We're Working On It (24 page)

Seeing that the boy who he so loved was in such pain, Kevin bolted toward him.

“Nooo!” Cory yelled with all of his strength.

The minister stopped speaking as everyone looked at the boy disturbing Matt’s final resting. Kevin was now racing toward him, grabbing at the air between them to pull himself onward, faster.

Cory suddenly turned around and began pushing his way through the crowd. The people started backing away like the parting of the some sea...not red, but black...letting him through as he ran away from the coffin. Kevin could not reach him.

Cory ran, and ran, and ran, down the hill, past Richard’s car and across the cemetery, out the front gate, past the homes on the sides of the street. He ran all the way home.

Launching into his bedroom, he slammed the door behind him and abruptly stopped in the middle of the room. He looked at his window, not moving, not thinking – just staring. Slowly undressing himself down to his boxers, he threw his clothes on the floor. He moved to the window, sat in his desk chair and began staring out the window. After a moment, he reached up and closed the window, his last opening onto the world that had betrayed him. Leaving the closed window, he returned to his bed. He was now completely alone with himself.

Richard was beside himself the morning after the funeral. Matt was senselessly killed for no other reason than he had been gay and the fear that that had implanted on another boy. His foster son, Cory, the boy that he now loved as his own son, had retreated into himself in a rejection of the outside world. Cory lay upstairs in his room, alone unto himself as Richard sat on the living room sofa staring out of the front window seeing nothing.

Suddenly he was brought back to reality when, through the front window, he saw a car pull into the driveway. A middle aged man, well dressed, got out of the car, stopped to look at the house and then moved toward the front door. Kevin and Kelly continued their vigil outside of the house, and he could only focus on the two teenagers, not recognizing the man at his front door.

The doorbell rang but he didn’t move. He was still in a half world between reality and his grief over Cory’s withdrawal.

When the doorbell rang for a second time, he sullenly got up and walked to the front door. As he opened the door he was confronted with a large man, perhaps 6 foot 2 inches tall, neatly dressed in a well-tailored business suit and matching tie. Richard stared at the man, saying nothing.

“Mr. Mathews?” The man finally had to say.

His eyes bulged widely as the voice in front of him registered. It was Matt’s father. This was the father of the boy whose funeral he and Cory had been to yesterday.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, Todd. Please come in,” he finally said with embarrassment and sympathy.

“Thank you,” Todd Hubble replied as he stepped through the door.

Todd moved into the center of the living room, turned to face Richard and remained standing with his hands together in front of him. “Please. Can I get you anything?” he asked. “No, no thank you.”

“I’m really sorry about your son,” Richard had to say, remembering the grief that he had gone through when his own wife had passed away.

“Thank you for that. I’m going to miss him so very much. But that’s not why I’m here.”

Richard looked at him, a puzzled look on his face. Moments went by.

“I’m here to see Cory.”

“Cory? But why?”

“Mr. Mathews, I’m a doctor. Actually, I’m also a psychologist. In the past few days, I’ve had quite a few conversations with the school counselors, Mr. Bettler and our own friends as well as friends of Cory and Matt. I know that Cory is shutting down. He’s shutting out the reality that Matt has died. I’d like to try to talk to him, if it’s okay with you.”

Todd smiled briefly.

“Yes, of course. I’ll get him,” Richard blurted out.

He was eager to have some professional help in bringing Cory back to reality.

“No, I’d like to see him alone, in his room if that’s possible.”

Richard instinctively knew that the best place would be in his own room where Cory could feel safe.

“Okay, I’ll show you where his room is.”

Leading him to the stairway, he started to walk up the stairs with Todd following closely behind. As they approached Cory’s room at the end of the upstairs hallway, He stopped, looked at Todd and then quietly knocked on the door. As they entered, they saw Cory lying on his bed in his underwear looking at a blank wall. The starkness of the wall gave both of them a sense of his loneliness.

Cory turned to see who was at the door, and immediately recognized Dr. Hubble. He quickly turned away and resumed his vigil with the wall.

