Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (4 page)

“Don’t worry about it. They practically give ’em away. There, all set.” He stood up and grabbed the rag off the bumper.

I lifted Noah and set him down on the ground. He had more grease on him than Ryan did. When Ryan handed him the rag, Noah took it and wiped his hands just like Ryan had. A pang shot through my chest. They had the same dirty-blond hair. God, they could be father and son to anyone looking.

The thought nearly knocked me on my ass.

What the hell?

I reached into my jeans and pulled out the cash. “Fifty, right?” Handing it to Ryan felt awkward, especially given the business I was in, but I swallowed against the feeling. He fixed my car. That was all.

That’s all it would ever be.

And after today, I’d probably never see him again.

My chest ached at the thought. Even though I knew we had our chance and I blew it, I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d ignored my father and called Ryan anyway. Would we still be together? Would I have been able to weather all the shit that happened better if he’d been by my side? Ryan would never have walked out like Jason, my college boyfriend, did when he found out about Noah.

I mentally shook my head.

It didn’t matter now.

But Ryan inadvertently gave me a sneak peek at how it should have been for Noah. Seeing them together, doing things that a father and son would do, hit closer to home than I wanted to admit. Guilt that wasn’t mine to bear burned in my stomach.

He should have had a much different life.

“Time to wash up,” I told Noah. My voice cracked and the smile plastered on my face shook. I hoped that Ryan didn’t notice.

Noah started whining immediately.

“I’m gonna go get cleaned up too. You were a great helper today, Noah. Thank you.” Ryan took a few steps and held out his hand. Noah took it and they shook. The image blurred and I turned my back on them. No man had been this nice to Noah before. I could see how much it meant to him too. His smile was huge.

“Thank you again,” I managed to get out. His gaze was on me. I felt it. But I didn’t look up. Couldn’t. I was back on the ledge again and afraid I was getting ready to tumble over.

“Listen, Tess . . .” Ryan started to say.

I panicked and pretended I didn’t hear him. I couldn’t do this now. I felt too raw to explain everything that had happened, who Noah really was, why I was living in this dump. Ryan probably assumed Noah was my son, just like everyone else, and that was okay.

It also prevented a lot of unnecessary come-ons. A woman with a kid tended to scare away a lot of guys. It certainly had made Jason run the other way. I couldn’t deal with letting someone in only to watch him bolt when things got hard.

Not that Ryan was a possibility. I was the one who let him fade out of my new life. Out of everyone, he deserved an explanation the most, but I just couldn’t do it. Not today. Maybe never. Because telling him the truth would be admitting that I was weak. That I put a future my father dangled like a carrot higher than us.

“Thank you. Again,” I said too fast as I ushered Noah toward the steps. I glanced over my shoulder. Ryan was still standing there. I lifted my hand and sort of half waved, then did my best to focus on the steps. One by one I made it up the stairs. My stomach ached. I wasn’t going to see him again.

“Goodbye, Tess,” I heard him say.

“’Bye, Ryan,” I replied softly. But I was turned away, so he couldn’t hear the break in my voice as I said the words that had separated us all those years ago.

CHAPTER SIX

ryan

“
T
hey aren’t half bad,” I said to Shari.

Shari and I met Seth and Avery at the park Sunday afternoon, and somehow Shari worked her magic and we got center-stage seats though there was no assigned seating. I’m sure it helped when she name-dropped her father’s record company name.

“They have a new kind of sound without being over the top.” She pulled out her phone and recorded some of the set.

I glanced over at Seth and saw he had his arm around Avery’s shoulders and she leaned into him, her hand on his thigh. They were connected even though both of them were intent on the music. Every once in a while, Seth would brush his fingers over her hair, or along her neck, and she would look over at him and smile.

Yeah, I admit, love worked . . . for other people.

I looked at Shari. She was a hell of a lot of fun and had a wicked sense of humor. After graduation she’d cut her hair about shoulder length and colored over the red streaks. Now it was a warm brown color that reminded me of caramel and almost matched her eyes perfectly. She did it all to look more professional. Now that she was interning three days a week at some fancy interior-decorating place for people with too much money, she had to play the part.

