White Lines (63 page)

She saw the undertaker from Sanderson Funeral Home standing at the altar near Edna’s casket, preparing the body for the viewing at that evening’s wake. Jada’s heart caught in her throat, as she realized
fully,
for the first time, that this was it. This was final—death. Her mother was gone forever, and she’d never get the chance to play cards with her or cook with her, or even to pray with her, again.

But that was her reason for being an hour early. The wake began at eleven o’clock and it was only ten. Jada needed some time alone with her mother. She allowed the undertaker a few minutes to complete his duties, and then she gingerly stepped closer to the coffin. Her mother lay there, her body thin and frail, and her hands folded across her belly. Jada looked at her mother’s face, and she smiled. Her face was still as lovely as it had been when Jada was a little girl, staring at her mother in awe.

Her gaze fell again to the hands that told the true story. Her mother’s hands, with wrinkles and veins looking as twisted as the journey Edna had taken through life. Edna’s hands were folded across her stomach—over her womb. Jada thought of the irony of Edna’s hands being clasped over her womb—the same womb that had held her and Ava. But in Jada’s memory, the womb was the only time Edna had offered protection to her young daughters. Once they had emerged into the hard, cold world, Edna had let them fend for themselves. But when she had needed her most, Edna had finally stepped up and given Jada the love and attention she had needed to clean up her act. Edna had saved not only her relationship with Jada, but also Jada’s relationship with her son.

“Wow,” she said, wiping the tear that had rolled down her right cheek. “I think you look lovely in that dress.” Jada had chosen the cream-colored silk dress for her mother, thinking she would look pure and free. Looking down on her mother now, Jada thought she looked angelic.

“I don’t even remember the last time I actually told you that I love you,” she said, gently touching her mother’s body. “But I do. I love you.”

“She knows you do, Jada.”

The voice came from behind her, and Jada spun around to face it. She smiled through her tears, as she saw her sister standing there. Ava looked amazing as usual. Her long hair still hung past her shoulders. She wore a tailored black suit, and her figure was flawless. Ava took off her Gucci shades and closed the distance between them, walking toward Jada. Jada wanted to jump for joy as she embraced her sister, still crying. When she hugged Ava, it felt the same way it had the night that they had cried together before Ava’s suicide attempt. Once again, they were scared little girls from Brooklyn left to find their way together. Once again, they were yearning for their mother’s protection, which would never be theirs again.

Their hug was so intense that they clung to each other, both of them needing their sister for strength. Ava finally pulled back and looked at Jada.

Jada smiled, but it quickly faded. “I don’t know how I feel about this.” Jada was being entirely honest. “I don’t know if I feel more happy that she’s not suffering through treatment anymore, or sad that she’s gone.” Jada wiped her eyes. Sadness and pain weighed heavily on Jada’s heart. She looked silently at her mother’s dead body and held tightly to her sister’s hand.

Ava looked at her sister and said nothing for a few silent moments. Then she led her to the very first pew in the church nearest their mother’s casket. She sat down, and Jada sat beside her, and they looked at each other.

Ava crossed her legs, and propped her elbow on the back of the cushioned bench. “Mommy loved you more than anyone else in this world,” she said.

Jada shook her head in disbelief. She knew that Edna had cared for her, but surely Ava must have been her favorite. Ava had done everything right. She had never gotten addicted to any drugs, never been arrested. Ava was the “famous” attorney who Edna always bragged about when she was working on high-profile cases. Ava was well traveled, and wasn’t
weighed down by a relationship or kids. She was free, and living her life perfectly. Jada was just the black sheep of the family who had turned her life around in time and had managed to become a success after being a failure for so long. “I don’t think that’s true,” Jada said.

Ava grinned. “I’m telling you, Jada. During the years that you weren’t speaking to Mommy, me and her did a lot of talking. I would come back to New York to check on her, and to see if she was lonely, or if she needed anything. And every time I came to see her, she talked about you. She admired you so much, even when you were strung out. I have her personality. I’m reserved, and I play it safe, and all that. But Mommy said that you were more like Daddy. She said that he was never the type to back down from a fight. That he was fearless and bold and sometimes loud.”

