Unworthy (3 page)

     “You.” I just sit there, pulling and releasing at my wrist, waiting for him to begin to laugh or say something different, but he just sits there watching me and I instantly feel the nerves take over my body. He gives a deep sigh before he opens his delicious mouth to speak.

     “I think I will go for the full English Sunday breakfast, please.”

     “Drink?”

     “I’ll have an orange juice without pulp, please, and a black coffee.” As I step away from our table and make my way over to the counter I can’t get over how self-assured he is. I would love to be so confident that I could be like that. Actually, maybe not that much. I look towards him and realize I don’t even know his name and as I watch him, he looks up to me and smiles as he notices me watching him. Oh, shit, this isn’t good, he’s going to think I am interested and it couldn’t be further from the truth, could it? No, I am not interested and there’s no way he would be interested in me. I make my order and go back to our table with our drinks. I hand him his orange without pulp and black coffee. As I take my seat I get the courage to ask his name and he just looks at me.

     “What’s your name?”

     “My name?” I say, as I take a sip of my orange juice.

     “My name is Grace. Grace Ford.” He smiles at me.

     “That’s a beautiful name. I’m Samuel and what is it that you do, Grace Ford?”

     “I, um, work for Harding Inc. I’m an apprentice.” I say, with a deep breath, as I run a finger around the edge of the glass that holds my orange juice.

     “You enjoy it there?

     “I do, although I seem to get all the jobs no-one else wants.” Oh, God, why did I just say that? I don’t even know this guy and I’m already talking about my job.

Pull and release.

Pull and release.

This isn’t good. Change the subject to him, Grace, as I inhale another large breath.

     “I have learnt so much, though, so it’s all worth it. And what about you, Samuel, what do you do?”  I don’t know this guy, I should leave. Just then our food arrives and we begin to eat our traditional English breakfast. I watch as he eats and the way his strong jaw moves around the food he is eating. Oh my God, how can I be watching him eating and finding it so interesting? Every now and then he looks up and I can tell he knows I am watching him and he gives away a slight smile. He knows how attractive he is and I can just tell he uses it to his advantage.

     “What are you doing over here in England then?”

     “Business,”

     “What type of business?”

     “Family business. But enough about me, I want to know all there is to know about you?” I try to calm myself at his question.

     “Me? There’s nothing to know about me. I’m nothing interesting. I’m very boring, in fact.” I try not to give away my emotions, not to this man who I’ve only just met. Not to anyone, I’m safer that way.

     “I think there’s something interesting in you. Can I have your number?” He wants my number. I can’t give him my number that means letting him in. All that ever happens when you let people in, is that you get hurt. I get hurt, I always get hurt and I have had enough of it, that’s why I moved to London in the first place. I can’t go back to that person; there is no way I can go back to that scared person who was too afraid of her own shadow. I look up at him through my lashes and I can see he’s watching my right wrist as I pull the band as far as it will go before releasing and doing it again. The skin is turning pink, but I don’t feel it, all I feel is all the loss and hatred that always tries to consume me.  At those thoughts I can feel the walls of the café closing in around me, forcing away the oxygen I need to breathe. I can’t breathe; my lungs are burning, as I try to breathe in the oxygen that is no longer there. I can feel his eyes on me as I struggle along and I realize that I have to get away, I have to breathe again and there is no way I can do that in here with him staring at me. I stand up abruptly and I can see the shock in Samuel’s eyes, but I don’t care. All I want to do is get out.

     “I…I have to go.” As quick as lightning I get myself out of that café, as fast as my legs will take me. As soon as my face hits the cold air I instantly feel my lungs fill up with it.  I quickly move away from the doors and move towards home. It’s better to move away from Samuel now. I’m not stupid; I know a man like him won’t be interested in someone like me. He’s too attractive for the likes of me and I am far too busy to distract myself with other things like that.

     When I get back to my mega home I decide on a warm bath and an afternoon of films, anything to make me not think of him. I have to concentrate on work and what the upcoming weeks will be like with the son coming from America.

     It doesn’t work.  No matter what I do Samuel is always there in the background.

CHAPTER THREE

SAMUEL

Well, that was unexpected.

She’s beautiful. Even without makeup you can see there’s a natural beauty to her and its more enticing than all the other women I’ve known with all their makeup and expensive clothing.

I have been with many women, but none has left me feeling the way she has. I want more of her and possibly not just in my bed.

What the fuck? I never think like that.  As I watch her walk away from the café I can’t help, but watch the way her ass moves as she walks and struggles with her coat. God, how I would love to spank that ass.  And don’t get me started on her breasts; they looked nice and big even in that ridiculously large jumper that she’s wearing. I bet they would be nice and firm yet so soft in my hands. The thought of those handful breasts in my hands makes my dick hard.  And completely out of the norm for me, I think again about how her cheeks had glowed while she had given me a small smile. I’d like to see that smile again.  I am only ever interested in what a woman can do in my bed, I never think of them outside that. They are normally only interested in two things with me, how much I spend on them and how many times I can make them come. But this Grace, which I have only known for a few short minutes seems so different. I know it was stupid, especially over here where tips aren’t the norm, but I gave her a large tip and now she is driving me insane by wanting to give it back. That definitely isn’t normal, when I deal with the opposite sex. Not for the women I normally deal with anyway. And it interests me. Oh man, how it interests me. I find it hard to be interested in anything except work, but this woman is definitely worth finding out more of.

She wants to give me the money back.

The women I have known would have wanted to know how much else I could give them.

