We're Working On It (19 page)

But then he started to feel differently about his life. He still had his life, changed, yes, but it was still his life.

Matt’s sobbing lessened. He was getting in control of himself, as he saw that his life wasn’t over. What he had just experienced was what he had feared the most since the rape that someone would know. But now someone knew and he felt better. He didn’t know why but he actually felt better.

Cory sensed that change. He knew that Matt was coming down from that emotional roller coaster he was on, but wasn’t at the gate yet. He loosened his grip.

“I’m sorry, Cory. I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“That must have been horrible.”

Matt choked trying not to think about it but knew he had to.

“Can I tell you about it?”

“You don’t have to. This is hard for you. Just try to relax, okay?”

“No, Cory, I’ve told you what happened, but telling you made me feel – I don’t know – better. Sounds weird, but I’d like to tell you.”

“Okay, come over here, Matt. Sit down and I’ll listen.”

Cory grabbed Matt’s hand and pulled him to the bed, sat down and patted his other hand on the bed next to him. Matt sat down next to Cory.

Matt was silent for a moment, but turned to Cory and fixed his eyes on him.

“I had a boyfriend.” Matt turned from Cory but continued.

“It was back in California, just before we came here. He was a nice enough guy, so I thought we would make a life together. We hadn’t had any sex before and I thought that he was interested in me and that sex would follow as we got to know each other better.

“But one night we were together in my room and he was hinting that he wanted to fool around. We were already just in our boxers together as we had been before, so this was normal. I thought that maybe we were at the next step, you know, our love progressing. And yeah, Cory, I was falling in love with him.

“He started kissing me, which was normal for where we were in our relationship as we’d done that before too, but then he changed. He got more aggressive. I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he was pissed at me for waiting so long. He said that I was just teasing him.

“That scared me Cory. He then said that he was going to have sex with me now, that I’d put if off too long.

“Just then, I wanted to get away from him. I was scared of him. I didn’t know what he was going to do. I tried to get out from under him, but then, he hit me.”

Cory almost retched.

“God, Cory, I was really scared of him then. This was the guy that I was willing to give everything to but right then I wanted to cover myself. I tried to shove him off of me, but he grabbed my arms, pinned them over my head and holding them with one hand, and then he hit me again.”

Cory stared at his friend, his heart crumbling.

“I started crying, Cory.” Cory’s head left his gaze on Matt and fell to his chest.

Matt paused.

“Cory, you don’t have to hear the rest of this.”

Cory knew that Matt wasn’t finished. Yes, it was terrifying, but he knew that Matt had to continue, for his own sake.

“Matt, tell me all of it. Get it out, man.”

Matt needed Cory right then. He had to do this.

“Cory. I was so scared. He then let my hands go and reached for my underwear. I just lay under him as he pulled them down and off of me. God Cory, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want him to hurt me.”

Matt was now crying, the words having a hard time coming out.

“Oh God, Cory, he put himself in me. He put my legs up and forced himself into me. It hurt; it hurt so much. The pain was something that I had never experienced before, and I couldn’t stop crying, but he didn’t care. I felt that he had ripped my insides. He kept it up.

“But you know what? It wasn’t ‘that’ pain that I was feeling so much then. It was the pain that I had been used, betrayed.”

Matt paused for a moment. Cory didn’t keep his eyes off of his friend. Matt raised his tear soaked face and continued.

“When he was done, he got off me and walked to the center of the room and started to get dressed. That hurt even more. He was leaving me. You know what he did then?”

Cory could hardly speak, but whispered, “No.”

“He left without saying another word, nothing. He left me and walked out the door without even knowing that I existed. Cory wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him into himself. He didn’t say anything to Matt, but just wanted to be with him, to take the pain away.

Matt’s eyes closed as he put his head on Cory’s shoulder. He took a deep breath. He had finally said it. Matt knew then that what had happened to him was why he was running away from friendship. Friendship had scarred Matt for what it could lead to.

But Cory and Kevin had changed all that. All of a sudden Matt realized what the true nature of friendship meant as he sat there in Cory’s arms. Cory hadn’t moved, hadn’t run away and hadn’t turned on him. Matt no longer felt the guilt from before. The guilt had stopped, but he hadn’t taken the next step yet. It was coming, but not yet. All he felt now was...nothing.

