We Awaken (21 page)

“It looks like you’re sleeping, that’s all.”

That smile returned.

“Good. I might forget that soon, but it’s nice to know. Only the important things seem to stick in my memory. For example,” he began, as if reciting vocab words, “I know I’m in a coma and that I love you and Mom and Dad. But Dad is dead and I’m allowed to be sad about it. I know that Ashlinn is my closest friend. Everything’s been sort of—” He paused, searching for a word, then snapped his fingers when he found it. “—gooey. This dreaming is a bit strange for me, but she says there’s a way I can un-goo everything and move on. If I do it, you two will be able to spend your lives together and do coupley stuff.”

There was no hint of a lie in his eyes, and God knows I’d be good at detecting that from our childhood together.

“How?” I asked, urging him to continue. “I’ll do whatever it is.”

“You won’t have to do anything from the sound of it. See, there’s always gotta be someone to make the good dreams. When Ashlinn became human everything was dark for me, and apparently the rest of the world wasn’t having a much better time. There’s nothing that says the person who breaks into people’s minds has to be your girlfriend. We can have a sand
man
instead, just like the fairy tale.”

“Wait, what are you saying?” I asked warily, picking those words with care.

“I can do it.” He lit up as he spoke, his body rigid with excitement. “I can take over for Ashlinn. She’ll make me a cloak and train me and when we’re through, I don’t have to be trapped in this head of mine any longer. I’ll be able to jump from dream to dream and eavesdrop on everyone’s secrets.”

I wanted to speak, but there were no words to say, not that I would have been able to get them out in the monologue he was still continuing.

“I’ll make the best dreams ever for the both of you, and for Mom too.”

As he began to list off the things he expected to find in the heads of others, I looked at Ashlinn over my shoulder. When she caught my eye I beckoned to her. His happiness was becoming contagious, but I didn’t want to believe everything for fear of getting my hopes up and having it all turn out to be impossible.

“Is what he’s saying true?” I asked when she appeared at my side.

“Yes, but there’s a side effect.”

That was never a good sign. This was turning into a good news/ bad news situation, and I gulped in anticipation.

“Side effect?”

Reeves was quiet now, watching the exchange with a hopeful expression still plastered on his face.

“He can’t stay in the coma.”

“Well, I don’t think he can get out of it. Believe me, I’ve wanted nothing more for the past year.”

“No, he can’t get out of it.” She was speaking like someone attempting to placate a dog they just kicked. “Reeves’s body will die if he does this.”

“No!” I shouted. “It would destroy my mother if he died. He’s here right now, and he’s not dead.” I looked back and forth between them anxiously. “Can’t you give him some of your magical voodoo crap now and let us carry on as is?”

“There’s a reason I had to pick between my human and dream forms. Living people are not free to walk between dreams. Imagine all the messes you guys would get into if that were possible. I have that freedom, and the ability to bring others along, but only those of us without physical forms for our minds to cling to can do such things.”

Reeves touched my arm, and although his grasp was just as nonexistent as Ashlinn’s, it managed to get my attention.

“I don’t want anyone to waste their lives sitting next to a hospital bed, and I don’t want to be lying in one all that much either. I know you said Mom’s doing okay, but it can’t be all that easy.” I hadn’t heard a voice so uncertain since the accident.

“I don’t want to go to another funeral.”

My throat felt as if it were stuffed with cotton balls. Those words made me feel selfish, but they were the truth. Reeves didn’t understand how Dad’s funeral had been surreal; it was like an out-of-body experience, and I wanted to tear at my flesh just so I’d have something real to blame the pain on. It wasn’t an event I cared to repeat, and Reeves didn’t even know I’d had to deal with that already. They say I stood and stared at my father’s bolted-shut casket until I was dragged away.

Reeves was looking at me imploringly, with large, childish eyes, and I hated that this was my decision to make.

“You can’t possibly want to die. Aren’t you frightened?”

“No. It won’t be death, not really. If anything, it’s immortality. Like a superpower.”

“Will you be happier than you are now?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation.

“Will I ever see you?”

“Definitely.”

