When We Fall (3 page)

“
You don’t want to lead group anymore?”

She shook her head.

“And us…are you saying…”

“
I feel like I probably rushed you. You were in treatment and I just…wedged myself into your life, your home…your bed.” A playful smirk lifted her mouth.

“
I had no complaints.”

The truth was, the aspects to our physical relationship moved at a much slower pace than I was used to, but our emotional relationship was what had sent me spiraling out of control. That loving side of me had died a long time ago
, on the day I’d watched my mother be lowered into the cold, hard earth. But if there was anything that gave me hope that maybe I could get that part of me back, it was McKenna.

“
So you were worried about telling me you’re leaving group?” I asked.

She nodded.
“And there are a few other things, too.”

“
First, I’m happy that you’re realizing your schedule was too full, and I think it’s good you’re taking a step back. Besides, my days at group are done anyway. It’s no longer court appointed for me. I passed through all the sessions with flying colors.”

“
Why was your therapy court appointed?” A crease in her forehead lifted her brow as she apparently realized it was something we’d never discussed.

Fuck
.

“
We’ll get to that.” Later.
When hell froze over, hopefully
. I needed to man up and grow a pair, to tell her about my secret past, but knowing there was a chance she wouldn’t be able to live with my actions, I wasn’t willing to do that just yet. I wanted her to know how I felt about her first, and since the idea of telling her I loved her made my body break out in a cold sweat, I figured I needed a little time. She probably didn’t realize it, but I’d never said that to a woman before. It was a big fucking deal to me and not something I just tossed around.

“
Tell me what else is on your mind,” I said, my voice low and more commanding than I’d intended.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, her nerves rising to the surface.
“I finally settled all my parents’ legal affairs.”

“
And?” What did that have to do with us?

“
I inherited some money.” She cleared her throat. “A lot of money, in fact.” With her eyes darting up to mine, McKenna licked her lips. “Enough to take care of college for Luke.”

I bit down and tasted blood.
“Absolutely not.”

“
W-why?” she asked.

“
Because the Bauers pay their own way. And your parents left that money for
you
. This is another one of your do-good charity routines and avoiding facing reality. They left that money for you and only you. They didn’t set up some scholarship fund for needy kids. They wanted you to take care of yourself, have a nice, comfortable life. And I won’t have you shoving this cash at Luke just to avoid that.”

McKenna
drew a deep breath as anger flashed in her eyes. She could argue all she wanted, but she knew I was right. This was just another of her damn avoidance techniques. She said she’d grown during this trip home, had realized a few things; well, it was time to see if she was telling the truth. Because there was no way in fuck her parents worked hard and saved their whole lives just to see their only daughter give away their life savings to pay someone else’s way while she lived like a pauper in a tiny apartment and took the bus. Fuck that. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

“
Is this money the reason you offered to pay for dinner tonight?” I asked through clenched teeth.

McKenna lowered her eyes, her chin falling to her chest.

Great. Not only was I not good enough for her, now there was some type of financial divide between us, too. A low growl emanated inside my chest. “Let’s just go.” Feeling defeated, I reached for my wallet and tossed more than enough money down on the table to cover our bill before I stood.

She rose to her feet and followed me to the exit, her eyes still trained on the floor.

Once inside the Jeep, I tried to shake off the sting of defeat I’d experienced back there in that restaurant. I’d tried to do something nice for her, show her that she was my girl and I could take care of her, and it had all backfired in my face. She didn’t trust me to pay for a simple meal, let alone take care of my own family.
Fuck
.

Noticing the way her arms were curled around her middle, I cranked the heat to high.
“Are you warm enough?”

She nodded.
“I’m fine.”

Dam
n it
. I was being a prick. I took a deep breath, fighting to calm my raging emotions. “Hey…” My tone softened and I reached for her hand. “I’m sorry.”

Gazing out at the headlights of the oncoming traffic and the snowflakes floating in the night sky, I knew this wasn
’t her fault. Her intentions were pure, as always. And she had no way of knowing that one of my hot buttons was when people assumed I couldn’t take care of the boys. It had happened numerous times over the years. I caught suspicious glares or outright accusations about how I could afford to provide for them from teachers, guidance counselors, and even my own lawyer at the custody hearing. McKenna had touched on a sore spot for me, but her involvement wasn’t like the others. She wanted to help, plain and simple. And I’d all but jumped down her throat. Not that it changed my stance any, but I knew I’d overreacted.

McKenna watched the traffic pass
, looking deep in thought. “It’s okay. It wasn’t my place.”

I didn
’t say anything further, I just laced her fingers between mine and squeezed her hand in the darkness. “You’re always thinking of others. I just want to see you take care of yourself with that money.”

She nodded.
“I know. I will, I promise.”

“
And I think your first priority should be buying yourself a car. I don’t like you taking the city bus.”

She nodded
again. “I know. I’ve thought about that, too.”

I released a deep exhale. Good. We were getting somewhere. I knew I shouldn
’t have freaked out earlier and ruined the entire night. But she was still here and she was holding my hand, so maybe it wasn’t completely ruined.

“
I thought you’d say the first priority was me moving out of my place with Brian and getting my own apartment.”

