Wasted (26 page)

I took a long swig, the liquid burning a
trail down my esophagus. Collapsing onto the couch, I lifted the
bottle to my lips again, desperately wanting to feel the numbness
that I knew would soon overtake me.

Damn it! Would it be too much to ask for
something to go my way?

It was bad enough that my actions four years
ago had been a terrible way to break up a troubled marriage, but
those same actions had to follow me into the future and ruin the
best thing that had happened to me in all that time?

Lexi was gone. My chance of buying the bar
was gone. And my mother needed money again. At least Haley’s life
was going as planned because mine sure as hell wasn’t.

I closed my eyes, shutting out the
hopelessness of my situation, and let the alcohol take over.

***

Two hangovers later, I still hadn’t heard
from Lexi. To make matters worse, Lexi’s leaving wasn’t the only
thing that weighted my chest until I could barely breathe.

In an attempt to join the living, I took a
hot shower, wishing a little soap and water was all it took to wash
away the things that tormented my brain.

I was buttoning up my dress shirt when the
doorbell sounded. My first thought was Lexi, but knowing that she
had a key, it didn’t seem likely that she would ring the bell.

Unless she was trying to prove some kind of
point. Women always liked doing that kind of shit.

Pulling the door open, my eyes widened once
I saw who was standing at my threshold.

“
Aren’t you going to invite
me in?”

Realizing I was gawking, I took a step back
and waved her in.

“
You haven’t terrorized me
enough this week?” I asked, barely keeping my anger in
check.

I closed the door, and she whirled around to
face me. “You know what today is?”

How could I not? It was the one date I was
guaranteed to never forget. Tears glittered in her eyes and her
heartbreak magnified my own. There were so many things that I
wanted to say to her, but this wasn’t the time. Hell, maybe there
was no point in saying them, maybe the words would only draw both
of us deeper into a place that we didn’t want to be.

“
I’m sorry, Mason,” she
whispered, tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “When I
saw you with her….” She dabbed her eyes with the crumpled tissue in
her hands. “Maybe if Madison had lived, I wouldn’t be so bitter.”
The tears flowed freely over the curve of her cheeks. As frustrated
as I was with her, I knew the pain that she felt right now. It was
the only thing left that bound us together.

Taking her in my arms, I tried to soothe the
mother of my child. “I know it’s hard, Rachel.” Her shoulders shook
as she clung to me, her tears damp against my skin. “We just have
to remember the moments we had with her. We have to remember how
soft her skin was, how tiny her fingers were. Do you remember how
beautiful she was?”

Rachel sniffled and nodded her head. Pulling
back, she looked at me. “We did have a beautiful baby, didn’t
we?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak, as
my own memories flitted through my mind like a slideshow dedicated
to Madison’s short but precious life.

“
I feel so cheated,” she
whimpered. “To go from not expecting to be a mother to wanting to
be one more than anything, only to have my baby taken
away.”

“
I know,” I whispered. “And
no one will ever take Madison’s place, but you will be a mother
again, Rachel. Find someone who can make you happy.”

“
The way she’s made you
happy?”

I nodded. “Yeah, the way she’s made me
happy.”

She attempted to smile, but I could see her
struggling as her lips turned down in a frown and her tears began
to fall again. “I’m glad,” she whispered as she hugged me
again.

The front door opened, and we both snapped
our heads in the direction of it.

Lexi stood stock-still, her fingers clinging
to the knob as her mouth gaped.

“
Lexi.” I was standing in a
sea of mud, my feet so weighted down that I couldn’t lift them.
Rachel hugged me, kissed my cheek, and walked toward the
door.

“
I’m sorry,” she whispered
as she brushed past Lexi and scampered out of the
apartment.

Lexi slammed the door behind her. “I’m glad
to see you missed me.”

“
It’s not what it looks
like.”

Her lips thinned. “It never is.”

With all the turmoil I had churning in my
soul today, I didn’t need this shit, too.

“
I just came to get some of
my things,” she said. “I’ll arrange for movers to come and get my
furniture, and then you can go back to…doing whatever it is you
do.”

Apparently, she wasn’t even interested in an
explanation. I was guilty as charged in her eyes. I grabbed my
truck keys. “Can’t wait,” I thundered as I stormed out the door, my
mood as black as my sinful soul.

Not knowing where I was going, I drove
aimlessly. Shit, the destination didn’t really matter as long as it
had nothing to do with women. Today was reserved for my daughter.
Everything else could wait.

***

It was after midnight when I got home.
Exhaustion, both physical and mental, had claimed me, and I
stripped down to my boxers and collapsed in the bed. If Lexi left
any sign at all that she’d been here, then it was only in her room,
and I hadn’t ventured in there since the day she left.

The apartment was still too dark, too quiet,
too lifeless.

As inopportune as Rachel’s visit was today,
I felt like she and I had gained a small modicum of closure to our
relationship. I had been sincere in my hope that she would find
someone who could make her happy, and I hoped that she wanted the
same thing for me. And for the first time since we divorced, I
thought maybe she did want me to be happy.

I’d grown up the hard way, losing my father
at a young age, having a mother who couldn’t cope with her reality,
and then having a child when I was barely an adult myself. My
financial situation had always sucked. If it hadn’t, then maybe I
would have had the money to buy Spanky’s. Realizing there was no
point in wallowing in wouldas, couldas, shouldas, the only thing I
could do at this point was to make decisions that were the best
thing for me.

I thought about my mother and all the help
that I’d given her over the years, mostly monetary. Part of me
wondered if she’d even bother to contact me at all if she wasn’t
asking for money, and truthfully, I wasn’t sure. I knew that she’d
experienced a lot of pain in her life. My father’s death had been
devastating for her, but it’d been devastating for me, too.

