Why Men Love Bitches (31 page)

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Authors: Sherry Argov

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11
 
THE
New
AND
Improved
BITCH
The Survival Guide for Women Who Are Too Nice

“Always give them the old fire. Even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice.”

—E
THEL
M
ERMAN

The Bitch Stands Her Ground
 

The “new and improved” bitch is not a bad thing. She is a refined version of the proverbial, “old” bitch. She’s not abrasive or mean, nor does she nag to get what she wants. She speaks with her actions, and she’s only a bitch when she
has to be.
One of the most telling signs that a woman “has arrived” is that she’s not obsessed with pleasing a man, or anyone other than herself. Who is this “new and improved bitch?” See the following definition:

Bitch
(noun)
:
A woman who won’t bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else’s opinion—be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it’s just one person’s opinion; therefore, it’s of no real importance. She doesn’t try to live up to anyone else’s standards—only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.

 

The bitch also perceives
herself
differently. She’ll get into the “boxing ring,” so to speak, with the mindset that she’s an “equal opponent” to a man. With a nice girl, a man automatically thinks of himself as the “heavyweight” and of her as the “featherweight” (a.k.a., the underdog). A confident woman who enters the ring and doesn’t go down without a fight earns the respect of a man, even if she loses. Why? Because then he knows she’s a woman with
heart
. If she goes down, she goes down swinging. And when they step out of the ring, he can’t help but have more respect for her.

The bitch behaves in a way that a man understands. She speaks to him in the same language he uses when he talks to his male friends, which, again, lets him know she’s on a level playing field. She is able to communicate without a lot of “gray area,” and she’s forthright. Don’t think this matters? Take a peek at a side-by-side comparison:

 
T
HE
N
ICE
G
IRL
T
HE
B
ITCH
She’ll try to sweet-talk a man into giving her what she wants on a regular basis. If she doesn’t get it, she’ll cry, get upset, or pout.
She won’t sugarcoat anything or use euphemisms. She is direct about what her preferences are and lets him know what the dos and don’ts are, with respect to how he treats her.
She’ll play the guilt card or talk about her "inner child"; she seems to possess a childlike quality.
She is a grown woman, so there’s nothing “childlike” about her. She has a no-nonsense philosophy.
If he hurts her in some way, she’ll cry. Then she’ll make him apologize and promise not to do it again.
She’ll back off and let her silence do the talking. Then she’ll communicate when she’s ready, on her own terms; at this point, she makes it clear it won’t happen again, because if it does she won’t be around.
She tells herself, “He didn’t mean that.” Or, she makes excuses if he behaves badly.
She notices his disrespect instantly and, without hesitation, calls him on the carpet over it.
She forces herself to do something she is uncomfortable with in order to please a man. She also puts on a happy face and pretends that she likes it.
She won’t do anything she’s not comfortable with and won’t hesitate to let him know. She meets him on a level playing field.
O
NE
= A D
OCILE
W
OMAN
= L
OSS OF
R
ESPECT
T
HE
O
THER
= A D
ESIRABLE
W
OMAN
= I
NCREASED
R
ESPECT
 

Rarely, if ever, will two grown men have a drawn-out conversation that ends with: “You hurt my feelings!” The closest thing a man will say to another man about feelings is, “You really pissed me off.”

As an example, hypothetically, one guy may borrow money from his friend and not pay it back. A long mushy conversation will not take place. If any exchange happens at all, it’s short and sweet and ends with, “Screw you, asshole!” Then they stop hanging out together and that’s the end of it.

Because the bitch will “tell it like it is,” a man will respect the way she communicates. In a man’s eyes, anger isn’t weakness. He’ll think she has more
self-control
than a woman who is emotional. With the emotional woman, he’ll rationalize that she’s hormonally unbalanced because of her monthly cycle. Or he’ll think she’s weak. But, with a bitch, he’ll think she knows what she does and doesn’t want. She knows what she likes and what she dislikes. She has “spirit.” (And I don’t mean the cheerleading kind.)

When you say the word
B-I-T-C-H
out loud, don’t say it like it’s a
bad
thing. According to some, the word derives from the first letters in the following phrase:
B
abe
I
n
T
otal
C
ontrol of
H
erself. The only higher crown, the only higher
honor,
is to be called a “High-Maintenance Bitch.” It’s a sign of success, indicating that this is the woman the guy
ends up keeping.
If nothing else, he keeps her for the very practical reason that he’s invested so much that he can’t let her go. And he’s
still
trying to win her over.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #95

A man feels he’s won, or conquered a woman, when she eats out of the palm of his hand. At which point, he begins to get bored.