She glanced over and caught me staring and winked at me. I grinned back. It was easy with her. Sex. No expectations. No demands for more. I knew she was fooling around, and so was I. We were perfect for each other. We fit, right at this moment. Down the road, we both knew this wasn’t long-term.

“They aren’t too bad,” Avery said.

Shari shrugged as if it were no big deal. A few more bands had cycled through, but none earned being recorded. Shari twirled her hair around a finger, a sign that she was getting bored.

“You done?” I asked.

“God, yes. That last band almost made my ears bleed.”

They hadn’t been that bad, but the guitarist needed to lay off the wannabe Hendrix riffs.

I leaned forward to see Seth past where Avery sat. “You guys ready to go too?”

We began to head out, and I put my hand on Shari’s back as we made our way out of the crowd. There had to be three hundred people in front of the pavilion now.

“I’m going to grab a drink. Anyone want anything?” I gestured to the area where a bunch of vendors had set up off to the side.

“I don’t think they have screaming orgasms here, so I guess I’ll just wait until later,” Shari said, grinning over at me. That’s what she’d been drinking the night we met—and that’s what she’d been having later that evening too. And apparently what she planned on having tonight.

Fine by me.

I laughed. “You guys go ahead, I’ll catch up.” I jogged over to stand in the shortest line, one that was selling tortilla chips dripping in fake yellow cheese and corn dogs on a stick. When it was my turn I asked for a root beer.

It didn’t take long to catch up with the group. Avery eyed my drink and wrinkled her nose. “That’s all corn syrup and artificial shit, you know.” She turned to Seth for support, and he nodded his agreement. I almost smacked Seth on the spot—if this kept up, Avery would be scheduling him for monthly pedicures and eyebrow waxes.

I took a long drink and then made an exaggerated
ah
noise. “And don’t those fake flavors taste good.”

Shari laughed and swatted at my arm. “Ryan, don’t tease her!” I grinned and was just about to lean in and ask if she’d like a taste when I heard my name. With all the people in the park, there were probably a dozen Ryans, so I only half glanced around.

“Hey, Ryan!” I heard again, and saw Noah barreling across the playground toward me. I couldn’t help but grin at the way he pumped his arms as he ran. When he stopped in front of us, he held out his fist. I chuckled this time. When I was working on Tess’s car, we came up with this manly handshake.

I bumped fists with him and then we both opened our hands and said, “
Pswwww
.”

Someone cleared his throat behind me and when I looked over my shoulder, I had three very curious glances on me. “Guys, this is Noah. He’s . . .”

“Noah,” I heard a breathless voice say. “Don’t ever run away like that again. You scared me to death . . .” Tess looked up and the rest of the words froze on her tongue when she met my stare. “Oh, hi.”

“Hey.” I couldn’t help but notice how long her tan legs looked in the tiny pair of cutoff shorts. Her hair was piled high on her head and there was a pencil sticking out of it. “How’s the car running?”

She smiled. “Perfect. Better than it has in a while.”

“Let me know if it starts acting up again.”

She looked down at Noah, then smiled up at me from under her eyelashes. “I will.”

“So, who’s your friend?” Seth asked, coming to stand beside me. I’d forgotten that they were all waiting for me. Shit. I hadn’t told him about fixing Tess’s car, or even that I ran into her, because even though we all played together growing up, he’d never really been a fan of hers, especially when Tess and I started dating and he became the odd man out. Then he pretty much hated her after she’d ripped my heart out.

Tess’s gaze darted from me to Seth. I saw the second she recognized him with a brief flash of panic before she lifted her chin.

I scratched the back of my neck. This was about to go downhill fast. “Uh, you remember Tess?”

I felt Seth stiffen next to me. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he snapped. He sent a glare her way, then one at me.

“Seth,” Avery gasped, nudging him in the side. “There’s a little kid present. Language.”

Red tinged Tess’s cheeks and she reached for Noah’s hand.

