When the Heart Lies (37 page)

Xavier reached for her when she wavered and held her steady.

“I didn’t love you?” he shouted, this time louder, his voice becoming hoarse. Infuriated, he reached down speedily, opening the bedside drawer.

Xavier dashed in front of her selflessly. “No, Nick, don’t do this!”

Nick lifted the drawer and flipped it, letting all the letters flutter to the floor. Xavier breathed a sigh of relief, as Kinsley stared at the letters, surprised and a little saddened, that Nick loved her enough to write all those letters, but was so self-loathing he couldn’t express that love and buried himself in a bottle and in the arms of any woman who’d have him. All this time she thought it was her he didn’t love, but it was himself.

Nick fixed a hard glare on Xavier. “What’d you think I was going to do?”

“I thought you were going to use that gun in there.”

Nick turned to her, his eyes glassy. “Why would I have to use a gun? She’s already dead to me. He turned to leave, and as he walked, he said coldly, “By the way, I want a divorce.”

She stood with her arms folded, focused on the letters.

“I’ll wait for you downstairs,” Xavier said, grabbing his shoes from beside the bed on his way out.

After gathering the letters, she pulled herself together and went downstairs. Xavier sat in silence as she started the fireplace. She knelt by the hearth and began tossing the letters into the fire.

“Are you sure you don’t want to read them?”

“Whatever they say will just haunt me. I’m done with that.” If she opened one, she’d sit and read them all. It was better that she didn’t. When she was finished, she went and sat across from him.

They didn’t speak for a while; they simply sat watching the letters burn and drinking the coffee Xavier had gotten them.

She fingered the sapphire. “I didn’t want to pull Jackson into all of this craziness. I guess I did, huh.”

“Clearly he wants to be with you. From what I hear, he’s been pretty down since you left.”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed heavily. Looking away from him, she cradled her chin in her hand and shook her head slowly. “I don’t know if I can face him. When he finds out who I really am, and the lies I’ve lived with, how will he be able to love me then?”

“Don’t let Nick or anyone else tell you who you are. If I’ve come to discern Jackson’s character at all, I don’t think anything will change his mind.”

“If I can stomach telling him, maybe I’ll talk to him Friday at Scar’s gallery opening.”

They sat for a while longer.

“I have to get Max soon.” She took a moment. “What the hell have I done to his life?”

“It wasn’t just you. Let me get him. I’ll keep him for the day. You rest. We’ll work it out together.” He stood and held his hands out for her to take.

She took them and stood facing him.

“Kinsley… I—”

She flattened her lips and nodded. “I know.”

I need you to hear the words for the last time. “I love you. I will always be here for you, if you need me.”

She wrapped her arms around him tight. It took a minute before she was able release him. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

“My car’s out back.”

She hoped the week ahead would instill the courage she’d need to face Jackson.

Chapter 25

Friday came far too soon. Kinsley stood in her closet, although she didn’t know why. The contents were scattered throughout her room. She must have tried on twenty dresses. She wasn’t showing, but her boobs made her look like she was a porn star in most of them.

“You’re pretty, Mommy.”

“Thanks Hun. Is Poppy here yet?”

“
Nooo.” He sang.

“Okay. Well, stay in here or play in your room while I get ready. Get any toys you want to bring with you. You’ll be staying overnight at Poppy’s.”

He screeched
hurray
and tore from the room.

Just go with the black long sleeve off the shoulder. Sexy, boobs, okay, the dress is just right.
Hmm… She had to stop talking to herself, or she’d never get to the exhibit. Scar must be a wreck. This would be equivalent to a first book signing to her, but more extravagant.

Xavier came in. She heard Max accosting him as she slipped on her shoe. He probably couldn’t get through the door. Hopping, she put on her other high heel and headed down to meet him.

He glanced over Max’s shoulder as he held him and viewed her. “Jackson won’t stand a chance.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll talk to him. Tonight is Scar’s night. I don’t want to detract from her happiness. Besides, I haven’t figured out what to say.”

“You’ll be fine. The driver’s waiting. He should get you to the gallery by eight. Is eight good?”

“Perfect. Bye, guys.” She pulled Xavier over. “Have you talked to Nick?”

“I met with him. We took care of some business. We’ll get together and talk about Max when he’s ready. Now, forget about everyone else, and have a good night. One more thing before you go. Jackson did some digging for Drew. He’s not having much luck. He told me he has one more option, but nothing solid. If you want him to continue …”

She laid her hand on his arm, smiling. “It’s nice you both tried. But no. I think it’s time to move on.”

“It looks like we can all move on now. The case against Angela has been has been dropped due to insufficient evidence.”

Kinsley Smiled. “Good, I think we both know she didn’t want things to go as far as they did. It is too bad her condition is permanent though.”

They shared sad nods of agreement.

~ ~ ~

The limo rolled up to the gallery; a crowd of people gathered at the entrance, and the turnout appeared to be exceptional. The driver came around and opened Kinsley’s door. She took a deep breath and stepped out.

The gallery was large and open. Modern lighting hung on exposed fixtures, making everything gleam. Through the crowds of people, she looked for Scar. Spotting neither her nor Jackson, she started viewing some of the photographs. They were captivating. Trying to get her mind off the anxiety of seeing Jackson, she roamed around the gallery, taking in the artwork. She felt out of place being all by herself.

Scar came up behind her. “Kinsley.”

She turned, greeting her. “Scar, this stuff is wonderful. The talent! You didn’t let on how accomplished your work is.”

Scar beamed. “Thanks. This is so exciting. There’s going to be a silent auction on a few of them. I have to tell you though…” She crunched her up her face. “One of them is of you.”

