When You Least Expect It (8 page)

           “I don’t believe you Ray.  While I’m upstairs sleeping by myself, you’re down here picking up women on your stupid computer.  I hate you, Ray!”  Carrie had lost all control by this time.

           “WHAT?”  Ray was yelling now, too.  “We haven’t slept in the same bed, much less together, for years Carrie.  Don’t try to conveniently forget that.  This marriage has been a farce for a long time now.  Maybe we should sit down and finally admit it to ourselves and decide what we’re going to do about it.”

           Ray relived this scene over and over in his mind.  It could have been the ending point of his marriage.  Isn’t that what he wanted?  Isn’t that what he’d told Amanda?  Carrie had backed down at this point of the conversation, and Ray had let her.  He wasn’t ready for the ‘final scene’.  He felt like such a heel.  Maybe he wasn’t as sure of what he wanted as he’d thought.  Wouldn’t he have pushed Carrie to admit how horrible their marriage was?  Hadn’t this been the best segue to let Carrie know how he felt?  It had been the perfect time.  Why did he chicken out? 

~~~

         After a very tearful goodbye in Tucson, Amanda, Elisa and Alexander were on their way home.  They’d had a great time with Blossom, Julio and the boys.  Amanda wished they had spent more time with them, but unfortunately they had to get back to reality.

          Not long after getting home, Amanda turned on the computer to check her email.  There was an email from Ray with the subject line that read “Welcome home”.  She thought that was so sweet.  She opened it, smiling from ear to ear.

             
Hey Amanda…welcome home.  I hope your trip went well.  I missed you sooo much.  As you know, I’m off to the shore today.  I wish our paths had crossed long enough for me to talk to you, but I’ll call you in a day or so.  Thanks for the letter you sent me, but the bad news is…Carrie read it.  I’ll have to tell you all about it when I call you. Don’t worry though, nothing drastic happened, it was just a very ugly scene.

       
I’ve thought about our last conversation every day since you left.  I meant every word of it, Mandy.  Things at my house are so complicated right now, I’m sorry for that.  I just want you to know, and believe, you are the bright spot in my life.

I’ll talk to you soon.

Love, Ray

P.S.  Yes!  I want to exchange pictures. Although I know you must be beautiful, I hope you’re not too put off by what you might see on this end.  Here’s a hint: have you seen STAR WARS? (Lol)

             
Amanda sat and stared at her computer for a very long time.  She couldn’t understand how she’d let this get to this point.  Everyone could see this but her.  No matter how she tried to disguise it, she was interfering in someone’s marriage.  She inadvertently had hurt Carrie.  She’d been on the losing end of adultery before.  She knew how it hurt, how belittling it was. 

Is Carrie now wondering who
she was?  Wondering if Ray is an adulterer? Is she trying to figure out what she’d done wrong?  Amanda was beside herself.  Even if Ray and Carrie have a loveless marriage, the fact remained…they’re married.  She had no right to be involved.  She was the salt on an open wound.  She was kidding herself thinking she was just a friend to Ray.  Although they’d never met, nor had plans to meet, she knew she was the ‘other woman’ in Ray’s mind and heart. 

             
Her heart sank heavily into her chest. She realized that no matter what she felt about Ray, she had to end it.  She turned off her computer.  She sat in the darkness of her bedroom and felt more alone than she ever had.

Chapter 7

             
Carrie had decided to take two cars up to the shore.   It made sense, she told Ray, after all they have three kids and it would be less hectic. 

             
Ray saw no sense in this at all but figured it would be a more enjoyable trip up if he didn’t have to ride with her. Obviously, Carrie had no inclination to drive together…so typical.  He grabbed the suitcases and Glenda and off they went. 

             
They hadn’t really spoken since the email incident.  Things were more tense than usual.  Ray didn’t mind; he was taking the opportunity to sort things in his own mind.  He knew for a fact that he couldn’t stay in this marriage.  He was more miserable than ever, and knew he couldn’t spend the rest of his life like this.  The reason he couldn’t just come to the decision to leave had become obvious to him; it was because of the girls.  Leaving them with their mother seemed cruel.  Not because their mother didn’t love them, but Carrie just had a way of always believing the worst in everybody, even them.  Carrie’s own unhappiness seemed to be carried over into everyone else in the household. 

             
“Why are you so quiet, Daddy?”  Glenda had been watching her father deep in thought.  She had noticed the tension level had increased between her parents recently.               

             
“Just thinking about stuff; I’m sorry if it seems like I’m being quiet.  Tell me, what’s new with you?”  Ray looked at his eldest daughter.  She was so different from the other two.  They could talk about almost anything and shared a lot of private moments.

             
“Nothing much, School, friends, food, you know, all the usual teenage stuff.”  Glenda laughed and poked her dad in the ribs.

             
“Hey!  I’m driving.  You’ll make me swerve and your mom will have a fit!”  Ray was laughing, but dead serious.

             
“Dad, I heard you and Mom fighting last night.  Sounds like things are getting worse between you two.  I know you don’t talk much anymore, or anything else for that matter.”  Glenda was seriously concerned about him.  He looked miserable lately.  He never smiled.  He mostly just hid in his study, out of harms way.  She loved him so much and she hated watching him spend his life this way. 

             
“I didn’t realize you noticed, Glenda.  Do Norma and Nikki notice?”  This was the last thing Ray wanted. 

             
“Everyone does.  Norma and I talk about it all the time.  We’re always trying to figure out ways to make you happy.  We love you Dad, and we want you to be happy.  If this means leaving, Dad, then please leave.  Don’t stay in a miserable marriage.”  Glenda put her arm on her dad’s shoulder.  “You haven’t been happy in such a long time.  You aren’t fooling anybody.”

             
“Oh God, Glenda, I can’t leave.  How can I leave you girls behind?  You all mean the world to me.  You’re the only people that matter in my life.  I can’t imagine not being with you.”  He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with one of his daughters.  Was it that noticeable?  He wondered if he was doing more of a disservice subjecting them to this kind of relationship.  He certainly didn’t want them to grow up and think this is what a marriage looked like.  Nor did he want them to stay in an unhappy marriage.  He wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy.

             
“Dad, we love you too.  That’s why I’m telling you this.  We hate watching you pretend to go through life.”  Glenda was crying now.  “You and Mom haven’t gotten along in years.  It isn’t a marriage.  At my friend’s homes, I watch their parents. They laugh and spend time together. They go out.  They share a life.  I know there’s something seriously wrong at home.  My sisters and I will be fine.  It’s not like we’d never see you.  But Dad, you deserve to have a normal life.”

             
“Glenda, do you have any idea of what you’re asking of me?  You’re asking me not to live at home anymore; to leave you and your sisters.  Nikki would have such a hard time.”  Ray couldn’t imagine doing this.  He looked at his daughter and imagined the little girl she once was.  He couldn’t believe this adult-like person that she’d become.

             
“We could make Nikki understand.  She loves you.”  Glenda didn’t want to make her father feel like she didn’t want him around.  “Believe me, Dad, if we could have the normal American family home that would be great.  But since that’s never going to happen, whether you stay or go, why not consider your own happiness for a moment.” 

             
Ray was speechless.  He never in a million years thought the girls talked about this amongst themselves.  It must be doing them more harm them good.  He was just so used to this lonely existence; he never considered that the girls could see it. I‘m glad we can talk like this. You’re so grown up.”  He smiled at his daughter.  “I’m not saying this makes anything any easier, but at least I know you girls would understand if it comes to me leaving.  Thanks.”

             
                                                        ~~~             

             
They’d arrived at the shore.  It had been a relatively long trip, so they were all happy to get out of the car and go into the cottage.  The girls loved it here and it was great to see all the happy faces.  Even Carrie seemed happier than when they started out.

             
“Who’s hungry?”  Ray was starving.  “I want pizza!”

             
Carrie of course wanted nothing to do with it.  “I’m not hungry yet. You guys go ahead.  Bring me back a slice for later.”

             
“Okay girls, off we go.  Last one there is a rotten egg.”  Ray and the girls took off running, while Carrie stayed behind to unpack.

