Whispers of Moonlight (54 page)

"Are you all right?" he asked, keeping his voice low in deference to the children across the hall.

"Yes. I'm just turning in early."

"In here?"

"I think it's for the best."

She wouldn't even look at him.

"Rebecca, what's happened? What has gone wrong? You didn't even kiss the boys good night."

"I just can't pretend that everything is fine." Her voice was clipped.

"I wouldn't want you to, but can you tell me what's troubling you?"

The book slapped on the bed as Rebecca set it aside angrily.

"You really are incredibly arrogant, do you know that, Travis?"

It was said coldly, and Rebecca's eyes were filled with fury. Travis thought that going out to work the last few days had been a big mistake. Whatever was bothering his wife had certainly mounted in
the last days and hours. Now Travis felt attacked and hated, but he managed to keep his voice calm.

"I'm sorry I've been arrogant. Was it something specific I did?"

"It's your whole church, the lot of you! What right have you to tell people they're going to hell?"

At last it was out. Again Travis kept his voice calm.

"Pastor Henley is just telling us what God's Word says, Rebecca. He isn't condemning anyone personally."

"Of course he is. You all are! You can't really know if there's a hell."

"It's talked about right in the Bible, Rebecca. I could show you."

"That's all subject to man's interpretation, Travis, even I know that. My aunt read the Bible for years, and she never believed in hell."

Travis stood there for a moment, his mind racing. Finally he said, "Everyone is entitled to his own choice of belief, Rebecca, but why are you so angry about this?"

"Because you're all so smug. What sets you apart? Do you think
you're
going to hell, Travis?"

"No."

"Why not you, Travis? What makes you so special?"

"I've learned a lot about God in the last few years, Rebecca." Travis remained calm. "And one of the things that has stood out to me is His holiness. Nothing we can ever say or do will make us good enough for God. We all deserve hell, but God made an escape—"

"Salvation," she cut him off sarcastically.

"Yes," Travis agreed gently. "Salvation through God's Son, Jesus Christ."

"What about my father?" she shot at him.

Travis had thought often about this, so he had an answer. "I never discussed things of the spirit
with your father, Rebecca, but if he chose to trust God for his sin, then he is in heaven."

"And if he didn't?"

"Then the Bible is very clear." Travis' voice was soft but sure. "He's gone to a lost eternity."

"And you don't have a problem with that? It doesn't bother you in the least that you think my father deserves to be in hell?"

"We all deserve to be in hell, Rebecca," Travis repeated. "And as much as I'd like to see your father in heaven someday, I can't torture myself over not knowing. I have to concern myself with you and the boys."

Rebecca couldn't look at him. The fight had gone out of her, but she was trembling all over.

"I'm sorry you're so angry about this Rebecca, but please don't let it harm our marriage. Please come back to our room."

She looked at him, her face astounded.

"You still want me in your room, even knowing how I feel?"

Travis licked his lips. "I love you, Rebecca; that isn't going to change. We don't agree on this, but it doesn't have to tear our family apart."

Tears filled her eyes. Travis started for her, but she slipped out the other side of the bed, effectively putting it between them,

"Travis, I—" she was crying now.

"Oh, Reba." Travis' voice was tortured. "Please don't cry. Please come here so I can hold you."

But again she shook her head, "I can't, Travis. Not now—maybe never."

It took all of Travis' self-control not to go to her. She was hurting, and he desperately wanted to hold her and share the pain.

"I want to be alone now," Rebecca said in a small voice. She sniffed like a child, and Travis thought his heart would break. Somehow he needed to make her understand.

"I'll leave if you want me to, Rebecca, but nothing has changed. I'm sorry you didn't realize where I stood. It was certainly my fault for not explaining. You need to know all of it. I've believed this way for several years, before you came back to me and since. Even as we shared a room and worked at making this a real marriage, I believed in hell, and in Jesus Christ, and in His power to save. I love you now, and I'll always love you. Our differing views won't always be easy, but they won't change my love. They haven't up to now and they are not going to in the future. I hope you'll realize that soon and want us to be a real family as much as I do."

Travis looked at her, praying with all his heart that she would come to him, but it didn't happen. Rebecca dropped her eyes, and he made himself walk away and stay away, even when he heard her crying from down the hall.

Robert looked into his friend's pale face and studied the way he played with his coffee cup without drinking a drop.

"I told you yesterday something was very wrong." Travis began. "Well, it
all blew up last night. She moved back down the hall." The men had met together on Tuesday, but Travis was back on Wednesday.

"It wasn't perfect, Robert, I mean, no marriage is, but we were working on it. She was asking me about my day, and I was sharing with her. Sometimes we would talk for hours. And the boys—she was getting so good at taking care of their needs. She was firm but still giving them lots of hugs and kisses. I've prayed that she would understand her need for Christ, Robert, but I never dreamed she would be so angry with me when she didn't agree."

