Where Love Grows (34 page)

She turned back to
Mamm
and took her hands. She guided her back to the table.

“Sit down right now,” she ordered. “What is wrong? Shall I call
Daett
?”

“No!”
Mamm
said trying to smile. “My nerves are collapsing, that's all. The last few weeks have been harder on me than I realized.”

“It's over now,” Susan said, keeping her hold on
Mamm
's hands. “It's over.”

“I know.” A soft smile flitted on
Mamm
's face. “I feel such relief, such peace in my soul. We were spared, Susan. From the awful darkness. I can never say how grateful I am to
Da Hah
. One of us could have died during that time. And I would not have wanted to cross over while living away from the church. And neither would your
daett
.”

“But
Da Hah
would not have allowed that,” Susan said. “He knew your hearts. And even if you had gone,
Da Hah
would have understood that you had already sought repentance.”

Mamm
nodded. “I know that in my head. And Bishop Henry told us the same thing. But it feels different once you're living there yourself.”

“I hope I never find out,” Susan said with a shiver.

“So do I,”
Mamm
said. “I certainly never thought I would find out.”

“You really should sit and rest for a while,” Susan said. “I can do the dishes.”

“
Nee
, I can't sit around with all the household work to do,”
Mamm
protested. “And the threshing crew is coming this week. And then Thanksgiving is coming up.”

“Speaking of Thanksgiving,” Susan said, “did you ever hear back from Donald? Can he come?”

“
Yah
. The letter came yesterday. He is coming.”

“Oh,
Mamm
, that's such
gut
news.”

“
Yah
, it is,”
Mamm
agreed. “And now that we're out of the
bann
, I should be up and rushing around the house instead of dropping forks on the floor. I'm an old woman, I guess. I can't take things as well anymore.”

“You'll be okay,” Susan assured her. “My sisters and I will help with the work for Thanksgiving. And what would you think of inviting Steve?”

“Oh, my!”
Mamm
beamed again. “
Yah
, of course.
Daett
and I noticed Steve brought you home last night. Here I am all wrapped up in my own troubles, and I forget about the wonderful things happening with my youngest daughter. Yesterday you started baptismal class, and now Steve has brought you home. Is he coming again?”

“Do you want him to,
Mamm
?”

“What kind of question is that, Susan? Of course I want him to.”

“You don't wish I was still seeing Thomas?”

“
Ach
, Thomas,”
Mamm
said, waving her arms. “I'm not the one who would have had to marry him. And he did drop you, and I'm on your side. Steve will make a fine husband for you.”

“We're not marrying yet,
Mamm
. Please.”

“I know,”
Mamm
said, patting Susan's arm. “Now let me get on my feet again. Didn't you plan to visit Teresa today?”

“
Yah
, if it's okay. Are you sure you'll be all right?”

“Is that
Englisha
boy going to be there? Robby, was that his name?”

“
Mamm
, please. I'm over that. I'm not going back to the
Englisha
world. Robby is a friend, no more.”

“Are you sure, Susan?”
Mamm
was looking at her.

“
Yah, Mamm
.”

Mamm
was clearly not convinced. “Does he have a girlfriend?”

“
Yah
, and he told me Saturday they're getting married in the spring.”

Mamm
sighed. “Then I'll have to trust you. I guess you could have run away a long time ago if you'd wished to. It's not like we didn't give you plenty of reasons of late.”

“You don't have to feel bad about it.” Susan gave
Mamm
a hug. “I understand.”

“Now, now,”
Mamm
muttered, getting to her feet. “Don't be treating me like a
bobli
. I'm still your
mamm
.”

“
Mamms
need hugs just like everyone else.”

Mamm
smiled. “Why don't I start the baking for the threshing crew, and once you're finished with the dishes you can leave for Teresa's place?”

“I'll be back as soon as I can,” Susan said as she rushed around the kitchen.
Mamm
wiped the table clean and brought the flour from the pantry. Susan was through with the dishes by the time
Mamm
had the bread dough rising. Putting the last dish away, Susan raced for the barn.

Hopefully Steve was working in the back field this morning instead of repairing something in the barn for the threshing crew. It might be embarrassing seeing him around after last night. And he might still be a little jealous if he knew where she was going. Not likely, but why take the chance? She pushed open the barn door and walked inside, pausing to peer around in the dim darkness. No sign of Steve. She breathed easier, letting the memories of Teresa's wedding rush over her. The preacher had stood right over there. It seemed like years ago, and yet it wasn't.

Would this be where she would get married…soon? With Steve instead of Thomas? How many times over the years had she dreamed of standing here with Thomas, her cheeks blushing, saying the sacred vows with him? Even after she had caught him talking with Eunice, she had managed to hope. Now that dream was dead. Susan sighed. Perhaps it was best things were going like they were. She was tired of dreaming, of imaging how great things might be, only to have them dashed. Steve certainly caused no dreaming. He was solid. Wholesome. And a little funny in his own way. And he was a
gut
man. There was no question about that. And he was also sweet. That was the maddening thing about Steve. You liked him just because he was so good. It was all very confusing.

Calling to Toby, Susan caught his halter and led him outside the stall to throw the harness on. When she was done, she led him to the buggy, bending down to pick up the shafts.

Someone unexpectedly rounded the corner of the barn, and Susan jumped.