Haley told me often that I shouldn’t send
our mother money. Maybe my little sister was right. Maybe it was
time for my mother to step up and take care of herself. She was
capable, and I had to start thinking of my future. My conscience
struggled with the need to be a good son and the need to try to get
somewhere in life.

With everything that had been happening
recently, I felt like I was running from an avalanche with rocks
tied to my ankles, and I desperately wanted to escape.

Lexi filled my thoughts. I had no idea what
to do where she was concerned. Since I’d met her, she’d forced me
to examine my life. Maybe I just never had a reason to before.
Maybe since that night that she’d touched me so tenderly, I
realized how empty my life had become after losing Madison.

Feeling like my vision had
slowly become clearer in the last few weeks, I knew that I wanted
to make changes. Hell, I
needed
to make changes. And as I lay in bed contemplating
my future, I fell asleep, wondering what role Lexi would
play.

Chapter
21

Voodoo

Lexi

“
Are you sure you’re
okay?”

“
Will you stop asking me
that?” I snapped, immediately hating the way I sounded. “Seren, I’m
so sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

She crossed her arms and widened her eyes.
“Will you just call him already? You tossed and turned all night,
depriving us both of a good night’s sleep. And now you’re being
witchy and twitchy.”

“
Witchy and
twitchy?”

She nodded. “Definitely. There’ll be no
peace for either of us if you don’t talk to him.”

“
I don’t want to talk to
him.”

“
You may not want to, but
you need to.” Seren plopped on the bed beside me. “Get it all out
in the open. You’ll be his new boss in three days. It’s not like
you can avoid him forever.”

“
Maybe he’ll
quit.”

“
Maybe he won’t.” Seren
stared at me, daring me to disagree.

I exhaled loudly, knowing that my arguments
were making no sense. “I just don’t think there’s anything to talk
about.”

“
How can you say
that?”

“
Because I was just gone a
few days and he’d already ran back to his ex-wife. Did I mention
that he’s been sending her money?”

“
At least a hundred
times.”

I paced the length of Seren’s bedroom,
stepping over piles of discarded clothes. “You know, if Creekview
had more apartment space available, this whole situation could’ve
been avoided.”

“
If you’d stayed in your
own bedroom, this whole situation could’ve been
avoided.”

I frowned at her. “You’re not helping.”

She gave me a small smile, amusement evident
in her cerulean eyes. She ran her fingers through her disheveled
hair. “Just saying.”

Frustrated, I fell across the bed. “I need
to go somewhere by myself and sort through this. Maybe you’re
right. Maybe I should hash it out with him. If nothing else, I can
give him a piece of my mind.” I crawled into a seated position and
leaned over the edge of the bed, putting on my sandals.

“
Where’re you
going?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Somewhere where I
can be alone.”

“
I can go upstairs and hang
out if you want to stay in my room.”

“
No, that’s okay. I want to
escape for a while, you know?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I know what you
mean.”

“
Mason took me to a
swimming hole one time. It was beautiful and quiet, and there was
no one around for miles. I think I’ll go hang out there for a
while.”

She gave me a quick hug. “Think about what I
said.”

“
I will.”

“
And call me if you need
me.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Seren.”

Mason

An angry breeze whipped through the stifling
summer air, bringing relief from the cruel humidity and hinting at
an impending storm. Leaves twirled incessantly, nature’s pinwheels
spinning in vibrant shades of green as they clung desperately to
the branches that anchored them. A plastic grocery bag, inflated by
the wind, skittered across the parking lot, and it made me think of
the army men I’d played with as a child, tossing them into the air
until their parachutes opened and they floated to the ground.

Leaning against the railing outside my front
door, I gazed at the grounds from my second-story perch. I’d done a
lot of thinking about my life in the last few days, a lot of
thinking about Lexi. I’d be the first to admit that I’d made my
share of mistakes, but the one thought that resounded in my head
was that letting Lexi walk out of my life without fighting for her
would be another mistake I could add to the long list I’d already
accumulated.

As pissed as I was that she hadn’t confided
in me about her intent to buy Spanky’s, I didn’t want to screw up
what we had. I’d be a damn fool if I didn’t at least try to talk to
her.

Reluctant to be the first one to reach out,
I stared at my phone. I could be stubborn and lose her forever, or
I could make the call.

Quickly dialing her number before I talked
myself out of it, I waited impatiently as the phone rang, becoming
more agitated with every ring that went by without her
answering.

“
Damn it,” I huffed under
my breath as I stared at the blue sky, noticing that there was no
evidence yet of rain clouds.

Once it switched to voice mail, I hung up
and dialed Cade’s number.

“
Hey, man,” he
answered.

“
Hey.”

“
What’s up?”

I took a deep breath. “I was wondering if
you had a phone number for Seren.”

“
Seren? I thought you had a
thing for Lexi.”

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back,
stretching my neck. I did not want to get in a big explanation of
what I was trying to accomplish.

“
Shit, Cade. If I wanted to
talk about love interests like a couple of teenage girls, I
would’ve called my sister. You got her number or not?”

“
Now that you’ve compared
us to a couple of teenage girls, I think this is where I ask you
what has your panties in a wad, but you know what, I really don’t
want to know. I don’t have Seren’s number in my phone, but she used
to come into the gym. Give me a sec to check the computer. We might
have her number on file.”

I could hear him doing his hunt-and-peck on
the keyboard, and frustrated, I moved my head around in a circle in
an attempt to alleviate some of the tension from my neck.

After what seemed like an eternity, he
finally came back to life on the other end of the phone.
“Bingo.”

“
What is it?”