When The Right Door Opens (22 page)

“Oh Agnes, you haven't changed a bit.”
Sebastian pulled Agnes closer, somehow relieved that she wanted to
really see him move on, and Ryan did really not appear to be the
worst choice.

Ryan approached Agnes and Sebastian and
tapped on Agnes's shoulder.

“Do you mind if I take over?”

“Don't people usually want to dance with the
bride?” Agnes asked with mock indignation.

“Well then, you shouldn't have any trouble
finding another dance partner.” Ryan teased. Agnes stepped away and
whispered into Sebastian's ear: “Give him a chance.” She winked and
walked to her husband.

Ryan stepped closer to Sebastian.

“I promised you a dance, but I have to warn
you, I am a bad dancer.” Ryan babbled and Sebastian pulled him
closer.

“Just step on the right foot and I won't feel
it.” they started moving, keeping their eyes locked for most of the
dance, not speaking at all. When the song stopped, the spell was
broken and Sebastian reluctantly let go of Ryan.

“Would you like to meet, some day? For a
coffee or dinner or... I don't know.” Ryan stammered and
blushed.

“Yes. That would be very nice. How about
tomorrow? I could cook us dinner at my place, if you want to.”
Sebastian offered.

“Sounds delicious.” Ryan accepted the
invitation and they walked back to their seats, where they
exchanged phone numbers and addresses.

Agnes sat back and watched the men. She would
have loved to see Jamie with Sebastian, them getting old together,
but she had a hunch that Ryan would be even better for Sebastian.
She hoped that her father would approve of her match making, but
she somehow had the certainty, that he did. She had a good
feeling.

****

Seven months later, James McCarrick Andrews was born.
Kai, Sebastian and Ryan where pacing the waiting room impatiently,
until a nurse finally called them and told them that mother, child
and father were now ready to see them.

“Jamie, meet your uncles. The one with the
dark hair that is your uncle Kai. Next to him, is his brother,
Sebastian. They are twins, but nothing alike and the one with his
arm around uncle Sebastian's waist is Ryan. They are a couple, but
I'll explain that to you when you are a lot older.” Agnes
introduced his son and the baby yawned silently.

Kai took the baby and Jordan showed him how
to change diapers. It gave Agnes a moment alone with Sebastian.
Ryan offered to get coffee for them all, sensing that he was
expendable at that moment.

“You named him after your father. That's
nice. How are you feeling?”

“I am fine. Really good actually. He is the
cutest and the name, well, there was a moment when I was unsure
about it, but I guess, the world needs a Jamie McCarrick.”

“Have I told you lately, how much I love you
and the woman you became? I am really proud of you.”

“Thank you, Sebastian. Coming from you, it
means a lot.”

“Thank you for Ryan, by the way.”

“I knew you were perfect for each other.”
Sebastian nodded and lovingly watched the man they had spoken about
entering the room again, balancing coffees.

Sebastian went over and kissed him. It was
time, to open closed doors again. Agnes, Kai and Sebastian were
finally reunited and a family again, with as additions Jordan, Ryan
and baby Jamie.

THE END

~~ALTERNATIVE
ENDING~~

The feeling was new, yet familiar as Sebastian walked
down a long bright corridor. It was shapeless or at least it felt
that way. There was no way that he could tell if it was rectangular
or oval. Shapeless. White. Everything was white and clean. He had
expected the walls to be smudged with different sorts of stains
after all this. But everything looked immaculate, as if he was the
first person to ever walk down this path.

He was scared but not scared at all, at the
same time.

Sebastian instinctively knew where he was
going and he knew where he was coming from. His heart thundered in
his chest, he even felt the pounding in his ears. For all the wrong
steps he had taken in his past, he knew he felt it in the deepest
recess of his mind that this was good and these steps were right.
He took them with vigor relishing the feeling of his own steady
step.

He came to a crossing. A choice needed to be
made, but he was unsure which way to go on. He turned and looked at
every new path.

North. East. West. South.