Cory tightened his arms around Matt, and Matt returned the stronger embrace, but he seemed to have died. Matt was emotionless, lifeless. He had let it all out. He had finally told someone.

Cory sensed that Matt had finally expunged his devil. Cory held his friend, not saying anything, and just held on to him to let himself flow into Matt. Finally, he looked at the ceiling.

“Matt, thank you for telling me and getting this out. Your life wasn’t over just because of what happened. Maybe it was on hold for a while. But now, right now, you’re life has just begun. Matt, know this, you exist,” was all that Cory could say.

He knew that Matt was on the way to being truly Matt again, for the first time since it happened.

Later that evening, Kevin’s mom called. Both Matt and Cory heard the phone ring, but Richard got to it first. They ran downstairs both knowing it had to be Kevin’s mom.

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah. They’re both here waiting to hear right now,” Richard said.

“Okay. Thank you for calling. And yes, Kevin can come over. He can join us for dinner, too.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes, and I’ll bring him back home tonight.”

Richard hung up the phone and turned slightly toward the two boys.”

“Out with it! What’s happening?” Cory yelled.

“Will you calm down, Cory. Don’t worry. Kevin’s going to be all right. He’s got a hairline fracture in a rib from the kick, but he’s fine other than a few bruises.”

“You said Kevin’s coming over?” asked Matt.

“Yup. The doctor taped him up, and he’s going to be a little sore for a while and has to take it easy, but he said that Kevin can go on as normal. “Look. I’m going into the kitchen to get dinner ready. When Kevin gets here, no wrestling matches, you hear? You need to be a little gentle with him for a while. Hell, if it weren’t for his cracked rib, he’d probably kick both of your asses anyway.”

Richard laughed and went into the kitchen. Both boys eyed each other, but then Cory turned to Richard’s retreat.

“Hey, don’t swear,” Cory realized that he gotten one in.

Turning to Matt, “What did Richard just say?”

“I think he said that Kevin could kick your ass if you’re not careful.”

“Hm. I think he used the plural form of ass.”

A few minutes later the doorbell rang and Cory was on it like a shot. Before Kevin could get a foothold inside the house, Cory was all over him. His arms tried to squeeze the breath out of him.

“Ouch! Let me go, doofus!.”

Cory backed away, but kept his arms loosely around Kevin’s neck.

“Oh God, Kevin. Oh God. Oh God. I’m so sorry. I forgot. I’m just so glad to see you. Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

Matt couldn’t help but grin at Cory’s reaction at seeing Kevin. He knew what he was seeing, and it wasn’t just simple concern. Cory was so obviously in love with Kevin. And again he noticed. Kevin had that same airy look in his eyes as he looked at Cory.

“Is it okay if I come in for a minute?” Kevin’s mother asked from behind Kevin.

“Oops, sorry,” Cory said pulling Kevin to the side.

“Let’s go up to my room. Can you make it, Kev?”

“Hey! It’s just a busted rib. I’m not dead yet, you know?”

The two boys helped Kevin navigate the stairs.

“Mr. Mathews? May I have a word with you?” asked Kevin’s mother.

“Why don’t I make you some coffee? We can talk in the kitchen while I finish the salad.”

“No. Let me. I’m probably better at it then you are.” She grinned.

As they worked together, Kevin’s mother turned to Richard.

“Call me Ellen, please. I know we haven’t talked but a few times on the telephone, but I’d like to mention something about Kevin, and Cory.”

“Okay, Ellen. I’ll call you that, if you call me Richard.”

“Hmmm, okay. Richard, have you noticed any difference in Cory lately? I mean in the way he acts, especially around Kevin?” she added.

Richard eyed Kevin’s mother for a few seconds before responding. Richard knew where this was going.

“I have. I’ve seen a difference in Cory for the last month or so, actually.”

Ellen said nothing for a while, but finally broke the silence.

“It’s my son, isn’t it, the one who’s causing this, change, in Cory?”

Richard now knew that she knew and now was about to let her know that he knew what she knew.

“Yes, it is.” After a short pause, Richard continued, “How do you feel about this?”