Travis stood and paced in the Langley kitchen. "I couldn't lie to her, Robert. I don't know where her father is. I'm sure my own parents
are lost . . . my grandmother too. It's too late for them but not for Rebecca and the boys. I tried to tell her, but she was so crushed."

Travis came back to the table.

"What do you say to someone who says you're arrogant because you believe you know the path to righteousness?"

Robert had listened quietly, waiting for Travis to get everything off his chest. It was a very painful place for Travis to be in, but Robert believed that God had answers for even this.

"You're certainly not in a very enviable position, Travis, but try to see it from Rebecca's perspective. Remember when Morgan Sears died? Do you recall how angry you were with me when I tried to tell you that every event was part of God's plan?"

Travis' eyes slid shut over the memory, and he nodded his head.

"It's that same way for Rebecca. She's completely threatened by what Pastor Henley said on Sunday morning. You told her you loved her?" 

"Yes."

"I would keep telling her," Robert advised him. "Let her see that your love is not conditional to her salvation. She won't believe that at first, but given time I think she'll understand. Rebecca is not a combative person. I don't think she can keep on with this anger. In fact, she might be feeling differently even this morning."

Travis nodded. "She didn't even want me in the same room with her last night, but you're right. When she first came back to the Double Star she was angry about everything, but it didn't last. The kinder I became, the more she responded." Travis took a deep breath. "It wasn't that long ago, but I'd forgotten all about that.
"

Robert let his friend have a moment of silence and then asked quietly, "What will you do?"

"Go home. Check on the boys and see how Rebecca is doing. If she's angry I'll just hang in there and keep loving her."

"I'll cover you with prayer, Travis. In fact, let's start right now."

The men bowed their heads and surrendered Rebecca Buchanan to God. Travis left sometime later, knowing that his work lay ahead of him, and that he wasn't going into battle alone.

It was odd that just three days after the blowup with Rebecca, Lucky asked Travis how she was doing. Travis had to be honest and tell him that she was struggling, but the younger man had nothing but compassion for his employer.

"It must be rough, Travis, but I think it must still be easier than when the wife is saved first."

"Why do you say that?"

"Yvonne has seen the change in Margo and me. She tried to tell Freeman what she wanted to do, you know, come to Christ and all. She was even ready to pray with Margo, but Freeman got so angry that she backed right off. He threatened to leave if she brought it up again. She took a chance and still came
to church on Sunday, and Freeman let it go, but I know she's afraid of him."

Travis' face showed his pain. How awful for Margo's mother. It was easy to see that he had a less complicated situation with Rebecca. She was still keeping her distance, talking to him only about impersonal business, but Robert had been right: The anger was gone. In its place was a vulnerable young woman who wanted to be loved by her husband but was afraid to let him get close.

"I ache for her, Luck)', and you're right," Travis told him honestly. "Rebecca
doesn't know what to do with my beliefs. She feels threatened by them, but it's
nothing like Mr. Roderick's rage." The men rode for a time in silence. "By the
way, how are
you
doing?"

"Very well. It's becoming more and more difficult to live with Margo's folks, but we're getting by. I'm just praying that we can find a house to rent by the time the baby comes."

"How is Margo feeling?"

"About the same. The cramping has stopped, but she's so sick all the time. I'm thankful the baby is still with us, but August can't come soon enough for me."

Travis told him he would continue to pray, and did so as the day rushed by rather swiftly. The boys were starved for attention that evening, so he spent extra time with them, playing cowboys with toy guns. Travis died on the kitchen floor time and again, much to the delight of the outlaws hunting him.

He hadn't seen anything of his wife since supper had ended, but when he finally tucked the boys in and went to the living room, she was there. Amazed that she would wait for him, Travis noted that she had already poured herself a cup of coffee and was on one end of the davenport, seeming to be at ease. She didn't offer any to Travis, but that was not unusual. He poured his own and sat down, his long legs stretched toward the fire.

"Lucky stopped in to say hello to the boys today."

"He did?"

"Yes. I hadn't talked to him since Christmas."

Her voice was so impersonal that Travis couldn't tell whether she'd enjoyed the visit or not.

"Did you know that he and Margo live with her parents?"

"Yes."

She was looking at him, almost as if it was his fault, but Travis didn't know why.

"Is the ranch doing well, Travis?"

"You mean making money? Yes. We'll be out on roundup and then making a cattle drive in just a few months, and if everything goes well, I'll be making some repairs to the barn or possibly building another one."

"Why don't you build a few houses?"

"Build houses? Where?"