Both sisters laughed, knowing that Jada had been a hell-raiser in her youth. Ava continued. “But Mommy admired that about you. She said that you got all the strength that she never had. And she said that you were stubborn, and that was why you had such a hard time forgiving her. But when you went to live with her, she was the happiest I had ever seen her, Jada. She had you back, and she was so glad. She knew that you forgave her. Even if you never said it. Because actions always speak louder than words. She knew that she had your forgiveness. And you should know that you had hers, too.” Ava looked at her sister, still beautiful after all the storms she’d weathered. “I used to be so jealous of you, Jada.”

Jada frowned, and looked at her sister in surprise. “Jealous of what? You lived your life way better than I did.”

Ava smiled. “Exactly. I felt like I had done it all the right way. And yet you still managed to get all the attention, all the time. You got the great guy. Born was so sweet, and so handsome. You had the cool girlfriend, and the fabulous wardrobe. The day I walked in on you getting high, you said that I was jealous, and wanted what you had. In a way that was true. And even Mommy longed for you. I always knew she loved me, and that she was glad that I forgave her. But she missed you. She was incomplete without you. She wanted your forgiveness so badly. And when she got it, she started living again. I was hating a little sumthin’.”

Jada smiled, amazed, because she’d never suspected that this was the case. “Well, you never showed it. I wouldn’t have guessed that. For so long I was jealous of you, too. But I think she loved both of us equally. She was probably just happy that I managed to clean up my life’s mess.”

The pastor entered the sanctuary, and cleared his throat. He saw the siblings in the midst of what had obviously been an emotional discussion, and he was sorry he had to interrupt.

“Ladies, it’s eleven
A.M.
now, and I see some cars pulling up. I just wanted to let you know, so that you can prepare yourselves for that.” Reverend Wilkins was a distinguished older man in his fifties. His salt-and-pepper hair was always styled to perfection, like Steve Harvey’s, and his suit was well fitted. He was a good man, with a virtuous wife and a devoted following. He smiled warmly at Edna’s daughters, and felt like he knew them well. Edna had spoken of them during her testimonies over the years. She’d shared with them the pain of having a daughter addicted to crack, and then the pride of having a daughter turn a horror story into a success story. He had prayed with Edna for Jada’s recovery, prayed that God would loose the young lady from her shackles. And he hoped that Edna could see now that prayer really changes things.

The sisters thanked the pastor for his help, both of them shocked that an hour had passed so quickly. Jada turned to her sister, and felt the sorrow they both were cloaked in. She said, “I know I should have told her this more often when she was alive, but I loved her. I love you, too, Ava. I mean that.”

Ava smiled, big and beautiful. “I love you, too, Jada.” They hugged, and fixed their clothes in preparation for the process of greeting the well-wishers.

“Where are you staying while you’re in town?” Jada asked.

Ava shrugged. Jada nodded. “You’re staying with me.”

Ava smiled, took her sister’s hand, and they greeted the mourners who came to bid farewell to Edna Ford. It was the end of one chapter, and the beginning of one brand-new for them, as their sisterly bond was renewed.

When Jada arrived back at her house, with Ava in tow, Sunny was sitting on the couch with the kids, cracking up at an episode of
South Park.
Jada shook her head as she entered, and said, “You know damn well these kids don’t need to be watching this, right?”

Sunny turned around, and saw the two sisters. It was Sunny’s first time seeing Ava since 1996. She stood up, and hugged Jada’s sister, truly happy to see her after all the time that had passed. She stood back and looked at her, noting that her suit was Prada and her shoes Manolo Blahniks. Yes, Miss Ava had done alright for herself.

Ava smiled at Sunny, thrilled to see the woman she had always secretly looked up to. Ava liked Sunny’s outgoing nature and her bubbly personality. Sunny had a vivacious spirit that neither tragic loss nor addiction had been able to break. She was thirty-six years old, and she still looked twenty-one. She was a diva without trying to be.

“You
look fabulous,
” Ava told Sunny, looking at her outfit. Sunny was dressed in painted-on DKNY jeans, cuffed at the calf, with a pair of Prada boots and a Prada blouse. Her diamonds gleamed in the light, from her ears, neck, wrists, and fingers. She looked brand-new.