“What? Scar, you’re kidding! No, really…please tell me you’re kidding?”

“You can’t make out your face. I’ll show the photograph to you later. Please don’t make me take it out.”

“I wouldn’t make you take it out. But me? Who’s going to bid on a picture of me?”

“I hope a lot of people will. Bidding starts at two hundred. I think the auction starts at nine. They come by and put new bids on the photographs until the biding ends. I hope I’ll sell something.”

“You’re going to sell some; these are great. Can I see the picture now?”

Scar laughed. “Aw, no fun in peeking early.”

When the auction started, the art was unveiled.

“Okay, you can see it now. Come with me.” Scar towed her along by the arm.

“Oh, wow. Scar, what exceptional work this is. I like the black and white, and I have always loved that tree. I look like I’m falling out.”

“The tree, the book dropping down to the side, your hair falling over your face as you fall asleep, that’s the beauty of it.” Scar gazed at the photo dreamily. “I couldn’t have set the composition up so perfectly. I almost didn’t get to snap the picture. I thought I was going to have to wake you to keep you from falling, but I just couldn’t give up the shot.”

She nudged Scar playfully. “Thanks a lot.”

When a man came and placed a three hundred dollar tag on the stand holding the bids, both women put a hand over their mouths and giggled.

“I guess they’ve started,” Scar said.

Kinsley rolled her eyes airily. The heat of a blush warmed her cheeks, and she turned to Scar. “Let’s get away from here; I don’t want to watch. You should socialize. I’m going to wander around. I’ll meet up with you later.” She refrained from asking if Jackson came. 

He had to be there. He wouldn’t miss Scar’s big night. Maybe it’d be better if she didn’t run into him. She hadn’t figured out what to say anyway, but if he did show, and he wanted her, she’d tell him everything. No living with secrets ever again.

It was almost an hour later when Scar came up from behind her. “The auctions are over. Let’s go find out what it sold for.”

She bunched her lips to the side and smiled. “Okay.”

“Oh, my God,” Scar said. “Five hundred dollars!”

“What?” Kinsley put her hands over her mouth, laughing. “I wonder who owns me.”

“I do.”

Her heart caught in her throat at the sound of Jackson’s voice behind her. She circled slowly. He stood with a dozen pink roses mixed with white moonflowers. Unable to speak, she stood trembling. As he approached her, heat rose from somewhere deep inside, reaching her cheeks and making her body tingle with a cool sensation.

He walked slowly, his gaze never leaving hers, even as he handed her the flowers. “You look amazing.”

When his lips formed the words, she watched them. She wanted to lay her fingers against them, feel their softness, their movement. Unconsciously, she touched her own lips, moistened them, and touched them again, imagining what his words would feel like if spoken while kissing them.

The breath she held expelled a shaky reply. “They’re lovely, thank you.”  She held the flowers in her arms, so he wouldn’t see them trembling because her hands were shaking. It also kept her from leaping into his arms and kissing him madly.

“I’m outta here,” Scar said, and she was gone.

They continued to stare at each other for a long time before one of them spoke. As always, his eyes embraced her. Neither of them moved. They both dropped their heads with a smile and a tiny closed mouth laugh. When he moved in closer, very close, he broke the paralysis that overcame them both. Still, she stood immobile.  He faced her and slipped his hand around the small of her back. Before his hand ever made contact, the anticipation of his touch triggered her to arch a little closer in response.

His eyes lowered meeting hers. Hers closed, and she gulped down her desire. He smiled. “Let me get you something to drink. We can go out onto the terrace. Champagne?”

She took a deep breath. “Club soda with lime is good. I need some air. I’ll meet you on the terrace.” Before he could see her shudder with desire—and apprehension, she changed direction.

She stood at the stone railing next to one of the tall tables. The cool breeze rustled her hair as she looked out onto the city lights. Goosebumps covered her arms, and the fabric of her dress tickled them. She shivered and closed her eyes, meditating on the soft music and the sweet scent wafting from the flowers.
Am I ready for this?

Jackson came from behind and sat their drinks on the table next to her. He took his suit jacket off, wrapped it around her, and caressed her arms, sliding his strong hands up and down to warm her. He took her right hand in his and fingered the sapphire. Then turned her palm to his lips and kissed the now clammy, soft pink skin lovingly. She closed her eyes at the touch of his lips.

“It’s good seeing you,” she said.

“Just good?”

She let out whimpering laugh. “Wonderful.”

He wrapped his arms around her from behind, leaned in, and whispered into her ear, “Are you done with Nick?”

Wanting the closeness of his face next to hers, she closed her eyes and let her head fall back. She nuzzled into the warmth. “Yes. But things are complicated.”

He took hold of her arms and spun her around to face him. “Why? What’s complicated? Seems simple to me. You want me, or you don’t.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know, Jackson.”

“I know everything I need to know.”

“No. You really don’t.” She turned back to the railing and leaned against the cold stone, continuing to look at the city lights.

He rested his forearm on the railing beside her. She sensed him watching her, but she continued to stare outward.

“Talk to me, Kinsley. What do you think I need to know? Nothing you say will change my mind.”

She wanted to believe him. “I came home to Nick, but not for the reasons you might think, not for the right reasons. He wasn’t the only reason I left, either. I thought if Nick and I got back together things would be good for Max.” She sighed biting her lip, unable to imagine how to say what she needed to. “I thought I’d be able to live with the decision. I thought putting my needs aside and having Max home would be enough for me.”

“That all makes sense. I respect you for trying. Marriage means something to you. I understand what you were trying to do.”