Where Petals Fall (20 page)

Junie paced outside of Sarah’s school. She had to pull herself together. What did she see? Did she throw the rock? If not, who did? What happened to Ellen? Damn it. There were so many gaps in her memory that she almost wished she’d left it alone in the first place. The saving grace was that Katie had never said Brian’s name. Did that mean that Junie made up having heard him that day? Did Katie just omit that part, trying to save Junie any further anxiety? She felt as if she were losing her mind.

Kids streamed out the front door, little girls holding hands, waving goodbye to the teachers. Junie looked for Sarah’s red dress. She didn’t see her.

Great, now I’ve lost my daughter?

“Junie, can we see you inside for a moment?”

Junie looked down at Ms. Coler, one of Sarah’s teachers. She wondered if she’d ever get used to her four-foot-ten stature. Her petite frame and the dainty way she carried herself made Junie feel like an awkward giant.

“Sure. Where’s Sarah?”
What has she done now?

Inside the classroom, Junie found Sarah leaning over a small round drawing table, so intent on coloring that she gave no indication of hearing Junie when she said hello to her.   Sarah was wearing a pair of shorts and a familiar pink T-shirt. The T-shirt Junie had packed in her bag of extra clothes that she kept at the school. Junie’s heart sank.

The table was littered with drawings of gardens. Green bushes and overly bubbled flowers drawn with such force that the crayon looked thick, like wax. More drawings were strewn across the floor.

Junie knelt beside her daughter and picked up one of the drawings. She looked up at Ms. Coler.

“She’s been drawing all morning. We tried to entice her to join the group, play outside, read with us at circle time, but she’d have no part of it. We were going to call, but—”

“That’s okay, really. She’s been enthralled with gardens for a week or so. I’m actually glad you let her draw.” Junie scrutinized the drawing she held, then picked up another and another. Each drawing featured a similar garden and the same dark mark she’d seen in the drawings at Theresa’s office.

Ms. Coler turned her back to Sarah and lowered her voice. “You know, I think we need to talk a bit about Sarah, if you have a moment.”

Great
. “Sure. Now?”

“If you don’t mind. We can go into the front office.” She touched Sarah’s shoulder. “Sarah, honey, we’ll be right back.”

Sarah didn’t budge.

Junie had known the discussion was coming. She’d been waiting for it. She sat across the desk from Ms. Coler, whose feigned smile annoyed Junie.
Just say it
. She waited, her muscles tensing with each passing second. She wanted to take the drawings and head straight over to Theresa’s, but she knew she’d be busy with other clients, and she’d already run up a pretty hefty bill. These were more than just drawings. She could feel it in her bones.
But can I trust my feelings?

“Junie, we love Sarah, as you know. And we know she’s going through a hard time right now. We’ve been willing to work with her through wetting her pants even though our policy states that children must be potty trained.” She gave Junie a condescending look.

“Yes, and we really appreciate all that you’ve done. You’ve been wonderful.”
Please don’t kick her out
.

“We haven’t complained when she requires more…attention than some of our other children.”

Junie dropped her eyes.
Here it comes
.

“It’s been several months now, and I know you are working on figuring out what’s going on, but we’re…concerned.”

“Yes. So are we. I understand.” Junie felt as though her heart were being ripped through her chest.
Please don’t make Sarah get used to another school. That would be the worst thing for her
. “We’re working with a new therapist, and we think we’re onto something,” she lied.

Ms. Coler’s eyes lit up. She ran a hand over her cropped brown hair, patting it with her palm. “Good. That’s wonderful news.”

Junie hoped that would be enough to buy her a little more time. “We’re hoping for a breakthrough very soon.”
She’s not some new drug, you idiot. She’s your daughter. Stand up for her
. Junie looked at the drawings in her lap, then said, “Stability is very important for Sarah right now. Sarah loves it here. She’s comfortable here. Please don’t tell me she’s too much for you.” Suddenly she felt the heat of tears tumbling down from the corner of her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She snagged a tissue from a box on the desk.

“Junie, goodness, no. That’s not what I was suggesting.”

Junie sniffled, looked up. “It’s not? But—”

“No. I was just going to suggest that you ask her therapist about Asperger’s syndrome.” She flushed. “I don’t profess to know much about these things, but we had a child two years ago with Asperger’s, and the behaviors are quite similar.”