“I’m worried, I guess. You see, I’ve seen the change in Kevin, too. I don’t think he’s ever been more happy than he is right now, and I don’t want to see him go back to the way he was before he met Cory. I want him to be happy. He wasn’t always like he is now. His dad’s a little hard on him at times, I guess. I guess I’m worried that life will be hard on him too, both him and Cory.”

“Has Kevin told you how he feels, about Cory, I mean,” Richard asked.

“No, he hasn’t said a word. But I can see it though, the way he lightens when Cory comes over, or when Cory calls or when Cory’s name is even mentioned. I hope he does eventually, but I won’t push him. Kevin’s pretty self-confident already, but he hasn’t said anything to me yet. I think he’s holding back because of his dad. He’s probably wondering how he’ll react. But one day he’ll tell me.” She paused for a moment. “Has Cory said anything to you?”

“I have to be a little truthful here. I appreciate your candor, and will return the trust you’ve shown me by bringing this up.”

Richard paused as Ellen gave him a questioning look.

“Cory’s not mine. Well, I mean he is, but I’m his foster parent. Cory’s father kicked him out of his home a few months ago.”

“Whatever for? Cory seems like such a good boy. I can’t imagine him doing anything that would warrant that.”

Richard knew he had to answer her, but how do you say that there are reasons why some people do the unimaginable?

“Cory’s gay.”

Ellen said nothing for a few moments, but rather looked straight at Richard.

“Yeah, I figured that. I’m not shocked, by the way. And so is Kevin, he just hasn’t told me yet. So, you knew about Cory all along?”

“From the day I met him. I picked him up as he was trying to hitchhike to Florida one night. He was so miserable, and I couldn’t leave him there. It was the night his father beat him and threw him out. I don’t understand parents who think that their children are something that can be thrown away.”

Richard paused for a moment collecting his thoughts.

“In a way, Cory has helped me more than I’ve helped him, more than he will ever know.”

Ellen didn’t say anything, so Richard continued.

“I took a chance with Cory. I took a chance with my own life too. I saw something in Cory that night that scared me a lot. It scared me because I didn’t know what to do then. I saw a little boy who could become a man destined for greatness. I can’t really explain it, but in a way, what I saw was a ‘will’ to be himself – a form of purity, innocence, you know, the innocence of a child? But that ‘will’, that individual force that some people have, that determination registered on me. I remembered a little of myself too, what I was like a few years ago. I decided that night to forget my fears and to grasp at my former self. I was going to make his life different from the hell he was in, to allow that greatness to emerge.”

Richard let those words sink in for a moment. Then he pressed on.

“I think Cory has a great capacity to love. I’ve seen a lot of people who don’t. That’s how Cory has changed me. After my wife died, I sort of lost it. I couldn’t care or love. I’d lost it all. I was pretty indifferent to just about everything around me. Well, Cory brought all that back to me. Did he save my life? Was it that powerful? Was it that earth shattering?

“Yeah it was. I owe my integrity and happiness to him.” Ellen said nothing then, but looked into Richard’s eyes. After a few moments, she tilted her head.

“I see you in Cory. I see your influence on Cory. Kevin sees it too.”

After another moment, Ellen asked, “So, they’re boyfriends now, huh? If it had to be anyone, I’m so glad it’s Cory.”

“Well, actually, I don’t think so yet. Cory and I do discuss his sexuality rather openly. He’s not afraid of it. But he’s very worried about how the rest of the world is going to react. One of the things he’s worried to death about is losing Kevin. Yes, he’s so totally in love with your son that he’ll just do about anything to not lose him, to protect him. He’s afraid that if he comes out to Kevin, he will in fact lose him.”

“Stupid kids! I believe Kevin’s the same way. This is almost too ridiculous. They’re going to lose each other unless they find a way to start trusting each other a little more and tell each other the truth about how they feel.”

After the dinner dishes were cleaned up Richard gave Kevin and Matt rides back to their homes. Cory had returned to his room to try and finish his homework. Twenty minutes into his studies, a knock came from his door.

“It’s open.”

Richard popped his head in.

“How’s it going?”

“Good. I’m finally getting these Geometry problems. Kevin helped me yesterday during our study hall. He has a knack of making everything so clear to me.”