What Happens Tomorrow (6 page)

AFTER DINNER WE go back to my place and deal with Charlie, then snuggle together on the couch. We’ve always cuddled close while watching movies together. Tonight is different though. I feel an intense connection every time he looks or touches me. My stomach has been in a constant state of unrest since dinner.

Tyler stretches out, his back against the arm of the couch as I lie between his legs, my head resting on a pillow on his lap. I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed. I could get used to this. So could Charlie. He’s in his glory snuggled up with both of us. He adores Tyler, and I know the feeling is mutual. How can you not love a nine pound ball of fluff?

As we start the movie, Tyler softly brushes his fingers through my short hair, then gently rubs and massages my forehead, working his way down to my temples.

“Mmmmm, that feels heavenly.” I yawn. My eyes feel heavy. I’m having a hard time keeping them open.

Tyler’s lips press against my forehead. “Close your eyes, baby, and relax. I’m not going anywhere.” With his whispered words, I close my eyes.

“Brooke, would you get a move on already! We’re gonna be late!” Matt angrily shouts up the stairs. We’re having dinner at Tanis and Geoff’s tonight and he hates to be the last one to show up anywhere.

“Just a minute,” I call from the top of the stairs.“I’m grabbing more diapers from Katelin’s room.” Picking up the newly stocked diaper bag, I quickly take one more glance around her room to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything else before racing down the stairs.

Matt and Katelin already have their coats on and are waiting by the front door, Katelin is in Matt’s arms smiling up at me as he shoots me an annoyed look. I grab my coat and we head out the door. I quickly buckle Katelin in her car seat and give her a loving kiss on the head.

“There you go, baby girl. Safe and sound.”

I climb in beside Matt, but he doesn’t acknowledge me. He starts the engine and we’re off.

Looks like tonight is going to be full of good times. Great.

We get a block away from the house when I realize I’ve forgotten my cell phone at home. “Crap! Matt, you need to turn around, I forgot my cell.” I cringe as I ask, knowing it’s about to cause an argument. It always does.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

“Watch your mouth, Matt,” I bite back.

“For just one night, one night, Brooke, can you forget about your goddamn cell phone!” Matt’s voice has raised a few octaves. I can tell this is going to be a big argument when we get home tonight.

“You know I can’t do that.” I really hate how my job is always downplayed. I work for a large Tech company in the IT department. Every other week it’s my turn to be the on-call tech. It’s not like this is something new. It’s always been a part of my job.

Matt’s anger is apparent as he turns the car around and heads back home. He doesn’t utter a word. Doesn’t even look in my direction. He just stares out the windshield. We pull up in front of the house and I jump out of the car. A moment later I return with my cell in hand.

“Thanks for driving back. I’m sorry,” I concede.

Taking his hand in mine I try to soften his mood but my apology falls on deaf ears. He’s really angry. It would be different if we had to turn around for him. He coldly drops my hand and puts the car into reverse. I decide to keep my mouth shut with the hope that we might be able to salvage the night.

As we pull up to the intersection light a couple of blocks from home, Matt turns to me. His eyes dark and his lips set in a heavy line.“I’m getting sick and tired of your damn job running our lives, Brooke. Things need to change! I won’t keep doing this.” He grips the steering wheel, looking away from me.

He’s such a child when he’s mad. I’ve had enough of his crap. I’m sick and tired of my job being attacked while he can go off on his so-called business trips at a moments notice. God forbid I make a comment about him being overly friendly with some of the women he works with.

“You think I enjoy working the hours I work? Do you? The sad thing is, I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’m doing this for the good of our family! You can’t have it both ways, Matt. And you don’t have to do this anymore if you don’t want to. Maybe we should turn around and go back home. I’m not really in a social mood now.” The light changes from red to green and Matt proceeds into the intersection. Unable to keep his temper in check he turns to look at me.

“Fine. But this discussion is far from ov—”

BANG!

Rolling. Lots of rolling.

Silence.

Searing pain.

“Matt … Matt …what happened?” I call out, my voice dry and throaty, but he doesn’t answer. The light in my eyes starts to flicker and soon everything is quiet and dark.

I wake in the hospital, my mom and dad sitting at my bedside.

“Mom?” I pause to clear my scratchy throat. “Mom, what happened?”

“Oh, Brooke …” Tears stream down my mom’s cheeks, but she tries to conceal them by turning her head away from me.

“Mom?”

“Brooke, honey…you were in a car accident.” She gets up from the chair beside my bed and walks over to the window. Something is terribly wrong. She isn’t looking at me. Oh, god…why can’t she turn around and look at me? What’s wrong?

Panic.

“Mom! Where are Matt and Katelin?”

My mom erupts into the most pitiful, painful sobs I have ever heard. My dad quickly rushes to her side, trying to get her to sit back down in the chair.

I know in my soul.

I know in my soul what has happened without anyone having to say the words.

My dad walks over to me and takes my hand as he sits down on the edge of my bed and lowers his head.“They’re gone, baby,” he says with a crack in his voice. He wipes a tear from his cheek.

“Noooooooooooo!” I scream, the sounds so primal I don’t recognize my own voice. I can’t breathe. Can’t get air into my lungs.

Someone help me.

“No! Where are they? I want to see them! Where are they? Tell me, dammit! Where’s Katelin? Tell me where my baby is!”