Every way looked just the same to him. He spun around
in a circle again, this time with his eyes closed and blindly he
made his choice. Sebastian took a tentative step and a deep breath.
Instinctively he felt that this path was right. Maybe there was no
wrong path to take. Maybe they all led him home and to happiness.
He walked on and the white surrounding him morphed green and blue,
with only specs of white left. He felt the emerald green grass
underneath the soles of his naked feet. Two feet. He hadn't felt
this since his childhood. There was always something keeping him
from going barefoot through the grass. Wasps. Other people looking.
Morning dew. Until it was too late and he felt foolish for even
thinking about it.

Not this time.

Not this time.

He drew in a deep breath and he smelled the scent of
fresh grass. It filled his nostrils and made him exhale with a
smile. He was going home. Everything felt right.

Every step he took forward was a conscious
step, until he stopped and took the time to raise his head and look
up at the sky. It was as if he was looking at a gem stone. Sapphire
blue. Just like he remembered it from his childhood. The sun warmed
his skin. Not even the shadows the sparse clouds cast over him took
that pleasant feeling away from him.

Freedom.

He felt free. Freer than he had ever felt
during these last years.

A shiver ran down his spine and goose bumps
covered his skin all of a sudden. He looked around and realized
that he was alone. All the beauty of the scenery couldn't make up
for that hollow cold feeling that was spreading fast from his
stomach to his heart and made it beat faster. There were no
familiar faces. No one was waiting for him, only a huge void.
Anxiety took over and he reeled. There was nothing to hold on to
and the content feeling he had felt while walking down the white
corridor or the happy memories that he had remembered while
crossing the meadow were gone.

The outside hadn't changed. It was his inner
self that was shifting. Sweat formed at his temples and ran down
his face in long trails. He felt exposed and silly. His throat was
burning and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. Gasping and
panting he came to a strange conclusion: There was no need to
breathe. It was strange, but it was real. Even without breathing he
was still there. His chest felt constricted, but he was not in
pain. The moment he recognized it the anxiety faded again. He was
shaking, not from the cold, not from fear. He was shaking because
his body and his soul parted ways. The shaking was the natural way
of things.

Deciding that it was time to walk on,
beguiled by the thought of coming home, he brushed his hair out of
his face and marched on.

No – not marched. He didn't march, because he
enjoyed every single step he took. Savored the way each and every
step felt. His skin started to prickle and he instinctively knew
that he was no longer alone. He closed his eyes and listened. But
there was no sound. No sound, except for the wind that blew softly
around him. Opening his eyes again he was startled when his
surroundings had changed completely. No blue in the sky and no
green on the ground were there anymore.

Instead he found himself in a different empty
space. This one was dark. There was a door cast in a shining white
light, but nothing else. He looked back, but all he saw was a black
room that seemed eternally big. He had no idea where it ended or
where it started, he only knew that the only way out of the dark,
was through the door. It scared him, and at the same time it didn't
scare him at all.

“Sebastian. I was waiting for you.” A
familiar voice said. Tears filled Sebastian's eyes at once. He
didn't see anyone, but he knew the voice. He recognized it
everywhere and always. It was branded in his mind and in his soul.
Frantically he turned and tried to find the source of the voice,
but he couldn't find it.

“Jamie, where are you?” The distress in his
voice was evident. For years and years he had longed to see Jamie
again, to be with him again and now he was close, so close. But he
couldn't see him. He could only feel Jamie's presence at the very
core of his soul.

“Come closer to the door and you will see me.
I was waiting for you.” Jamie's voice repeated again.

Sebastian tried to take a step towards the
door, but his legs didn't move.

“I can't. Jamie help me! Wait for me!”
Sebastian pleaded desperately. New panic arose. Cutting off his
throat again. He reached out his hand in a frail attempt to get to
Jamie. But whatever he did, he couldn't see him and he couldn't
move his legs.

“Try harder.” Jamie whispered seductively in
Sebastian's ear. The sudden proximity made Sebastian spin around
with such force that he almost fell over.

