Valentine from a Soldier (6 page)

Suddenly feeling
anger rise up inside me and the need to get some of my frustration out
, I pulled on
my
workout clothes and headed down to the small gym in my building.  I set the treadmill for forty minutes and starting to jo
g
, pounding out my frustration
s
on the rubber tread.  I preferred running outside but it was already getting dark, and I found this helped just as
much
to release all the tension coursing through my body.  When I finally started to calm down, I went back up to my apartment and
took a long, hot shower. 
There was no question about it; my night with Ryan had been one big mistake. 
As hard as it might be, w
hat
I
really
needed
was
to put the
entire
trip behind me.  I had a big week coming up, with Morgan’s wedding to keep me busy along with my usual work responsibilities. 
I had a huge conference that I was planning for
next month
, and I didn’t have time to let
a guy who couldn’t even bother to be truthful with me
get in the way of my real life.

I popped a frozen dinner in the microwave and
sank down onto my sofa to watch a little mindless TV
. 
I suddenly wasn’t
feeling
very hungry though
and only picked at my food
. 
Some reruns of my favorite show distracted me for a couple of hours, and I poured myself a glass of wine, trying not to remember sharing a bottle of it with Ryan last night. 
Walking back to my bedroom at 10:00 p.m., I lay down in the darkness, wide awake from jet lag.  My phone beeped on the nightstand, and I glanced down to see
who
ha
d sent me a message.

You have no idea what I want to be doing to you right now.  ;)  But even more, I just wish you were here beside me.  Ryan

I felt angry at the inappropriateness of his text message.  We hadn’t even discussed what he’d written in his letter.  Did he think I was just okay with everything?
  Or that I hadn’t read it yet?  If it were the latter, why was he going about pretending like everything was okay and that we didn’t have something huge to discuss?  I didn’t respond and closed my eyes, blinking back tears in the darkness.
  Finally a few minutes later my phone beeped again.  I begrudgingly grabbed it and looked down at the screen.

Did you get my letter?

I stared at it for a minute, trying to decide what to do.  Finally I typed out a quick
reply
that would hopefully get my
message
across.

C
an’t talk right now.

There.  Let him wonder what was going on for a change.  Maybe he would think I was spending tonight in the arms of another man.  Not that I wanted to be with anyone else, but
Ryan’s
omission of the truth last night had hurt me.
  I was kind of feeling like a stand-in for
his ex-fiancé
e
.
  And let’s face
it,
we didn’t even live in the same city. 
Long distance relationships with someone you’d just met never worked, so i
t’s not like he could have me anyway, even if I’d let him.

I scrolled through
the
messages on my phone Monday morning
when I got
in
to
the office, debating where to
begin
.  Morgan was sending me frantic texts about last-minute wedding details, which was totally out of character from her usual laid-back style.  Josh was texting me, asking me to help him calm down Morgan. 
Several of the vendors for the wedding
were emailing me
asking for
confirmation of
the
head count for the sit-down dinner, confirmation of delivery time for the flo
ral arrangements
,
and other such details.  And my email inbox was full of work-related queries
. 
I was used to juggling a million things at once, but I found I could barely concentrate
this morning
as I went from one
message
to the next.

“I brought you a coffee,” my assistant Julia said, handing me a steaming cup.
  Her curly red hair was pulled back into a messy bun, and a few stands were loose, framing her face.

“Thanks, I needed that today
,
”
I
said gratefully.  I
took a sip and grabbed a croissant from the brown paper bag she
offered.

“The bakery was packed this morning.  I guess everyone else had the same idea as me.”

“Well, it is the week before Valentine’s Day,” I
pointed out
.  “I’m sure people were placing
special orders
,
finalizing the details of their
wedding cakes
….
”

Julia laughed, knowing just how panicked Morgan had become as the big day approached. 
She’d sent several emails to me last week about her wedding cake alone, and I’d reassured her again and again that it would be perfect. 
“That reminds me,
” Julia said.
“Morgan
called the office this morning.”

“Already?
 
She just texted me a few minutes ago.”

“I told
her that
you were probably busy working out the last-minute details right now.”

“Right,” I grinned.  “It’s not even 9:00 a.m., and I’m hot on the trail of wedding loose ends.”

Walking over to my desk, I sat down, crossing my legs and smoothing the fabric of my black suit jacket.
 
