Vicious Is The Name That They Gave Me: A Philly Story (8 page)

“I am sorry Ceyanna. I let you down again. But it’s not how you think. This was my last move before I quit. I swear to God,” She tried to convince me, but my stubbornness would not allow me to believe her. I didn’t take her words into consideration.  Her words went in one ear and out the other.
You know, like what she does to me when I try to talk to her.
All it takes is one more time, and you’re either killed or booked.
She got booked. I rather plan a visit to prison than to plan a funeral.

“Okay, Nelly,” I told her.

“You always told me not to do things with people I don’t know. I know, I fucked up big time. I know of Kassidy from what you told me. But you never really had me around her,” She tried to explain.

“How did you even get mixed up with Tonya?” I asked her. All along, I am rambling on about how she messed up and I forgot to ask her how she even got involved with Tonya. Everyone knows not to trust her.

“Honestly, I was just being careless. I ran out of the money you gave me. And I needed some money,” She stated. She started shaking her head. “I don’t know where it went wrong. I thought she would sit me and Kassidy down and explain everything but she didn’t. And I should have taken that as a sign but I ignored it. So once I got there Kassidy and I came up with a plan, but shit just got out of hand. I remember taking the money from out of both of the closets. I had one and she had one. I guess she was finish with hers because when I looked up she was gone. There were noises in the background downstairs from a party that was going on. So I really couldn’t hear if she was trying to talk to me,” She paused.

“Where were you?” I asked her.

“It was somebody’s house. Tonya never told me who we were robbing. She just told me where they kept the money. In the midst of all that shit, I heard gun shots so I started to run.  Next thing I know, I tripped over something and fell. Just as I was about to get up, the cops were right there. They said I have a right to remain silent and if I wish to have an attorney present, you know that shit they say on TV. I am being told I’m getting charged for attempted murder. How, I never pulled the gun out,” Nelly continued to explain.

“It’s going around that it was a set up,” I told her.

“Honestly, that’s what it sounds like? How would the cops even know to show up there? I don’t know if she set me up or Tonya did. I don’t know who called the cops. I don’t even know who got hit,” she said. I wasn’t sure what to believe. “Ceyanna, you don’t have to help me if you don’t want to,” she stated. Regardless of what she did, I was going to help her. I am all she has.
She’s my family.

“Shut up, you know I am here for you,” I told her. We gave each other hugs. She explained everything that happened that night. I knew the judge that she would be standing in front of. I told Nelly I would take care of it.

              After I spoke with Nelly a little more, it was time for her to go back. She gave a hug to everyone and we got in the car. I was not sure what to believe. Was Tonya was behind it or was it Kassidy? On my way home I was in deep thought. Once Kareema pulled up in front of my house, I thank her. I had to get in touch with Tonya and figure this shit out. I dialed her number.

“Hello,” she answered.

“Tonya, its Ceyanna. We need to meet up,” I told her.

“For what?” she asked.

“Look, just meet me at the spot in an hour,” I ordered and hung up. Tonya and I kept it mutual. We never really did any business with each other. It was more so if we saw each other at an event, we would speak. We’d occasionally smoke and have a drink at this bodega I told her to meet me at. But that was all. I knew Nelly was hanging with Tonya’s cousin but I told Tonya not go overboard with my cousin.
Now my cousin is locked up. Why she couldn’t do the job herself? Come to think of it, Tonya doesn’t do anything herself. This bitch has goons for everything. But you’re ugly and busted. The whole neighborhood had been inside of you. Bitch, you don’t have walls. But this bitch keeps getting money. She keeps robbing somebody.

Chapter 9

Vicious

              Roc and I made plans to spend the day together. When he picked me up, he drove to an unfamiliar house. I assumed it was his. If it is, it’s very nice. It’s elegant and in a quiet, well-kept gated community but I didn’t want to be in a house. I wanted to go shopping. I wanted to spend his money.
You know I am thinking like a bad girl, isn’t that what they do? Spend men’s money?
Did it bother me that Roc is Kassidy’s dude?
I’m being a bad girl.
I just want his money. The sex part is not really my thing. If it happens then it happens. I see in this lifestyle; you cannot have feelings because they not going have feelings for you.
Back to this house.
The house is very immaculate. It had a burgundy brick surrounding the exterior structure, two garages with three cars parked in the driveway. The gardening was filled with flowers, plants, vegetation, and blossoms.
Nice.

“Is this your house?” I asked as he parked in front of the house.

“One of them,” He said.

“What are we doing here? I thought we were going to the mall?” I asked him.

“Look, Vicious, just chill. I’ll be right back,” he said getting out. I stayed in the car as time went by. Thirty minutes went by and he still has not returned. I grew impatient.

“What is he doing?” I asked myself.
It takes an hour to do what?
I took it upon myself to find out. I got out of his car and went in the house.

