Whispers of Moonlight (55 page)

"Here at the ranch. There seems to be plenty of land."

Travis was not catching on, and Rebecca frowned at him.

"Honestly, Travis," she continued, clearly irritated. "He's your foreman, and if things continue to heat up between
Lavena and Colin, they'll be looking for a place of their own too!"

Travis
had
thought of building. Months ago during a conversation with Lucky he'd asked himself why he didn't have housing for his foreman. He knew that some foremen lived with their bosses—he had and so had Grady—but that had never been Travis' style.

When Travis did not immediately respond, Rebecca began to rise.

"It's a great idea," Travis said and watched as she sat back down. "I wish I'd acted on it a long time ago.
Are things really so serious with Colin and Lavena?"

"It's looking that way. She had a new dress on today."

Travis nodded. "Margo's expecting," he commented. "I know they're hoping for a place of their own before August."

"Can homes be built that fast?"

"I think so. I mean, they won't be mansions, but they would certainly be good shelter."

"So you'll do it?" Rebecca was surprised at how fast he agreed.

"I think it's a great idea. I can't say as it's never crossed my mind, but like I said, I've never acted on it. Thank you, Rebecca."

Not comfortable with his praise, she busied herself with more coffee. She was careful to keep her eyes averted.

When had it all fallen apart?
she asked herself. She had been so happy at Christmas and during January, but it devastated her to think of her father in eternal punishment, and more so that Travis believed it. She was forced to ask herself why something she didn't even believe in made her so furious. She
couldn't find any answers, and Travis' presence served as a reminder of all
that hung between them.

"Thank you for telling me about Lavena," he commented, breaking into her thoughts.

"You haven't noticed?"

"I don't see her as much as you do. I see Colin on the range of course, but I take it he's been around the house quite a bit?"

"More so all the time."

"How is that for you? Do you ever get tired of people all over the house?"

"At times, yes, but Lavena has been going places with Colin, and then the boys and I have the house to ourselves."

"And you've enjoyed it?"

"Yes."

"Well, that settles it. Whether or not anything comes of Lavena's relationship with Colin, we'll build her a place of her own. It's time you had your house back."

"You would do that, Travis? Spend that kind of money for me even if it wasn't necessary?"

"Absolutely."

Rebecca didn't know how to handle his words. She began to rise and was on her feet when Travis caught her hand. He pulled her over until she was nearly in his lap. Travis put his arms around her, but her tears were so very close she didn't dare look at him. He was forced to speak to her profile,

"I'm not trying to buy you, Rebecca, but if I'd realized how much you needed your privacy, I'd have done something as soon as you came home."

"Maybe you should save your money, and I should just go back to Pine Grove."

Her voice was sad and resigned; Travis knew she didn't want to leave.

"I can't let you do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it would break my heart."

She sobbed. Travis shifted her until she was against his chest, and Rebecca clung to him.

"Oh, Travis," she managed, but nothing more. He didn't try to console her but held her close and let her cry until the tears were spent. When she was a little more in control and wanted to sit up, he let her pull away from him.

"Better?" His eyes were still on her profile. She was so lovely but also so very lost.

"I think so." Still Hannah Ellenbolt's niece, she pulled a lace handkerchief out from up her sleeve. She fixed her face, which was now puffy and red, and
then Travis picked up her hand. It was the only part of them that touched, but Rebecca still said, "I don't know if I can do this, Travis."

"I know. You've had a lot to think about."

"I thought you would be relieved to have me go back to Pine Grove."

"Then you haven't been listening to me. I love you, Rebecca, and if you leave you'll take my heart with you."

She bit her lip, determined not to cry again. What was she going to do? Could she continue in a marriage with this man whose beliefs were so contrary to her own? How would they ever find a meeting ground? And when would she find the answers so she could stop the dozens of questions that seemed to forever swarm in her mind? The last question made her weary enough to sleep for a week. She stood, and Travis made no move to stop her.

"I'm going to turn in now."

"All right. Can I bring you something—water or tea?"

"No, but thank you."

They stared at one another.

"We'll get those houses built this summer, Reba." Travis' voice was husky with
emotion. "Even if the barn has to wait. You'll have the house to yourself by
fall. Lavena can still work for you if you want, but it will be under your terms."

Rebecca's heart swelled with love for him, but she pushed it down. She ached all over from the effort, but she couldn't help herself.

"Thank you, Travis."

"You're welcome. Sleep well."

He watched her walk from the room, her steps slow and weary. It was so hard not to go after her. They needed each other. Travis turned back to the fire and forced his mind to prayer. He was anxious; he was hurting; and he wanted his wife back for good.

