Where Love Grows (29 page)

Looking out the kitchen window, Susan saw Steve walk up to the barn door, his hat pulled down over his ears. The air must have a chill this morning. Strange that
Daett
hadn't said anything when he came in from doing the chores. Perhaps he had his mind on other things. Why was Steve here this morning when there was so much to do at Ada's place? Likely he was making a last-minute check on the farm before being gone all day at the barn-raising. It would be the most logical explanation, and Steve would do something like that. And he had stayed true to his plans so far of not accepting pay from
Daett
. Every day he showed up for work like usual, taking no money even when
Daett
offered. Steve had even turned down the money owed him for the week prior to the
bann
.

Steve really shouldn't be working without pay. So what if
she
paid him? Susan smiled. That would be a joke. She didn't have the money. Certainly not enough to pay Steve fair wages. And if
Daett
paid her back after the
bann
was lifted, that would be the same as violating the
bann
. How could Steve afford to lose his wages? He hadn't exactly come over from Daviess County to work for nothing. But then it wasn't like he was a married man who had to supply for his family. Maybe Steve was trying to impress her? Not likely, Susan decided. He didn't do things to impress people. Even so, Susan had to admit she was impressed anyway.

Steve had dropped her off with a simple goodbye the night he took her to the hymn singing. And he gave no hints of anything more after that. Not even the comment that he would like to see more of her or take her to the hymn singing next time.

Maybe he was interested but deliberately taking things slowly, giving her time to adjust, to get over Thomas. But that didn't seem like Steve. Well, at least she wasn't yet dreaming about Steve—if she ever would. She could remember back in school sitting at her desk for long stretches while thinking only of Thomas. Studying his face across the room until Thomas would look up. And then the red would rush all over her face. Steve didn't inspire any of that.

Susan stopped short, remembering where she was. What would
Mamm
think if she knew what she was thinking? Probably
Mamm
would think the work and the sorrow were addling her mind. And maybe they were.

Steve had worked here since the spring of the year, but Susan had never given him a thought as someone like...a potential husband. The thought sent a shiver up her back. Such a thing was completely out of the question. And even if Steve had an interest in her, which he probably didn't, was she really interested in him that way? Not really. Not when it came right down to it. There weren't enough stars in his eyes or in hers. Not like Teresa had for James. Now there was a couple to model a life after. Sweetness in a person or in two persons. And so in love with each other.

Did
Da Hah
make such unions twice? Not likely. They were probably the only ones privileged to experience such devotion for each other. James and Teresa…and perhaps Thomas and Wilma. They had looked so in love the other Sunday night at the hymn singing. Sparks flew between them.

Hearing a noise, Susan turned around.
Mamm
was in the doorway of the kitchen, wiping her eyes.

“I really should be helping,”
Mamm
said. “I can't stand sitting out there while you work in here all by yourself. Maybe I can bring things up from the basement for you. That's not the same thing as making the food.”

“
Mamm
,” Susan kept her voice firm, “I know how you must feel, but no, you can't help. I don't want to pretend you didn't all day. You know how that would feel. So please don't think about it. You need to find something else to do, like the wash or something. In fact, that would be a great idea. Put some wash on the line.”

“This isn't right,”
Mamm
muttered, leaving to come back with a hamper half-full of laundry from her bedroom.

“You can't take mine from upstairs,” Susan reminded her.

“I didn't get your wash. My sins would find me out if I did, you know. Hanging your things on the line for all the world to see.”
Mamm
went out the washroom door, and Susan heard her clump down the basement steps.

A while later, the washroom door behind her opened, and Susan started. She whirled around to see
Daett
standing in the doorway.

“My poor, brokenhearted daughter.”
Daett
walked up to place his hand on her shoulder. “How many times I have said this, but I will say it again. I'm so sorry, Susan. None of this is your fault, and yet you have to suffer along with us.”

“You and
Mamm
mustn't go to the barn-raising today,” Susan said. “It would be too painful. All you could do is stand around and watch.”

“I've been thinking the same thing. I'll go tell
Mamm
. She's in the basement from the sounds of it. She'll be disappointed.”

“
Yah
, but it can't be helped. She's doing the wash.”

Daett
's eyes swept over the food preparation before he left. “Perhaps I can help her with a load of laundry. It seems that's all I'm fit for anymore.”

“Oh
Daett
!” Susan threw her arms around his neck. “Can't we all just go away someplace? Somewhere until this is over? We wouldn't have to see anyone, talk to anyone. Please, can't we?”

“You know I don't run away from my problems,”
Daett
said, holding her tight. “It's not the way
Da Hah
would have us handle things. Bearing our sorrow is part of what this is about. It cleanses the soul, Susan. Even though you may not understand now, this is for the best.”

