Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1) (12 page)

“I think I’m falling in love with you” he whispered as his arms wrapped themselves around me. Had I heard him right, I had stopped breathing and my heart
was pumping so fast that it was all I could hear in my ears.

“Me too” was all I could re
spond with before my lips touched his in a long and lingering kiss.

“Do you have a pen in your bag?” James asked me, as our lips parted. I looked through and found a black marker and handed it to him.

“What do you want that for?” I asked
, as he removed the lid and we looked at the back of the wooden bench where other’s before us had left their mark. There was a blank space in the corner so James drew a heart and put our initials inside it JC 4 SM. He handed me back the pen and then we kissed for a final time before we wandered back to my place. He had to be home for his shift at the pool so once he had packed his bag, in between long bouts of kissing, I found myself standing in the driveway. Alone and forlorn I watched as my heart was ripped from my body to follow him as he drove home.

I wandered back down to the river and sat again on the bench we had shared only a few hours earlier, it still felt warm, but probably from the sun shining down. In my heart it was raining as I leaned back and remembered his words. He was falling in love with me. I had fallen for him much longer ago, in fact from the first moment he had spoken to me at the pool back in January. After a final look at the heart, now dry and sealed onto the history of the bench, our bench. Hurrying back home I knew I had time to write him a letter and get it in the post box for the early morning collection at six tomorrow.

              “Dear James,

I am already missing you loads since you left about an hour ago, so I’ve decided to write to you straight away. This weekend has been amazing as
is usual when we are together. After you drove off I walked back to our bench and sat there for a while and thought about what you said to me. I think I started to fall in love with you the first time that you spoke to me at the Swimming Pool; I could hardly believe that you had even noticed me!!

This weekend has been full of firsts for
me, I’m sorry if I’m not going fast enough for you? I hope you are ok waiting for me to catch up with you (I’m learning all the time but then you are a good teacher). Don’t forget you are my first ever boyfriend, I’m sure you have had a few girlfriends (don’t tell me about them otherwise I will get jealous)!!

Anyway, I can’t wait to see you again soon as I am addicted to your kisses.

              Already in love with you

             
              Stephanie x”

Later in bed I inhaled the faint scent of him that lingered on my pillow and hoped that it would not be too long before we saw each other again.

As Charlotte was about to turn the page her phone beeped to let her know she had a message so she happily lay back and enjoyed some quality phone time with her best mate Julia.

Chapter 15

Walking past the door of the bedroom
on Sunday I listened to the music Charlie was playing. I had to admit that a lot of the music in the charts left me cold these days. It was a good job that the radio station where I worked specialised in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s music so I didn’t have to play the chart stuff. Charlotte was forever teasing me when I professed to not knowing who certain rap artists were. I paused as Adele’s Skyfall came on. I had been listening to this almost non stop since she returned from the dance competition as it was the music for their new dance that they were practising for the Midlands final. If they were lucky to be the top two chosen acts then the grand final was a weekend affair in London and I had to admit to looking forward to a weekend away in the capital later in the year.

“Charlie, are you hungry yet?” I called through the door, as I slowly turned the knob and pulled it open. I watched silently as the last few cords faded out and my daughter sank down on the floor in the perfect splits.

“Does it
look ok?” she asked, through her gasps.

“Well from the last few moments that I saw it looks fabulous…you’ll be on Strictly Come Dancing before long” I teased.

“Mum, that’s totally different dancing to this” she responded as I threw her the towel that was draped over the end of her bed.

As she rubbed the sweat away from her face and tucked the few tendrils of hair back over her ear, I spotted my diary still on the bedside cabinet. I had to admit that she looked even more like me now that she had coloured her hair red, it definitely suited her. She had inherited her pale, freckled skin from me, but as she looked up I saw the eyes of my late hus
band staring back startling green and clear.

“Come down when you are ready” I finished, as I backed out of the room “and we’ll see what’s in the cupboard”

“Sure” she replied as I spotted her reach for her phone and a smile spread over her face.

“Julia?” I asked

“No Mum, a guy I met at the dance competition….don’t worry we are just texting and friends on Face Book” she responded, as I watched a slight blush spread up her neck. I nodded and turned to head back downstairs. I had learned when to push and when to just wait for her to tell me and this was definitely a waiting moment. At least she was no longer upset about Craig, I had found him a little too forthright for my liking w
hen he had been at the house. I hoped again that my diary was teaching her that to wait for the right guy and the right moment was what really mattered.