I'm so faithless right now. Lord. It doesn't feel as if anything can repair this marriage, not even You. Help me to trust,
help me to believe. And comfort that woman up there. Lord, the one who needs You. The one who means more to me than my own life.

"I thought you went to church" were Lavena's first words to Rebecca the next Sunday morning.

"No," she said shortly and poured herself some coffee.

Her face did not invite conversation, and for the moment Lavena only watched her. Colin had been planning to come to breakfast, but Lavena knew she would send him away if he came in the door. Nosy as she seemed, Lavena honestly did try to leave the Buchanans to themselves. She would go hungry before sitting down to a meal with them, and never had she searched through their personal things or intruded on a private conversation. But no one could have missed the storm clouds that periodically passed through the ranch house. Rebecca was clearly on a weaving track with her emotions right now, and Lavena
was beginning to think Travis was a saint. She didn't take sides, not even in her mind, but she did wish beyond anything that she knew how to help.

"How come you didn't go?"

Rebecca shrugged. "It's not for me, Lavena. Travis enjoys it, but I don't, and I'm not going to pretend that I do."

"That's certainly fair."

Rebecca looked at her. "How about you, Lavena? Do you ever attend church?"

"No. I used to, but I finally told God I wasn't interested."

Rebecca had never heard of such a thing. "What do you mean?"

"God chased me," Lavena
said simply. "He chased me, but I ran."

Rebecca leaned forward in invitation.

"I was a young woman—not married yet," Lavena began. "I went to Chicago to spend some time with my cousin. We went to revival meetings, and she tried to introduce me to her God. It was a miserable summer. I ran as far as I could,
but God was everywhere I looked. I finally gave up. I told God to leave me alone. I told Him I wasn't interested in turning my life over to anyone, and that included Him."

Rebecca was now openly staring.

"That's right," Lavena answered her look. "That was the end of it. God hasn't bothered me since. Not even when I was married to Frank Larson and going through those awful years did I forget that God and I had an agreement. I wouldn't bother Him,
and He wouldn't bother me. That suits me just fine to this day."

"So you don't believe in hell like Travis Does?"

"Not hell or heaven, either one. I think the only heaven or hell we'll ever know is right here on this earth. I guess I would say I've had a little of both. Frank was hell. Colin isn't exactly what you would call heaven, but he's mighty close."

It was all so cold and logical, but Rebecca reminded herself that she had been the one to ask. What a shock, though. As had happened before with Lavena, the younger woman would never have guessed. Someone else in Rebecca's past believed that heaven and hell were right here on earth. Rebecca suddenly remembered it was Angel.

For a moment she wondered how Angel was—wondered if she was still with Preston. Letters between them were nonexistent these days, but Rebecca had too much on her mind to worry over it.

"So you don't plan to go to church at all?"

"No."

"Well, I respect your decision," Lavena said and rose, carrying her mug to the counter before heading to her room.

She left Rebecca with a myriad of questions. Lavena believed in God. She'd even gone so far as to strike a bargain with Him. If that was the case, then where did she believe God resided? Rebecca had always believed He lived in heaven. And what if Lavena were wrong and there was a heaven, but she
couldn't go because she had never believed it was there?

One thing became suddenly very clear to Rebecca. She didn't want to attend church with her husband, but neither was she ready to tell God to get out of her life for good.

Changes came over Rebecca in the following month. They started after her conversation with
Lavena but weren't actually tied to spiritual matters. The talk with the housekeeper had made her thoughtful. She had taken the rest of the day to think about her life and decided she was not being a good mother to the boys. She had fallen back into the pattern she'd developed in Pine Grove—one where she worked more than anything, staying too busy to think all day long, and in turn wanting little or nothing to do with her children until bedtime.

Rebecca's attitude changed that day. Although not back to a good relationship with her spouse, she began taking an interest in things around her. Travis came home from church one Sunday to tell her that Robert and Eddie had had a baby boy. They had named him Robert Morgan after his father and maternal grandfather. With her new outlook toward her life and children, Rebecca loaded the boys up, driving the buggy herself, and went to visit the new mother and child.

She did something with her sons every day. For the first time in her life, she enjoyed them fully. They still whined some, but for the most part they were obedient and a joy to be around. During these outings, concepts came out of their mouths that were a surprise to Rebecca, and she didn't know how to respond.

"Look at that, Gary," Wyatt said when Travis was out of town for a few days. "Those two sticks look Just like the cross Jesus died on. Do you see 'em?"

"Yeah. We should show Papa."

"Yeah. I wish he would come back." The little boy scuffed a stone with his boot. "I think he's been gone a whole year."