 
The Bitch Is Never Fully Conquered
 

So why do men love bitches? With a bitch, they never feel as though they’ve quite conquered her, so they keep trying. Some men try for a lifetime.

When a man is with a woman who is willing to bend over backward, it almost invites mistreatment. Charlotte catered to her boyfriend, Tom,
constantly.
His interest was starting to fade.

Charlotte thought she’d win Tom back by throwing a party for him on the beach. She planned an elaborate party and invited all his friends. She also decided to pay over $3,000 to hire a sky-writing service for the event. There were two planes and they made a big beautiful heart in the sky followed by the words, “I love you always.” Once the planes arrived overhead, it took almost a half-hour for them to do an exquisite job. When they were finished, everyone was in awe. It was breathtaking, and everyone thought so—
except
Tom (who had unfortunately called an hour previously to say he couldn’t make it). By then, it was too late for Charlotte to get a refund on the fortune she had spent. She tried to cancel, but it was too late. The planes had already taken off and were en route to the party.

The example with Charlotte is not uncommon. This is what happens when a woman is
too nice
and will jump through hoops:
It invites bad behavior.

While the nice girl loses her mind, the bitch, on the other hand, makes the man lose his. When a woman keeps a level head, a man will often become much more intrigued with her. He’ll think about her constantly, he won’t be able to get enough of her, and he’ll eventually decide he can’t live without her.

It’s a basic difference between men and women: Women want safety and predictability and men long for excitement, danger, and unpredictability. As a child, the nice girl played with Barbie and her Ken doll; she grew up with the mental image that she, too, would live “happily ever after.” Little boys want nothing to do with the Ken doll—they identify with
exciting
figures who live dangerously, like Batman, Superman, and Spiderman.

Ask any mother which child she finds more troublesome—a son or a daughter. Most mothers confess that boys are more difficult, especially if there are more than one. Why? For most men, safe = boring. So they look for ways to add excitement and danger, and go out of their way to pursue things that are difficult. It’s this very
element of danger
that draws him to a bitch.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #96

The tension that arises with a slightly bitchy woman gives a subtle feeling of danger to a man. He feels slightly unsure because she is never in the palm of his hand.

 

Think about what things men collect, or the things that fascinate them. Guns, ammunition, sports cards, sci-fi magazines, pocket knives, little metal cars, power tools, and a “rechargeable” flashlight. (Your job is to act riveted. “Wow, rechargeable?”) Oh, and let’s not forget the “priceless” collection of little army men (just to die for) and the high-speed stuff: cars, Jet Skis, motorcycles, and airplanes.

The nice girl makes the mistake of nurturing a man and making him feel too “safe.” Men get bored very easily, which is why too much predictability and safety makes the relationship seem
monotonous
to him. With the bitch, it isn’t monotonous.

The nice girl buries her head in the sand when she ignores a man’s need for stimulation, danger, or “a challenge.” This is to her detriment. She’s like an ostrich. When an ostrich sees a hunting animal, instead of facing the tiger head-on, it’ll bury its head in the sand. Hence, it becomes “din din.”

The bitch takes the head-on approach, but the nice girl takes the “buried head” approach. The bitch sees what’s actually there.
The nice girl sees what she wants to see.

In the first month alone, here’s what the “nice girl” will do…She’ll give him a foot massage. Then she’ll cook eggs with six ingredients and pancakes on the side. She’ll drive to do his laundry and iron his shirts. Then she’ll read him poems and want to cuddle all day. After he dumps her, she’ll say, “I can’t believe he did this to me!”

Many women believe that men want a woman who will do…
whatever
they tell her to do. In theory, men want this. But in practice, when they actually get it,
they’ll tire of it almost instantaneously
.

The minute a man thinks he can “do no wrong” in your eyes and you’ll accept anything he dishes out, you’ve already “waved a white flag” with regard to his having the hots for you. His desire will come to a screeching halt.

Don’t buy the one about him wanting a “damsel in distress,” either. As one man said, "When you rescue a damsel in distress, all you get stuck with is a distressed damsel."

The notion that a woman has to “spill her guts out” in order to truly be in love isn’t a sign of love, it’s about becoming “din din.” He sees a docile woman and he says to himself, “Oh, no. A cling-on. Am I going to have to carry around this bag of Jell-O forever?” Once he realizes this, he calls less often or stops calling altogether—
after
he has sex with her.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #97

A “yes” woman who gives too much sends the impression that she believes in the man more than she believes in herself. Men view this as
weakness
not
kindness.

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