Vacation Hell: Princess of Hell #4 (8 page)

K
ids say the damnedest things
, Auric knew that, but to hear his own daughter—
my flesh and blood
—claim she was getting a fourth daddy wrenched something in him. He left during the turmoil of Muriel shrieking, “No way,” and David rushing in to calm Lucinda, who cried big tears because she’d upset Mommy.

She’d also upset Daddy, but he didn’t let her see, choosing to flee rather than face his greatest fear. Another man.

How many more would come? Auric loved Muriel with all his being. He understood her magic needed more than just him, but how much more could he take?

Outside, the reddish haze of Hell painted the world in oranges and reds, except for the dark rocks and the roiling sea. He leaned against the weathered railing, staring at the frothing whitecaps, wondering if this new mer-fellow lurked.

Didn’t Muriel say something about a harpoon?
Perhaps he could take care of this interloper before things went too far. Before he had to share yet another piece of her.

“Jealousy? What a wasted emotion.” Teivel’s observation earned him a raised middle finger over his shoulder. The vampire laughed instead of taking offense. “Touchy, touchy. Did I strike a nerve?”

In times past, Auric wouldn’t have spoken. He would have borne his emotions stoically, but that had been when he was alone. Now, Auric shared his life with others. Keeping things bottled or secret only made them worse.

Tension marking all of his muscles, Auric clenched the rail. “I know I shouldn’t be jealous. Muriel loves me, and at this stage, what’s one more guy? I mean, David came along, and we survived. You butted in, and things worked out.” Better than expected actually. “Why does the thought of this new dude freak me out?”

“Perhaps because we are one step closer to seeing her ascend into her power. The knowledge that, after Tristan, there will be others. Multitudes I would wager for someone like Muriel, who is destined for great things.”

Not exactly the answer he wanted. He muttered a bleak, “Where does it end?”

“It doesn’t.” Teivel came to stand beside him, staring out at the same featureless sea. “More will come.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve not lived through this twice already. Aren’t you worried that something might change?”

“For an angel, you worry an awful lot. And for nothing. While Muriel might have found herself drawn to me and David and this Tristan, her love for us does not even come close to the love she has for you. We are her lovers. You are her life. She needs you.”

“And I need her,” Auric repeated quietly. “So what are you advocating?”

“Obviously there are forces at work determined that Muriel join with this mer-creature.”

“That force is called Lucinda,” Muriel said with a snort as she slid in between them. Her arm slid around Auric’s waist, her other arm around Teivel’s. “I don’t care what she or my Aunt Fate think. I have enough men in my life, and I won’t be taking another.”

Was it only Auric, or did he hear the ominous cackle of a certain nosy aunt as she said,
“We’ll see about that.”

“Don’t you dare meddle with me or my family, old woman.” Muriel shook her fist at the sky. “I’m not afraid to go to that mountain and beat your scrawny ass.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Lightning quick, Auric wrapped an arm around her waist before Muriel acted, but he wasn’t quick enough that afternoon to save her from the jaws of fate.

I
n retrospect
, I should have probably listened to Auric when he said he wanted to pack our things up and head back home. Apparently, his idea to dangle me as bait didn’t appeal now that he knew it was a man and not a monster we had to face, yet it wasn’t Lucinda’s noisy tears that convinced me to stay.

Blame my adorably stubborn nature. “I’m not leaving.” I stomped my foot, which might have proven more impressive if I hadn’t been lounging on a deck chair at the time pretending to tan.

“Why not?” Auric glared at me. “You hate the beach.”

“I do hate it. However, Lucinda loves it, and I won’t cut short our vacation because of some dude.”

“That
dude
wants something from you.”

I peeked at him over the rim of my sunglasses. “Well, duh. I mean, who wouldn’t want a piece of this?” My hands fluttered over my scantily clad body. Modesty was for those who didn’t love their curves.

My words only deepened his scowl. “I thought you didn’t want that merman.”

