Where Petals Fall (23 page)

Junie sat in the driver’s seat, talking to Brian through the open window, Sarah securely strapped in her car seat in the back of the van.

“Mom sounded like she was falling apart. I just need to be there for her.” Her lie carried a whisper of guilt. She pushed it aside, not wanting to give Brian a chance to dissuade her. “I’ll call you when we’re settled,” she said as she pulled away from the curb.

Junie shot a glance in the rearview mirror, watching Brian standing curbside, his arms held out, palms skyward. She let out the breath she’d been holding.

“Junie, you’re exhausted. You’re letting your imagination steal your sanity.” Ruth sat in her reading chair, leaning forward, fatigue hanging under her eyes like bags.

Junie shook her head. She whispered, “I don’t think so. I saw Ellen floating. She wasn’t breathing. I saw him with a rock. I know something happened.”

“They didn’t find her body, Junie. Really, do you think that A. Brian is capable of killing his sister, or B. that at fourteen he could dispose of a body so well that even the police couldn’t find it?”

Junie shrugged. She knew it sounded far-fetched, but as much as she hated the thought, she trusted her instincts.

“You know,” Ruth said gently, “everything you do will affect Sarah.”

“So I should ignore that her father might be a killer?”

“Listen to yourself, June.”

Junie turned away. “I’ve been thinking. Sarah’s behavior changed after we visited at Easter, right?”

Ruth nodded. “Right after you moved.”

“Yes, but what if her behavior changed because of something that happened here, not because of some medical issue and not because of the move.”

“What could possibly happen here? She loves it here.”

“I know she does, but look at the timing.”

Sarah came into the living room with a drawing in her hand. She handed it to Junie, her eyes trained on her mother’s face.

Junie forced a smile and put the picture aside.

Sarah picked it up and handed it to her mother again.

Junie sighed. “Not now, Sarah.”

Urine streamed down Sarah’s legs.

“Sarah Jane!” Junie swooped Sarah into her arms, holding her away from her body as urine dripped from her legs. “I’m sorry, Mom,” she called.

She brought Sarah to the bathroom and ran water in the tub. “What were you thinking?” she snapped.

Sarah clung to her mother’s sleeve, tears slipping down her cheeks.

Junie closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said, and pulled her daughter close.

Junie set Sarah in the tub and carefully washed her.

“June?” Ruth stood in the doorway, Sarah’s drawing in hand. “Sarah’s been drawing this for a while now, hasn’t she?”

“What, Mom?” She snapped her head back to Sarah. She didn’t have time for this nonsense. Couldn’t her mother see that she was a little busy?

“The drawing. Sarah wanted you to see it. Maybe there’s a reason.”

“I think Brian’s right. She’s doing this for attention. I’ve been too wrapped up in everything to see her actions for what they are.” Junie sat back on her heels and put her hand to her temples. Her hair formed a veil around her face. “I just can’t do this anymore. It’s all too much,” she cried.

“Take a deep breath. You can do it, and you will. Sarah needs you to.”

Junie did as her mother said. “How do you do it, Mom? You lost Daddy and I never see you fall apart. I wish I were half as strong as you.”

Ruth reached for Sarah and lifted her from the tub. “We all need to be a bit stronger as this little pumpkin gets bigger.” She wrapped Sarah in a towel and walked her into Junie’s childhood bedroom.

Junie dragged herself behind her mother, exhausted, feeling as though she’d like to go to sleep and never wake up. This had to be a nightmare.

She watched Ruth dress Sarah in a pair of red leggings and a striped top. “What do you think, little missy? Is there something you want to show your mama?”

To Ruth’s surprise, Sarah nodded.

Ruth grasped her thin arms. “There is? Well, okay, then.” She glanced at Junie, who was leaning against the doorframe.

 “Do you hear that? Sarah has something to show you.” Ruth opened her eyes wider, indicating the urgency in her words.

Sarah brushed by her mother and went into the bathroom. She lifted the drawing and handed it to her mother.

“Yes, I saw this sweetie.” She sighed. “It’s beautiful.”

Sarah grabbed her mother’s arm and squeezed.

“Ouch!”

“I think your daughter is trying to tell you something,” Ruth urged.

Junie crouched down and looked into Sarah’s eyes. “Tell me.”

Sarah’s silence did nothing to answer Junie’s questions. She ran her hand through her hair, staring at the drawing. She reached for Sarah’s hand. “Come on. We’re going outside.”