Shaking my head, I glanced over at her.
“No. Contrary to what you might think, I like you living with him, with someone there to protect you in case of a break-in. I wouldn’t want you moving out until you’re ready to move in with me.”

Glancing her way, I checked for her reaction. McKenna
’s mouth dropped open and she stared blankly straight ahead. I might not have said the L-word yet, but judging by her reaction, that clued her in to how I felt. She wasn’t just some random hookup to me. But something told me McKenna needed to hear that in words, and not just through my actions.

I parked in front of her building and brought her hand to my lips, pressing a tender kiss there before releasing it.

McKenna

“Do you want to come inside?” I asked Knox as we sat in silence outside my apartment building. I might as well take advantage of the fact that Brian was out of town and I still had the apartment to myself. Plus, before our argument over money, Knox had said that tonight’s date was supposed to be just us, and I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

Wordlessly, Knox turned off the ignition and his dark gaze met mine
, causing a warm shiver to rake across my skin. “Brian still gone?”

I nodded. He was thinking th
e same thing I was—that with Brian out of town, this was one of the rare times we’d have true privacy from the boys. Delicious anticipation raced through my veins.

Knox was out of the Jeep and opening my door within seconds, causing my lips to curl up in a grin. He was every bit as eager for this reunion as I was. We still hadn
’t talked about the elephant in the room—our relationship—but I was trying to give him the time he needed. I’d told him I loved him, and weeks later he’d scrawled the same message to me on the frosty pane of his window. Hearing him say those words to me was what I craved, what I needed, but I was going to be patient with him. For now.

His arm curled protectively around my middle as we trekked up the two flights of stairs to my unit. Feeling his big
, warm hand at my rib cage shouldn’t have caused such a thrill to course through me, but it did. I was addicted to his touch more than was even remotely normal. I’d lived twenty-one years without the touch of a man, and yet right from the beginning I’d been hungry for his. My time away had only made this need inside me more acute. And Knox’s thrumming pulse and barely there restraint told me he felt it, too.

My shaking hands fumbled to get the key in the lock, but once I did and the door pushed open, Knox towed me inside
, slammed it closed behind us, and pressed my back against the door. The air whooshed from my lungs as my back hit the door and his solid body closed in on me. His eyes flashed on mine, dark and hungry, seconds before his eager mouth found mine.

A startled gasp escaped my throat as my body struggled to comprehend where the mild
-mannered Knox of earlier had gone. He kissed me deeply, his tongue taking command of mine, his firm body pressing me harder into the door. My hips pushed back against his, seeking friction between us.

His fist twisted in my hair, angling my mouth to his as his tongue hypnotically stroked mine. Molten heat dampened my panties, my body every bit on board with where this was headed. His thigh wedged between my legs, pressing the seam of my jeans against my clit
, and I let out a ragged groan, remembering our first erotic encounter began this same way. There was something naughty and taboo about being in the entryway to my apartment, as if we couldn’t be bothered to take the three seconds it took to get to the bedroom.

Before I had time to process what was happening, Knox
’s hands were under my butt, lifting me up and spreading my thighs wide. I secured my legs around his waist so my core was positioned against his firm cock. A gush of moisture caused me to clench my legs, and I tilted my head back, exposing my throat to his exploring kisses and grazing bites.

His hot breath against my neck made me whimper and grind my hips even closer to his. Suddenly stalking away from the door, Knox carried me toward my bedroom. Gripping his shoulders as we moved down the darkened hallway,
I felt my heart thrum in anticipation of what was to come next.

After t
ossing me none-too-gently onto the bed, Knox then dragged me by my ankles across the mattress. My heart jumped into my throat. I wanted to kiss him, to touch him, but the dark gleam in his eyes told me that he was in charge. And that thought alone caused a hot shiver to race through my veins. I liked his dominant side. Knowing I was his did insane things to me.

Unbuttoning my pants, his fingers slid into the waistband of my jeans and he tugged them down my legs, bringing my panties down with them. I squirmed on the bed, desperate to feel his rough hands against my skin,
anxious for the release I knew he could give me. It had been too long; we’d both suffered too much.

“
Knox…” I whimpered.

“
Sit up,” he ordered coolly.

I obeyed, rising to a seated position
that conveniently put me eye level with his belt buckle. Temptation spiked within me.

“
Unbutton your top.”

He wanted to watch me undress myself. My fingers fumbled with the buttons on my cardigan, finally freeing the last one
, and let the top fall off my shoulders. Knox found the hem of my camisole and tugged it up over my head, his fingers expertly unclasping my bra so I was left completely bare and exposed in front of him.

He leaned over me, brushing his cheek along mine.
“Beautiful,” he murmured.

With him this close I could smell the warm, musky scent of his skin. That familiar smell of warm leather and Knox sent a rush of endorphins skittering through my bloodstream. The brush of his rough cheek against my collarbone as he lowered his head hardened my nipples into points. The promise of what he could do with his mouth taunted me and I whimpered helplessly.

“Patience, sweet girl. Are you going to let me taste you this time?”