“I don’t, and he’s not the reason I want to stay.”

“Then let’s go.”

“No. And nothing you say will make me change my mind. I won’t have people making decisions for me. Not you, not my aunt, and certainly not my magic. We came here for a relaxing bloody vacation, and by all that is unholy, we will have one!” By the time I’d finished yelling, a little steam wisped from my nose.

Oh dear, more of Daddy’s bad habits seemed to be surfacing. Luckily for Auric, he didn’t remark upon it. Teivel did, and his Puff the Magic Dragon comment saw me sucker-punching him in the nut sac. His fault for standing nearby and not properly gauging my reach.

As Teivel sucked in a wheezing breath he didn’t need, I stared daggers at Auric.

He didn’t drop to the ground sporting bloody wounds, but he did look as if he’d swallowed a lemon. “I forbid you from staying.”

Forbid me? He did not just say that. Someone pick up my jaw from the ground. “I’m not leaving, and you can’t make me.” I stuck my fingers in my ears and hummed. That always drove him bonkers.

What it didn’t usually do was get him to draw a sword. Had I finally crossed a line with him? Was he about to go all angel seeking redemption and chop off the head of the devil’s daughter?

Swish. Swing
. Ew. The green ichor from the severed tentacle sprayed me and my white bikini. I needed club soda, stat, but all I had in my glass was rum and cola. No time to switch drinks, though. We had a situation at hand.

I took stock of the situation—about to get messy—and barked orders—because I loved to take command. “David, take Lucinda inside and put on your kitty. Auric, distract that monster for a second, would you? Dazzle it with your righteous angel routine. You”—I stabbed my finger at my brooding vampire—“get me some spot remover before this stain sets.” I still had hope I could save my precious outfit.

As for me, I rose from my seat, in my slimy spotted bathing suit, cracked a few knuckles, and snarled, “Bring it, creature from the deep.”

Yeah, mental note to self. Don’t say bring it to a sea monster with dozens of tentacles. Nothing worse than having them whip out of the ocean, waggle over the cliff top, and wrap around a bare waist, the suckers getting intimate with my flesh without even buying me a drink first.

Again, the situation might not have been too bad had I not let Lucinda borrow my Hell sword to play limbo with David.

It was out of reach, just like I was out of reach of Auric as the tentacle that gripped me rose into the air, bringing me with it.

“Kill it,” I yelled as I thumped against the rubbery flesh with a closed fist.

“I’m trying,” Auric snarled as he darted to the side and lopped off another limb. And it was then I noted something disturbing. Not only did the severed stump immediately grow back, but the piece that fell off? It became a new mini monster on wiggly squid legs.

“Don’t cut it!” I warned, a second too late.
Thump. Slurp. Pop
. A new monster was born.

That made three little squid things whipping around and one giant mommy squid. Or was it a kraken? I never could tell them apart.

Even without my warning, Auric finally noted what his sword work accomplished, and he uttered a truly masculine, “Fuck. Now what do we do?”

Good question. With our attack options limited to punching and tiring the monster out or having a zillion of them running rampant, it seemed we were screwed. Dead meat unless we could pull a miracle out of our asses.

We needed help.

I thought it, and yet nothing happened.

Ahem. I said we were screwed. As in dire circumstances. Totally up shit creek. Fucked like a granny whose hubby took too many erectile pills.

Still, nothing happened.

I didn’t get it. In the past, when I was in extreme danger, my magic always came to me. It whispered a word of power into my mind, a word that let me do incredible and deadly things.

Usually, but not today, even though I fairly shimmered with magic.

Okay, so I wouldn’t employ a word of power. I still had lots of energy. I’d just have to use it. Somehow. Except…I wasn’t sure how to shape it.

While I’d gotten Nefertiti to show me some cool magic tricks, I’d kept it to practical things like opening portals, blow drying my hair with a flick of my fingers, making light, tripping people from afar, useful stuff. I’d never worried about the fighting part. In the past, dire danger usually got handled by my self-preservation instinct, an instinct that was now malfunctioning.