“I'm not trying to scare you!”
Daett
said when she whirled around. “I thought I'd help you get on your way.”

“I thought you were Steve!” Susan said, trying to catch her breath. She was even weak in the knees and that was embarrassing.

“Would that have been such an awful thing?”
Daett
asked. “Steve seems happy this morning. Happier than I have seen him in a long time. Is it possible my last daughter has finally found the man of her dreams?”

“
Daett
, don't tease me,” Susan said, holding up the buggy shafts. “I'm trying to make sense of this myself.”

“Well, you have my blessing,”
Daett
said swinging the horse between the shafts.

“Thanks for your approval. But I don't know myself yet what will happen. Remember, I was seeing Thomas not so long ago.”

“
Da Hah
moves in mysterious ways,”
Daett
said.

“
Yah
,” Susan said.

“And there's something else I want to tell you, Susan,”
Daett
continued. “I want to thank you for the way you stood with us during our time of trial.”

“You know I couldn't have done anything else,” Susan said as she threw the lines through the buggy front.
Daett
held Toby's bridle while she climbed into the buggy. As Susan pulled out, she and
Daett
exchanged waves.

Daett
had seemed so calm all morning, Susan thought as she guided Toby onto the main road. It was like peace followed him around today. Or perhaps it was simply relief that the
bann
was over. And yet it was more than that.
Daett
had grown during his time of suffering. He was even gentler than before. The wrinkles around his eyes had grown deeper, but inside his heart was larger. He wouldn't always have taken her loss of Thomas with such grace. Unlike
Mamm, Daett
had really liked him.

Susan slapped the reins, and Toby picked up his pace as they drove along the back roads. Signs of autumn were already showing on the leaves of the maples and oaks. Soon they would be turning bright red and orange and then falling to the ground in preparation of winter. Strange how she was in the process of opening her heart to the possibility of something new while the world around her was preparing for snow and ice. Was this a warning perhaps? A sign of the foolishness of her attempt to find love again? Surely it wasn't. She hadn't gone looking for it this time. And
Da Hah
had been with them through their great trials in the past weeks as He surely would be with them for the rest of the journey. She needed to trust that perhaps Steve was the man who fit her heart perfectly.

Ahead of her, the little concrete bridge below Teresa's place came into view. Susan slowed down. She took the ride across leaning out of the buggy to listen to the running water, just like a schoolgirl who didn't have better sense. Well! Susan thought, pulling her head back inside. In more ways than one she still was a schoolgirl at heart. Steve would just have to deal with that. If he only wanted a practical, decent woman to work on the farm with him and raise his children, then he could find someone else. “There!” she said out loud. “That's how I feel about it.”

Driving into Teresa's driveway moments later, Susan burst out laughing. Here she was fighting with Steve, and he wasn't even here. What an odd couple they made.

Robby's car was sitting beside the barn, so he must have driven up early from his aunt's place in Livonia. Unless he had stayed here for the night, which was also possible. Teresa was probably eager to practice her newfound skills as an Amish hostess.

Susan tied Toby to the hitching post and made her way to the porch. Teresa met her at the front door, flying into her arms for a big hug. “Oh, it's so
gut
to see you again!”

“You saw me only yesterday!”

In the background Robby was laughing. “I think she's a little crazy myself.”

“How can you say such a thing?” Susan stepped around Teresa to look at him. “She's like a sister to me.”

“Look at this!” Robby pointed to his stomach. “She had me staying the night when I could have stayed at Aunt Bonnie's place. Last night she filled me up with mashed potatoes, gravy, meat, corn, pumpkin pie, cherry pie, and other things I can't even remember. Then this morning it's biscuits, gravy again, oatmeal, bacon, eggs, and orange juice. The woman is killing me.”

“And it was so much fun!” Teresa said.

Robby was patting his stomach and shaking his head. “Thankfully I'm leaving in a little bit.”

“You wouldn't have gone without seeing your old friend again, now would you?” Susan questioned.

“No! I knew you were coming this morning,” Robby said. “So tell me, Susan, are you staying here or can I give my mom the good news that you'll be back to work in the bakery?”

“Hey, if you're going to lure Susan out to the world again, you're out of here!” Teresa huffed from the kitchen door opening. “No more
gut
cooking for you.”

“Well, I wouldn't do that,” Robby protested. “I thought maybe I didn't need to entice her. Maybe she's ready to come back.”

“No, I'm not going back,” Susan said. “Lure or no lure. I've come to the conclusion that I'm Amish through and through. Now tell me about your girlfriend and the wedding.”

“Well, there's not much to tell yet. I knew her back when you were there, Susan. It just wasn't love yet. More like friendship, if you know what I mean. Some romances start that way.”

Susan started to turn red. “
Yah
, I know what you mean.”

“Remember all those pep talks you gave me about love?” Robby asked.

“Of course I do,” Susan said. “Love is out there for everyone. We just have to find it.”

“Susan said that?” Teresa looked strangely at both of them.

“Yes, she did,” Robby said, grinning.

“I suppose I was a little carried away in those days,” Susan admitted. “But I do still think it's true. Just not in the way I thought before.”

“Speaking of that, how did it go last night with Steve?” Teresa asked.

“Okay, I guess.”

“What are you two talking about?” Robby looked puzzled. “Mind cluing me in?”