PO:
] Beep, squeak!

—Thou goest? Wait, what dost thou mean?

I thought thou hadst resolvèd to remain.

Meep, whistle, hoo, beep, meep.

—But going where?

Pray patience, R2, this is not a time

For brave heroics! Hither now, return!

[The droids move toward Han Solo and Princess Leia.

Beep, squeak!

—We come, we come!

—I prithee, swift!

[R2-D2 plugs into the bunker door’s control panel.

Quick, good R2—thou art our only hope.

[A stormtrooper shoots and hits R2-D2, who is thrown backward, short-circuiting.

Hoo!

—R2, wherefore wert thou passing brave?

That plan, then, shall not be. Mayhap I can

Still hot-wire these controls to ope the door.

Good cover shall I give thee whilst thou work’st.

Auugh-egh-egh-auugh!

[Chewbacca and the Ewoks land on top of the AT-ST. The AT-ST pilot and copilot see an Ewok in the front screen.

—Pray, get the beastie off!

[The AT-ST copilot opens the hatch and is thrown out by Chewbacca. The Ewoks enter the cockpit and subdue the AT-ST pilot.

N’mayta mayta,

Heeza hayta,

Weeza gonnem,

Bayta, bayta.

[Chewbacca and the Ewoks begin piloting the AT-ST toward the bunker, shooting Imperial troops and destroying other AT-STs as they go.

The wiring have I reckon’d, and we shall

Make entrance to the bunker presently.

A-ha, ’tis done, and now the door’s unlock’d!

[A second blast door shuts.

Have I been mock’d by cords and circuitry?

Shall I by wires and cable bested be?

[A stormtrooper shoots Princess Leia in the shoulder. Han Solo rushes to her side.

Alack!

—My love, my heart, my very life!

I beg thee, tell me thou art well, and that

This wound shall not take what I hold most dear:

E’en thee. Shall this the final moment be,

Shall I live all my life in grave regret

That never did I tell thee what thou mean’st,

Or how completely thou hast won me o’er?

A smuggler’s heart thou hast with cunning seiz’d,

A pirate’s soul thou hast by kindness ta’en.

A scoundrel’s life thou holdest hostage, chuck.

Thus, though I am by trade a smuggling man,

’Tis thou art guilty of a greater crime:

For thou dost practice larceny in love.

I almost wish my wound were worse to hear

More of thy tender and most soothing words.

But truly, Han, I am not badly hurt.

[The Imperial troops have all been defeated, except two stormtroopers approaching from behind.

Be still!

—O my!

—Move not, or else thou diest!

O, I do love thee, Leia dear.

—I know.

[Princess Leia shoots both stormtroopers.

Well aim’d, my sweet.

—Hurrah! We now are sav’d.

[The AT-ST piloted by Chewbacca and the Ewoks approaches.

O, ’tis unjust! Another fighter yet?

This battle fierce we very nearly won,

Yet now this final vehicle appears.

How shall we conquer it and still defeat

The too-importunate Imperi’l threat?

Shall we have no relief from enemies?

[
emerging from the hatch:
] Auugh!

—Chewie! Blessèd sight art thou. I pray,

Come quickly down, for she is wounded.

—Egh!

Nay, wait! [
To Leia:
] A keen idea hath come to me,

Which shall unto this doorway be our key.

[Exeunt.

Take care, good Wedge: three come at thee above!

Red Three, Red Two, I prithee, pull ye in!

I hear thy word and do attend, good Sir.

Now three approach at twenty, by degrees.

Cut to the left; the leader is for me.

Toward the frigate medical they fly—

O villainy, to make assault upon

Our injur’d. Nay, they shall not strike us thus!

I fly with thee, good Wedge, they’ll not prevail.

But wait, what omen vile’s before mine eyes?

The fighters of the Empire are engag’d,

Yet all the Star Destroyers are at rest.

It is as though some show is here devis’d,

And we’re the actors in a play of war.

We’re set in the position for attack.

’Tis well, now hold thee fast, and wait.

—But Sir,

Dost mean that we shall not make our assault?

This is no plan of my invention, but

The edict cometh from the Emperor

Himself. He hath a special plan afoot.

Our role here is but to prevent escape.

Hast thou mark’d well what I have said?

—Aye, Sir.

[Exeunt Admiral Piett and Imperial commander.

[
to Luke:
] As thou canst see, my young apprentice, all

Thy friends have fail’d. Now for the final blow:

Thou shalt bear witness to the strong firepow’r

Of this both fully operational

And armèd battle station. [
Into comlink:
] Fire at will,

Commander! Let the rebels shriek with pain!

Excitement courses through my veins, for I

Do thrill at bringing others misery.

[The Death Star shoots, sending beams across the stage and killing some rebel pilots.

[
aside:
] O pierce my soul, thou cursèd hand of Fate!

Am I the cause for this most bitter scene?

The Death Star active while my comrades die,

And all that I may gaze upon their end.

How shall I keep my mind from thoughts most dark?

How shall I patient be when fac’d with this?

How shall I not respond to anger’s call?

How shall I show a Jedi’s noble soul?

Be with me, trusted Yoda and dear Ben,

Forsooth, I need you more than ever now.

[
to Nien:
] That blast hath emanated from the Death

Star. O! ’Tis operational. [
Into comlink:
] Home One,

This is Gold Leader. Hast thou seen that blast?