Why Men Love Bitches (15 page)

The reason the dumb fox doesn’t reveal what she observes is that he’ll show his true colors much more quickly when he doesn’t realize he is being watched. When a man talks about himself or past relationships, he may do so as a way of helping her “get to know him.” Rather than getting into heavy question-and-answer sessions, the fox keeps the conversation light. Why? The truest things are said in jest. He’ll tell you everything you need to know in passing conversation, with a joke or an off-the-cuff remark here and there. If he’s a wolf dressed up as a sheep, his whiskers will inevitably pop out.

When the dumb fox senses something’s “just not right” with a man’s character, she does
not
bring it to his attention. The only conversation the dumb fox has is
between her two ears
. As President Lyndon B. Johnson said, “You’ve got to know when to keep your mouth shut.”

When you tell someone who may be manipulating you what you observe, he will immediately try to talk you out of it. He’ll say, “You’re insecure” or “You’re prejudging me.” Are you prejudging him? You had
better
be. The only mistake is letting him know it.

The dumb fox is self-reliant. She judges people by her own experiences. The dumb fox takes better care of herself and makes better choices because she lets time elapse and she watches to see how the man
behaves
. She trusts her observations and she trusts her animal instincts.

No hunted animal gives the “benefit of the doubt.” The fox senses danger and hightails it out of there. Never be around a person who has shown you he is a hurtful person. If he does this by accident, that’s one thing. But if he’s hurtful on purpose? Game over. You’ve learned everything you need to know.

In the beginning, have fun and go out…but keep your cards close to your vest. Most important,
take your time
. This will not only make you smart as a fox, it will help you keep your independence.

The nice girl loses an important protective mechanism when she assumes that life is fair, or that Prince Charming will always protect her. The smart fox is not governed by wishful thinking or the hope of a fantasy outcome, like Cinderella. Despite appearances, she trusts herself to watch her
own
back instead of giving a man the responsibility of doing it for her.

It’s what every animal in the wild does to survive, so that they don’t become “din din.” Above all, the smart fox understands—and adheres to—the first law of nature: Every animal for herself.

• She cancels a hair appointment … for a date with
  him
  .
  
• She stops going to the gym after work … to accommodate seeing
  him.
  
• She stops spending time with friends … to give
  him
  the feeling “he is special.”
  
• She cancels plans … because there’s a chance that she’ll get a call from
  him
  .
  
• She isn’t focused at school … she keeps checking to see if a message came from
  him
  .
  
• She isn’t focused at work … she keeps checking her e-mail to see if she received something in her inbox from
  him
  .
  
• She gives up her career … to further his career and support
  him
  .
  
• She stops having dreams outside of her relationship … because her only dream is
  him
  .
  

The bitch does not stop
moving to her own rhythm
. This, in and of itself, prevents her from becoming off-balance like a nice girl who abandons her routine.

A classic example is Theresa. She takes salsa dance classes two nights a week. When she met her last boyfriend, she stopped going to her dance classes because he didn’t like to dance. She also played tennis, but he didn’t play; so she stopped that hobby as well.

Seems harmless, right? Not really. She’s giving up what she likes. The reason the nice girl gives up these activities is also telling of her self-confidence. Often she gives up something because she fears he won’t like her the way she is.

In addition, this cumulative reduction of activities eventually adds up to a significant change in
who
she is. At some point the man notices, and it turns him off because he realizes—before she does—that she’s lost her independence.

What happens after she’s lost her independence? Let’s take a look at the “state of the union” with Theresa, the woman who gave up salsa classes and tennis. She said, “We spent almost every night of the week together and fell into that pattern almost immediately. He didn’t tell me it was ‘too much’ for him. He just didn’t smile much and it seemed like he wasn’t happy anymore. I was becoming more insecure and I kept trying harder to be affectionate. I just wanted him to be like he was in the beginning.”

The nice girl thinks she’s giving up something to get something
better
in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she had expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, she’s depleted.

A man rarely realizes just how much the nice girl gives up. He doesn’t make the same sacrifices because she’s adjusting her life to be with him. After she gives up everything in her life, she begins to demand the same of him. She wants him to stop seeing family and friends. She wants him to spend all of his free time with her. If he goes to the gym, she wants to accompany him.

He doesn’t feel this pressure from a bitchier woman, so he wants to be around her more, not less, and he respects her because she appears to have “a life.” Suppose a woman says to a guy she can’t go on a date with him that night because of her weekly pottery class. He scratches his head and thinks, “She’d rather go to a pottery class than be with me?” It not only attracts him; it blows his mind.

When you love life
with him
or
without him
, that is when he will accept and value you for who you are.

When a relationship starts off at lightning speed, the man will at some point pull back to regain his need for space and then the woman will be left off-balance. It’s then that the nice girl appears needy, trying to “win back” his affections. This is when she jumps through hoops. A man loses respect for a woman who needs his approval, particularly when she will overcompensate to get it.

A man needs to “bring offerings.” He needs to be on his toes a little bit. He has to make sure his shoes are tied, his pants are pulled up, and his manners are existent. When he opens car doors, when he minds his p’s and q’s, and when he shows his best manners, it means she has his respect. In this way, she remains a bit of a bitch in his eyes because he has to keep himself in check; he doesn’t relax in terms of how he behaves around her.