Jada looked at Sunny, and frowned. “How did you change clothes?” she asked.

Sunny waved her hand, as if bothered by the question. “I called my driver, Raul, and he came to get me and the kids. We went to my place, and I packed some stuff for me and Mercedes. We’re gonna stay here until after the funeral. You know, just in case you fall out or some shit.”

Sunny said it so bluntly that Ava and Jada both cracked up laughing at her crass remarks. Sunny knew that she really wanted Jada’s company as much as Jada would probably need hers. Talking about Dorian after so many years had tugged at her tough heartstrings, and made her remember the love of her life in such detail that it almost scared her. She could still hear Dorian’s voice in her ears, still feel his breath on her neck as he woke up nestled beside her every morning.

Jada shook her head, and smiled, not at all surprised that Sunny would invite herself to stay at her place. Sunny had cunningly made it
sound as if she was doing Jada a favor, but she knew that her friend needed her, too. Sunny wanted everyone to think she was made of steel, but she was fragile at her core, and Jada knew it.

“Well, Ava’s staying here, too, so it’ll be like old times.” Jada smiled.

Ava smiled, too, anxious to catch up with her sister. But first she hugged and kissed her nephew until he begged for mercy. Ava kissed him all over his handsome face, and hugged him tightly. She wanted children desperately, and envied Jada for having such an adorable son.

Soon the kids went off to play and to watch their shows on Nickelodeon and Disney. Jada and her sister changed into sweats and T-shirts and joined Sunny in the living room. They sat around with a bottle of Sunny’s finest white wine. It was a vintage bottle of Moscato from some valley in the south of Chile. And it was delicious. Sunny, true to form, kicked off the night’s discussion.

“Here’s a toast,” she said, raising her glass with her wrist perfectly poised, diamonds glistening. “To the women who weathered the storm. The men may not have made it to shore. Or if they did, they still have a lot to learn.” She looked at Jada. “But we’re still standing, and we’re still here to tell the story. To us!”

Ava nodded, and Jada smiled, as they clinked glasses like they had done once many years before. So much had changed, so many lessons had been learned. So many doors had been open and shut since the last time the three of them had sat together as they did now.

Ava looked at her sister. Jada was still lovely, despite her trials and tribulations and the rough roads she’d traveled. She had so many questions for her sister about what her life had been like. She had so many things to tell her sister about her own life, now that they were older and relating on a new level. But first, Ava addressed Sunny. “Sunny, I’m so sorry about Dorian. I know you two loved each other, and I know you miss him.”

Sunny looked at the floor. “Yeah. I thought about him a lot today, while y’all were at the wake. I think of him every day. Every time Mercedes smiles, and her eyes light up the way his did, I see him. I see his face in hers. I hear his laugh when she laughs. But I had forgotten what it
was like to see him every day. To sleep beside him, and to walk into a room with him. I didn’t let myself think about that too often.” Sunny’s voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. “But today, I started thinking, and looking at old pictures, and I just miss him so much.”

The women sat silently for several poignant moments. Ava took a deep breath, feeling the gravity of Sunny and her daughter’s loss. They began to discuss the old days, particularly how everything had gone so wrong after Dorian’s death. Jada laughed at some memories, and was moved to tears by others. And as they sat in her living room reliving the past, it was like a spring rain had washed over them, and they were cleansing old wounds. It was time for letting go.

As Jada filled her sister in on all the details of her past, Sunny slipped upstairs and changed into her pajamas. Knowing that the sisters needed time to talk, she made sure that the children ate dinner, and then she rejoined the sisters in the living room.

Sunny came back, and listened as Jada was filling her sister in on the delivery she’d gotten from Born. Sunny had on a Victoria’s Secret silk gown and matching robe, and Jada laughed at her friend, the diva. “Why are you dressed head to toe in silk, like there are men here to impress?”

Sunny smiled flirtatiously, and sang, “I’m feeling sexxxxyyyyyyyy,” like Beyonce sang in “Naughty Girl.”

Ava laughed, and shook her head. Sunny would never change. “Well, girl, there’s nothing wrong with feeling sexy sometimes. Shit, I feel like that all the time.”