I was broken, just like my nail that stuck in the hide of the monster when I hit it. This day was just getting worse and worse.

“Muriel!” Auric shouted my name as the tentacle took me over the edge of the bluff.

Whoa. The dips and swerves would have been fun at an amusement park, but this ride didn’t have an off button. I hammered at the tentacle around my waist, my blows doing nothing against the spongy flesh. I tossed a magical light ball toward what I thought was its eyes. The band around my waist tightened as the massive beast on the beach recoiled and heaved itself off the sandy shore, taking me with it.

The sea monster began to float out to sea. This was crazy. I had to get away. I craned my head and caught a glint of metal flying toward me along with a shouted, “Catch it!”

What had David tossed me? My hand rose and caught the Hell blade my father had given me when still a child. As my fingers curled around the familiar pommel, the flames that lived within my sword ignited, rippling along its length.

Hello, my thirsty friend.

We had a long history, my blade and me. I was a mistress who kept it well fed.

“I am going to julienne your ass!” I screamed as I chopped down. The metal of my sword sizzled as it met the monster flesh, cauterizing the wound and, even more awesome, somehow preventing the monster from regrowing it. Even the limb that fell from my waist remained dead. So it was possible to damage the thing.

I, on the other hand, was not any freer. I’d no sooner begun to drop to the choppy waves when another tentacle rose from the sea to snag me in mid-air.

A slice and I was free again. Caught. Swipe. Falling. Snatched again. This was getting annoying. How many arms did this thing have?

I felt a flutter of wind at my back and Auric’s reassuring, “I’ve got you, baby. Slice it again.”

I swung with all my might, severing the limb clean, and with Auric holding me under my armpits, we rose only a few feet before tentacles wrapped around us again.

Seriously? I was starting to get pissed. How dare this monster interfere with my vacation? How dare it lay a slimy tentacle on the man I loved? Time to go Princess of Hell on its squishy ass.

“When I slice the tentacle holding your ankles, let go of me,” I ordered.

“Never,” Auric growled.

“Never say never,” I taunted, and then a few things happened at once. I rammed my head back, hit my beloved in the nose, and his grip loosened as I swung my Hell blade. The suddenness of it all sent Auric shooting away from me. I, on the other hand, wanted to meet the sea monster up close and personal.

The tentacle holding me pulled me in toward the gaping mouth of what I now knew was a magical construct. Apparently, I hadn’t slept through all my magic lessons. I recalled enough from my teachers to know real monsters couldn’t regenerate limbs that quick nor sprout new baby versions of themselves. I could also feel the magical core at the heart of this beast.

The thing to realize with magically created constructs, golems as many called them, was at their core, there was a substance. Mud for an earth-based creature. Rocks for a stone golem. And at the heart of this sea monster? I’d wager some kind of puddle of water.

If I could reach its essence, I could destroy it. I wasn’t sure exactly how yet, but I figured, by the time it swallowed me, I’d come up with a plan.

Of course, my plan might have worked better if I’d told someone about it. Instead, just as the monster went to drop me in its mouth, I heard a shout from shore.

“Harpoon away!”

What the fuck? I managed to crane my head and stare in jaw-dropped disbelief as the massive aquatic arrow came streaking at the sea monster. I didn’t get a chance to see how the aim was because the tentacle let loose, dropping me into the magical beast, and I had new things to worry about, such as the fact that the insides of the thing were just as slimy and gooey as the outside.

Ugh. I tucked my knees to my chest, lest my legs get twisted during my descent, and crossed my arms over my chest, holding my sword tight. Anyone who’s been ingested before can tell you it wasn’t fun. Adexios had nightmares for months the first time a Styx monster tried to swallow him until his dad told him to suck it up or else he’d get him a pink ferryman robe to go with his princess panties.

