What To Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection Part Two (179 page)

The waiting room was small but decorated nicely. I was immediately drawn to the three Ansel Adams replicas that were hanging on the walls. He was my favorite landscape photographer. His black and white pictures were truly amazing. As I stared at the pictures, I heard someone clear their throat from behind me. I quickly spun around.

“Hello there, you must be Leila?” A very attractive woman with an Australian accent said. I knew immediately it was Helen.

“Yes, I am,” I said nervously walking toward her with my hand extended.

“I am Helen, very pleased to meet you. Are you a fan of Ansel Adams?” Helen asked curiously.

“It is very nice to meet you as too, Mrs. Read,” I said nervously.

She began to laugh, “Oh please call me Helen. Mrs. Read is my mother-in-law’s name.”

I could feel my nerves lessening. She had a very calming presence about her.

“You never answered my question.”

I looked at her puzzled. “Question?”

“Yes, do you like Ansel Adams?” She laughed.

“Oh yes, he’s my favorite,” I replied with a huge smile on my face.

Helen extended her arm through the doorway. “Why don’t you come into my office and we can get to know each other a little bit.”

As I stepped into her office, I noticed it wasn’t much bigger than her waiting room. Her desk was kiddy-corner in the room and there were two overstuffed chairs and a loveset positioned around a small table.

“Please have a seat and tell me a little about yourself.” Helen smiled.

I briefly told Helen about my life. I started with my family, moved onto my friends and ended with Garrett and why I was here to see her.

“Now that you have explained to me your situation, I would like to ask you a couple questions,” Helen said. “First of all, what would you like to achieve from your sessions?”

I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders.

“Surely, you have some idea on what you would like to accomplish by coming to see me,” Helen replied.

“To be honest, I am really not sure what I want to accomplish. I guess I am here because. . .” I let out a big sigh.

“Leila,” her voice kind and reassuring, “anything you say to me does not leave this office. You can come here and tell me absolutely anything you want or you can come here and tell me nothing. Therapy is only going to work if you want it to.”

“I guess . . . I just don’t want to hurt anymore,” the words just started rushing out of me. “I’ve had this empty feeling inside of me for so long, I don’t know what it feels like to be whole. I keep searching for someone to make me feel like he did but no one does.” I hung my head. “I feel so lost, I just want the old me back and I don’t know how to get back to that place.”

“I’m not going to lie this is not going to be an overnight fix. It has taken you how long to get this place? Four years? You are going to have to work hard and bring up memories you may not want to talk about, but it is the only way you will be able to heal,” Helen said kindly. “I would like to see you once a week for an hour long session.”

“I am willing to do anything you tell me to do,” I said.

For some reason, I trusted Helen. I really wanted to move on with my life. Everything I had done up to this point had not helped. I felt like this could be my last chance to
fix me
.

When I left Helen’s office, I couldn’t help but feel hopeful. I had this stupid grin on my face that I couldn’t get off. The thought of once again being happy and leaving this self-destructive lifestyle behind actually made me giddy.

I got into my car and immediately called Nicole to tell her about my session. I could tell by the sound of her voice, she was pleased that I actually followed through with my appointment.

“I can’t believe you actually went,” Nicole said flabbergasted.

“Seriously, I feel better already,” I exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me to go to therapy three years ago?” I laughed.

“Honestly, I don’t think you would have listened to me three years ago,” Nicole said seriously. “I am so proud of you for going and I can’t wait to get the old you back.”

“I love you,” I said.

“I know you do. I will call you tomorrow. I got a hot date with Michael tonight. I need to shower, do my hair and put on my face,” she laughed.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” I laughed.

“Ha! You are too funny. You are way out of my league.”

As I hung the phone up the last thing Nicole said to me ran through my head.
You are way out of my league.
I began to realize that all this time I had been whoring around and Nicole hadn’t really dated at all. She would go on the occasional date but always gave me an excuse as to why she didn’t want to go out on a second date. It now dawned on me. She had always been there for me, babysitting me.
Fuck me
. Not only had I been ruining my life for the past four years, but I had been preventing Nicole from quite possibly finding the man of her dreams.

T
he next month and a half flew by. I had been seeing Helen on a weekly basis. During our sessions we talked about everything from Garrett, my mother, work, friends, to life in general. It was really great to have someone to talk to that didn’t judge you on the decisions you had made in the past.

Overall, everything in my life had been going great. I’d been sleeping without any assistance from alcohol and cut down on my drinking to almost nothing. I hadn’t brought a man home with me since Adam. I had no clue therapy would help me this much. If I would have known, I would have gone years ago.

Over the last few weeks, I had picked up extra hours at Danny’s. Jessie, one of the other waitresses was on vacation, and Danny needed someone to cover her shifts and my weekends had also been busy. Katie and I had photographed weddings every weekend since September.

In keeping my promise to my mother, I called her every few days. Any downtime I had, I spent with Nicole. At first, I was furious with Nicole for telling my mother about my depression. But after seeing Helen, I began to realize how bad I had gotten. Helen encouraged me only to go to Danny’s when I was scheduled to work. She felt Danny’s was one of my “triggers”.

