When The Right Door Opens (13 page)

Sebastian seized the moment of Jamie's
distraction and moved them again. This time, he came to rest on top
of Jamie, his legs finding a comfortable position between Jamie's
spread legs. Sebastian rocked back and forth playfully at first,
but Jamie's hand soon was on Sebastian's ass, guiding his motions
and encouraging him to go on, to push faster and harder. Jamie felt
the need to feel skin and dipped his hands into Sebastian's
sweatpants and squeezed the muscular orbs. Sebastian moaned
delightedly and Jamie – froze. He took his hands away and gently
pushed Sebastian away.

“I'm sorry.” Jamie whispered. Sebastian
didn't understand what was happening, he was not able to respond.
One moment he was practically dry-humping Jamie and the next, he
was rejected. He ran a hand through his hair in desperation.

“I like you Sebastian. I want this to be more
than just a quick get off/get out kind of thing. This didn't feel
right. I don't want us to come in our pants like experimenting
teenagers. Despite what my job might imply, I'm not very
experienced. This – all of this, is new to me.” Jamie said and
lowered his head, almost as if he was ashamed. What Jamie meant to
say, but what he didn't know how to articulate was, that he had
never had sex with someone he liked so much. He had a lot of
experience, yes, but not with feelings and actions correlating.

Sebastian considered what to say, he took
Jamie's hand in his and laid down next to Jamie, his head resting
on his shoulder.

“We'll take it slow. I promise to exercise my
restraint and not to rush you, although patience is not my
strongest virtue.” Their hands were laced together on Jamie's
chest.

“Thank you for telling me and stopping me.”
Sebastian sounded honest, but also sad.

“I want to do this the right way. Honesty is
an important part for me.” Jamie admitted and he hesitated to speak
on for a moment, before he added: “I don't know why I feel so
connected to you, but I do. It feels good and it feels right and
just to tell you right away, it has nothing to do with being
grateful.”

Sebastian raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Me being intimate with you? I want to do it
for myself and not because I think you need to be rewarded for
letting us stay.”

“I never thought this would be...”

“Good. But I should go back to my room
now.”

It all came so suddenly and it all ended
suddenly too. Mere moments ago, Jamie lay in his bed, without a
doubt aroused too and now he was slipping out of the room, closing
the door behind himself gently. Sebastian let himself fall down on
the bed and sighed, before he cursed and punched the mattress
beside him.

Sebastian got up and went to the kitchen. It
was 9:51pm, the red numbers on his oven display told him. He took a
bottle of water out of the fridge and peeked into the living room.
Agnes and Kai were watching a movie and laughing at a funny
scene.

Sebastian lingered in the dark with his
bottle and watched his brother.

Kai had recently split up with his long-time
girlfriend. Because she didn't want to have children and settle
down. Kai on the other hand, felt that he had a stable life and
that he was ready to take the next step. He had proposed to Suzie
and she had even accepted. They were starting to plan a future
together. Kai had seen a house, not far from Sebastian's, that he
liked and bought, but then, the day before the move, Kai walked in
on Suzie and another man. She had laughed at him and told him that
she had not been ready to commit anyway and that she would move in
with the other guy. Kai never moved out of the apartment and into
the new house. It was left empty. But he came over to Sebastian's a
lot and he sometimes stayed the night, to not be alone. Lately, he
didn't come for Sebastian anymore, he came for Agnes. Not because
he wanted to seduce her, but because she was a new part of his
family. Like a little sister or niece.

Sebastian cursed at the realization. If he
could not make it work with Jamie, his brother would lose this bond
he shared with Agnes too.

Sebastian walked away, careful to not make a
sound. As he climbed the stairs, he was already picking his choice
of music. Too many thoughts were crowding his mind and he needed to
stop thinking. He closed the door, put his water bottle on the
windowsill and shed his shirt. His fingers traced the back of the
large stack of records, being placed next to the record player. He
decided on Max Richter and let the first notes of 'On the Nature of
Daylight' wash over him and guide his steps. His knee still hurt,
but he decided to ignore the pain and dance it away. Damn doctors
and people in general. They had no idea what he needed to be a
happy person. He needed to dance. That was a very easy thing for
him, it came naturally, but he also needed Jamie. The fear of
losing him before having him made it harder to breathe and even
though the music didn't require it, Sebastian danced furiously.