My brown hair was
pulled back into a sleek
ponytail, and I hoped that I at least looked more put together than I felt. 
I logged into my computer, finding it easier to email my
work clients
back
than
to type
out messages
on my phone. 
As I clicked through them, deciding where it
begin
,
I suddenly yawned, wishing I’d been able to get a better night’s sleep.  This was a big week, and I shouldn’t be this tired before it had even begun.

“Rough night?”
Julia asked as she watched me.

“It’s just jet lag,” I said, brushing away
any
further inquiries. 
It was true that j
et leg
had been keeping me up, but
what had really been bothering me were the memories of Ryan
.
 
Each night when I lay down
I felt like
a movie-reel of images depicting our
weekend was replaying over and over again
in my mind
. 
Even
finally falling a
sleep didn’t help, as I’d wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, thinking he was by my side,
and
then feel the anguish all over again
.  He wasn’t with me, and even
if
he had been, the night that we
shared
didn’t mean
what I’d thought
.

A
new
message beeped on my phone, and I glanced down.
  Josh’s name popped up on the screen, and I opened his message.

I want to give Morgan a special Valentine’s Day
surpri
se at the reception.  Have any
ideas
?

I sighed. 
Normally I loved event planning, and devising a special surprise would be right up my alley, but this week their happiness was just making me feel more and more alone. 
Apparently m
arrying her, giving her a wedding ring, and
surprising her with
the gorgeous pearl
necklace we’d picked out at the jewelry store wasn’t enough, and now I had to help
Josh
come up with a special Valentine, too? 
I was sure Morgan wouldn’t care
if
Josh did
anything
specifically for Valentine’s Day
;
she’d be so blissfully happy
that
they were finally married.
  Maybe I could talk him out of it and let him know there’d be enough going on at the reception
that we didn’t need to worry about that
.

“What was that guy’s name that you met this weekend?” Julia asked,
interrupting my thoughts.  I glanced up and saw her holding the office phone, her hand covering the mouthpiece.

“What?” I asked, looking confusedly at her.

“Oh, Morgan told me about him
this morning
,” she said with a shrug.

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Morgan would have even brought him up with my assistant, but I could see that she was waiting for an answer. 
“Ryan,” I replied
as she looked at my expectantly
.
  “Why?”

“He’s on the phone.”

My heart skipped a beat as
I stared at her, feeling slightly dumbfounded. 
Ryan had tried calling me
a couple of times
over the weekend, leaving me
brief
message
s
saying
that he really wanted to talk.  He’d also texted an apology, which I might have thought was tacky except I hadn’t returned any of his calls, so what was he supposed to do? 
He had no idea if I’d actually listened to any of his voicemails. 
Now he’d managed to track me down at
the office
as well.  I sighed, thinking this was neither the time
n
or place for us to talk. 
Not that I was ready to anyway. 
“Tell him I’m working.”

“I’m sorry, she’s not
available right now,” Julia said
into the mouthpiece
, all business.  “Yes, I think she is upset,” she said in a more hushed whisper.  My eyes darted back to her, and she quickly ended the call.

“What did he want?”

“To apologize.
  He said he really wants to talk to you.  He’s willing to fly out here if you’ll talk to him.”

I laughed, a
short
, harsh
sound,
with
the
slight
smile
on my face never
reaching
my eyes.  “Sure, tell him to come out here,” I said sarcastically, knowing it would never happen.  In a day or two he’d find some other woman to go to bed with.  Then he’d have
no reason to even think
about
me.
 
Julia sensed that the conversation was over and turned back to her computer, returning to whatever
task
she’d been working on. 
I called the wedding caterer and florist
to confirm final details
for the wedding
and
then texted Morgan and Josh, telling them both to calm down.  Might as well kill two birds with one stone, right? 
Pulling up my files
for the confe
rence I was planning next month,
I signed the final agreement for the food service arrangements and faxed it to Denver, promising myself that I wouldn’t fall for any tall, handsome, strangers that I happened to meet
there
.
  Maybe I should just stay out of bars all together this time.

A new message beeped on my phone, and I
was slightly dismayed to see that it was from Ryan.  I closed my eyes, trying not to picture his face in my mind, but all I could see were his blue eyes gazing deep into mine, right before our first kiss in my hotel room, and I ached remembering the tender feel of his
lips
.  Finally deciding that I at least owed him a response, even if it was to tell him never to contact me again, I glanced down at his message.  M
y eyes
read over
his words again and again.

I know that you’re angry, but just tell me one thing
—do
you regret
the time we spent together?

Finally deciding that I had nothing
more
to lose,
and hoping
that he’d give me a little breathing room
,
I sent him a message back.

No. 
I just need time to think.