Sarah’s legs moved quickly to keep up with her mother. Ruth walked beside Junie.

“Where are we headed?” Ruth asked.

“Peter’s garden.”

Sarah stopped.

Junie spun around. “Let’s go, Sarah.”

They stood at the bottom of the hill that led up to Peter’s house. The green grass lay before them like a red carpet, inviting and intimidating all at once.

Sarah shook her head.

Junie and Ruth shared a concerned glance. Junie knelt down, Sarah’s small hand safely held within her own. “Sarah, you obviously want me to see something. Let’s go see. You can show me.” Junie kept her tone upbeat.

Sarah wasn’t buying it. She shook her head.

Ruth touched Junie’s shoulder.

Junie stood.

Ruth crouched beside Sarah. “Do you want to show Grandma?”

Sarah looked down. Her curls swayed from side to side with the shaking of her head.

Junie let out a long, loud sigh. She looked up the hill toward Peter’s house, feeling the pull of the garden. “How can I help you if you won’t help me? Why did you want me to see the picture if you won’t go see the garden?”

“I can probably answer that.” A voice startled Junie.

“Peter?”

He nodded.

“Dad!” Brian ran across the lawn, his eyes trained on Peter. “Don’t.”

Sarah hid behind her mother’s legs. Junie looked from Peter to Brian. “What is going on?”

“Maybe I should take Sarah inside,” Ruth offered.

Sarah held Junie’s shirt in her clenched fist. She pushed her body against her mother. She was not going anywhere.

Brian looked Peter in the eye. “Dad, not now.”

“What’s going on, Brian?” Junie reached behind her and put her hand on Sarah’s back.

He touched her arm.

She recoiled.

“I told you that we had to talk.” He looked at Peter, then said to Junie, “Not here. Let’s go for a walk.”

The pleading in Brian’s eyes did not escape Junie. Her heart beat a mile a minute.

“Wait, I think I should be there, Brian.” Peter’s commanding voice had been replaced with one of caution.

“Dad.” Brian shot him a harsh look.

“I have no idea what’s going on, but Sarah is obviously afraid to walk up that hill, and I want to know why.” She held Peter’s gaze.

“Ruth, can you please take Sarah inside?”

Ruth reached for Sarah’s hand. Sarah wouldn’t budge. She looked up at Peter. Peter wiped his hand down his face. “I’m sorry, Sarah,” he said.

“What did you do?” Junie yelled, wrapping her arms around Sarah.

Peter ignored her and knelt down before Sarah. “Sarah, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He stood and looked at Brian. “I was only protecting your parents.”

“What?” Junie flashed red toward Brian. “What’s he talking about?”

Brian let out a breath, closed his eyes, and folded his arms across his chest. He opened them, blinking rapidly as they filled with tears.

“Brian?” Junie’s tone softened.

“I think Sarah should go inside,” he said quietly.

Junie looked from Peter to Brian, then back at her mother. She put her hands on Sarah’s shoulders. “Why don’t you go with Grandma? I’ll be inside in a few minutes, okay?”

Sarah moved her finger up and down, beckoning her mother closer. She put her mouth up to Junie’s ear. Her warm whisper was magnificent and horrible at once. Junie shivered. She stood and looked at Brian and Peter.

“What does she mean,
can I tell
?” Junie’s hands shook. “So help me, if you hurt my daughter, I will kill you. Both of you.” She pushed Sarah behind her again.

“June!” Ruth exclaimed.

“Stay out of this,” she said to Ruth. “What does she mean?” Junie yelled. She turned back to Sarah. “Yes, you can tell. You can always tell Mommy anything.” She crouched, steeling herself for the worst.

Sarah stared up at Peter. Junie followed her gaze, watched Peter nod. She bent down so her ear was flush with Sarah’s mouth and listened.

“Papa Peter said not to tell,” Sarah whispered.

Junie lowered herself to the grass. The world spun before her.

“I can explain,” Peter said.

“Dad.” Brian held his hand out to the side, warding him off. “Let her be.”

Junie held on to Sarah like a vice.

“It’s my fault,” Peter confessed. “She found…something…something of Ellen’s, when she was digging in my garden, and I told her not to mention it, that it might cause problems.”

Junie still didn’t understand. She gritted her teeth, pushing her words through them. “So help me, Peter. If you hurt her. If you touched her.”