“Asperger’s.” Junie let out a little laugh under her breath. “I thought…I thought you were kicking her out.” Junie brought her hand to her heart. “Oh, Ms. Coler, thank you.”
Asperger’s?
  Junie knew that most aspects of Sarah’s regression didn’t mimic Asperger’s, but she’d say just about anything to keep Sarah in a safe environment where she felt comfortable. The last thing Sarah needed was a change of schools.

Ms. Coler stood and hugged Junie. “I’m sorry your family is going through this. I know that you know how special Sarah is, and I hope that you know we all just adore her.”

“Thank you,” Junie gushed, and she meant it. She was truly thankful that something was finally working out in their favor.

They returned to an empty classroom. Sarah’s chair had been pulled out from the table, the remaining drawings gathered into a small pile.

“Sarah?” Junie called.

“I’ll check the bathroom.” Ms. Coler hurried down the hall, calling Sarah’s name.

Junie looked in the connecting classroom and passed by the window. She saw Sarah outside, standing beside a large tree.  Junie rushed outside. “Sarah. Sarah, are you okay?” Her heart raced. She didn’t know what she would have done if Sarah had disappeared. She pulled her to her chest.

Sarah put her fisted hand behind her back.

“Sarah? Why are you out here? What have you got in your hand?”

Sarah didn’t answer.

“Sarah Jane? Show me what you have, please.”

Sarah stared down at the ground. She didn’t budge.

Ms. Coler came out of the building. “There she is. You scared the daylights out of me.” She looked at Junie, then at Sarah’s rigid stance. “Is everything okay?”

“Mm-hm. I just want Sarah to share what she has behind her back.”

Ms. Coler smiled. “I’ll bet I know what it is. Sarah, do you have Kayla’s earring?” she asked.

Sarah bit her lower lip.

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to look at it, but it does belong to Kayla, so you can’t take it home.” She turned to Junie and explained. “Kayla wasn’t here today, but her mother called to tell us that she’d lost an earring yesterday. This is a big deal because she just got her ears pierced a month ago, and this was the first time she’d worn something other than the little studs they’d pierced her with.” She turned to Sarah. “Sarah found it in the classroom, and she’s been enamored with it ever since. Now, I’m not sure, but I think Sarah here wishes she could have pierced ears. Don’t you, Sarah?”

Sarah shook her head from side to side.

Junie’s heart leaped. She’d responded! She grabbed Ms. Coler’s arm. “Did you see that? Sarah? You don’t want your ears pierced?”

Again she shook her head.

Junie laughed. “Okay, then, no ear piercing.”

“I should say not,” Ms. Coler said. “Sarah, may I please have the earring?”

Sarah shook her head.

Junie crouched before Sarah, not wanting to alarm her, as she had in the car. She held on to the drawings she’d picked up in her right hand and held out her left. “Sarah, may I please see Kayla’s earring?” She reached for Sarah’s hand, flipped it over, and opened her little fingers. Within her palm lay a tiny silver hoop.

Junie felt as though she’d been kicked in the stomach. She fell backward, holding on to the ground for support. The wind rushed out of her.

“Junie, what is it?” Ms. Coler asked.

Junie shook her head. “I’m okay. It’s nothing.”
I’m just looking at the exact same type of earring that my missing friend was wearing when she disappeared more than twenty years ago
.  “It’s been a long day.”

Junie didn’t care if they had to put the house up for sale. She had to get another appointment with Theresa—fast. If that made her crazy, then so be it. She could no sooner navigate alone the memories that accosted her than she could figure out what was going on with her daughter. She was adrift in a sea of worries and intangibles. She’d drown without a lifeline.

She’d left an urgent message for Theresa hours ago and had yet to hear back. When her cell phone rang, she jumped for it without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Let’s go away for a few days.”

Junie stiffened. She’d almost forgotten what she’d heard.
Squirt
. Why was he suddenly being so nice? What was he up to? “Um, I’m trying to reach Theresa, for Sarah,” she added quickly. “Her teacher wants me to talk to Theresa about Asperger’s.”
And I can’t talk to you right now
.