Sebastian blinked several times and then he
saw him – Jamie.

A young vital man. Alive. Real.

Hesitantly, Sebastian raised his hand to
touch Jamie's cheek. He almost didn't dare to let his hand reach
its destination, but Jamie leaned into the touch yearning equally
for it. Sebastian deflated a bit. A weight fell off his
shoulders.

Home. Finally he was home. Jamie was his
home.

“I didn't have a chance to tell you that I would wait
for you. And I waited. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. Decades. It
doesn't matter anymore. Time doesn't matter, as long as you are
with me again.” Sebastian's hand slipped from Jamie's face, over
his bare shoulder, down his sculpted arm, until it rested in his
hand and he entwined their fingers. He took a small step back to
look Jamie up and down and take in the sight of the man he had
missed for so many years.

He was still the same young man Sebastian had
known. Not an ounce of fat was on his body. Dark hair was dusted
all over his body. There was nothing that reminded of their last
dreadful night together. No mark. No scar. Sebastian's free hand
moved on its own accord and came to rest over Jamie's heart.

“How can this be?” he asked looking for an
answer in Jamie's green eyes.

“It's how our story is supposed to end.
Everything is determined. We are only puppets walking the way that
was laid out for us long ago. Call it fate or whatever you want.
This is greater than us. So much so that we will never be able to
conceive it with our human minds. It's time to let go now
Sebastian.”

“I am scared Jamie.”

“I know. There is no need to be scared.”
Jamie pulled Sebastian closer and let his arm envelop the other man
in an embrace.

“Just let go. I am here. You will not fall
and you are not alone. Let go Sebastian.”

And Sebastian let go.

He saw Agnes and Jordan, with their children. JJ –
Jamie Junior was already a teenager. They had a beautiful daughter
too and it was hard to let them go. Sebastian saw Kai who had
finally found his own happiness with a beautiful pregnant wife. He
would never bicker with his twin again and he would never meet his
brother's children. He saw Ryan who had been the only love he had
ever experienced after Jamie's passing. A love that was profound,
but not enough to stand the test of time. Ryan had moved on quickly
and was happy being single. Sebastian saw himself too and he was
dancing on a stage. His favorite piano piece was playing. He was
young and healthy. Nothing showed of his ordeal and he looked
happy. Sebastian saw Jamie and the night they had made love for the
first time. It suddenly felt so real and as if it was happening
again. Sebastian saw himself again. This time he was lying on a
floor. His eyes were open but empty. His hand grabbed at his chest,
covering his heart and a smile curled around his lips.

Sebastian had died.

Jamie held Sebastian's hand tighter and guided him to
the bright shining door.

“When we walk through this door together with
joined hands, our souls will unite and we will become one. Do you
want me to let you go?” Jamie's voice was wavering. Fear stabbed at
him, until Sebastian turned him in his arms and took his face in
both hands. He brushed his lips against Jamie's and pulled back
again. For years he had longed to feel those lips against his own
again. He had always thought that it was impossible and yet, now it
was happening

“I am ready and I will not let you go again.
Never again.” Sebastian smiled. He felt an inner serenity and he
finally understood why Jamie had been so calm when he had died. It
was a feeling as if nothing mattered anymore. His heart was filled
with a pleasant heat and love radiated through every pore of his
body.

Jamie reached for the doorknob, but Sebastian
held him back.

“Wait!” Jamie took his hand back. He faced
Sebastian with a chuckle.

“Kiss me again.” Sebastian demanded. And
Jamie obliged. Jamie's hand in Sebastian's neck guided him closer
and then their lips met again. Tongues asked for entrance and they
tasted each other. Clothes disappeared and Jamie broke the kiss
with a wink.

“It's time. They are calling us. We need to
go.” Sebastian nodded and squeezed Jamie's hand.

“I am ready.”

Together they took one last unneeded deep
breath and walked through the door and the shining light.

At last Jamie and Sebastian were reunited.
They became a bright star in the eternal night sky.