“Junie, please,” Brian pleaded. “This isn’t something we should discuss here.” He nodded toward Sarah.

Ruth took Sarah by the hand and led her back to the house. Sarah looked over her shoulder at her parents, her eyes sad, wet with tears.

Junie breathed deeply, pushing herself to her feet. Brian reached to support her and she pushed him away. Her voice failed her the first time she tried to speak. She looked at Peter, and bile rose in her throat. She swallowed it down, then pulled her shoulders back and readied herself for a conversation she did not want to have.

“Junie,” Peter began. “She found Ellen’s earring.”

Junie held her hand up and shook her head. None of it made any sense. How would Ellen’s earring cause problems for them? She wasn’t ready to hear it, whatever it was. She stared at Peter’s house, remembering the laughter she shared with Ellen, the fear when she finally realized that Ellen wasn’t coming back. She thought of Peter in his office, ignoring his family, and Brian—golden boy Brian—angry and mean after Ellen’s disappearance.

“If this has to do with Ellen, then I want to hear it up there.” Junie couldn’t believe the words that came from her mouth. She forced herself up the hill, leaving Brian and Peter to trail behind. She felt pulled to the garden by something bigger than all of them. Memories of Ellen came rushing back—not the sad, dismal memories of recent days, but the happier memories, of birthday parties and riding bikes.

She walked through the bushes and into the backyard. The unkempt garden lay before her, a wild and weed-filled mess. Junie stared at it, wondering what answers it held. She heard their footsteps approaching from behind and tensed the muscles in her legs, determined not to crumble under the weight of whatever confession Brian might give.

She thought of Brian, their love, their life. She loved him. She did. There was no doubt in her mind about that love. But the conundrum of their lives, and of Ellen’s disappearance, had sent their relationship awry and even scared her. She thought of Sarah, sweet Sarah, whose innocence had somehow been stolen. Tears dripped down her cheeks.

She turned to face Brian, then had to look away. She had no idea what she’d be dealing with in the moments to come, and she wasn’t sure she could trust her eyes not to betray her thoughts.

“Okay,” she said in a thin voice. “Tell me everything. Please.”

She listened to Brian suck in a long breath, then blow it out slowly. She stared down at her shoes, concentrating on a speck of dirt, the grass flattened around the garden—a path. She concentrated on anything to keep from hearing what Brian had to say. Maybe if she concentrated hard enough, it would go away.
Poof!
Like whatever it was had never even happened.

“I’m not sure how to start,” Brian said.

She could feel him looking at Peter, drawing strength from him. She imagined Peter pulling himself up to his full height, putting his protective arms around his son. She knew it killed Peter that Brian wouldn’t allow it, and she didn’t care.

“Ellen—”

“Wait.” Junie interrupted. “I’m not sure I’m ready. I need to hear about Sarah. What happened to Sarah?”

She waited. The silence was deafening.

“That was all me, Junie.” Peter stood beside her. “I didn’t want to cause any trouble between you and Brian, that’s all. I didn’t know I would frighten her so badly, and then, once I learned of what had happened, well, Brian and I don’t talk very often, so by the time I heard, I didn’t know what to do. I thought maybe she’d snap out of it.” He reached for Junie’s arm.

She went rigid beneath his touch. Her voice shook when she spoke. “What happened? I don’t understand what you said to her, or what happened.”

“She was digging in the garden, and she found an earring of Ellen’s.”

“The hoop.”
Of course. Sarah had been fascinated with Kayla’s earring because it had been identical to the one she’d found. Ellen’s. Ellen. Oh God. Ellen.
Junie’s eyes shot to the mangled garden. Her chest felt as though it might explode, constricting and throbbing in tandem.

“Yes, the hoop.” He folded his hands together, then put them in his trouser pockets.

“But why would that cause problems for me and Brian?” She looked up at Peter, saw the tears welling in his eyes. She turned to Brian, who looked as if he might be sick. His face had become ashen; the sparkle in his eyes faded. He looked
empty
.

“June, there’s something you need to know.” Tears streamed down his cheeks. “Ellen—” He choked on his words.

Junie lifted her eyes to meet his. The fear and love she’d felt over the past few days coalesced, leaving her confused, unsure of her ability to trust her own instincts. She’d never seen Brian so fragile. Had she pushed him too far? She reached for his arm, then realized he might have done something awful and pulled her arm back to her side.