Forget. Forget the anxiety. Forget the pain.
Forget.

But he couldn't forget. Jamie was in him,
distracting him, enticing him.

“Aww fuck” Sebastian yelled frustrated as he fell
down and a sharp pain paralyzed his entire right leg. Tears of pain
clouded his vision and he gave in. He didn't try to get up, he
simply lay on the floor, cursing and crying. He cried because of
the pain in his leg and he knew that he had torn something in it
again. Something that would throw him back in his whole
rehabilitation. He cried because he felt alone and he didn't want
to be. He cried because he wanted a chance with Jamie, but he
didn't see it. A few kisses and glances, even touching at times,
was not a relationship and the way Jamie had rejected him earlier
had made him feel like a failure. Sebastian thought about his
ex-husband, about Rudy and for the first time ever, he asked
himself if he had been too pushy, too demanding to make it work
between them. His thoughts didn't linger with Rudy though, almost
right away, they were back with Jamie and how he had said that he
liked him and that he felt the same connection, the same rightness
between them.

Frustrated with himself, he punched the
floor, just the same way he had punched the mattress of his bed
earlier.

A knock on the door made him brush away his
tears.

“Sebastian? Can I come in?” it was Jamie who
asked to open the door.

“No. Stay away. I need Kai.” Sebastian told
the closed door. The pain in his leg became worse and he felt the
throbbing in his knee. It was swollen and he couldn't bend it. He
would not be able to get up, even if he wanted to.

“Please let me in.” Jamie pleaded, but
Sebastian stayed headstrong.

“I said, if you want to do something for me,
go get my brother. That is not really a hard thing to do, now is
it?” Sebastian snapped and tried to sit up. If he had had something
within reach, he would have thrown it against the wall, only to see
it break. He cursed again and heard a commotion in front of the
door. He braced himself for furious looks and disappointed
glances.

The door swung open and like expected, all
eyes were on him.

“You little piece of shit. What happened this
time?” Kai didn't spare the name-calling, but crouched next to his
twin and immediately started to look at his knee, pulling up the
pant leg and touching and feeling.

Sebastian let himself fall back on his back
and let his arm rest over his eyes, while Kai tried to bend his
knee.

“Ow. Ow! Ouch!” Sebastian almost yelled and
it earned him a pointed glare from his brother.

“We need to get you to the hospital and get
it X-rayed. I can't do anything for you. You are such a moron.
Honestly. What did you think? Oh well, don't answer that, you
didn't think. Dumb jerk. Do you want to end up in a wheelchair? Go
on like this and you will. For God's sake. You are thirty-three
years old. You have your entire life to live and you are ruining
your own quality of life willingly. I don't understand...”

“You are right. You don't understand. How
could you? This is my life. All I ever did, all I ever wanted to
do. I suffered bullying and beatings for this. I was labeled and I
was derided and scorned, but I took it all, because I want
this.”

“You want to lie on a floor, not being able
to get up because you are hurt and can't allow your body the time
it needs to heal? There are two sides to everything. Wake up! I'm
going to call an ambulance, you need to lie still or else you are
going to make it worse.”

Kai stomped away with a red head. He was mad
and terrified for his brother. Entering a room with your twin on
the floor, not able to move, that hurt Kai too. He was tired to
look out for Sebastian, tired to speak and speak and not being
heard. And worried. Kai was worried, because he always supported
and understood his brother. Now – not so much. He couldn't
understand why Sebastian was doing this deliberately, almost as if
he wanted to feel the pain.

Kai wished he hadn't given up on smoking. His
hands were shaking and he was close to tears.

“Damn you Sebastian” he said through gritted
teeth while waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

****

The ambulance ride was short, but tense. Only Kai was
allowed to ride with Sebastian, Jamie drove behind them in the
car.