This female is refreshing and unique and I want to know more, but as soon as I asked for her number she closed off. I saw it happen as she sat in front of me, she looked so panicked and lost while she continued to pull and release the band that graced her delicate wrist. Her wrist was so pink, why would she do that to herself? It interests me. The other thing that interests me is the fact that she obviously doesn’t know how attractive she is. I can tell she doesn’t think much of herself from how she answered my questions and the way she hurt her wrist. The thing is, though, the more time I spend with her, the more I find I want to spend with her. I find that I want to know why she does that and thinks so low of herself and as I think of it; it scares the shit out of me.  

     Jetlag is a bitch. I arrived here yesterday afternoon. My father told me it would be good for my career if I came here to work. There is also the other matter for my uncle, but I really don’t know how he and my father expect to find anything out when I will be in the office most of the time. The U.K is small with regards to the States, but even so looking for what I need to will be like searching for a needle in a haystack. I love my father and uncle to death, but with regards to this they are idiots.

Well, after last night I am the idiot. I slept for far too long when I first arrived at my hotel yesterday afternoon and now I am paying for it. I woke pissed off when I saw the time and decided to take a walk around the sights and get something to eat in the hope I would be tired on my return and get a good night’s sleep. It never happened like that and instead I returned to my room later than I had planned. The mistake I made was following a woman who stepped off the subway like a breath of fresh air. As she stepped closer to where I was watching her I could see the perfect profile and it looked almost familiar. I just couldn’t think how, but I had to watch her, follow her if I had to. Her hair was tied up in a high ponytail and I could make out the perfect length of her neck. She had a large coat on that was belted around the waist and as she walked past  I couldn’t help, but imagine what that waist would look like when she was naked in my hotel room.  I don’t know what it was about her, but I had felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame and so I followed her to a club. It wasn’t open so I decided to eat and go back later. Eating on my own was never something I enjoyed, but my thoughts of the woman consumed me as I ate and drank a beer. When I had returned to the club there was no line, which was lucky, but it was fucking expensive to get in. But it’s not like I don’t have the money, so I didn’t allow myself to worry too much. I saw the girl I had followed behind the bar looking fucking amazing. She had on a tiny outfit that left nothing to the imagination, but clung to her womanly curves. The redness of the fabric looked stunning against her pale skin, causing me to keep watching as if I had been hypnotized. Her mousy brown hair was loose around her shoulders in curls that I found I wanted to run my fingers through. I got a drink and found a table to sit at so I could keep watching her. She was simply beautiful and the way she carried herself was a sight to be seen, but you could see the lack of confidence control her and I found myself saddened by the thought. That surprised me. I had never thought like that before apart from with family members.

Why was this girl any different? I found the need to find out, control my entire body and before I knew what I was doing, I was stepping towards the stairs to the bar. I walked around the edge of the stairs watching my prey as I went. The more I looked at her, the more I knew I needed to get her in my bed, maybe not tonight, but one night at least I would feel her heat cum around me.

When she served me I noticed two things, the light smell of flowers engulfed me and the sea blue of her eyes entrapped me into my own madness.

     I needed to have her. I knew nothing would happen that night, but I had two months to do something and the way I was feeling it would have to be done. She would be in my bed before I flew home. I knew where she worked so I could come back. With that in mind I drank my whiskey and opened my wallet to give her a fifty. I could hear the small gasp as she saw the notes within the wallet and smiled. She wouldn’t be able to forget the man who gave her a large tip, but when her hand briefly touched mine as I handed over the note I was the one who was incapable of forgetting. A force of electricity shot right through me and I knew she felt something too by the shock that lay within her eyes.  That had never happened to me before and I had to leave before I did something stupid, but before I could leave I felt that current again and when I turned around there she was, standing there like a fucking wet dream. Long shapely legs that seemed to go on and on with a hardly-there skirt that did nothing to hide what was underneath. Large perky breasts imprisoned by red fabric which lay just on top of the shapeliest middle I had ever seen. She had curves, curves that a man could get lost in, if allowed. 

I was so screwed and I already had my work cut out for me with work.

     When I got back to my room I had tried to sleep, but it had never come. All I did was toss and turn while my mind kept thinking of long legs and a shapely female form. When I stole a look at my cell and saw it was already six in the morning I decided to go for a run. The cold air hit me as soon as I stepped through the door and onto the streets of London. I don’t know how long I ran until I was walking through a park. The sun had just emerged and people were walking with their dogs and in the distance I could see a loan female form. As we got closer to one another I began to recognize her movements and couldn’t believe how fate had granted me my second chance. As she got closer she was even more beautiful than I had remembered, and when she looked up at me with recognition it was as if my heart leapt into action.

My heart leapt into action? What the fuck? See what I mean, the woman was driving me to a distraction I never knew existed for me.  

     I thought our breakfast had gone well, but just after I ask for her number she is out the door and I’m sure I can feel my heart break a little. This isn’t right, I don’t get feelings like this and I now know that as the weeks go on it is only going to get worse. This woman who I only just met has already left her mark on me.

GRACE

     I couldn’t sleep again that night. To say I was annoyed is an understatement considering the reason I couldn’t sleep is due to the handsome man with grey eyes. I can’t understand what is wrong with me. I mean, there are millions of men walking around, why is this one getting me all bothered? Why are his piercing grey eyes consuming my thoughts? Why can I still remember the way he held me in the park? The way his upper pointed lip looked so inviting. I can’t, no I won’t allow a person who I will never see again turn me into this stupid person.