I want to see my daughter. I need to hold my baby in my arms. I need to tell her I love her more than life itself.

I need Matt. He’ll make it all better. He’s the strong one. I need to hear him tell me everything will be all right.

The doctors and nurses have burst into my room. I can’t see anything for the tears, but I feel the pressure of hands trying to hold me down, trying to sedate me.

“Kill me! Please, kill me!” I beg as they inject the syringe into my arm.“I want to be with them! I don’t want to live! I can’t live without them!”

Darkness.

“Brooke…Brooke…Wake up, sweetheart.”

It was only a dream. I’d fallen asleep. But it isn’t a dream. It’s a horrible nightmare etched into my mind that rears its ugly head every time my guard is down.

“Hey, shhh…it’s okay.You’re safe … I’m here. I’ve got you.” His tone is soft and comforting as he tries to settle me. I’m sure he thinks that once I’m really awake the nightmare will be gone, but little does he know this nightmare never goes away. This one will last an eternity.

My heart breaks all over again as I feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes. I try to calm myself down, breathing deeply while running my fingers through my hair. I grip the short strands tightly as a deep sob erupts from my lips.

Heartache.

Tyler looks terrified. He’s never seen me like this. No one has, except my parents. This is precisely the reason I take sleeping pills. I need to be knocked unconscious. I can’t keep reliving this dream.

“Brooke, baby…” I hear the fear in his voice as he lifts me onto his lap and drapes my body across his chest, resting my head on his shoulder. The familiar warmth of his body and the smell of his skin have a calming affect on me and I begin to feel my heart rate and tears slow “There you go. See…it’s gonna be okay. I promise. Shhh…” He runs his hand gently up and down my spine. “You really had me scared there. You were sleeping soundly, and I couldn’t help but watch how peaceful you looked, but then you started to toss and turn right before you started screaming and begging for someone to kill you.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “It’s all right now. The nightmare is over and I’m here. I won’t let anything hurt you.” He cradles my body tighter against his as he leans down and reverently kisses my forehead, his lips lingering against my skin.

He doesn’t realize what he’s said.

I’m not all right.

I never will be.

He can’t stop my hurt. No one can. I was foolish to think this could work. No one is ready to deal with my ghosts.

With his lips against my head he nervously asks, “Can you tell me what the dream was about?”

I can’t.

I can’t talk about this.

Not with him.

Not with anyone.

“Ty…I-I-I can’t.” I force myself up off his chest, watching the disappointment spread across his face. He wants to take my pain away and it makes me cry even harder.

What was I thinking?

“I need to be alone right now... please I ju
—
”

“I won’t leave you like this. I can’t leave you like this. Not until I know you’re okay, and right now you are definitely not okay. Truthfully, you’re scaring the shit out of me.”

I need him to leave.

Now.

I don’t need a babysitter. I’ve managed all these years on my own. I need to be able to breakdown without him or anyone else near me. I need to deal with me and not worry about what someone else is thinking.

I stand up and walk towards the front door. “Tyler, please go,” I plead. “Please. I don’t want you here. Please just go… please!”

The tears consume me.

I’ll never forget the hurt look on his face as I refuse the comfort he desperately wants to give me. With his forehead scrunched tight, he shakes his head in confusion as he gets up off of the couch and stalks toward me. “I don’t understand. Why are you shutting me out? What’s going on, Brooke? Please, make me understand.”

“Please, leave me alone. I don’t want you here. I don’t want anyone here!”

He lowers his head in defeat. “I’m sorry I can’t take away whatever it is that’s hurting you. You have no idea how much it kills me to see you like this and
not
be able to make it go away.” He pauses for a moment looking me in the eye. “I don’t understand why you can’t trust that I’m here for you. You know me. You know I would never hurt you.” He leans down and kisses my cheek. “I love you, Brooke Adams. Don’t forget it because it’s not going to change. I only wish you’d trust in me and let me help make it better.”

“But that’s the problem, Tyler…you can’t. No one can.”

Defeated, he walks out the door. I close and lock it behind him, not waiting to see if he turns around to look at me, then walk into my bedroom and throw myself down on my bed. Charlie jumps up beside me and curls into my chest, licking the tears from my face.

“You’re the only one I need, little man.”

I remove the prescription bottle from my nightstand and quickly swallow a tiny pink tablet. I don’t know when the tears end and the sleeping pill takes over, but thankfully, I don’t dream.

THE NIGHT STARTED out a little strained.

I took Brooke to Diego’s for pizza. I thought the casual atmosphere might help relax her. I’d hoped we’d have been able to laugh and talk like we always have, but the awkwardness since the other night still hung around. Eventually, she relaxed and we were able to enjoy the evening. I wasn’t ready for the night to end. I needed more time with her. I knew it had only been a day, but I missed her and I wanted to show her that things hadn’t changed that much between us.

I also didn’t want to push her.

After her reaction the other night when I told her how I really felt about her, that I wanted to be more than friends, I figured it was best to take things slow and not put too much pressure on her. Brooke has never been one to handle stress. I think back to the night Charlie got out. We couldn’t find him anywhere and Brooke was beside herself. I wasn’t sure what to do because I’d never seen her that upset. Lucky for us, and Charlie, Jenna found him sitting outside her door. It took a good couple of hours to settle Brooke’s emotions down.