~~~

              Carrie had been thinking a lot about Ray’s email ‘friend’.  She wondered if she should believe him.  It wasn’t like the Ray she knew to do something like this, but then again, she really didn’t know him anymore.  She realized how much they’d grown apart after the shock of reading that email.  She had decided last night she wanted to try and save her marriage, but deep down she knew there just wasn’t a marriage to save.  Maybe Ray was right and he was just talking to someone online and it meant nothing.  She hoped so.  She wasn’t ready to face the world alone.

~~~

              Diego was on his way up to the beach.  He loved it there.   You just can’t beat women in thongs on the beach.  Plus good food and good friends…he was definitely looking forward to it. 

             
After his last discussion with Ray, he was surprised at this sudden invite.  He wondered where the relationship stood.  Maybe Ray had changed his mind and decided to stay.   Somehow, he didn’t think so, but he’d be able to assess it better when he saw them together.  He looked forward to hanging out with them.  It always proved to be fun.

             
Diego parked at the cottage.  It seemed quiet. He got out of the car and took a deep breath of the salty air.  How he loved it!  He knocked on the cottage door.  “I have arrived!  Let the games begin!”

             
Ray came to the door laughing.  “Diego, my friend.  So glad you could make it.  Come in to the house of fun.  The girls will be thrilled.”  He got out of the way to let him in. “Girls, look who’s here.” Ray yelled. 

             
“Hey, Uncle D!  How are you?  Ready to hit the beach?” the girls asked him.  They all looked pleased to see him.  Glenda went up and gave her godfather a big hug.

             
“I am ready, willing and thank God, able.  Let’s do it!”  Diego rustled all of them up in a big bear hug.   Having no kids of his own, he cherished Ray’s girls as if they were his.

             
Carrie came out of the room where she’d been reading.  She didn’t look happy to see him. “Hi Diego,” She regretted having Ray invite him. She really didn’t feel like socializing, or pretending all was well.  But it was too late now.  “Jane didn’t come?”  Jane was Diego’s wife. 

             
“Nope, she’s working and couldn’t get away.  So you are stuck with just me.  I’m sure I can entertain you enough for both of us.”  Diego walked over to give Carrie a hug.  He noted it was like hugging a statue.

             
“I’m sure so.  Some things never change.”  With that she retreated back into the bedroom. 

             
Diego looked at Ray with a raised eyebrow. “What was that all about?” 

             
Ray just shrugged his shoulders.   “Little Mary Sunshine strikes again.  Don’t worry about it.”  He clapped Diego on the shoulder.  “Let’s go scrounge up some grub.”

             
“That sounds good to me.  Let’s go girls!”  Diego had been a little disturbed by Carrie’s greeting, but decided to let it go.  “I could eat a horse!”

             
                                                        ~~~