Well, that’s something. I had never expected to see him again in this lifetime. If anything, this would only improve our relationship, but I couldn’t get past the thought of his lungs giving up and him lying there, cold and unmoving. Dad devoid of life was one thing; this was another. Undoubtedly both images would never be erased from my memory, and on top of it all, it just seemed so unfair to Mother. She would never know that he wasn’t truly dead.

No. It was time for me to dabble in not being selfish, to continue following Ashlinn’s lead and do what would make my brother happiest. God knows he deserved it.

“It’s your life. You have my blessing to try and be happy. You know how to make your own decisions.”

He threw his arms around me in triumph and his expression must have been awfully entertaining judging by Ashlinn’s laughter behind me.

“Thank you,” he whispered in my ear before releasing me so that my girlfriend could come over and get her share of the hugs.

“We can be together now,” she said with wonder in her eyes. In my worry about Reeves’s well-being, I had actually forgotten about the true motivation for all this. What a daunting, dizzying concept. This was something I wanted but was in no way prepared for. My thoughts were scattered like birdseed.

“There’s so much I have to show you about being human. We can wait for my acceptance letter together.”

“Have you ever had ice cream?” Reeves asked her, hopping up and down in his seat.

She shook her head no, but did so in such an excited fashion that the gesture seemed positive.

“You must. Take her to get ice cream right away, Victoria,” he demanded with absolute authority, and I agreed that would be on the top of our to-do list.

“You can come to school with me, but I’m not sure if you want to.” My head was whirling with ideas that seemed necessary to discuss at the time. “Where are you going to stay? This is permanent, isn’t it?” I trailed off. This was too much to absorb.

She pulled me back into the hug, the impact of which was dulled by Reeves’s disgusted noises in the background.

“We’ll figure it out. And before that, I’ll make sure to pop into the dreams of a few of those admissions officers.”

Ashlinn winked, and whatever part of me would have admonished her for the sneakiness of it all was crushed by the need for everything to keep going right. It seemed like the world was starting to allow my elation, and an acceptance letter would help all of us in the long run. I giggled and continued to rejoice.

“Come on, Ashlinn,” Reeves said, exasperated. “I wanna start learning now.”

She turned to him, the pink light shining over one side of her face.

“Patience, okay? We’ll start when she wakes up. You won’t have too much longer to wait by the looks of things.”

“When will I get to see you again?” I asked. Hopefully she’d be able to become human sooner rather than later.

“Oh, we’ll take a few strolls through your subconscious in the coming days, I’m sure. Not too positive how long his training will take on your timescale, but it’ll give you something to look forward to.”

If I could wait for a garden to grow, then I could sure as hell wait for this.

“I’ll be counting down every second. Visit me. You also,” I said, pointing to my brother. “And why don’t you think about popping around Mother’s dreams sometime? She could use it.” Maybe that would ease her pain slightly.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied with a little mock salute.

The last image I could recall of that dream involved Reeves and Ashlinn, hand in hand, walking out the front flap of the circus tent. I awoke in a different world.

ELLIE’S BASEMENT
was closing in around me. In the dark the wooden beams of her unfinished ceiling with screws protruding at every angle seemed terrifying. At first I couldn’t figure out where I was.

I was in a strange place, and soon Ashlinn would be returning. How’s that for a morning?

“Holy shit,” I whispered, and a head swung over the bed next to me.

“I’ll say” came Ellie’s voice, and I screamed. She was partially illuminated by the light of her cell phone. “Whoa, I know I’m not much to look at in the morning, but my parents will think I’m murdering you.”

“Sorry, I was just a bit disoriented.” I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. That dream had truly just happened and every other issue seemed minuscule in comparison to such a tremendous win.

“And stupidly happy it would appear.”

“Yeah, I am. Good dream, I guess. Have you been up long?” I asked, using my elbows to sit up. The small slit-like windows running around the top edge of her basement walls let in hardly any light, not enough to determine the time of day by.

“Nah, just about a half an hour. It’s before nine. You’re easy in comparison to some of the girls from my chem class. They come over and sleep ’til one, and I’m just stuck lying here as my phone dies from too much Pac-Man.”