“Why do I always want to run away,
Daett
? I ran away from Thomas, and it didn't help. I can't seem to stop wanting to run again.”

“
Da Hah
will have His way, Susan. What He's doing in your heart, I don't know. I can only say I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. I wish I had never sinned. But I have, and now others must suffer with me. May
Da Hah
give all of you a rich reward for your love for me. And also for your
mamm
. She is a woman I never deserved, and now I know I never will.”

“We all love you,
Daett
, so please don't be so hard on yourself.”

He smiled and held her at arm's length. “You're my sweetest daughter, Susan. The wild one,
yah
, but the most loved also. You have always been like a young filly who loves the open field with the wind blowing through her mane as she runs. Someday you will find a man worthy of your heart.”

“So you don't hold it against me that I couldn't keep Thomas?”

“
Ach
, Thomas.”
Daett
smiled. “Maybe it's a relief off my mind that I don't need to train that young boy as a farmer. Watching Steve work has set my mind to seeing things I hadn't noticed before.”

Susan grimaced. “Perhaps your lack of vision came from having only girls around?”

“
Yah
, perhaps. A boy, in order to run a farm, should be raised on a farm. He should feel the dirt between his toes from the time he can walk. He should be up with his
daett
to help with the milking before he goes to school. Those were things Thomas never experienced. I believe losing Thomas was for the best, Susan.”

“Oh,
Daett
, thank you!” Susan flew into his arms again.

He held her, clucking with his tongue until she laughed.

Susan pushed herself away as a thought rushed through her mind. “Do you know what you should do soon,
Daett
?”

He looked at her, tilting his head.

“Write Donald and invite him for Thanksgiving Day. All this horribleness will be over by then. We could have a big meal with Teresa and James and all our family. We can invite as many as will fit in the house.”

“You think this would work?”
Daett
asked.

“Of course it would,” Susan assured him. “And we'll have something to look forward to.”

“What if Donald finds out about this…about what we're going through? He will feel responsible for our misery.”

“No one has told him, and no one will.”

A trace of a smile crept into his face. “You do think of the most wonderful things. I will think about it.”

“I think
Mamm
will agree. Do you wish me to ask her?”

“No, I will.”
Daett
's face darkened. “But if Donald is too much for her, we will not do this. Otherwise, I will write the letter soon so Donald can prepare for the journey. That is, if he sees fit to come.”

Susan said nothing more as she watched her
daett
's bowed back disappear out the washroom door and heard him move down the steps. Low voices soon came from the basement, and she closed the door, rushing about again. If the pies were to be done in time, the dough needed to be in the oven right now.

Taking out the pie pans, she thinned the dough with the roller. With a few quick glances, she guessed at the size. She cut the dough into squares and flipped the thin sheets over the pan. After trimming the edges, she was pressing the ridges in by hand when she heard a knock on the front door.

Whoever it was would either have to wait or come in without being asked. And sure enough, the door opened and footsteps soon came across the hardwood floor. Steve appeared in the kitchen opening, peering in.

“
Gut
morning,” he said.

She smiled. “I saw you came by this morning.”

“I had to see if everything was okay since I won't be back today.”

“
Daett
could have taken care of things.”

“
Yah
, I guess.” He was studying the pie crust. “Those are nice. Even my
mamm
couldn't do better than that.”

Susan didn't look at him. “But you haven't tasted them.”

“They look good from here.”

“Looks don't make a pie.”

Steve laughed. “Looks help. So can I take anything over to Ada's for you, since I assume your
mamm
and
daett
aren't going today?”

“No, but thank you. I'm not close to ready yet. And I would think you'd want to be down at Ada's when they start building.”

“I suppose so. The yard is already full of buggies.”

She didn't say anything more as she rushed about.

“This will all be over soon,” he said. “And
Da Hah
will make us all better for it. That's the promise He gives.”

She started to say something, but Steve was already gone, the sound of his footsteps going out the front door. How does he understand? she wondered. He was such a
gut
man.

T
wo hours later Susan drove the open buggy the short distance to Ada's place, her pies in the back, along with a casserole wrapped in a quilt. The day had kept its promise, the sun beating down without a cloud in the sky. Reuben couldn't have chosen a better day for his barn-raising. Already the men had the skeleton of a wall up.

Teresa came running out of the house before Susan stopped at the end of the walk. “Oh, Susan, I was so worried about you. Ada said you would still be working on the food and not to worry, but I almost walked over to check on you.”

“You should have!” Susan said, jumping down from the buggy. “I miss you around the house.”

Teresa gave her a hug. “Where's
Mamm
?”

Susan winced. “It's better if she and
Daett
don't come. They wouldn't be able to help with anything.”

“This is still so awful, Susan. I can't get used to it.”

“I hope your
mamm
hasn't heard about this.”