The next morning Charlotte raced out of the house to meet Julia for the walk to school. As I was not due to be at work until lunchtime, I found myself sneaking into Charlie’s room so that I could reclaim my diaries for another trip down memory lane.

I scanned through a couple of weeks as it appeared that I was obviously in the midst of study leave and revision as the entries were short and each ended with sentiments about missing James. I stopped and pulled out some of the letters that were still stuck between the pages of the diary. James’ handwriting was definitely distinctive as I smiled at all the strange things we used to talk about on paper. Imagine if we had mobile phones like my daughter did now, it some ways this would have been great, but looking at the faded and torn pages of the letters meant so much more than text on a small screen.

After all if that had been the case the messages would have long since been deleted, lost forever in cyberspace. I held the one letter up to my nose as I remembered that James used to spray them with aftershave after I had sent my letters sprayed with my perfume. Perhaps I imagined that I could still smell the faint scent of him and with it my memories. Then I found the next dates when I had been lucky enough to escape the drudgery of revision for a long weekend with James. As I started to read I realised it was the weekend when his parents had gone away, so I carried the diary with me and headed to my favourite rocking chair in the conservatory.

Friday 29
th
April, 1988

I can hardly wait to finish my packing. James is coming to collect me so that we can spend another weekend at his parent’s house. However the most exciting part of this was that his parents were not going to be there so it would just be the two of us, together, all weekend long. Thankfully the weather has turned warm so I am packing some of my mini skirts and dresses to allow my legs to see some sunshine. Also I knew that James loved my legs, every single inch of them he had said when we had last been together and he had snaked a trail of kisses up and down them. I blushed just remembering those sensations and hoping for more to come this weekend.

Although I have now been on the pill for over a month I have not told James this as I don’t want him to rush me into anything, not that I think he will as he is always saying that he is happy to go at my pace. This was a good thing even though I was not even sure what my pace was? When we were apart I felt certain that I wanted to go much, much further but I was still so scared of taking the next steps.

Hearing his car pull onto the drive I waited in my room, knowing that my Mum would shout and then tell James to head on up. It was always going to be a much better hello kiss when my parents were not in sight or sound of us. I listened to his steps taking forever on the stairs, then the door opened and a furry face popped into sight followed by James.

“I bought you a cuddly present
for when I am not here with you” he said, as I took the pink elephant off him, this one had a flower saying I am yours. Then I was in his arms before I could even say thank you, showering him with my enthusiastic kisses.

Following him back downstairs James carried my bag and I carried the toy as I didn’t want to leave it in my room alone for the weekend.

“Would you like a coffee” Mum asked, as we entered the kitchen, on our way to the car.

“Thanks but I think we’ll get going” James said.

“Ok have a good weekend and give my regards to Pam and Peter” Mum finished. I nodded and tried not to blush and give away the fact that they were not going to be there.

“Bye Mrs M, see you on Sunday evening” James said, as we headed out to the car. Driving off I started to laugh.

“You don’t think she’s guessed” I said

“Well, you do need to learn to control your blushing” James said. He reached across and squeezed my knee.

As the music played in the car, we sang along, talked some more and took it in turns to stroke each other’s legs or just hold hands. When we arrived in his driveway I felt suddenly nervous again. James hurried round to open my car door and my nerves dispersed as I knew that I was with the man I loved. The man who I hoped loved me maybe almost as much as I did him. The house felt quiet with just the two of us but once I had dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs we headed into the kitchen for a drink.  I hopped up onto the worktop whilst we waited for the kettle to boil. My blood reached boiling point far quicker than the kettle as James took my head in his hands and fitting his body between my dangling legs as we kissed long and hard and deep.

Then he just lifted me up and carried me into the lounge where we settled onto the sofa, drinks forgotten in the heat of our embrace.

“I love this skirt” he said,
as it rode up my legs revealing more and more skin as I sat astride him and his fingers trailed their way up and down my smooth skin. The hours ticked by as we continued rediscovering each other, however my stomach soon started to growl with hunger of a different kind.

“Shall we order take away?” James asked

“Yes, please” I sighed as we managed to pull our lips away from each others.