She got out of bed, stumbling over me in the process. After some shouts of pain from both of us, she managed to leap over the roadblock of my body and use her phone as a dim flashlight to climb the stairs and turn the actual lights on. At least this time she didn’t ask me to do it. The fluorescent lights made me blink blearily as I ran my hands through my hair. Ellie’s was spiked every which way, but then again, she does that on purpose.

“We can probably take the bandage off now,” I said, trying to divert her from my excitement as she wandered back over to my pile of blankets. There was so much to think about, but this was not the place.

“Go for it.”

She turned to stand in front of me, expecting me to do the honors. I kneeled behind her and started to take the tape away.

“Careful.”

“Sorry, can’t help you much there.”

I tried to peel it off more slowly as Ellie twitched.

“It hurts,” she whined.

“You got a freaking tattoo, and now you’re complaining about the tape. Unbelievable.” And with that I just got it over with and tore off the bandage. Ellie gasped like someone had poured ice water over her head and turned back to me.

“Why you little—”

“It looks amazing,” I exclaimed. “Give me your phone. I’ll show you a picture.”

The news that this permanent work of art wasn’t dreadful seemed to excite her enough, and she handed me her cell. The picture was a bit shaky, and the results were still inflamed, but she might as well have been looking at the Sistine Chapel with her reaction.

“This was the best decision ever. Do you think my parents would catch on if I set this as my screensaver? I am the sexiest bitch alive. I swear to God I’m going to tattoo every inch of my body.”

“Whoa there. Let’s get you a job first, okay?”

“We’ll see.”

“Does it hurt?” I asked. The skin was still angrily red.

“Not nearly as bad. I’ll totally be able to drive you home. Might as well get going.”

I changed back into my clothes from the day before, wondering why I had even bothered to snatch her pajamas to start with, and we left after a breakfast of cereal and Pepsi. Ellie didn’t bother to put on normal clothes, just shoes because she didn’t trust her ability to work the pedals in slippers or barefoot, and we drove the few miles to my house.

“See you soon,” Ellie told me as I was getting out of her car.

“Yeah, you probably will.”

“And look, I’m sorry about what I said last night.”

Wouldn’t she be surprised when Ashlinn came back. Hopefully she’d go easy on the girl.

I nodded and waved good-bye. She drove off, and I gave thanks for the fact that she hadn’t played “Green Tambourine” once in the past two days.

Mother was home and let me in the house. She was pulling her sweater tightly around her form, yet I dragged her into a hug anyway. That was new, and she tried to stifle her surprise.

Waiting for Ashlinn made every day cheerier and full of anticipation. I practiced pirouettes on my hardwood floor as plans of what to do with her flitted through my mind. At night she no longer shied away from my dreams although our “dates” were infrequent due to her need to train Reeves.

One morning I came downstairs to Mother holding her mug at the kitchen table, and she smiled into it. That was something I hadn’t seen in quite some time. I could guess the reason for her near-joy.

“Good morning. You seem cheery.”

I noticed something a bit more lifelike in her eyes.

“You know what? I almost am. Last night I had a dream about Reeves, and it wasn’t a bad one. Not about the crash or anything, like usual.” She ran her fingers up and down the mug’s handle. “He just stood there, looking so perfect and exactly how he always had. I feel like I should be upset, but I don’t know. I saw my boy again, and he was completely okay.”

I walked over and put my hand on her shoulder. “My dreams about him are starting to get better too. I think we’re going to be okay ourselves.”

And in that moment, we definitely were.

The next time Reeves showed up in my dreams, I thanked him for visiting her. He came all by himself that night, and the pride in his own abilities after doing so was beyond endearing. Other nights he and Ashlinn built corn mazes and tree forts and symphony halls in my head. Sometimes he seemed a bit glum, and I had to assume it was because of Dad. There were more good-byes, although unnecessary, and a little over a week later, I met them both in a dream together.

We were standing at the edge of a forested cliff, looking over a waterfall. Cornflower-blue water was pouring to the ground like a rain of gemstones, turning to mist before hitting the distant rocks. Reeves was at the edge, wearing a suit of stars and deep blue midnights with a stiff white umbrella at his side. They were a handsome pair, and he looked older. It made the fact I’d never see him truly age that much more despairing.