While Sebastian was going through tests,
Jamie paced the waiting room, biting his fingernails. He blamed
himself for Sebastian's new injuries. He should have known better
than to simply leave him.

“What happened between you two?” Kai asked,
once they were alone.

“Nothing?”

“Aha. Did you have a fight?”

“No!”

“Did you have sex?”

“None of your business, but no.”

“Then why? Why did he go up there and ruin
his leg even more and why are you pacing the floor, like it was
your fault?”

“But it was my fault!”

“How? I don't understand.”

“I rejected him. Well, not really. But it
might have sounded like it.”

“I still don't understand. But you know what?
Leave it. It's none of my business, you are right about that. I
just... that fucking jerk.” Kai hid his face in his hands. If it
had not been for the shaking of his shoulders, Jamie would have
thought he simply was tired. Kai cried without making a sound.
Jamie sat close to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

“Shh. It's not your fault either. He overdid
it. He should have known better.”

“I'm tired of worrying about him. I'm just so
tired...” Kai sobbed, while Jamie pulled him closer.

“It's okay to worry about your brother and
it's okay to be tired.” Jamie tried to reassure Kai.

Just at that exact same moment, Karen, the
twins' mother stormed in.

“Where is he? What happened? Oh my, Kai, are
you crying? How is he?” Seeing Kai so upset made Karen fear for the
worst, but she wasn't in the dark for long. A doctor arrived and
told them the news.

“The recent injury led to the newest.
Unfortunately, it could have happened at any time, even while
taking the stairs. Right now, we have to wait for the swelling to
go back, but at this moment in time, we don't think we'll need
surgery. Mister Martin will need crutches and to keep his leg
immobilized at every cost. He'll need to wear a splint for a few
weeks and also I would advise extensive physiotherapy. It's
important to get this under control. But he is young, fit and
healthy. I don't see why he shouldn't be able to fully recover.”
The doctor smiled faintly.

“What do you mean fully recover? The other
doctor said there would be no such thing.” Karen inquired.

“Well, I don't want to bash other colleagues,
but that man was old and he messed up with your son. I'm going to
try and do it better.”

“What about dancing? He's a professional
dancer, he needs to dance.” Jamie wanted to know.

“For now, I think dancing is out of question,
but in the future, when he is pain free, a light training is okay,
but I would strongly advise to retire from professional dancing.
Maybe teaching would be a good alternative.” The doctor's pager
buzzed and after exchanging a few niceties, he was gone. Kai let
out a deep relieved breath and patted Jamie on the shoulder. Jamie
smiled and Karen fell down on a chair.

“I thought he had died when I saw you. Don't
ever do that again, Kai or I'll disown you. To scare your poor old
mother like that...”

****

A nurse came in and showed them to Sebastian's
room.

His leg was bandaged and only his toes were
visible. He looked tired.

“Hey.” Kai said carefully. “I'm sorry about
the name-calling.” Sebastian waved it away with his hand.

“It's okay. You were right. I was wrong.”

“So, when can we take you back home?” As if
on cue, the doctor reappeared.

“I don't think Mister Martin needs to stay
here any longer. You'll need to sign these forms and then you're
free to leave. The first appointments to meet with the
physiotherapist are arranged and I want to see you again in a week.
Preferably during the day, though.” The doctor waited for Sebastian
to read and sign the forms, while making small-talk with Karen, who
seemed smitten with the young doctor. Kai rolled his eyes at his
mom's flirting, but joined the conversation nonetheless.

Jamie stood a little apart. He had felt
welcome and a part of the family, but now he was not so sure
anymore. He felt awkward, standing in a hospital room, without
Agnes. She had stayed home, but only because Jamie had promised to
keep her up to date. He felt alone and as if Sebastian was ignoring
him. Not once had he looked his way. Until just then.

Sebastian patted the bed and crooked his
finger for Jamie to come and sit. Jamie obliged, aware of Kai,
Karen and the doctor chatting without taking much notice of
him.