Just as I was getting out of bed, my cell went off.

It was a text from Nicole.

Nicole—

OMFG! I just won tix to the Halloween Party tonight at Sin Sity. We are so there.

Me—

Sin Sity? That’s like a million miles away. . .

Nicole—

It’s not a million miles away. It’s only forty-five minutes away! Come on don’t be a baby bitch. We haven’t been out in ages. It’ll be so much fun. We can totally hit the 80’s club and rock an 80’s costume.

Me –

I’m not in the mood to drive that far out. You can’t come up with something a little closer.

Nicole—

Ummm. . . Hello! I won FREE tickets! These things are worth $25 a piece.

Sin Sity was a brand new club that opened a few months ago. Our local radio station had been advertising it like crazy. It was four different clubs under one roof. One of the clubs was themed the 1980’s and only played 80’s music. The second was a techno club hosting all the up and coming DJ’s. I heard Pauly D from Jersey Shore was going to be there. The third club had live bands playing on a nightly basis and also served as a pool hall. The fourth club was a swanky martini bar that played jazz and swing music.

Nicole—

Come on . . . Don’t be a party pooper. We need this. I need this. I’d do it for you.

Me—

Fine! You’re a pain in the ass. I’ll go but . . . You’re driving.

To be completely honest, deep down inside, I wasn’t sure if I was actually ready to go out. I had made so much progress with my therapy in such a short amount of time. I was beginning to feel like the
old
me. But the thought of going out to a strange club made me think I couldn’t resist the temptations that would be surrounding me. I was fearful I would slip back into my old habits.

A
bout an hour later, Nicole showed up at my apartment. Barging her way through my door, in her normal fashion. She had five huge shopping bags in her hands. I just stood there in my kitchen with a look of shock on my face.

“Are you going to just stand there?” She said jokingly.

“What the hell is all that?”

“Our Halloween costumes, I hit the thrift store on the way over. They were having a huge sale, so I bought anything that looked like it was made in the 80’s,” she laughed.

“Apparently, you did.”

She dumped the bags on the couch, and we began sifting through the piles of clothes. Nicole found an oversized black and white shirt that had crazy shapes all over it, and I found an oversized gray sweatshirt. We took a pair of scissors to both shirts, cutting one of the shoulders so it would hang off. I also cut the bottom of my shirt to make it cropped. Once my shirt was perfect, I put one of my black camisoles underneath it. I paired it with a pair of fitted ripped jeans that hung very low on my hips and a red pair of stilettos.

Nicole left her shirt long and added a belt around it. She put on a pair of skin tight black leggings and black stiletto heels. With my hair already wavy, Nicole teased it up and put a ton of hair spray in it. Nicole had pin straight hair, so we crimped it and put a huge black bow in it. Once we were done, I looked like I’d walked off the set of Flashdance, and Nicole looked like one of Madonna’s backup dancers from her Like a Virgin tour. I had to admit we looked pretty hot.

We gave ourselves a quick glance in the mirror and headed to Nicole’s car. I plugged my iPod into her radio and blasted 80’s music, and we sang along to the songs the entire drive to Sin Sity. About forty-five minutes later we pulled into the packed parking lot. “Damn,” I said in amazement. “This place is huge.” The building stood four stories tall. It had a huge neon sign on the roof that blinked “Sin Sity”.

As we walked up to the door, we could hear the music blaring from the 80’s club. The club’s name was Totally Rad and a remix of
Cruel Summer
was playing. Nicole and I turned to each other and smiled, as we knew the night was going to be epic. As Nicole walked up to the bouncer, she told him her name and that she’d won tickets off the radio. He checked his list and our IDs, stamped our hands and we walked in.

The place was enormous. It puts Danny’s to shame. As we walked through the main entrance, we were a level above the dance floor. To the left of us against the far wall was the bar. It had shelves and shelves of liquor with pink and blue neon lights running under each shelf. To the right and the left of us were tables that overlooked the dance floor. The walls were pitch black and lit only by wall sconces with pink and blue lights. The whole place screamed 1985.

While we were standing there in awe, a waitress approached us. “What would you ladies like to drink?” She asked. She was dressed like Cyndi Lauper. She wore a poufy lace skirt and a skimpy top that made her breasts pop out. Her hair was all crazy. She wore a ton of blue eye shadow with a million bracelets on her wrists. Nicole ordered a Malibu Bay Breeze and I ordered water. Nicole looked relieved at my order. Tequila was my usual drink of choice, but I didn’t want to take a chance of me going off the deep end again since my therapy was working so well. I was going to try to be on my best behavior. The only reason I was here was for Nicole, and she shouldn’t have to babysit me. The waitress came back with our drinks, and we headed down the stairs to the dance floor.

As my foot hit the bottom step, I noticed a girl out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to get a better look. She was dressed in a super short black mini dress, her shoes were black stilettos, and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She looked like she was ready to film the
Addicted to Love
video. I recognized her, but I couldn’t figure out from where.

I tapped Nicole on the shoulder and pointed the girl out to her. “Who is that?”