Imagine my annoyance when I discovered there was no such thing as a pink version. When I was in charge of Hell, that would change, along with casual Fridays. Appearances should always be maintained.

But I had more things to worry about than banning peas permanently from Hell. Such as the monster trying to eat me getting hit by a harpoon, which penetrated its flesh and got lodged less than an inch from my ear. I figured I was allowed a little screaming along with several choice swear words. Then even more vile language as the monster lurched into motion.

Water rushed into its mouth, gallons of it, loosening my precarious perch in its throat, sending me farther into the beast.

Again, not so much fun. When I hit the thing’s belly, I took a moment to express my thoughts and squealed, “Gross. Yuck. Ew.” Girly moment over, I took a deep breath and called a ball of light because, within the bowels of the beast—literally—it was pitch black.

Light didn’t improve my situation, especially since I noted no amount of club soda could save my sweet bikini. Someone would pay—cash was preferred, as Auric had taken away my credit cards on account I wasn’t fiscally responsible. Spoilsport.

Apart from the gross fleshy sac surrounding me, I noted only one other thing of interest, a pulse of light that faintly illuminated the stomach wall.

It didn’t take my own magic reacting to know I needed to get to that light.

Since I wasn’t about to trek around inside the sea monster looking for whatever was flashing, I created a direct route. My Hell blade sliced through the stomach membrane with ease, sizzling the flesh. The edges blacked and retracted, leaving me with an opening, but I missed it as the monster reacted to my surgery, lurching about.

Stumbling face-first into a mushy wall inside a monster’s belly? Not recommended. The goo covering my face just heightened my irritation.

“Be afraid, be very afraid,” I muttered as I stepped through the hole I’d made into a space that pulsed. The heart of the beast and, at the center of it, a floating puddle that glowed.

It wasn’t much water, maybe a gallon, two at the most, but it hung in the air, emitting a noxious blue/green glow. My magic thought I should drink it and absorb the power. Not in this lifetime.

“Bye bye, Mr. Sea Monster.” I swung my weapon at the source of the construct’s magic. The flames along my blade barely flickered at the liquid. A hissing steam arose, and the body surrounding me trembled. Shivered.

I zigzagged my sword Zorro style, etching an M in the suspended puddle. It was enough to shatter the spell.

The flesh tore in places as the magic holding it together unraveled. Water spilled in. Cold sea water.

Being in the belly of the beast as it sank probably wasn’t a good idea. I needed out, and quickly.

A hole to my left, gushing like a broken dam, was my ticket out of this joint. I tucked my sword through the side of my bikini bottom, knowing I’d need both hands. Sucking in a deep breath, I dove through the rip, only to get caught as my sword snagged on something.

No. I didn’t have time to waste. I wiggled and squirmed and shot loose—without my beloved sword. Sob. Not my precious. Yet I didn’t dare return for it.

Feet fluttering, arms pulling, eyes wide open but seeing nothing, I sliced through the water, only to stop as I cleared the body.

Which way was up? Down?

I floated, suspended by the salty water. I looked for a sign, any sign of the surface or light. Yet, in every direction, only darkness beckoned. I couldn’t even see the monster anymore.

I called a light, my magic not extinguished by water, but all this served to do was showcase my plight. Water everywhere I looked.

My lungs began to protest. I needed air.

Air! That was it. I blew out bubbles, recalling some vague fact that bubbles rose to the surface. Except my air bubbles appeared defective. In my wan light, I noted they hung in front of me.

Shit.

Pick a direction, any direction.
I kicked and stroked, the lessons I’d taken alongside Adexios in the Styx returning to me. A child learned to flutter kick quickly when a Styx monster nibbled at the toes.

Push. Pull. Kick. The bands around my lungs tightened. My vision wavered. My motions ebbed. The last of my air escaped me.

I stopped moving, my limbs at any rate. My hair, though, wavered through the water, silky seaweed that tickled my skin as I drifted down.