“Oh, well, our court date was postponed, so I am coming home around five. Why don’t you make it a little later and I’ll go with you?”

Junie’s jaw dropped. “You will?”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking. Whatever Sarah’s going through, she can’t do it alone, and you’ve just lost your dad, so—”

Was he actually trying? Junie felt like such a bitch. How could she have thought Brian had something to do with Ellen’s disappearance?

“I thought we’d go to Deep Creek for the weekend, get away.”

What?

“Hello? Junie?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” she said quietly.

“My family’s cabin. It’s miles away from anywhere. Just the three of us.”

Call waiting buzzed through. “Hold on a sec,” she said, and answered the call.

“Junie, it’s Shane. I gotta talk to you. I think I made a big mistake.”

“Shoot, okay. Hold on a sec.”

“Wait. I’m late. Let me tell you quickly. I called Brian. I was worried about you, about what happened, so I called to tell him to be sure to take care of you, but he was pissed.”

“You
called
him?” Junie realized just how worried Shane must have been. The only other time he’d taken it upon himself to call Brian was when she’d come to the bakery sick every morning—before they’d realized it was morning sickness.

“I thought he’d be there for you, but he was furious that Katie had come to see you. I think I did something really wrong. I’m so sorry.”

Why didn’t Brian mention the call?

“No, you’re fine. Okay, look, I gotta run. Brian’s on the other line.” She heard Shane apologize as she clicked back over to Brian.

“Sorry about that,” she said.

“No problem. Was that Theresa?”

“No.”
Oh God
. Junie closed her eyes and lied. “Sales call.”

“So, why don’t you pack and I’ll pick you girls up in a bit, and if Theresa calls, we’ll go there first.”

“Um, I think we should stay around here, in case she calls later.”
I don’t want to be alone with you
.

“Don’t be silly. She won’t work on the weekend. Be ready,” he said in a tone that Junie heard as,
We’re leaving when I get home. No questions asked.

Junie panicked. What if Brian had been involved? What if he thought Katie told her something that confirmed his guilt? What if she was involved—she still wasn’t sure what had happened, and all Katie had done was cloud her memories. What if Brian knew it was her who did something to Ellen? Did she do something to Ellen?  Junie thought her mind might explode, and Brian would come home and find her brains splattered all over the living room floor.

She tried Theresa again and reached her answering machine. She picked up the phone to call her mother, then realized how stupid she’d sound,
Mom, I think I hurt Ellen, or maybe Brian did. I’m afraid to be alone with him. I’m afraid to be with myself. Oh, and Sarah’s teacher wants me to ask her therapist about Asperger’s, but her therapist thinks Sarah might be selectively mute. Did I mention that she was holding the same exact earing as Ellen was wearing when she disappeared? Shoot me now.

She threw herself down on the couch, buried her face in her hands, and decided she needed a plan. First she made a mental list of the things she had to figure out:
Why was Sarah so enamored with the earring? Was it just a coincidence that it looked like Ellen’s? Why was she drawing Peter’s garden? What did I see at the creek? Was it Brian? Did I hurt Ellen?

Then she listed a few things that were bothering her: Brian’s voice at the creek. Gray van? Ellen’s shoe? Asperger’s? Selectively mute?

She had to work through each item to reclaim her sanity and understand what was going on—or at least that was her plan.

Junie picked up the phone and called Katie. After listening to her gush about how sorry she was, she finally got a word in.

“What exactly did I tell you? What did you feel you had to hide all these years?”

Katie didn’t answer.

“Katie, please. This is important. I
need
to know.”

“Junie, you passed out today. I think I made a big mistake. I don’t think I should have said anything. I’m so sorry for unearthing something so painful. Really, it’s our secret. I promise not to bring it up again.”

“Our secret?”
What the hell?
Junie wondered when they’d had the type of relationship that had secrets. “Katie, please!”

“All I can say is that if you don’t remember, then maybe you shouldn’t remember. You get my drift?” Katie’s voice wavered.

“Katie, listen. I need to know if I hurt Ellen. Did I hurt Ellen? Did I do something? Why did she disappear? Please, if you know, I need to know.”

“I can’t do this anymore, Junie. I wish you never came back. I should have said something years ago.”

“Said what?”

“Why don’t you ask your husband?”

The phone went dead.