Peter went to him. Junie watched him wrap his arm around Brian. Brian didn’t flinch. He didn’t pull away or make a negative remark.

Who are these people
? The scene was so foreign that she had to struggle to concentrate, to remain in control. For so long she’d wanted nothing more than for Brian and his father to unite; she’d imagined the scene only moments earlier.

“It’s okay, son,” Peter said.

Junie waited, a lump blocking words from escaping her throat and tears falling down her cheeks. It felt like forever, waiting to hear what he had to say, but she knew only moments had passed.

“That day in the woods. You were there,” Brian said.

Junie shook her head.
No? Yes?

“I heard you when you were running out. I turned and saw you. I know you saw me,” he said.

Junie’s body trembled. “N-no. I don’t—”

Brian’s voice escalated. “Yes. You saw me standing on Lovers’ Rock.”

Brian flashed before her, the rock held high above his head, his voice pealing through the forest like a spear. “Get outta here, squirt!”

Junie’s head shook from side to side. “No. I didn’t see anything. I don’t remember.”

“It’s okay, Junie,” Peter consoled her.

“No, no. I don’t know what you’re saying. I don’t remember.”

“She showed up. She was supposed to be at the library, but she came to the woods. She was always doing that. Right, Dad?” He turned to Peter, his eyes begging for support.

Peter looked down. “She had a mind of her own.”

“She came to the creek, and she saw me.” Brian swiped at his tears. “She saw me. You have no idea what it was like, living in my father’s shadow.” Brian moved away from Peter’s side, pacing next to the garden. “Always having to be perfect, get the best grades, be the best at everything. Ellen, she didn’t have to be anything but
cute little Ellen
. She had no pressure. There were no friggin’ expectations.” He glared at Peter. “Were there, Dad?”

“Brian.” Junie’s voice came out as a whisper. Her heart ached for him. How could she not have known how much resentment he carried for his father? It all made sense now, the desire to move away, not join his father’s practice. The way he avoided Peter at all costs.

“No, don’t Brian me. You’re about to hate me,” he said, and crossed his arms over his chest. Sobs racked his body. He covered his face with his hand.

Junie went to his side. He swatted her away. “No. You have to hear this. God, you have to hear this.”

He glared at his father, his face a mask of pain.

“She came into the woods, and she saw me there. I told her to go away. I wanted to just be alone, just…I was smoking pot.” He glared at Peter. “That’s right, perfect Brian, golden boy Brian was toking it up, smoking pot, killing my brain cells just to stay sane. But she wouldn’t go. She said she’d tell. She said she’d make sure Dad knew.” Brian’s chest rose and fell with each heavy breath.

Junie shook her head. “What did you do?”

“She stood by the creek, laughing. She laughed at me.”

“Brian?” His image flashed before Junie.
The rock
. “The rock. Oh God, you killed her. Didn’t you?”

“No, he didn’t,” Peter answered.

Junie spun to face him, her jaw slackened.

“Brian didn’t kill Ellen. He threw a rock at her. She slipped, hit her head, and went into convulsions.” Peter recited it robotically, as if he were stating facts in a case. “She had a seizure. She fell under the water. It was too deep, too far from where he was on top of the rock. Brian couldn’t do anything to save her. He couldn’t save her. He couldn’t—” He broke down in sobs and leaned against the house. He lifted his fist and hit the bricks on the side of the house with the side of his fist.

“It’s my fault. You heard him; he blames me. I killed Ellen.”

Junie’s mind raced. She wondered what Ellen was thinking during her final moments. Was she panicked, scared, angry at her brother? Did she scream for her mother or father, or did she not have time to register the severity of what was happening? Junie’s chest tightened with a sickening terror. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and yet it all began to make sense. The pieces of her memory puzzle shifted slowly into place. She had seen Brian. She ran back to Katie’s, thinking he never saw her. She told Katie she’d seen him throw something at Ellen. The secret. Katie had held the secret for all these years, tortured by it.
Oh God, what have I done?
It made perfect sense, except…

“Where is she?” Junie asked.

Brian and Peter looked at each other, their faces contorted with grief.

“Where is Ellen? Oh God, what did you do? Where is she?” She stood in the garden, weeds around her ankles, staring down her husband and father-in-law.