Dr. Hubble entered the room but stopped within a few feet of the door, while Richard remained in the hallway just outside the door for a few moments and then quietly closed the door behind him.

Richard remained in the hallway just outside the door for a few moments, but eventually turned and returned to the living room. After a few moments, Dr. Hubble opened the conversation.

“Hello, Cory.”

Cory did not respond or acknowledge Dr. Hubble’s presence.

“Come and join me by the window,” he said as he picked up a chair and carried it to the closed window.

“No. I don’t want to look outside.” Picking up another chair, he placed it next to the other one in front of the window.

“Come on, son. Come talk to me about Matt.”

Cory had heard his friend’s name and his mind began to race back to the times that he had spent with Matt before he died.

“Let’s talk about the Matt who we both knew, shall we?”

Cory wanted so much to be able to talk about him, but he had left him. His mind began telling him that if he talked about him, maybe it would seem like he wasn’t gone, that he could be with him again.

He lay motionless on the bed for a few long minutes, but then slowly got out of bed and walked to the empty chair. He slowly sat and turned his gaze to the emptiness outside.

“Thank you, Cory.”

Dr. Hubble, sitting backwards in the chair, looked at him. He then put his hands on the back of the chair. Looking directly into Cory’s eyes, Dr. Hubble said nothing, just quietly watching for some time as Cory continued looking out the window. Very softly, but speaking directly at Cory, he began to speak.

“Do you miss him, Cory?”

He said nothing and continued to look out the window, but he was listening to Dr Hubble.

“I know you miss him, I miss him too. And so does his mother. Matthew got caught in something that he had no control over. I think you know what that was. Of all of his friends, I think you know more and understand more of what really happened than most people. I think Richard realizes it too, but not like you do.”

Dr. Hubble paused to let his words sink in, and then continued.

“Take a look out the window. Who do you see?”

Cory leaned closer to the window.

He continued. “Do you see Kevin standing down there? He’s been trying to see you for the last four days. He’s not going to go away because he’s not going to let you go. He loves you too much. But I think you know that.”

Continuing to look at Cory, he looked for a reaction. He knew that his words were having an effect on him, as Cory let the first tear glide across his cheek.

Shifting his chair closer to him, he put his chin on the back of his hands resting on the back of the chair. He was now inches from Cory’s face, and he began to speak again slowly and quietly.

“Matt is still here. Do you know that?”

For the first time, Cory turned to face Dr. Hubble, but still said nothing. Tears were streaking down his cheeks now as he sniffled.

“Look outside again, Cory.”

He turned and looked through the window again.

“Down there, on the lawn. Don’t you see him? It looks like Kevin, but Matt is there, too. He’s inside of him. He’s a part of him.”

Cory stared at Kevin and began to see Matt’s face within his. They were as one.

“He’s a part of you too, Cory. You are who you are because Matt touched a part of your life. He’s a part of every person who he’s ever touched.”

Through the tears, Cory started a smile.

“Look down there again, Cory. Do you see Kelly across the street?”

Cory looked up slightly and saw her standing alone across the street looking directly at him.

“Matt’s a part of her too. I also know that she loved him very much. I know that you all did.”

Dr. Hubble paused for a moment, gathering his resolve.

“I also know that my son was gay, and he was killed as a reaction to his being gay by someone who couldn’t understand his own feelings, not by you.”

Pausing again, he looked straight at Cory’s face, only inches from his own. Cory’s smile continued to grow along with his tears. He was now openly crying.

“Maybe we won’t see Matt every day, but he’s still always here. We have our memories that can’t be taken away. Don’t lose them. I know I won’t. Hold onto them.”

Cory’s sobbing was now uncontrollable. He turned and flew into Dr. Hubble’s arms, knocking over his chair.

“Oh God! I miss him so much. I feel so responsible,” he finally was able to say with starts and stops.

“You’re not responsible, and you really do know that.”

Cory held onto him for a long time, his tears slowly subsiding. He had a smile growing across his face.