I nodded eagerly. It turned out I had no reason to be self-conscious with Knox. I had to remind myself he
’d done everything and then some; nothing shocked him. I might as well go with it and enjoy the pleasure he could so expertly deliver.

Blinking up at my dark angel, I frowned. He was still fully dressed and watching me with an amused expression. Gazing down at his erection, I chewed on my lower lip. I wanted to touch him. I
’d missed the solid feel of him in my hands.

“
You want this?” He adjusted the rather large bulge protruding from the front of his pants.

I reached for him and unbuckled his belt, determined to push him to the same frenzied state he
’d driven me to. His hands found mine and he made quick work of stripping, shoving his jeans and boxers down his hips and stepping out of them before pulling his shirt off over his head. A chiseled six-pack of rock-hard abs wasn’t something I was strong enough to resist.

Need coursed through me. I wanted to touch him. Reaching one hand
tentatively toward him, I paused, hesitating, before dropping my hands to my lap and looking down at the floor.

Using two fingers, Knox tipped my chin up
so I’d meet his eyes. “Let go of your shyness and insecurity. This is just me and you. And trust me, you can’t possibly do anything wrong.”

I swallowed down the sudden wave of nerves and nodded. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to the warm skin
over his solid abdominal muscles, inhaling the scent of him. His muscles tightened gloriously as I trailed kisses from his navel downward. He released a helpless groan as my lips hovered just above his eager cock. Pride and happiness surged through me.

I gripped him in my right hand and stroked the smooth, velvety skin, enjoying the feel of his engorged length in my hand. Knox
’s head fell back as he turned his body over to the sensations. I trailed my free hand up his thigh, my fingernails grazing the fine hairs. I wished I had the skills to make him feel as out of control with desire as he made me.

Leaning forward, I opened my mouth wide, taking him in and delivering a slow
, wet kiss to the head of his cock. A breath of air hissed through his teeth and I repeated the move, this time lightly cupping and squeezing his balls, the weight of them in my palm both foreign and enticing. While continuing to rub him with my hands, I moved my mouth up and down, taking him farther down my throat with each thrust.

Soon his hips were rocking forward to meet my mouth and his hands were fisting in my hair.
“Shit, angel,” he choked out, stepping back from me with a twisted expression.

I blinked up at him, trying to understand why he was stopping me. I
’d just found my rhythm.

His elongated cock glistened enticingly and his chest rose and fell with each ragged breath as he fought for control.
“No more being insecure. You’re fucking good at that.”

I fought off a smile, feeling oddly proud.

“Lay back,” he ordered.

I scooted up the bed and
laid back, my head on the pillow, but my gaze still on him. I decided that I liked having him in my bedroom. His presence was so large and overwhelming that the soft comfort of my own space eased the experience.

He reached for his discarded pants and found his wallet,
withdrew a foil packet, and tore it open. I wondered if he’d planned on us reuniting physically tonight, or if the condom was simply a remnant of his old life. Pushing the thought away, I watched him roll the condom down his length and my breathing hitched in my chest. He was big, even bigger than I remembered, yet I craved the feeling of every hard inch invading my body.

He joined me on the bed,
then dragged me by my waist until I was on top of him, positioning me so I was straddling his hips, my knees on either side of his thighs. Knox’s amused expression caused a smile to tug against his mouth and he rested his head against the pillows, crossing his arms behind his head.

“
W-what are you doing?” I stammered.

“
Giving you control. Showing you I’m yours. Do what you want, angel.”

He was giving me control?
Now? Summoning my courage, I raised my hips and lifted his cock from his body, positioning the tip at my entrance. Lowering myself slowly, I felt him begin to impale me and I stiffened above him. What if I wasn’t good at this?

“
Take a deep breath, relax your muscles.”

I released an exhale and let myself sink down f
arther, savoring the feel of him stretching me, entering me so deeply.

“
That’s it.”

Knox
might have said this time was for me, but it seemed he couldn’t resist bringing his hands to my hips, his fingers gripping me tightly, biting into the skin. His face was a mask of concentration, his eyes locked on mine and his jaw tense.

“
Like this?” I asked, pressing my knees into the bed so I could lift up and down on him slowly.

“
Fuck, yeah, baby. Ride me. Just like that.” His voice was a rough, gravelly plea and I couldn’t help but obey, rocking my hips against him over and over.

As I grew accustomed to his size, the pace built faster. I sensed a shift in Knox and soon he was no longer okay with lying back and letting me take control, he was clutching my butt and raising his hips with thrusts of his own that pushed into the very core of me.

Guiding my mouth to his with one firm hand on the back of my neck, Knox kissed me. Desperate to feel his warm lips on mine and the heat of his breath wash over me, I returned his kiss greedily. He groaned helplessly underneath me, pushing his thick cock deeper and deeper inside me with each thrust.

Without breaking our connection, his pace increased, slamming my hips down onto his lap and claiming my mouth with deep, hungry kisses. I might have been the one on top, but I was no longer in control. My body was like a rag
doll being used for his pleasure, and subsequently my own. The pulsing sensation of an unexpected orgasm crashed through me, my head dropping back and a low desperate murmur clawing up my throat.