“We buried her,” Peter said quietly. “We had to. The authorities never would have believed it was an accident. You saw the Brian most everyone saw, but when it comes to the law, things are different when you’re an attorney’s kid. No matter how good of a kid he was, he’d be made an example that no one is above the law. We kept it quiet. This…this would have landed him in jail. His chance at a normal life would have been over. I couldn’t lose both my daughter and my son.”

Junie was stuck on
Buried her
. “Where? Oh God.” She paced. “Does Susan know? Does my mom know? Did my dad know?”

“My mom knew. She found out. That’s why she left.”

“She left because of her affair with my father,” Junie spat.

“Affair?” Brian asked.

“It wasn’t an affair. It was a friendship, and no, she didn’t leave because of that.” Peter flushed.

“But you let my mother think she did.” Anger burned within her veins. “How could you do that?”

“Your father knew.”

“What?”

“He knew. He saw me that night in the garden. I broke down and confessed to him.”

Junie shot her eyes to the garden.
The garden. Oh my God
.

“Your father knew. He told me what to do, what to use, for—”

Nausea rose in Junie’s throat.
My father?
“Did you know that my father knew what happened?” she asked Brian.

“I had no idea that he knew, but it makes sense. He never wanted you to marry me.”

“You knew that he didn’t want me to marry you?” Junie looked at Brian through new eyes. He’d never said a word to her. Why? “You never said anything, and why wouldn’t my father have told me?”

Brian shrugged. “Why make it harder for you? I knew how hurt you were, going against your father’s wishes. Why make it worse than it had to be?”

“Your father knew how much you loved Brian, and he knew Brian hadn’t hurt Ellen,” Peter said. “He couldn’t hurt Ellen. Your father loved him. He just couldn’t accept what had happened. He knew Brian didn’t do it; he knew it was the truth. But he…he understood why we did what we did, and he helped us to understand what we needed to do for her—”

“Daddy?” Junie whispered.

“Junie, about a month before he died, we talked. He told me he forgave Brian long ago and that Brian was an excellent father and husband. Your father, he was a brilliant man. He knew Brian would never hurt anyone on purpose.”

“You threw the rock,” she accused Brian.

“I did. Not at her. I threw it at the big tree. You know, the one that the roots go over the rocks?”

She thought of the tree shading the creek and then of the roses she’d found on the rocks.

“I hit the tree. I swear to you, Junie. I would never have thrown a rock at Ellen. I loved her. I was jealous, but she was—” Brian’s shoulders arced forward. Strangled sobs came from deep within his chest. He gasped for a breath, wiping at the tears that streamed down his cheeks. “She was my squirt, my sister,” he cried. “I loved her. I loved her!”

“The roses at the creek?”

“I put them there,” Brian said quietly. “I didn’t visit Dad,” he admitted. Brian wiped his tears. “I miss her. Damn it, Junie. I miss my sister. I love her. I…it…”

Junie reached for him, then dropped her arms to her sides. She desperately wanted to run to him, hold him tight, take away his pain. She ached with love for him, and at the same time, anger, maybe even teetering on hatred—for his lies, for the loss of Ellen’s life. Her mind was twisting, her stomach burning. She had to hear the rest. No more lies. She had to be strong enough to bear the truth. Junie took a step back, away from Brian. Her hand moved to cover her mouth. She dropped it, then crossed her arms over her chest.

“Your meetings? You’re not working on a case together, are you?” She watched their eyes meet.

Brian shook his head. “He couldn’t take it anymore. Dad wanted to tell you, for Sarah’s sake, but I wanted to talk to you first. I thought at Deep Creek we’d have time to talk.”

Junie’s heart ached. All these years, all the lies. No wonder Brian didn’t want to talk about Ellen. How could he? She couldn’t be near Brian or Peter any longer, but she had to know. “Where is she?” She knew the answer.

Peter nodded toward the garden.

“Oh God. Sarah’s digging.”

“I’m sorry.” Peter paced. A bead of sweat glistened on his brow. He put his hands in his pockets, then pulled them out. “She found the earring Ellen was wearing when she died. I panicked.” Peter threw his hands up, then brought them down and covered his face. Through tears, he confessed, “I was too harsh. I took her by the shoulders. Jesus, I must have scared the shit out of her.” He pleaded with Junie. “I’m so sorry. I shook her. I shook her,” he repeated, as if he couldn’t believe he’d done it. “I put the fear of God into her. I didn’t mean to.” He paced. “Maybe I did. I don’t know. I just knew I had to shut her up. If anyone found out—”