              When I walked in I walked around to see if he was anywhere. I didn’t see him downstairs. I decided to go upstairs. On my way upstairs I heard a girl screaming from the top of her lungs.
So he‘s getting coochie while I’m sitting in his car.
I walked into the room and saw Kassidy on top off Roc. He saw me and so did she.
Tell me why I can do better and she supposedly the experienced one. She’s not even riding him right.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay in the car?” he asked still fucking her.
But no, you said you’ll be right back and been gone for almost an hour. I could have stayed in the house. He could have picked me up after this. He didn’t want to do that. He wanted to pick me up and on the way to the mall, make a pit stop to fuck her.
Kassidy turned around and started laughing. I didn’t have anything to do, so I stood there.
Figured I’d watch this fake ass porno.

“Umm, can you go back downstairs until we are finished?” she asked and I did. What else was I to do? Who can I call? Everyone had their own agenda for the day. Instead of Roc coming downstairs, Kassidy came. I wasn’t embarrassed to be here.
Or should I be? No, I was being a bad girl.
She didn’t speak. She walked passed and went into the kitchen. Afterwards Roc came downstairs. He didn’t say anything, he just left.
What the hell? What just happened? What did I miss? I take it I’m not going to the mall.
Kassidy came out of the kitchen with two cups filled with juice. She offered me one of the cups.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

“No, I’m okay,” I was confused by her warm gesture towards me. I was under the assumption she couldn’t stand me like her sister.
Aren’t they alike?

“You can sit you know,” She offered and I accepted.

“So how did it feel fucking my man?” she asked laughing. Kassidy is always laughing.

“I didn’t know he was your dude,” I admitted. Why do I feel so dumb right now? I feel clueless, like I am missing something.

“I didn’t ask you that,” She said turning on the TV. I didn’t answer.
It doesn’t seem like she is bothered by it either. I’m missing something. What am I missing? She’s just too calm right now. Is this a set up like she set that girl up, like everyone is saying?

“Why are you acting like a little bitch?” she asked out of nowhere.
She doesn’t know I will reach across this table, does she?
I kept my cool.

“What? What are you talking about? I’m not,” I told her.

“I asked you, how it feels!” she said rudely.
Kassidy better stop thinking I am some sweet little girl she can keep getting smart with. Let me keep my cool, before I go to jail for attempted murder because I will attempt to murder her ass. I’m going to be a bad girl.

“It felt good,” I said folding my arms across my chest. I should go into details and be smart.
But I’ll wait to see if she asks and then proceed.

“Alright, that’s all you had to say. But listen here. That’s my dick. And that’s the last time you get near it, the next time it’s going to be a problem,” She warned. Kassidy is only one year older than me.
What can she do to me that I could not do to her?
But I can respect what she is telling me and I will honor that. I had no intentions of ever getting next to her dick as she claims again. I was trying to get next to his money. Plus, that’s everybody’s dick from what I hear. I will keep my comments to myself.

“Okay,” I answered as thoughts still roam through my head. She got up and starts laughing.
What is with her and this damn laughing?

“Vicious, you aren’t tough. Just because you got your cherry popped, that doesn’t make you tough. You’re just another statistic,” She said. You know, at first I use to like Kassidy but now I don’t.
One of these days I’m going to fuck her up. And I might let Roc hit again. See, I’m being a bad girl.
I told myself. I watched her pick up her keys. “Let's go,” she said and we left. We went into the garage, where we saw Chanelle and Retta. I didn’t know what the next plan tells, but I was in ‘go’ mode.
I’m ready.

“How are you feeling?” Chanelle asked me.

“I’m good,” I answered as she handed me a blunt she was smoking. I took it.
Bad girl status.

“So are you ready for the next move?” she asked me as we got into a black SUV.

“Yeah,” I told her while inhaling and exhaling the blunt. I began to choke.

“Hold up there youngin, take it easy!” Retta said. They all laugh.

“I’m okay,” I told her. I took it in a little less this time.
I’m feeling great now.

              When we got on the highway, I tilted my head back and thought how my life was unrolling. I didn’t know where we were heading to. All I know is my life is getting crazier day by day. It’s funny though! I never really got to experience life with my mother. I mean, I was more her protector than her daughter. I would always fight the dudes off of her. I was always making sure she wasn’t getting high so much that she would overdose. And if she did overdose, I had to nurse her. It felt like I was her mother and she was my daughter. I didn’t get a chance to hang out with friends. I didn’t get a chance to even get acquainted and have a friendship. I didn’t get a chance to stay in school long enough to get a proper education. I didn’t get a chance to go to the movies. I didn’t get a chance to go to the mall and go shopping. I didn’t get a chance to go to concerts with other teenagers of my age group. I didn’t get a chance to experience life. I was surrounded my mother’s addiction to drugs, alcohol, and sex with random men. I was surrounded by her laziness to be a parent and raise me. I was surrounded by an unhealthy lifestyle. I wonder how many times neighbors saw random men walking in and out, and drugs being transported in and out. Why did the neighbors never report it? How come they never called DHS?
Oh wait I forgot, everybody on my block was on drugs. It was a drug block.
Cops weren’t coming unless a dead body was reported.