“We should get back to the playground,” she said, not really looking at anyone.

Seth crossed his arms over his chest. He lifted one eyebrow and I knew, just knew, he was going to be a jackass before he opened his mouth.

“Nice to see that taking your daddy’s offer paid off
exactly
like you planned, Tess. Makes everything worth it, doesn’t it? The whole coldhearted bitch thing.”

Avery gasped, and Tess turned ten shades of red.

Seth had no right talking to her like that and I rounded on him, getting right in his face. “Hey, man, cool it. That was an asshole thing to say.”

“You’ve been seeing her again?” he demanded. “When the hell were you going to share that, Ry? Christ, I thought you learned your lesson the first time.”

I clenched my fingers into fists. Tess and I weren’t anything anymore and he needed to back off and stop acting like an ass.

“Ryan, drop it,” I heard Tess say faintly. “It’s fine. I need to get back to our table anyway. I’ll . . . I’ll see you around. Or not . . .” She murmured a goodbye before she pulled a very confused-looking Noah away from us.

I loved Seth like a brother, but right now I seriously wanted to punch him. “What the fuck was that?” I growled.

Seth shrugged. “What, it’s the truth. She had an offer for a better life and took it the first chance she had. Now look at her, saddled with a kid at twenty-one. You have to admit that’s some fucking fine irony right there.”

I got it. Seth didn’t like Tess, but to be a dick like that. Not cool. I knew he’d never apologize, but someone needed to. I started after her when he grabbed my arm.

“Seriously? You’re going after her? Why?” he demanded.

“Maybe you should let Ryan handle this himself,” Avery said to him, putting a restraining hand on Seth’s wrist.

Seth snorted. “Where Tess was concerned, he
never
thought straight. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you saw her. Don’t go back there, man. She screwed you up big-time. How long was it before you actually admitted that she wasn’t going to call, half a year? You don’t need that again.”

There was too much truth in those words to ignore and a slash of pain hit my chest. That fall after Tess stopped calling, my mom left. It was a fucked-up sophomore year, one that pretty much made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew. But Seth had been an ass and Tess deserved an apology. If not from him, then from me.

With a sigh Seth let go of my arm. “But sure, be a moron. Go ahead and make another huge mistake. Then I’ll just get to say I told you so.”

Seth stormed away, and Avery stood there biting her lip. “Look, he doesn’t mean to be an ass. He just cares about you.”

“Well, Tess should get an apology from someone. No one deserves to be treated like that, no matter what they did seven years ago,” I said.

“Oh, Seth is going to get an earful about his manners, believe me,” Avery replied with a glare.

“So . . . should I ride back with them?” Shari asked. “So you can go find her?”

I forgot she was even standing there. Fuck. I yanked my ball cap off and drove my fingers through my hair. I glanced in the direction Tess had taken, but the crowd of people had eaten her up already. I could go after her—hell, I knew where she lived—

I shook my head. What the actual fuck was I doing?

I knew it was more than just apologizing for Seth. That look in Tess’s eyes when Seth went off about brought me to my knees, and all I wanted to do was protect her. Take care of her.

But then what? It didn’t change anything.

I was still the same guy as I was three days ago, before I even ran into Tess.

I sighed. My stomach felt twisted up in knots, but I reached out and took Shari’s hand. I knew what the score was with her. Uncomplicated. That’s all I wanted. It’s what Shari wanted. Casual I could do. Getting involved in any way with Tess would be a huge mistake. We had too much history. Seth was right about one thing: I didn’t need to go back there.

I couldn’t give her what the younger me could have. Not now. It just wasn’t in my DNA.

I didn’t want anything more, and Avery was right. I needed to stop whatever I thought I was doing before I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. Mainly Noah.

“No. Let’s go.” I pulled her away from the playground, toward the parking lot.

Shari didn’t say anything, but I could see the way she side-eyed me. “You still coming over tonight?” she asked. She’d hinted at a screaming orgasm earlier. I ignored the pang of guilt in my gut and nodded.

That
was the only thing I was capable of.