“Pizza, Chinese, Indian or Fish n Chips?”

“Pizza would be lovely” I replied, feeling ravenous and also in need of a quick trip to the bathroom.

As James grabbed the phone to order, I headed upstairs and placed my bag in James’ room. At the same time I placed my elephant toy next to his on the shelf as it seemed to be fitting that our toys were together too. I loved that he had cleaned his room as it smelt of polish more than of him and I noticed that he had a copy of Top Gun on video lying on the shelf. I picked it up and headed back downstairs to the lounge.

“Can we watch this?”

James smiled and grabbed it from my hands.

“Yes, so long as you don’t drool over Tom all night”

“Deal” I replied, “Anyway, I don’t want to let you out of my sight now that we are back together” I murmured, reaching up to kiss him on the lips.

The pizza arrived and we settled onto the sofa and watched the film together for the first time. It was his favourite film and fast becoming mine too. When the love scene started and the familiar lilting melody of ‘Take my breath away’ began I looked at James just as he looked over at me.

“Shall we?” he asked as he pulled me into his arms again. Th
e rest of the film played on in the background as we kissed and then let our hands wander. Firstly over our clothes but then as the intensity increased my top was on the floor, followed shortly by my bra and James’ t-shirt and jeans, lastly my skirt which hadn’t been covering much anyway.

Then feeling incredibly confidant I pulled away and leapt off the sofa.

“Come and catch me” I giggled as I quickly ran through the door and upstairs. I only just made it to his room before he grabbed me from behind and started to tickle me like crazy before he pinned me down on his bed and the tickles became caresses.
We eventually disappeared underneath the duvet and continued to explore, as I took the initiative and removed his boxer shorts so that I could stroke him again. I was so caught up in the moment that I almost didn’t feel his fingers as they ran over the lace of my knickers.

“Can I” he asked, cautiously. Oh my god, half of me wanted to say yes but the other half was terrified “It’s ok if you don’t want me too” James continued as he ran his hands through my hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m letting you down” I mumbled as the tears started to fall down my cheeks and I tried to turn away from him, but he wiped the tears away gently and kissed me so that I soon forgot.

“I love you Stephanie and I will wait for as long as it takes”

“I love you too, James
and I want to experience this with you but I’m scared as I’ve never done this before” I responded “What if I disappoint you?”

“Believe me, you could never disappoint me”

Happy again I relaxed
back into his embrace and as it was late we fell asleep, curled up together.

Saturday 30
th
April, 1988

The sun shining through the window woke us up and after a few good morning kisses James popped out of bed and wrapped in his dressing gown went and made us some coffee and toast. While he was gone I took the chance to have a better look around his room and when he came back in the room he was greeted by the sight of me, kneeling up on his bed to look at all his albums lined up on the shelf.

“Any you want to hear?” he asked, putting the tray down on his bedside table.

“Lots, I want to know everything about you”

“Everything?” he arched his eyebrows, as a grin spread across his face. I loved this man so much it hurt and he had told me that he loved me last night for the very first time, it was such a special moment. I turned to fall into his awaiting arms again, this was where I belonged.

After a very pleasurable morning in bed I eventually pulled away from him and decided to have a shower.
As the warm water played over my skin it felt like heaven as I had the chance to replay the events of last night in my mind. Had I been wrong to deny him? Even though he had said it was ok and that he would wait, where would I find the courage from to take the next step? Lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear the bathroom door open until a draft of cold air hit my skin and I turned to find James standing there, completely naked and holding a sponge

“Thought I would wash your back for you” he grinned, as he stepped under the water next to me.

How could I resist the feel of his fingers on my wet skin as he poured shower gel onto my back and slowly rubbed it in, the sponge
lay forgotten on the floor. It felt heavenly as I languished under his expert touch, letting his hands wander down my back and over my bum and then my legs and then slowly climbing back up. Turning around I offered to do the same for him and after a quick kiss he turned away from me and I got to work with the shower gel, my hands marvelling over his taunt muscles and his excellent bum and legs. I still could not believe that this gorgeous man was with me and I loved it. When I had finished he turned around and pouring some more gel into the palm of his hand he said

“I’ll do your front now” as he slowly massaged my shoulders first and then
down to my breasts, which apparently required a lot of attention.