              I know what I am doing with these girls is not the greatest thing. But at least I am not sheltered in a house. While I am committing a crime, I can say at least I am out in life. This isn’t how it should be and I know eventually it’s going to catch up to me. But in the mean time I am going to make the best out of it. Kareema said she would be there for me, help me, you know treat me like her own little sister. I’m not going to say much, but she hasn’t done a good job of it. I am starting to see everyone’s true colors revealed. While they are plotting the next move, I will be plotting my exit move.
Bye girl. I’m not going to get far even if I tried.
It felt good saying it though. I laughed to myself.

              Retta pulled up in front of a beige stone house. I didn’t know what was happening next but I knew something was about to happen the way how Kassidy loaded her guns and passed one to me.
Something is about to go down. What was I supposed to do with this? I never shot anyone before. I held a gun when I was trying to scare some dude off of my mother but I never pulled the trigger.

“Here,” Kassidy gave me another gun.
What were we getting into that I needed not one gun but two? I can’t shoot. I’m going to fuck around and end up shooting something I shouldn’t, like myself.

“I need two?” I asked.

“Just in case,” Retta said. I looked at both guns with fear. I never murdered anyone. I guess tonight I was going to learn. I never thought I would ever have to use a gun, until tonight.
What was I in for? God, if I make it out alive, I promise I will change my ways.
Retta saw how I was staring at the gun. “You’ve never used a gun before, have you?” she asked.

“Naw,” I answered.

“It’s more for protection,” Retta tried to assure me.
It didn’t really help.
Chanelle handed me a bag.

“What’s this?” I asked opening it.

“Just put it on” Chanelle instructed. I saw they were all putting something on. I followed.
I am really robbing people?
If I had to pick who I wanted to rob, it would be all those men that slapped, sexually assaulted, and drugged my mother. Yes, I would shoot them without hesitation.

              We got out the car and went to the left side of the house. Luckily it was dark outside because I wouldn’t do this in the day time. I know I am trying to be a bad girl but fuck that. I would be scared. I’ll act like I’m sick and hope they just say stay home. Retta went in first and then Kassidy. Afterwards Chanelle signaled me to go in.
I have to go in? Damn. Damn. Damn.
As we went in shots were fired. Retta, Chanelle, and Kassidy returned fire. It’s not like they were only shooting at adults. They were shooting at teenagers as well. Shortly after the shooting stopped.

“Alright, let’s get to it,” Chanelle ordered. I stood there and watch the two dead bodies. I witnessed the blood draining from their stomachs. I felt as if I had to throw up.  I stood there frozen.
My mind was puzzled. They were so young. What where they doing here? Where are their parents? Where are their brothers and sisters? Probably where my mother is; on her way to hell.
“Umm, can you something instead of standing there looking retarded?” Kassidy asked me. I had a job to do. I realize people will be dying while I am doing my illegal labor. I had to get used to it at some point.
Tonight might as well be a start.
I started packing the drugs in the duffle bag. It was just Kassidy and I downstairs. I was in one room and she was in another. Chanelle and Retta were upstairs.

“What are you going to do, shoot me?” I heard Kassidy asked. I didn’t know who she was talking to. I peeked inside the other room where Kassidy and another girl were standing. The girl pointing at gun at Kassidy had to be around our age.
What the hell is going on? That it’s nothing but young girls taking drugs and killing people? What am I missing?

“Where is Nelly?” the girl asked.

“Fuck Nelly. I don’t have shit to do with her,” Kassidy said.

“Because you set her up,” The girl said.

“What? I didn’t set anybody up. She should have never been there if she couldn’t pull her weight,” Kassidy answered. The girl looked like she was about to pull the trigger back when I shot her in the neck. The bullet went through her neck, hit the picture frame on the wall, and then bounced off the wall into the other room. My hands were shaking. I dropped the gun. I couldn’t believe I took someone’s life away.
I felt like throwing up. Oh my God, I killed her. I killed a human being. I’m going to hell.

“Damn, Vicious,” Kassidy said laughing. I could hear Chanelle and Retta running down the steps.

“What happened?” Retta asked standing over the dead girl’s body. I stood frozen. I stared at the blood streaming from her neck that I caused.
She is bleeding because of me. I killed her. I am a murderer?

“Oh, shit, no you didn’t! No, you didn’t kill her,” Chanelle said.

“Do you know her?” Kassidy asked.

“Yeah, I know her. That’s Tori’s little sister,” Chanelle answered.

“So what the hell is she pointing a gun at me for? She had it coming just for doing that. See, God doesn’t like ugly. If she wanted to stay alive she would have talked to me without the gun in my face. We could have talked and worked it out, although I don’t know what we could have worked out, because I don’t really know her. But we could have gone to lunch, you know, got familiar with each other,” Kassidy said. I stood and remained frozen.

“I don’t know. This shit is getting too crazy. When is this shit going to fucking stop,” Chanelle said.