Dr. Hubble rose from his chair while still holding onto him.

“I know,” Cory said as he turned to face him. Nothing more could be said. With the help of Dr. Hubble’s words, he had seen what had killed Matt, and he now knew that Matt would always be with him.

“There’s something else that I have to say to you Cory. You meant the world to Matt. He loved both you and Kevin very much. I want to thank you for being his friend, for being there for the times when he needed someone.”

“Thank you,” Cory earnestly replied.

Dr. Hubble returned the chair to its original position and started to leave the room. He paused for a moment and turned toward Cory.

“Did you know they’re having a memorial for Matt at the school tomorrow? I’d be honored if you could attend.” “I’d like that. Actually I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

“Mr. Bettler asked me to ask you if you were up to saying a few words about Matt. You don’t have to, you know. We’ll all understand.”

Cory looked at him for a long silent moment before he answered.

“Dr. Hubble, I think I want to say a few things. I think I need to.”

Cory paused for a moment, still looking at his friend’s father.

“You see, sir, I’m going to be there for Matt again.”

Dr. Hubble smiled, nodded his head, and turned toward the door.

Cory stopped him with a tug on his sleeve. Dr. Hubble turned and looked down at him.

“Thank you. Thank you for what you said about me and Matt and about him still being with me. I needed to know that.”

Dr. Hubble smiled down at him, nodded his head a few times and then turned, opened the door and left the room.

Cory stood smiling to himself for the first time in days as he watched him leave. He turned around, walked to the window, and opened it.

Knowing that a part of Matt will always be with him filled him with encouragement. He now knew how he was going to go on with his life, and what he was going to say at the memorial the next day.

When Todd reached the bottom of the stairs, Kevin had already come inside, and he and Richard were standing in the center of the living room looking at him with anticipation.

“Mr. Mathews? Can I speak to you for a moment?” Todd asked before either of them could say a word.

Richard followed him to the side of the room where he whispered a few words into his ear. Todd had to tell him about the memorial service the next day. But he also wanted to tell him quietly that Cory needed Kevin at that moment. He didn’t want Kevin to hear it though because he was talking about the real healing power of love and didn’t want to embarrass him. Kevin being himself was what Cory needed.

Kevin didn’t know what to think, wondering what all the secrecy was about.

As Todd and Richard finished their conversation, they walked back toward him. They shook hands, and as Todd moved toward the door to leave, he turned to Kevin and gave him a knowing wink. He then left the room through the front door.

Just after Dr. Hubble left, Cory walked down the stairs. He had a bounce in his step that hadn’t been seen for days. At the bottom of the stairs, he saw Kevin standing in center of the room. He paused, not knowing that he would be inside the house, and continuing to stare at him.

Without a word, he slowly walked over to Kevin and put his arms around him.

“Kevin, I’m so sorry. I am really so sorry,” he whispered into his ear.

“Don’t be, Cory. You have nothing to be sorry about. I need you, I need you so much right now. I will be right beside you. We will get through this, and we will do it together.”

Cory looked into those green eyes, and smiled at what he saw. There it was. He knew it’ll always be there. There was that sparkle, and he knew that it was for him.

“Kevin. I thought I was going to lose you. I lost Matt and I could see the world taking you away from me too. I was so scared and wanted nothing like that to happen, but I kept telling myself that it would happen. I don’t know why I thought that, it made no sense, but, I did.”

Kevin pulled him in closer, holding him, feeling him back in his life again.

“Forever, Cory. Don’t ever forget that, please.”

Looking into his eyes, Cory understood now that those eyes would be his strength, his life, his forever.

“Forever,” he breathed out.

Richard smiled a knowing smile, and Cory, coming back to the now, looked over toward him.

“Richard?”

“Yes, Cory?”

“I’m going to say a few words at a memorial for Matt tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“Will you be there?” “Well, most of those things are for the students. I’m not sure if parents are invited.”

“I’d like you to be there. Really! I want you there very much.”

“Alright son, I’ll be there.”

Seventeen